# Chelsea Kim Long > Writer, lay theologian, and neighborhood pastor in San Diego. Author of Faithfully Dissident Daughters. Writing on embodied faith and the divine feminine. Public Ghost content for AI and LLM tooling. This file includes a bounded export of public pages first, then recent public posts. Append `.md` to any post or page URL to get the content in Markdown (for example, `/example-post.md`). ## Pages ### Contact URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/contact/ Last updated: 2025-03-14T17:09:00.000Z Want to work with me? Drop me a line here: [hello@chelseakimlong.com](mailto:hello@chelseakimlong.com) ### Privacy and Disclosure Policy URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/privacy-and-disclosure-policy/ Last updated: 2025-05-14T15:58:22.000Z Please read our privacy policy carefully to get a clear understanding of how we collect, use, protect or otherwise handle your Personally Identifiable Information in accordance with our website. **What personal information do we collect from the people that visit our website?** When ordering or registering on our site, as appropriate, you may be asked to enter your name, email address, or other details to help you with your experience. **When do we collect information?** We collect information from you when you register on our site, subscribe to a newsletter, fill out a form or enter information on our site. **How do we use your information?** We may use the information we collect from you when you register, make a purchase, sign up for our newsletter, respond to a survey or marketing communication, surf the website, or use certain other site features in the following ways: **•** To administer a contest, promotion, survey or other site feature. **•** To send periodic emails regarding your order or other products and services. **How do we protect your information?** Our website is scanned on a regular basis for security holes and known vulnerabilities in order to make your visit to our site as safe as possible. **Third-party disclosure** We do not sell, trade, or otherwise transfer to outside parties your Personally Identifiable Information unless we provide users with advance notice. This does not include website hosting partners and other parties who assist us in operating our website, conducting our business, or serving our users, so long as those parties agree to keep this information confidential. We may also release information when its release is appropriate to comply with the law, enforce our site policies, or protect ours or others’ rights, property or safety. However, non-personally identifiable visitor information may be provided to other parties for marketing, advertising, or other uses. **Affiliate and Sponsored Post Disclosure Policy** I am a participant of the [Amazon Affiliate Program](https://www.amazon.com/?&%5Fencoding=UTF8&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=e2e691aadd661c696f9781ae9c8786e4&camp=1789&creative=9325&ref=chelseakimlong.com). This means that some links that you click on may result in me being paid approximately 49 cents because you bought your monthly supply of toilet paper plus something I recommended. Hey, we all gotta pay the bills, right? At some point, someone might ask me if I’d like to receive a product for free in exchange for an honest review. I will accept that offer if it's something I want because hi, free stuff, but I’ll always let you know if I got something for free or if posts are otherwise sponsored. ### Insta Links URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/links/ Last updated: 2026-08-04T03:24:51.000Z ![Chelsea Kim Long](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/assets/images/SquareHeadshot.webp?v=Iq4j2j5twlMs0bSI) Chelsea Kim Long Let's reimagine Christianity beyond patriarchy and toward more expansive and inclusive expressions of faith. [ Pre-order now Faithfully Dissident Daughters Pre-orders are what convince bookstores to stock a book. If you're planning to read it, ordering early genuinely matters. Pre-order the book ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-daughters/) [ ![Crowded Table](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/08/2.png) **Come to a Crowded Table — get tickets** Raleigh · Portland · Orange County · Austin ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/crowded-table-book-tour-fall-2026/) Get emails from me Spiritual reflections, sacred rhythms, and resources for living an honest, embodied faith. Join One moment… You're in. Check your inbox to confirm. Something went wrong. Try again? More from me [ Read with me in 2026: the book club ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/) [ Free Lord's Prayer booklet ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/liturgies-and-faith-resources/) [ Meditate with me on Insight Timer ](http://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [ Work with me ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/work-with-me/) [ Shop CKL merch ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/shop/) [ Leave a tip ](chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/support) [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [About](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/about/) [Contact](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/contact/) ### Blog URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/blog/ Last updated: 2020-09-09T06:31:45.000Z _No content available._ ### Spiritually Homeless for the Holidays URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/spiritually-homeless-for-the-holidays/ Last updated: 2023-11-21T17:57:26.000Z I know personally how painful it is to be going through a faith transition during the holidays. It can feel so isolating, particularly if you are spending time with family and friends who still believe in the ways you used to. It’s difficult to be confronted by your lack of certainty during a time that holds so much meaning. My faith tradition raised me to only feel comfortable with specific answers. It’s really uncomfortable to not have those specific answers anymore. It’s frustrating to have people around you keep trying to shove *their* answers down your throat. I know sad it is to feel like the people you love, well-meaning as they are, don't understand how you feel. I want to provide some support for you during this season because it sucks to feel spiritually homeless this time of year. [Click to join the Spiritually Homeless for the Holidays group!](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/cs%5Flive%5Fa1lVRYpH1xxm1N8A44iz1RW9TmyriisKXJ9avXZI6qImn4diap1iF0105e?ref=chelseakimlong.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0T0dvMHdHMFQ8dUAxajVHajF9MV9iMU1xU3VjcEtUQnFIVEhDQDN%2FN0xgXX18VUhVRkF3QFB%2FSnRIN0F9dmZySk9nbHxAUzNJdGB9X1AxRjVuam09NXRONTU3fHNjYmpIaCcpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nMnZMY198PUJ1PFI3YTRwMnZ2J3gl) ## What this group is not: This group is NOT a substitute for therapy. I'm a huge fan of therapy and have found it to be super helpful on and off during my deconstruction process. This group is not me giving you advice from any professional certification. This group is not me pretending to be an expert on anything other than my own life experience. ## What this group is: This will be a small group of no more than 8 women. We will find a time to connect once on Zoom to "meet" each other and share introductions. I will send out a survey asking for your preferred time to meet and we'll choose the time that works the best for the majority of us. I will also send out some questions to think about before the call you can feel prepared with what to share with the group. I'll also establish a Marco Polo group chat where you can share as much or little as you want through the end of the year. Use it as a safe place to vent, process, cry, whatever you need, whenever you need, knowing that nothing you say will leave the group. Sometimes just saying the thing out loud brings freedom. This is a space to share honestly how you're processing the holiday season. If you don't have anyone IRL that you feel safe talking about this stuff with, I'm here. If you just need to talk to someone who isn't personally impacted by what's going on in your life, I'm here. I will commit to respond to your Polos in the group within 24 hours. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. Together we can set some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. If you give me consent to share my experience, I am open to sharing what's helped me after close to 10 years of deconstruction. My years of working my faith out with fear and trembling have included countless hours of reading, taking online courses alone and with friends, listening to podcasts, engaging in progressive Christian communities and spaces, engaging in and learning from my in-person yoga practice and community, therapy, spiritual direction (ETC ETC ETC). This has helped me to land in a much more peaceful place over time. If you're not looking for advice or resources, I will just listen and affirm you. If that's what you need, I understand and honor that. --- The universal message of the Christmas story is this: it is in the darkest time that the world begins again. You can still find hope in this season even if Jesus isn’t your reason right now (or maybe won't be ever again). Let's practice holding space for those hard feelings and sitting in the darkness together. I want everyone who feels they need support to have access to it, so I'm offering this support group on a "pay-what-you-can" basis. Registration is only open Monday, 11/28-Wednesday 11/30 at 5pm PST/8pm EST. I'll send out an email to all participants on Wednesday evening to find a time to put the initial Zoom call on the calendar. I'm looking forward to it! [Click to join the Spiritually Homeless for the Holidays group!](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/cs%5Flive%5Fa1lVRYpH1xxm1N8A44iz1RW9TmyriisKXJ9avXZI6qImn4diap1iF0105e?ref=chelseakimlong.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0T0dvMHdHMFQ8dUAxajVHajF9MV9iMU1xU3VjcEtUQnFIVEhDQDN%2FN0xgXX18VUhVRkF3QFB%2FSnRIN0F9dmZySk9nbHxAUzNJdGB9X1AxRjVuam09NXRONTU3fHNjYmpIaCcpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nMnZMY198PUJ1PFI3YTRwMnZ2J3gl) ### Resource Library URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/resource-library/ Last updated: 2024-02-28T22:34:28.000Z *Welcome to the library full of resources I've created, including devotionals, liturgies and other prayer resources, info on cycle-syncing, and my guided meditations.* _This page is for paying subscribers only._ ### About Me URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/about/ Last updated: 2025-07-29T17:49:09.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/-ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-90.jpg) ## Hi, I'm Chelsea. I am a lay theologian and lay pastor, post-evangelical Christian, writer, meditation teacher, and content creator. [Watch a video introduction here](https://www.instagram.com/p/CnSxzhVo2jt/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)! Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. I write at the intersection of faith reconstruction, the political and theological implications of living in a female body, and the impossible demands on modern American mothers. My writing has been featured on [Mother.ly](https://www.mother.ly/news/viral-trending/why-the-little-mermaid-is-problematic/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), [Tiny Beans](https://tinybeans.com/grieving-my-best-friend-with-my-children/amp/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), and the [Our Bible App](https://www.ourbibleapp.com/bible-detail/?id=7sj5vis3x8Fe6PYHumNXpn&ref=chelseakimlong.com). I'm currently working on my first book, forthcoming September 2026 with Westminster John Knox, which is an exploration of a faithful, liberated vision of Christian womanhood. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/07/Screenshot-2024-07-23-at-10.55.05-AM.png) Entering motherhood catalyzed my deconstruction journey out of the white evangelical faith and into a more authentic-to-me version of Christianity. I write guided meditations in an effort to connect you to healthy spirituality. I draw inspiration from the Bible and my decade-long yoga practice, and want to help others connect to healthy spirituality. I live near downtown San Diego with my husband and kids and co-lead an intentional faith community in my neighborhood. ## Meditate with me ## Hear more from me [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/07/Fresh-Starts-Expert-Badge.png)](https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/chelsea-kim-long?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/-ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-84.jpg) ## Sign up for my newsletter Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Book Recs URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/book-recs/ Last updated: 2024-10-14T15:42:07.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/09/tom-hermans-9BoqXzEeQqM-unsplash-2.jpg) ## Read a book,change your life! Reading is a primary way that I've shifted my views on a variety of topics to find a more beautiful and expansive way to live. *Click each image to go to the full booklist on bookshop.com! When you order through my link you support my work, small book stores, and the authors.* ## Books from Indigenous authors [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/10/Screenshot-2024-10-14-at-8.41.29-AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/read-indigenous-authors?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Books to help you welcome your grief [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/08/Screenshot-2024-08-20-at-3.13.59-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-on-grief-chelsea-kim-long?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Books to help you understand how we got to this political moment and what you should do next [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/07/Screenshot-2024-07-14-at-12.52.41-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-for-unlearning-and-relearning?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Books to explore the idea of biblical womanhood [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/05/Screenshot-2024-05-16-at-5.46.23-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-to-explore-the-idea-of-biblical-womanhood?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Books to reorient your relationship to place [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/10/Screenshot-2023-10-28-at-8.19.47-AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-to-reorient-your-relationship-to-place?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Books that helped shift my perspective on the Bible and theology [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/10/Screenshot-2023-10-28-at-4.38.42-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-that-helped-shift-my-perspective-on-the-bible-and-theology?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Books to explore your relationship with your body [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/10/Screenshot-2023-10-28-at-4.53.16-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-that-will-help-you-explore-your-relationship-with-your-body?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Let's unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live into a faith that doesn't require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Subscribe URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/subscribe/ Last updated: 2025-10-14T21:00:31.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/-ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-55-1.jpg) ## Welcome to Rebirth: Insights from the Labor of Change I’m Chelsea Kim Long—writer, lay theologian, Christian mystic, meditation guide, and neighbor. This space is for anyone longing to unlearn harmful theology and live into a faith that doesn’t require abandoning reality—or themselves. ## Subscribe to my newsletter ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Spiritual reflections, sacred rhythms, and resources for living an honest, embodied faith. Subscribe to get my booklet containing [reimaginations of the Lord's Prayer.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-lords-prayer-booklet/) 0:00 /1:13 1× [**See the full newsletter archive here.**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/newsletter/) ## **What You'll Receive Each Month** ### Longform Reflections A grounded and personal essay exploring themes like spiritual embodiment, deconstruction, motherhood, intuitive living, and theological reclamation. ### 🌑 New Moon Guide Each month’s guide includes journaling prompts, a feminist reflection on a biblical woman aligned with the current astrological sign, and a simple spiritual practice for reflection or ritual. ### 📚 Books + Updates What I’m reading, writing, and wrestling with—plus news about upcoming resources, events, and behind-the-scenes glimpses into my work. ## Free Newsletter Includes - Exclusive writings not shared anywhere else - Engagement in the comments with a thoughtful, values-aligned community - A downloadable booklet: *The Lord's Prayer* - Monthly reflections + suggested meditation [Sign up for free](#/portal/signup/free) ## Paid Newsletter Includes - Everything from the free subscription - Free access to my **monthly New Moon guide sheets** - Bonus content (seasonal resources, rituals, liturgies) - Discounted access to workshops, offerings, and spiritual tools - And most importantly: you support the creation of thoughtful, grounded content rooted in liberation, curiosity, and care [Sign up as a paid subscriber](#/portal/signup) ## More About the New Moon Guides These [monthly guide sheets](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-rituals/) are designed to reconnect you to your inner knowing and spiritual rhythm. Each one includes: - A reflection on a female biblical figure connected to the zodiac season - Journaling prompts for intuition, embodiment, and spiritual growth - A simple practice or ritual to anchor you in the lunar cycle **Join the paid tier** to receive the full archive of past guides, plus each new one as it drops. I believe resurrection happens in ordinary life—in conversations, moon cycles, breaking bread, and in your very body. This newsletter is my offering to that sacred unfolding. Whether you’re in the unraveling, the rebuilding, or somewhere in between—I hope you’ll find something here that helps you feel less alone. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/05/unnamed.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/-ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-73.jpg) ## ****Paid newsletter:** \+ ****Exclusive writings** not shared on any other platform \+ Engagement with ****the community of subscribers** in the comment section \+ Access to my ****close friends list on Instagram** for more a personal view into my life and thoughts I don't want to share quite as publicly \+ Access to my ****meditation archive, with exclusive bonus content** to accompany each meditation \+ A growing ****Resource Library exclusively for paid subscribers** \+ Tangibly supports me in being paid for this work and allows me to create more meaningful content for this community. **Thank you!* [$5/mo or $50/year](#/portal/signup) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-76.jpg) ## Free Newsletter: \+ ****Exclusive writings** not shared on any other platform \+ Engagement with ****the community of subscribers** in the comment section \+ Download my Lord's Prayer booklet for free! [Sign up for free](#/portal/signup/free) ## More about my meditations... Create the space in your life to get to know your (capital S) Self. My meditations are always available for free in the [meditation archive](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/guided-meditations/). Paid subscribers get access to bonus materials. With my guided meditations and questions for gentle self-inquiry, you'll learn to dive deeper into your true feelings, thoughts, and beliefs with compassion. You'll also experience the transformation you crave. For each meditation you'll... \+ Receive journaling prompts to help you go deeper into the topic and yourself \+ Get book, podcast, and article recommendations to accompany each meditation \+ Read behind the scenes, exclusive writings not shared anywhere else \+ Get a link to download my meditations (audio file) and transcripts (pdf) *... is there something missing from the above list that you'd like to see included?*[***Feel free to email me with ideas and requests.***](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) [Get access for $5/month or $50/year](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup/630a5fb216f681004ddaf252/monthly) ## Frequently asked questions: #### Where's my password? Please ensure your email address is correct. After you register, you'll receive an email with a link to click, and that's how you'll log in to the website! **No need to create a username and password.* #### What happens after I subscribe? You'll get an email with a link to login to the website. If you choose to sign up for my newsletter, you'll be automatically redirected to the Newsletter archive. If you choose the paid subscriber option, you'll be automatically redirected to the Guided Meditations section of the website. See you there! You'll also get my monthly newsletter in your inbox every month. #### How do I unsubscribe? [****Go here**](https://chelseakimlong.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com#/portal/account/) to manage your subscription. #### What do you do with my email address? I won’t use your email for any other purpose besides signing you up for my newsletter. I won't give it to anyone else either! Find my full privacy and disclosure policy [****here**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/privacy-and-disclosure-policy). ### The Lord's Prayer Booklet URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-lords-prayer-booklet/ Last updated: 2024-08-28T22:09:19.000Z ## Sign up for my newsletter to download the Lord's Prayer booklet. Once you sign up and come back to this page, you'll see instructions for how to download it for free! Subscribe to download Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/08/Lord-s-Prayer.png) _This page is for subscribers only._ ### Spiritually Homeless for the Holidays 2023 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/spiritually-homeless-for-the-holidays-2023/ Last updated: 2023-11-27T17:00:29.000Z I know personally how painful it is to be going through a faith transition during the holidays. It can feel so isolating, particularly if you are spending time with family and friends who still believe in the ways you used to. It’s difficult to be confronted by your lack of certainty during a time that holds so much meaning. My faith tradition raised me to only feel comfortable with specific answers. It’s really uncomfortable to not have those specific answers anymore. It’s frustrating to have people around you who you feel either keep trying to shove *their* answers down your throat or who just don't get where you're coming from. I know how sad it is to feel like the people you love, well-meaning as they are, don't understand how you feel. I want to provide some support for you during this season because it sucks to feel spiritually homeless this time of year. [Click to join the Spiritually Homeless for the Holidays group!](https://buy.stripe.com/dR6dRq4q92tAbXqbIM?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## What this group is not: This group is NOT a substitute for therapy. I'm a huge fan of therapy and have found it to be super helpful on and off during my deconstruction process. This group is not me giving you advice from any professional certification. This group is not me pretending to be an expert on anything other than my own life experience. ## What this group is: This will be a small group of no more than 8 women. We will connect on Zoom either Friday, Dec 1 or Saturday Dec 2 to "meet" each other and share introductions. I will send out a survey asking for your preferred time to meet and we'll choose the time that works the best for the majority of us. I will also send out some questions to think about before the call you can feel prepared with what to share with the group. On that call we can also discuss the possibility of additional Zoom calls throughout the month based on availability. I know it's a busy time of year, which is why I'll also establish a Marco Polo group chat where you can share as much or little as you want through the end of the year. Use it as a safe place to vent, process, cry, whatever you need, whenever you need, knowing that nothing you say will leave the group. Sometimes just saying the thing out loud brings freedom. This is a space to share honestly how you're processing the holiday season. If you don't have anyone IRL that you feel safe talking about this stuff with, I'm here. If you just need to talk to someone who isn't personally impacted by what's going on in your life, I'm here. I will commit to respond to your Polos in the group within 24 hours. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. Together we can set some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. If you give me consent to share my experience, I am open to sharing what's helped me after close to 10 years of deconstruction. My years of working my faith out with fear and trembling have included countless hours of reading, taking online courses alone and with friends, listening to podcasts, engaging in progressive Christian communities and spaces, engaging in and learning from my in-person yoga practice and community, therapy, spiritual direction (ETC ETC ETC). This has helped me to land in a much more peaceful place over time. If you're not looking for advice or resources, I will just listen and affirm you. If that's what you need, I understand and honor that. --- The universal message of the Christmas story is this: it is in the darkest time that the world begins again. You can still find hope in this season even if Jesus isn’t your reason right now (or maybe won't be ever again). Let's practice holding space for those hard feelings and sitting in the darkness together. I want everyone who feels they need support to have access to it, so I'm offering this support group on a "pay-what-you-can" basis. As with all of my offerings, if you're already a paid subscriber to my newsletter, I'd love for you to join the group at no additional cost, [just send me an email letting me know you'd like to join.](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) **Registration is only open until this Thursday 11/30**. I'll send out an email to all participants on Thursday evening with the link for the first Zoom call and the Marco Polo group. I'm looking forward to it! [Click to join the Spiritually Homeless for the Holidays group!](https://buy.stripe.com/dR6dRq4q92tAbXqbIM?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Finger Labyrinth URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/finger-labyrinth/ Last updated: 2024-01-23T19:12:36.000Z Feel free to right click (control + click) to save this image to your computer and print it out! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/01/Finger-Labyrinth--1-.png) ### Circling Prayer URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/circling-prayer/ Last updated: 2025-08-01T14:10:57.000Z ## What is a Caim? Drawing inspiration from early Celtic Christians, we can embrace the practice of "circling prayers" or caim, symbolizing a sacred space and the encompassing love of God. By physically drawing a metaphorical circle around ourselves as we pray, we invite our entire being—body, mind, soul, and spirit—into communion with the divine, into a sense of resting in the safety of that relationship. This practice acknowledges the profound interconnectedness of all creation and invokes a sense of protection, sanctuary, and unity. ## How to Pray a Circling Prayer Find a place where you can pray this embodied form of the Caim, preferably outside, in nature. Keeping your eyes open, take a few conscious breaths while beginning to pay attention to all that you can take in with your senses. Notice what you can see, taste, feel, smell, hear. Take a moment to try and identify the farthest away sound that you can hear and welcome into your circling prayer. Then take a moment to try and identify the closest sound that you can hear, and welcome it as well. When you feel ready, turn your body to face north. Bring your arm out in front of you with your pointer finger outstretched. As you say the prayer, turn your body in a clock-wise circle, from North, to East, to South, to West and ending at North again. Notice that as you rotate your body, your outstretched arm is creating a circle that includes all that you can see. ## Pray *Facing North:* Circle us Spirit, where roots run deep. Keep inner strength near, keep self-doubt far. *Facing* *East:* Circle us Spirit, where the sunrise gleams. Keep trust near, keep fear far. *Facing South:* Circle us Spirit, under the sun's warm kiss. Keep growth near, keep stagnation far. *Facing West:* Circle us Spirit, where the waters flow. Keep wisdom near, keep ignorance far. *Ending facing North:* May you be the firm ground beneath us May you be the protective canopy above us May you be the comforting guide behind us May you be the steady compass before us. Point us toward wholeness, both now and forever. ## Printable version of the Caim *Right click (control + click) to save this image to your computer and print it out!* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/02/Embodied-Practice.png) ### Examen of Belonging URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/examen-of-belonging/ Last updated: 2025-05-19T21:26:51.000Z Feel free to right click (control + click) to save this image to your computer and print it out! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/02/Examen-of-Belonging.png) ### Shop URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/shop/ Last updated: 2026-06-12T20:09:19.000Z [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/11/Merch-IG-Post--1280-x-720-px-.png)](https://chelseakimlong.myshopify.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [Shop Merch!](https://chelseakimlong.myshopify.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 💡 **Don't forget, paid subscribers have free access to all digital downloads as a part of your subscription.* [**Click here and log in to get the paid subscriber discount code.*](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/resource-library/) [![Embodying the Divine 5 Day Devotional](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/02/embodying-the-divine-cover-photo.png)](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/embodying-the-divine?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [Buy My Devotional: Embodying the Divine](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/embodying-the-divine?layout=profile&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/08/Lord-s-Prayer-1.png) [Get my Lord's Prayer Booklet for free when you subscribe to my newsletter](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-lords-prayer-booklet/) ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Exploring the ordinary; encountering the Divine. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Welcoming Prayer URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-prayer/ Last updated: 2025-05-19T21:25:58.000Z ## Sign up for my newsletter Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. The Welcoming Prayer is a contemplative practice rooted in the wisdom of Christian spirituality and pioneered by the late spiritual teacher Mary Mrozowski. It was designed as a tandem practice with Centering Prayer to be a moment-to-moment practice that helps us to embody surrender and acceptance, to let go of attachments and to trust in divine presence. This practice encourages us to welcome whatever arises in our lives—emotions, thoughts, and experiences—as invitations to grow and heal. While the original prayer is powerful in its simplicity, I've revised it to incorporate the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic model that views the mind as composed of different parts, each with its own voice and role. This approach resonates deeply with the compassionate nature of the Welcoming Prayer by acknowledging and embracing every part of ourselves with curiosity and love. In this updated version, we not welcome our experiences but also the parts of us that show up in response to those experiences. By doing so, we create space for self-awareness, self-compassion, and the gentle guidance of our true Self, the core of who we are. The integration of IFS into this prayer adds a layer of depth, inviting us to hold each part of ourselves with the same warmth and acceptance we seek from God. Feel free to right click (control + click) to save this image to your computer and print it out! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/11/IFS-Welcoming-Prayer-.png) ### Work With Me URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/work-with-me/ Last updated: 2025-08-20T00:32:27.000Z ## **Upcoming:** *Stay tuned for my next offering. Join my* [*newsletter*](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/subscribe/) *to be the first to know.* ## Sign up for my newsletter Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## **One-on-one Soul Support Sessions:** Gentle conversations to help you: - Process emotions and life transitions - Reconnect with your inner wisdom - Ground yourself and move forward with confidence #### Read more about Soul Support Sessions These one-on-one sessions are designed to provide a gentle, supportive space where you can speak freely, process emotions, and reconnect with your inner wisdom. Together, we’ll explore what’s present for you, uncover your intuition, and help you feel grounded and empowered to move forward. I’m here as a guide and friend on the path, offering reflective listening, encouragement, and tools to help you tap into the wisdom you already have. **Pricing:** Sliding Scale: $75–$125 per 60 min session **Packages:** $200 for three sessions or $375 for six sessions. *If cost is prohibitive, please inquire for limited scholarship availability.* [Click to book your session(s)](https://tidycal.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Need to make sure it's a good fit? [Book a free 15 minute consultation](https://tidycal.com/chelseakimlong/15-minutes?ref=chelseakimlong.com). #### Suggested Topics for a Soul Support Session - Deconstruction or faith shifts - Motherhood and identity - Navigating divorce or separation - Grief and other tough emotions - Healthy relationships and setting boundaries - Self-compassion, self-awareness, and self-trust - Reclaiming spiritual practices and reconstructing Christian faith in a way that feels authentic to you ## **Peer Support Groups** Faith shifts are hard to navigate alone. My peer groups provide safe, compassionate space to process and grow together. You do not have to identify as a Christian to take part in any of my offerings. #### Past Support Group Offerings [Faithful Resistance](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithful-resistance-support-group/) [Tidings of Hope for the Holidays](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tidings-of-hope-for-the-holidays-support-group/) [Wisdom Calls Cohort](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/wisdom-calls-lent-cohort/) [Inviting Resurrection](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/inviting-resurrection-support-group/) [Summer Solstice Divine Feminine Workshop and Support Group](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/divine-feminine-summer-solstice-workshop/) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/02/workshops-retreats.png) ## **Workshops or Retreats** I would love to come lead a workshop or retreat for your church, mom's group, or community. #### Workshop topics: - ****Unlearning and Embodying New Ways: A Faith Reconstruction Workshop** **Learn how to release limiting narratives, heal from harmful theologies, and embody more compassionate, authentic ways of being. This workshop blends faith deconstruction, embodiment practices, and spiritual growth tools to help you live more fully aligned with your values.* - ****The Gift of Hard Emotions: A Christian Meditation and Healing Workshop** **Reframe your relationship with emotions like anger, fear, and grief—not as weaknesses, but as sacred messengers of growth. Through meditation, somatic practices, and reflection, you’ll discover how hard emotions can become guides toward transformation and healing.* - ****Everyday Contemplation in the Neighborhood: A Workshop on Spiritual Practices for Daily Life** **Bring contemplative spirituality into the rhythms of everyday life. This workshop introduces simple, accessible contemplative practices for individuals, families, or communities seeking to experience God’s presence in daily and communal spaces.* - ****Creating Sanctuary: A Spiritual Formation Workshop on Safe and Sacred Spaces** **Explore how to cultivate both internal peace and external environments that feel sacred, safe, and nurturing. Through guided meditation and group reflection, participants will learn practical ways to create sanctuary in their homes, communities, and within themselves.* - ****Coming Home to Yourself: Meditation and Somatic Practices for Spiritual Wholeness** **Reconnect with your body as a sacred space. This workshop integrates meditation, somatic practices, and gentle embodiment exercises to help you return to your inner wisdom, cultivate self-compassion, and deepen your spiritual awareness.* - ****Reimagining God: Inclusive Theology and the Divine Feminine Workshop** **Break free from patriarchal and militaristic images of God and encounter a more expansive, nurturing divine presence. This workshop explores inclusive theology, the feminine face of God, and fresh ways to experience the Spirit beyond limiting traditions.* - ****The Inner Winter: A Contemplative Retreat on Rest and Reflection** **Slow down and embrace the spiritual gifts of winter. This retreat focuses on rest, stillness, and introspection, guiding participants through meditation, journaling, and contemplative practices designed to nurture renewal during the winter season.* [Email me for cost and availability](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com). ## Not sure which offering is right for you? Let's talk! [Book a free 15 minute consultation](https://tidycal.com/chelseakimlong/15-minutes?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and we'll find the best fit for your season. ### The Year of Belonging URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging/ Last updated: 2025-03-28T19:15:43.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/yob-header-web-try.png) **What does it mean to belong to each other in a world that so often feels fractured?** [Join the Year of Belonging Book Club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) As we step into 2025, we find ourselves reflecting on how much has shifted—and how much still feels unresolved. How has it already been five years since 2020, since a global pandemic and worldwide uprisings reshaped our world? How has it only been a year since we began reading together, when it feels like we’re all irreparably changed? As we enter another year of pivotal shared experience, we feel - deeply - the weight of this moment. But rather than dreading the divisions and tensions ahead, we want to reframe our approach—to be present, engaged, and intentional in how we show up for ourselves and for others. We believe we all need a simultaneously renewed, *and continued,* exploration of belonging, renewed and continued exploration of how to extend unconditional compassion to ourselves so that we can offer the same to others. Many of us have experienced being cast out of communities we once called home due to ideological shifts, while others have never fully felt a sense of belonging at all. Approaching this harm requires deep, intentional work. **This year, we will continue our year-long exploration of belonging through a monthly book club featuring a thoughtfully curated selection of titles, along with opportunities for connection and conversation in community with others.** Now more than ever, we need hope. We need to cultivate resilience, foster belonging in our own spaces, and stand in solidarity as we strive for a more just and equitable society. In a time of uncertainty, we can hold each other close, weather the storms together, and imagine new possibilities for the future. [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/2.png) ## **About your facilitators:** Dr. Kholi Murchison is a femme-presenting nonbinary embodied movement practitioner, writer, and diviner of Black queer magic, who's been defining brands and gathering and growing communities through inclusive, communal actualization for almost 20 years. [Learn more about Kholi.](https://www.carriekholi.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Chelsea Kim Long (she/her) is a writer, creator, meditation teacher, and lay theologian. Entering motherhood catalyzed her deconstruction journey out of the white evangelical faith and into an expansive version of faithfulness to God that doesn’t require self-abandonment. She lives in San Diego with her husband and kids, where she co-leads an intentional neighborhood faith community. [Learn more about Chelsea.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/about/) ## Meeting dates: February 28, March 28, April 25, May 30, June 27, July 25, August 29, September 26, October 31, November 28 We will meet on the last Friday of each month (adjusted as needed for holidays, etc) on Zoom at 12pm PST/3pm EST. [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) ## How this group will run: The book club will run from February to November of 2025\. We'll read one book each month and have a live Zoom call once a month. Throughout the month, we will also offer an optional WhatsApp group chat and a book club through the app Fable. We want to offer you a space to connect with other folks to the degree that you want to - it can be really helpful to have a supportive digital community that encourages you to embody what you're learning through reading. It's optional to join these ongoing spaces of connection, but it'll be there for you to share how you're processing the book throughout the month, or if you’re unable to join the Zoom call. Kholi or Chelsea will respond to your messages in a timely manner. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. We'll have some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. ## What does it cost? The Year of Belonging Book Club is for paid newsletter subscribers in Chelsea’s community **(**[**learn more and sign up here**](https://chelseakimlong.com/subscribe?ref=chelseakimlong.com)**).** You can participate for no additional charge as a thank you for being a part of her sustaining community. If you're already a paid subscriber and want to join the book club, [email Chelsea to sign up.](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) *\*Please don't let finances be an obstacle; we are offering this book club on a "pay-what-you-can" basis with a suggested minimum payment of $5 per month. If you can't make that work,* [*please email Chelsea*](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) *and we are happy to have you join us. Registration will be open on an ongoing basis.* Also, you can pick up the books that we'll keep in a list on [Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) or your local library (we recommend using Libby and Hoopla)! [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) --- ## **About** the books [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/3.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) We have curated a list that spans genres with the goal to create vibrant conversation around variations on the theme of belonging in theory and in practice. Some of the books are nonfiction and practical, aimed at helping you embody belonging in your life. Other books are fiction, and through story we will meditate on our own relationship with belonging both to ourselves and also with community. We will be in conversation with the work of contemporary thinkers laboring toward belonging in real life and with writers both modern and classic imagining how people make belonging and what belonging can feel like, so that throughout the year we can continue a conversation on belonging from a variety of angles. [*If you're interested to see last year's books, find our 2024 selections here!*](https://bookshop.org/lists/2024-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) February: Teaching Community by bell hooks March: Paradise by Toni Morrison April: This Here Flesh by Cole Arthur Riley May: Orlando by Virginia Woolf June: The Overstory by Richard Powers July: In the House of Me by Mel Gentry August: The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri September: How to Make Herself Agreeable to Everyone by Cameron Russell October: The Leavers by Lisa Ko November: What it Takes to Heal by Prentis Hemphill [To learn more about each individual title, please visit the 2025 Year of Belonging booklist on Bookshop.org.](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/Screenshot-2025-01-30-at-7.30.06-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/Screenshot-2025-01-30-at-7.29.54-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Wisdom Calls: 40 Days of Embracing the Divine Feminine in Christianity and in Our Own Lives URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/wisdom-calls-freebie/ Last updated: 2025-08-04T20:57:23.000Z ## Sign up for my newsletter to download the Wisdom Calls Guide. Once you sign up and come back to this page, you'll see instructions for how to download it for free! Subscribe to download Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/02/Lord-s-Prayer.png)](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/wisdom-calls?ref=chelseakimlong.com) For too long, Christianity has erased the **feminine face of God**, hidden women’s voices in Scripture, and silenced their wisdom. But now, we’re taking it back. This **40-day reflection guide** invites you to **fast from patriarchy and feast on wisdom**—rediscovering the Divine Feminine woven throughout the Bible. In this guide, for 40 days you’ll find: ✨ A **scripture passage** revealing God beyond male-only imagery ✨ A **daily affirmation** to root you in sacred belonging ✨ A **journaling prompt** to help you unlearn harmful narratives and reclaim your power This is not a season of shrinking—it’s a season of **expansion, wisdom, and wholeness**. **Subscribe now and download for free to begin your journey.** _This page is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon Rituals URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-rituals/ Last updated: 2026-02-13T19:43:56.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/03/marcus-dall-col-6RMFM8uv3eY-unsplash.jpg) ## New Moon Rituals *“The heavens are telling the glory of God, and the firmament proclaims God’s handiwork. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard; yet their voice goes out through all the earth and their words to the end of the world.” Psalm 19:1-4* If you're longing for a rhythm that reconnects you to your body, spirit, and intuition, this is for you. I created these new moon rituals for post-evangelical women (and kindreds) like you, who want to rediscover sacred time outside the pressure of the 24 hour day. Learn to live your life on a monthly rhythm that honors your physical experience as a woman. ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Let’s explore Christianity beyond the patriarchy and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Where do I start? [Sign up for my monthly newsletter](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/subscribe/#/portal/signup/free) to receive my monthly rituals and feminist theology to expand your vision for biblical womanhood. Read my article: [Embracing New Moon Rituals: A Feminist and Post-Evangelical Christian Approach](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/feminist-christian-moon-rituals/) [Instructions for hosting a Women's Circle](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/hosting-a-womans-circle/) *Click the links below to access more information and the guide sheet for each sign.* ## Monthly Guide Sheets [**Aries**: March 21–April 19](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-aries/) [**Taurus**: April 20–May 20](http://chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-taurus?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [**Gemini**: May 21–June 21](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-gemini/) [**Cancer**: June 22–July 22](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-cancer/) [**Leo**: July 23–August 22](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-leo-esther-and-the-fire-of-discernment/) [**Virgo**: August 23–September 22](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-virgo-priscilla-and-the-ministry-of-details/) [**Libra**: September 23–October 23](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-libra-abigail-get-you-a-woman-whos-both/) [**Scorpio**: October 24–November 21](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-scorpio/) [**Sagittarius**: November 22–December 21](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-sagittarius/) [**Capricorn**: December 22–January 19](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-capricorn-marys-character-arc/) [**Aquarius**: January 20–February 18](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/learning-to-see-wisdom-lent-2026/) **Pisces:** February 19-March 20 *(coming soon!)* ## Posts ### Breadcrumbs Episode 9: Stepping Into the Light URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/stepping-into-the-light-abortion-secret-five-years/ Last updated: 2026-09-04T13:15:19.000Z *This is the companion post to Episode 9 of Breadcrumbs, my behind-the-scenes series for paid subscribers. The full episode is available to paid subscribers after the paywall.* 💡 Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. Preorder here. ### **I Told the Internet Today** I recorded this episode the same day [I published a post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/DcMDe-wG-EY/?img%5Findex=1&ref=chelseakimlong.com) telling the world, publicly, for the first time, that I had an abortion. In 2017, after a year of fertility treatments, I had a quadruplet pregnancy. My husband and I chose to reduce the pregnancy to twins — a form of abortion I had never heard of before it was offered to me in a doctor's office. This was the experience that led to complete ego death for me. I didn't tell anyone for five years. ### **What Five Years of Silence Costs** I know why people keep secrets. It's terrifying to be honest about things that might bring judgment on you. But here's what I learned: people will judge you, but someone else's judgment can never hurt you as much as your own judgment of yourself. Once I started working through my own judgment, the fear of everyone else's stopped running my life and I realized, oh yeah, I remember why I don’t want to keep secrets. ### **What I Wrote Before I Was Ready** I've always been a journaler, but there are long stretches where I stopped — and I knew even then that it meant I was avoiding something. Journaling has always been my prayer practice. When I couldn't write, I was hiding from God. In this episode I read something that I wrote in July of 2019 Three years before I told anyone, I already knew that keeping secrets to try and avoid being misunderstood wasn’t going to be a good long-term strategy for wholeness. [In chapter 7 I write about the knowing-doing gap](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-7-trusting-your-heart/) — the space between understanding what you need to do and actually doing it. There's no shame in that space. But it does often come with a cost. ### **The List** When I decided to write this book, I told myself I wasn't going to write about the abortion or about Rebecca. Then I sat down to write and those were the first stories that came out. They had been living in my body for five years without ever being spoken. So I got into therapy — every other week for almost four years — and I started telling people. I have a page in one of my journals that says, at the top, *People I've Told.* As I had each conversation I'd cross the name off and write the date. Then a second list: people to tell. Family, community, work, closest friends. I share more about that list and one of my best friends who was coming out as LGBTQ+ at the same time, and how we would compare notes. ### **The Fear Underneath** In one journal entry I named the fear directly: that I could say or do something *irredeemable*. That fear comes all the way back to how I saw God. When I understood God primarily through a lens of judgment, of course I lived in fear of judgment. Making the turn toward a God of compassion — the God of womb love — is what dissolved it. ### **My Words Have Power** My book comes out in four days. I don't know what happens next. But I know I can walk forward in complete assurance, because I am being radically honest and I am not afraid to be seen. Whatever happens, it's real. And for so many years of my life, I was not living in a real state. Where in your life are you afraid to be honest — with yourself, with the people closest to you? You don't have to do it as publicly as I am. But it is so worth it to live in alignment, inside and out. *The full Episode 9 of Breadcrumbs is available to paid subscribers below the paywall.* *Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press.* [*Pre-order here and get some fabulous pre-order bonuses.*](http://faithfullydissident.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Last Call for Pre-Order Bonuses URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/last-call-for-pre-order-bonuses/ Last updated: 2026-09-02T01:07:57.000Z On August 22, one of my best friends sent me a photo of my book in her hand in her kitchen in New York City. Then, on August 24, another best friend in Austin sent me a similar picture in her living room. To be clear, I was not expecting this to happen yet. *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* comes out September 8\. But due to the mystery of warehouses, a handful of people who pre-ordered are already holding it. I asked my friends to show me a picture of the back cover yet, because I haven't even seen it, haha. ![faithfully dissident daughter book](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/08/Newsletter-Header-1.png) ### All of this to say: if you've been meaning to pre-order and haven't gotten around to it, this is the last stretch. **Why I keep asking.** Strong pre-orders help contribute to the overall success of the book's launch. If you're able, please consider buying a copy for someone else. Buy it for the woman who left her church and hasn't told anyone why. Buy it for the one who stayed and is quietly furious about it. This book was written for a specific person, and I need your help getting it into their hands. **And the bonuses go away on the 8th.** If you pre-order, you get the Faithfully Dissident Manifesto, three meditative coloring pages, and Faithfully Dissident MASH, which will assign you a patron saint and a deconstruction era. It is very silly and fun. [Claim your bonuses here](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSePWpRghW0NUslLE7vdTMka504-tRZKHOGsYnxV9uXJ07QJgA/viewform?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Pre-order links: [Amazon](https://amzn.to/47UVRGr?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | [Barnes & Noble](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/faithfully-dissident-daughters-chelsea-kim-long/1149312829?ean=9780664269456&ref=chelseakimlong.com) | [Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780664269456?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | [Bulk from the publisher](https://www.wjkbooks.com/bookproduct/0664269451-faithfully-dissident-daughters/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) --- ### **If you want to read something first** A few things I've published lately that live in support of the book: - [**A New Churching of Women**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/liturgy-after-abortion-and-pregnancy-loss/) — the liturgy that came out of my reproductive journey. Free, and yours to use. - [**Book Spotlight at Fresh Starts Registry**](https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/blog/book-spotlight-faithfully-dissident-daughters-by-chelsea-kim-long?ref=chelseakimlong.com) — a short Q&A on the script most of us were handed, and why my book is helpful for religious women considering divorce. - [**The God Who Gives Sleep: How I Mistook Burnout for Holiness**](https://bestselfmedia.com/god-who-gives-sleep/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)— It took me a long time to understand that this wasn’t a time-management problem. It was a theological one. I was never supposed to be able to hold it all — no one is. But I had been handed a framework that made my limits feel like personal failure. --- **One more thing.** I would love to see you this fall in Raleigh, Portland, Orange County, or Austin. Raleigh ticket sales close September 3\. [All the dates are here.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-daughters/) One more week! ### The Liturgy No One Had for Me URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/christian-woman-abortion-story-selective-reduction/ Last updated: 2026-08-18T16:00:32.000Z ## The Churching of Women For centuries there church performed a rite called the Churching of Women — a blessing for the mother who came through childbirth alive, delivered safely to the other side. She would return to the congregation and be received with thanksgiving. There were words for her. There was a ritual to mark what her body had done. That fell out of practice, and now the church has a liturgy for the child who is born. There has been nothing for the rest of us. Nothing for the woman who miscarried. Nothing for the woman who terminated a pregnancy she wanted. Nothing for the woman whose body held something simultaneously alive and already decided. The tradition had one liturgy for one outcome, and silence for every other thing a pregnancy can be. I know, because I went looking. And when I couldn't find it, I wrote it myself. ## Four heartbeats In 2017, after two years of trying to conceive and four rounds of fertility treatments, I finally got a positive pregnancy test. At the first ultrasound my husband and I held our breath while the doctor adjusted her equipment and then told us that we were pregnant with quadruplets. My vision tunneled. The doctor asked if my husband needed to sit down. I had grown up in a church that venerated motherhood as the ultimate goal for a Christian woman — the reward, I imagined, for my obedience. Instead motherhood had already dragged me through infertility and a traumatic first birth, and now it had arrived as a medical emergency. The risks of a quadruplet pregnancy are severe: one in four ends in complete spontaneous loss, and the ones that continue bring near-certain bed rest, premature delivery, and elevated risk of lifelong disability for the babies. ## Choosing selective reduction We chose to reduce the pregnancy to twins. I made that decision with my husband and my medical team, and no one else, because I could not bear the weight of anyone's judgment. I didn't feel safe enough to bring the people I loved into the hardest thing that had ever happened to me. I carried the truth alone for years. My book, [*Faithfully Dissident Daughters*](https://faithfullydissident.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), tells the rest of this story — the theology I had to rebuild, the God I finally found in the raw and messy middle of my own life. If you are the woman I was — mired in complicated grief, sure you are the only one — this is for you. ## Words for the choice, none for the sorrow I do not regret the decision. But I grieved — and I had nowhere to bring the grief. My tradition had a great deal to say about the choice and nothing at all to say about the sorrow. It could condemn me or it could pretend the loss hadn't happened, but it could not hold both the sorrow and the peace at once. It had no rite for a woman who had done a hard, right thing and needed to process it in community. I needed a place for lament and a place for anointing, where women mark one another's foreheads and say: *You have been witnessed. You are held.* So years later, I wrote the liturgy I needed in 2017 and could not find. ## God with a womb The liturgy draws on an ancient Hebrew word, *racham*, which means both *womb* and *compassion*. The God of that word is not the judging Father I felt staring down at me in the ultrasound room. It is a God with a womb, a God who has carried and lost and labored, a God close enough to grieve alongside you. This week, that liturgy goes live. [It lives on my website](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/liturgy-after-abortion-and-pregnancy-loss/), and it is also being published by [Abortions Welcome](https://abortionswelcome.org/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), a project of the [Religious Community for Reproductive Choice](https://www.rcrc.org/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), who invited me to contribute it. It is free. You can use it in your faith community, adapt it, read it alone, or bring it to a room full of women who have been carrying their own unspoken losses. I am telling you the story behind it now, plainly, because I spent five years believing I was the only faithful woman who had ever made this choice — and I was wrong. Christian women have abortions. We have simply never been given the words, or the safety, to say so. There is a blessing for the child who is born. This is for everything else. ### 5 Books for August 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-august-2026/ Last updated: 2026-08-15T14:52:50.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: For August we are reading [*Wild Mercy* by Mirabai Starr](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781683641568?ref=chelseakimlong.com), which is another one of my favorite books. Give me alllll of the female-centered wisdom and spirituality, please! Book club enrollment is on a rolling basis, so you can sign up anytime by becoming a paid newsletter subscriber. Email me with questions! 📚 In the middle of reading: [*Endling* by Maria Reva](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780385545310?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This is a really interesting read related to the ongoing war in Ukraine. I picked it up because it was recommended by my local book store...I’m learning they always have very quirky picks. It started out as one thing, which was already strange, and it’s morphed into something else entirely. 📚 Just finished:[*The Correspondent* by Virginia Evans](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593798430?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This was for my in-person book club and we all really enjoyed it! The entire book is letters to and from the main character, and I thought the format was interesting and extremely well-done. This seems like it would be a hard book to write. 📚 Seasonal read: It’s been a minute since I recommended some good old smut. I’m currently listening to [*Heathen and Honeysuckle* by Sarah A. Bailey](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781964264172?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Someone recommended it to me when I mentioned trying to write a romance novel with purity culture themes (I still really want to do this but am stalled out on it at the moment...writing fiction is hard, as it turns out). 📚 Timely recommendation: I likely recommended [*Circe* by Madeline Miller](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780316556323?ref=chelseakimlong.com) at some point in the past but felt timely because of the buzz of the new Odyssey movie. I really really need us as a society to move past re-telling patriarchal stories, and it just hit different especially while in the middle of reading Cassandra Speaks last month. Circe is a feminist retelling and I just need you to read it right now because it’s incredible. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/08/Screenshot-2026-08-13-at-7.14.42---PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 8: Mary the Tower URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-8-mary-the-tower/ Last updated: 2026-08-10T17:56:45.000Z *This is the companion post to Episode 8 of Breadcrumbs, my behind-the-scenes series for paid subscribers. The full episode is available to paid subscribers on my website.* 💡 Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. Preorder here. ### **The Chapter That Changed My Faith** Discovering Mary Magdalene changed my life. It kind of happened all in one moment, but also in a slow-dawning way that eventually reordered everything I thought I knew about women in Christianity — and about myself in it. This episode is a little different from the others. Instead of journal entries and personal stories, I'm taking you through the four books that shaped how I understand Mary Magdalene and why she matters so much to what I argue in this chapter. ### **The Entry: Cynthia Bourgeault** When I stepped out of my evangelical framework in 2015, contemplative Christianity is what handed me back the scripture with new language and new eyes. Through Richard Rohr, I found Cynthia Bourgeault — Episcopal priest, mystic, scholar — and her book *The Meaning of Mary Magdalene*. I read it around 2017 and, although I had some quibbles with parts of it, it didn't threaten me. It enlightened me. It was the first book to help me see Mary Magdalene not as a side character to skip past on the way to Jesus and the male disciples, but as a primary figure — arguably the disciple who understood Christ's message most deeply. Fair warning: it's dense. But if you're ready for it, it's one of the most important books I've encountered. ### **The Evidence: Dr. Elizabeth Schrader-Polczer** Dr. Elizabeth Schrader-Polczer aka Libby made a remarkable discovery looking at an ancient papyrus manuscript of John 11, the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. In our Bibles, Lazarus has two sisters: Mary and Martha. But in this very old manuscript, there is only one sister. Her name is Mary. Libby's thesis — the "single sister thesis" — is that Lazarus only had one sister, and that she was Mary Magdalene, the same person we know as Mary of Bethany. It's disputed. Some scholars disagree. But here's what just happened: Libby presented her research to the international council of scholars who oversee the Nestle-Aland Greek New Testament — the source text behind virtually every Bible translation in the world. And they are adding a footnote to John 11 that acknowledges the text is unstable. That is a very big deal. Diana Butler Bass recently sat down with Libby on her Substack *The Cottage* to discuss this update. If you want to go deep on this,[ watch their conversation here](https://dianabutlerbass.substack.com/p/mary-magdalene-updates-with-elizabeth). ### **The Credibility: Dr. Jennifer Powell-McNutt** *The Mary We Forgot* by Dr. Jennifer Powell-McNutt is the book I can recommend without caveats to my friends who are still inside evangelicalism. Dr. McNutt is a professor at Wheaton. The argument is the same — Mary Magdalene was a primary follower of Christ, a disciple, an apostle, the first witness of the resurrection — but it's made entirely from within the canonical gospels and mainstream church history. If the theology that says only men can lead is going to be challenged, Mary Magdalene is one of the most compelling places to start. She was there. She led. She carried the news of the gospel first. That has immense implications for how we see women in the church. ### **The Depth: Meggan Watterson and the Gospel of Mary Magdalene** These two I don't cite in my book — I made a deliberate choice to stay within the bounds of scripture and tradition that would be recognizable to my evangelical readers. But I want to name them here because they've shaped me. Meggan Watterson's *Mary Magdalene Revealed* draws on the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, a non-canonical text circulating at the same time as the writings that became our Bible. Meggan doesn't identify as a Christian. When I first read her book around 2020, the fundamentalist voice in my head wasn't convinced. When I reread it this month in preparation for the feast day of Mary Magdalene, it hit me completely differently. I think of these four books this way: Cynthia Bourgeault is the *entry*. Libby's scholarship is the *evidence*. Dr. McNutt is the *credibility*. Meggan Watterson and the Gospel of Mary Magdalene are the *depth*. ### **Why It Matters** I didn't know how important women were in the story of Christ until I discovered Mary Magdalene. She was hidden in plain sight. She still is, for a lot of people. Chapter Eight is my attempt to bring her back into view as the tower she always was. *The full Episode 8 of Breadcrumbs — including more on each of these books and why Mary Magdalene's feast day matters — is available to paid subscribers.* *Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press.* [*Pre-order here and get some fabulous pre-order bonuses.*](http://faithfullydissident.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### How to Be a Christian URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/how-to-be-a-christian/ Last updated: 2026-08-05T13:15:08.000Z You know I've got a lot going on right now. The book comes out September 8, and that's been consuming most of my attention. But there's a second creative project I've been working on this year that I've somehow never told you about directly because, well, I've been busy working on it! It's a podcast called **How to Be a Christian**. It launches January 2027, funded by a grant from the Louisville Institute — I dreamed up this podcast idea over two years ago, applied for the grant last summer, found out I got it in December, and have been working on it since the spring. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/08/HTBAC-Cover-Art.png) It's for people who've had a faith shift and don't know where to go next. Spiritually homeless — not because they stopped caring about Christianity, but because the tradition that formed them stopped fitting. You know that's the place I write from. Each episode takes one Christian tradition — Episcopal, Lutheran, United Methodist, UCC, Catholic contemplative, Anabaptist, Black Church, Progressive Baptist — and asks what it carries, where it falls short, and what belonging inside it might actually look like. I'm not trying to sell anyone a denomination. I'm trying to widen the map. It's worth noting that I'm focusing on the most progressive sectors of each tradition, ones that ordain women to full leadership capacity and affirm queer folks fully as well. You can read more about it at [chelseakimlong.com/podcast](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/podcast/). I've spent these past months sitting down with pastors, theologians, and faith leaders across the spectrum of progressive Christian, and I'm nearly done recording. A few episodes are completely done and let me tell you I am thrilled and giddy about how they are turning out...! One housekeeping thing. When the show launches, I'll be sending show notes and resources for each episode — the books, the churches, the people worth knowing about from every conversation. I've set that up as its own separate email so it only goes to people who want it. If you want those, go to your subscription portal. You may need to sign in first. Once you're there, check the box for How to Be a Christian: Back to book business, then I'll circle back with more podcast talk. ### I'd rather feed people URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/crowded-table-book-tour-fall-2026/ Last updated: 2026-08-07T20:23:25.000Z As I thought about launching *Faithfully Dissident Daughters*, I knew that a bookstore or church tour was an option. Reading, time for Q&A, a signing table, everyone home early. I like those events. **I'd rather feed people.** So this fall I'm doing four Crowded Table dinners. A Crowded Table is a dinner and a liturgy around the table — we eat together, we read some prayers aloud, and there are prompts at every seat for the kind of conversation that doesn't usually happen over dinner. Some of the earliest Christians did this in houses, around tables. It didn't look like church as we know it, but it was church. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/08/2.png) Every ticket includes a copy of the book. There's a sliding scale, and if cost is the barrier, email me and we'll figure it out. The rooms are small on purpose and open to all genders. It's for people who are done performing certainty, and for anyone sitting on the edges of the tradition wondering if there's still a seat at the table. **Raleigh, NC** — Sunday, Sept 6 · Southeast Raleigh Table | [Tickets](https://raleigh-crowded-table.eventbrite.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) **Portland, OR** — Saturday, Sept 26 · a private home in Glenfair | [Tickets](https://portland-crowded-table.eventbrite.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) **Orange County, CA** — Saturday, Oct 3 · a private home in Tustin | [Tickets](https://orange-county-crowded-table.eventbrite.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) **Austin, TX** — Saturday, Oct 17 · a private home in Southwest Austin | [Tickets](https://austin-crowded-table.eventbrite.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [See more details and grab a seat →](https://www.faithfullydissident.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) I'll also be speaking at Wild Goose Festival in NC Sept 4–5, preaching at Cascade Church in Portland on Sept 27 and Safe Harbor OC on Oct 4, leading two embodiment sessions at Nevertheless She Preached in Austin Oct 18–20, and throwing a launch party in my own neighborhood on Sept 11\. If you want more information about anything, just email me back! Not in one of these cities? [Tell me where you are](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/crowded-table/) — I'm building a way for you to host a table or bring me to where you live. ### 5 Books for July 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-july-2026/ Last updated: 2026-07-15T13:00:11.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: [*Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780062887191?ref=chelseakimlong.com) · Elizabeth Lesser | This book was very influential for me when I read it many years back. I can’t wait to read it and discuss it! Remember that you can hop in to book club any time by becoming a paid subscriber (monthly or annual). 📚 In the middle of reading: [*The Black Madonna: Icon of Resistance and Nourisher of Souls* by Christena Cleveland](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798318601866?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This just released on July 7! I listened to the audiobook read by Christena herself and it’s absolutely a gem. GO GET A COPY. I so love and admire the way that Christena so intentionally centers Black women while also being genuinely invitational to all who want to learn and benefit from her work. 📚 Just finished: [*Wreck* by Catherine Newman](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780063453913?ref=chelseakimlong.com). This book was mostly a disappointment. It’s a follow up to her book *Sandwich*, which I LOVED. This one is the same family, but it’s just not capturing me in the same way. 📚 Seasonal read: [*An Altar in the World* by Barbara Brown Taylor](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780061370472?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This is an older one, but it’s good for summer. Embodied, everyday spirituality (walking, eating, getting lost, wearing skin) rather than a heavy theological lift. 📚 Timely recommendation: [*A Hymn to Life* by Gisele Pelicot](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798217181322?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I’m getting ready to read this one. I’m a bit nervous, but it’s an important one. Let me know if you’ve read it and what your thoughts are. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/07/Screenshot-2026-07-10-at-11.34.14---PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 7: Trusting your Heart URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-7-trusting-your-heart/ Last updated: 2026-07-03T13:15:28.000Z *This is the companion post to Episode 7 of Breadcrumbs, my behind-the-scenes series for paid subscribers. The full episode is available to paid subscribers after the paywall!* 💡 Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. Preorder here. ### **The Verse That Haunted Me** Chapter Seven of *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* is built around a verse that followed me for most of my life: Jeremiah 17:9 — "the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked." I was taught to distrust my own instincts, to outsource my decisions, to assume that what I wanted was probably wrong. So I did what I was trained to do. I begged God to decide for me. ### **What I Found in My College Journals** I pulled out journals from my college years for this episode and I see that desperation right there on the page. From my sophomore year: *"We're in no hurry, God. We're content to linger in the path signposted with your decisions."* I wanted God to post signs. I wanted someone, anyone, to just tell me which way to go. A few years later, graduating college with no life plan beyond "maybe I'll get married and then I'll know what to do," I wrote God's voice back to myself: *"It's not about you. You're just like Peter. You take one step out into the water and then you focus on your fears, your comfort, your needs, your desires."* Reading it now, I get emotional — not because it's wrong exactly, but because I can see how completely I had absorbed the idea that focusing on myself was the opposite of focusing on God. I wish I could go back and tell her: what you want and what God wants are not opposites. You have the wisdom to make decisions. You always did. ### **The Walk Around the Block** Last summer, my husband and I were at an impasse about whether to move our twins to a new school. I wanted to move them — there's a dual immersion Spanish program nearby and I felt strongly about it. He wanted to keep them where they were. All summer we went back and forth, tried pro/con lists, talked to friends. Nothing. Finally, the last week of summer, I told him we needed to decide by the end of a walk around our neighborhood. By the end of the walk, he said: *"It seems like you feel really strongly about this. I'm willing to let you take the lead, even though it's not what I would choose."* And I told him: *"It's really scary to be the one fully responsible for a decision. It would feel so much safer if we were making this together."* He heard me. And then he said: *"That's leadership."* Spoiler: we moved them. It was a great school year. I'm really glad. But what stays with me isn't the outcome — it's that moment on the walk where I had to reckon with the fact that trusting yourself means being responsible for the result. That's still hard. It's also worth it. ### **You Know What to Do** I have those words tattooed on my wrist in Rebecca's handwriting. They're the counterweight to everything Jeremiah 17:9 made me believe about myself. The Hebrew word translated as "deceitful" in that verse? It doesn't mean wicked. It means deep. Your heart isn't something to be feared and suppressed. It's something to be plumbed. You know what to do. *The full Episode 7 of Breadcrumbs — including the college journals, the twins school story, the Rebecca tattoo, and the theological deep dive into Jeremiah 17:9 — is available to paid subscribers.* *Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press.* [*Pre-order here and get some fabulous pre-order bonuses.*](http://faithfullydissident.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for June 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-june-2026/ Last updated: 2026-06-15T13:15:11.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: For June, we are reading [The Break by katherena vermette](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781487001117?ref=chelseakimlong.com). I haven’t read this previously, but I chose it because it insists that women's bodies, their stories, and their inherited wounds are worth bearing witness to. Vermette traces trauma across generations of Indigenous women in Winnipeg's North End. For those of us asking what faithful dissidence looks like in practice, this book is a reminder that it starts with refusing to look away.My book club has rolling registration, so feel free to jump in any time by becoming a paid subscriber here! 📚 In the middle of reading: [Wild Dark Shore Novel by Charlotte McConaghy](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781250827951?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This is for my in person book club and I think I might be broken because I’m about a third of the way through and I’m not into it! I’m sure it’s just me because this book is WILDLY popular. Have you read it? Curious what you think. 📚 Just finished: [We Mend with Gold: An Immigrant Daughter's Reckoning with American Christianity by Kristin T. Lee](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798889835028?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This book could be sisters with mine. I loved the rawness and personal reckoning alongside the very practical advice that the way the Asian American experience can form the church in positive ways. And I got a few recs for the next several books I want to read. 📚 Seasonal read: [Dolly All the Time by Annabel Monaghan](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593853979?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I’m a sucker for Annabel and have been saving this one to read on vacation. I can’t wait. 📚 Timely recommendation: [Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593804216?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I had to! Haha, this book has ALL THE BUZZ and very polarizing opinions. I read an early copy a few months back and really enjoyed it! My main criticism was that the way the main character talked about her religion in her internal monologue wasn’t convincing to me. The tradwife women that I know personally may be faking a lot of aspects of their daily life, but they are absolutely not faking their religious conviction. For this reason, that aspect of the book fell flat. Other than that, I thought it was a fun read; I was riveted and ate it up FAST over a weekend, because I really wanted to know the twist. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/06/Screenshot-2026-06-09-at-11.14.04---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 6: Sacred Body, Sacred Emotions URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-6-sacred-body-sacred-emotions/ Last updated: 2026-06-05T13:15:27.000Z 💡 Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. Preorder here. ## **My Proof Pages Arrived!** Before I get into the episode — I got my proof pages back! For the non-publishing people: this is when the book gets laid out in the actual design program, with real page numbers and chapter titles, looking exactly like it will when it goes to print. My job now is to read it one more time and catch any remaining typos before it goes to the printer. It looks like a real book. September 8th is 4 months away and it’s feeling very real. ### **The Chapter My Editor Helped Shape** Chapter Six is called Sacred Body, Sacred Emotions, and it traces how women have been taught to see our bodies as liabilities and our emotions as untrustworthy — and makes the theological case that both are actually sacred. This is one of the chapters where my editor Jessica had the biggest impact. Several times she'd come back with a comment that was essentially: "Wait — can you explain this more?" The most memorable was when I wrote a brief aside about how our entire culture is structured around a 24-hour male hormonal cycle. Her comment came back: *"What?! I've never heard of this. Can you explain a little more?"* I had to stop myself from writing ten more pages. ### **The YTT Season** In 2016, while I was going through fertility treatments, I was also doing my 200-hour yoga teacher training. The juxtaposition was almost absurd — learning to honor my body in class, injecting hormones into my stomach in the evenings. I found my YTT ethos statement from that season: *"I am a teacher who embodies freedom by practicing vulnerability. I own who I am and teach from that place. My desire to connect with God inspires my passion for yoga and I work to help others connect with God and each other."* I made a map of myself in 2016 and spent the next ten years writing my way through every single item on it. I wrote that silence was one of my biggest obstacles. I already knew my own silence was standing in my way, but it still took me a long time and a lot of heartache to get out from under it. ### **The Grief Journal from 2009** I found a journal entry from May 2009 — just after graduating college, at the missions trip training camp where I met my husband. They asked us to write about our grief. I wrote about my senior year of high school at my Christian school, the social consequences of not falling in line, the ways I felt stifled. Reading it now, I can see how far I still had to go. But I can also see that even then, something in me knew. That sent me to the song we used to sing based on Psalm 51, "Create in Me a Clean Heart." David's prayer after his worst moment. The irony: a psalm about God wanting truth in the inward parts, sung in a culture that taught me to suppress my inward parts. ### **Cycle Syncing and the Editor Exchange** The section on cycle syncing — aligning your life around your hormonal cycle rather than the 24-hour male cycle the rest of the world runs on — is one my editor asked me to expand. I draw from Alisa Vitti's work in *In the FLO*, and the basic premise is this: women's bodies don't reset every 24 hours. Our energy, focus, social capacity, and intuition shift across a 28-day cycle — and we've been judging ourselves for not performing to a standard our bodies were never designed to meet. ### **The Baby Penguin** Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic framework my spiritual director introduced me to, and it's changed how I relate to my own inner life. The premise: every part of you — even the difficult ones — is trying to protect you. Nothing needs to be suppressed. Every emotion has something to say. In one solo IFS practice, deep in grief over losing Rebecca, I tried to let my grief take a shape. It showed up as a big, slippery, kind of repulsive penguin. But when I kept with it and brought compassion rather than resistance, the big scary penguin transformed into a fluffy baby penguin, small and helpless and actually kind of lovable. From then on, when grief came up, I had something I could hold with tenderness instead of brace against. ### **The Medieval Vulva Art** Last fall I was in New York City and visited the Cloisters — the part of the Met Museum dedicated to medieval art. They had an entire room on medieval art and sexuality, and in one ornate prayer book belonging to a wealthy medieval Christian, there was an illustration of the side wound of Christ that looked unmistakably like a vulva. I write about this in the chapter with some humor — but the theological point is serious. Medieval Christians understood the body in ways we've buried. The parts we've been taught to hide in shame were once used to image the sacred. ## **What It All Points To** Every spiritual experience you have ever had has happened inside your body. That's the through line of Chapter Six. The body isn't an obstacle to faith — it's the location of faith. Eugene Peterson's translation of 1 Corinthians 6 says it simply: *"Let people see God in and through your body."* I used to think my body was a liability to faith. Now I know it's my first site of connection with God. The full video Episode 6 of Breadcrumbs is available to paid subscribers. Next month, Episode 7 of Breadcrumbs will go behind the scenes of Chapter Seven. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Remember MASH from middle school? URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-daughters-pre-order-bonuses/ Last updated: 2026-06-01T13:15:36.000Z Summer chaos is officially upon us. I'll be honest — I thrive in routine, and I think my kids do too, even if they'd never admit it. Summer is fun and it also kind of wrecks me every year. Add in the fact that we have our longest family trip ever coming up, and I've head-down trying to get everything across the finish line before we leave on June 15. One of those things: pre-order bonuses for *Faithfully Dissident Daughters*. I had way too much fun making them and I'm so excited they're ready for you. [Get Your Pre-Order Bonuses](https://forms.gle/X5JuaaMFad3k7fjG7?ref=chelseakimlong.com) If you've pre-ordered *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* — or you're about to — here's what's waiting for you: **The Faithfully Dissident Manifesto** — a printable declaration, one page, four affirmations. Print it and put it somewhere you'll actually see it. **Meditative Coloring Pages** — three sacred images rooted in the themes of the book. Your body is temple. You are made in the image of God. You dwell in the divine womb. Slow down and meditate on these truths. **Faithfully Dissident MASH** — okay, this one is the one that had me cackling. Remember MASH from middle school? I made a faithfully dissident version. Your spiritual calling. Your patron saint. Your deconstruction era. It's available as a printable PDF and an interactive online game, and "Chaos Agent for Justice" is one of the options for career path, so. Fill out this quick form and your downloads will be immediately available. [Get Your Pre-Order Bonuses](https://forms.gle/X5JuaaMFad3k7fjG7?ref=chelseakimlong.com) If you haven't pre-ordered yet — now's the time. Pre-orders matter, especially for a debut author! They tell booksellers and libraries that this book has people behind it. Thank you for supporting me in this way! I encourage you to print the PDFs, snap a picture and share on social media. Also, I want to see your MASH results. Tag me (@chelseakimlong) and include the link [faithfullydissident.com](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-daughters/) to help spread the word! — Chelsea ### 5 Books for May 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-may-2026/ Last updated: 2026-05-15T13:15:34.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: [*Unmaking Mary: Shattering the Myth of Perfect Motherhood* by Chine McDonald](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781399814638?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | Obvi reading this for Mother’s Day. This was one of those books that I eagerly anticipated its release and then gobbled it up so quickly, even though it’s a deep book. Just so deeply up my alley to read about how church culture has weaponized Mary against women for centuries and how she can be a liberating figure for us. 📚 In the middle of reading:[*Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power* by Kasia Urbaniak](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593084526?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I cannot remember how I heard of this book, just that I saw it somewhere and was intrigued. I’ve done a lot of processing about power and agency over the last 10 years. I want to get more comfortable with owning my power in a feminine way vs having to emulate masculine power to succeed. This book gets at the topic in a really interesting way by talking about dominant and submissive power (often coded male/yang and female/yin). I’m digging it so far. 📚 Just finished: [*A Generation of Sociopaths* by Bruce Cannon Gibney](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780316395793?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | A cousin recommended this to me and it was a fascinating listen. Gibney breaks down the real systems at work and real policy decisions made by real people that made this generation’s life harder. It also helped me remember that we can keep having an imagination for the future that we want to see, and work toward it too. 📚 Oldie but Goodie: Summer is coming, and if you're a working mom, you already feel it — the mental load is about to double. [*Fair Play* by Eve Rodsky](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780525541943?ref=chelseakimlong.com) is the book my husband and I actually used in 2020 to make the invisible work visible, and it changed how we figured out who was carrying what. If you haven't read it yet, pre-summer is the perfect time. 📚 Timely recommendation: [*Project Hail Mary* by Andy Weir](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593135228?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | If there’s a good movie out, I’m gonna read the book first. I enjoyed this a lot and was very compelled to find out how it ended. Although I definitely saw lots of good chatter online about how if anyone is going to save the world at this point, we don’t know if we can trust a mediocre white man to do that. And I’m not just throwing shade, the main character in this book is extremely mediocre, seemed to have no genuine connection with other humans, and (SPOILER ALERT) had to be literally forced into this earth-saving mission. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/05/Screenshot-2026-05-11-at-11.20.50---AM-1.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Checking In With Your Inside Team URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/checking-in-with-your-inside-team/ Last updated: 2026-05-08T13:15:03.000Z ### **What Is Your Inside Team?** If you've seen Inside Out, you already know — Riley has a whole team of emotions living inside her, each one showing up when she needs them. As it turns out, according to IFS we all have an "inside team." And just like Riley's, ours can get loud, get quiet, take over, or go missing when things get hard. This meditation is an invitation to slow down, get curious, and say hello to whoever is showing up for you today. ### **Setting an Intention** You don't have to fix anything here. You don't have to make a feeling go away or figure out why it showed up. All you're doing is noticing. Think of it like checking in with a friend — you're not solving their problems, you're just letting them know you see them. That's it. ### **How It Shows Up in the Body** Feelings don't just live in our heads — they live in our bodies too. A tight chest. A heavy stomach. A lump in the throat. Part of what we do in this meditation is get curious about where a feeling is living in your body right now. Kids are often surprisingly good at this. Adults sometimes need a little more practice. Practice this one with a kid in your life, or, do it just for you, I won't tell. ### **Making Space for Every Part** Here's something true that's easy to forget: even the hard feelings — the angry ones, the loud ones, the ones that got you in trouble — are trying to help. They show up because something hurts and they don't know what else to do. This meditation won't make them go away. But it might help you sit with them a little more gently. ## **LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER** [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/checking-in-with-your-inside-team?ref=chelseakimlong.com) *Below the paywall are a free PDF worksheet to accompany the meditation, breath prayers, journal questions, and further resources to learn more about IFS for kids and adults.* _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 5: Compassion and the Womb of God URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-5-compassion-and-the-womb-of-god/ Last updated: 2026-05-01T13:15:30.000Z 💡 Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. Preorder here. ## First Look at My New Tattoo About 6 weeks ago I got a new tattoo. You’re the first ones to see it publicly! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/05/Newsletter-Header.png) "Womb love" comes directly from the theology at the heart of Chapter Five of *Faithfully Dissident Daughters*. The first word God ever uses to describe Godself is the Hebrew word *racham.* Our English Bibles often translate it as compassion, mercy, tenderness, but it has a root word that means *womb* and evokes a maternal sense of care. I put it on my body because seeing God through the primary lens of compassion has transformed my faith and the way I engage theology. ## Standing at a Door, Afraid In January of 2018, my twins were barely three months old and I created the space to attend a day-long yoga retreat. The theme was the creative energy of the divine feminine — which feels almost too on the nose now, looking back. I found my journal from that day recently. I had written down three areas I wanted to channel more creative energy into. One of them was crafting a grounded, authentic spiritual practice. Then I wrote a list of what was standing in the way — and I circled the word *fear*. I was afraid that if I kept following these threads, I'd lose what little connection remained to my old version of faith. I had stepped out of white evangelicalism a few years earlier which had been disorienting and grief-filled. Yoga and meditation were keeping me spiritually alive, but still wasn’t sure how to read the Bible and engage my own tradition. I needed to find out how to be a Christian in a different way, but I was standing at a door I wasn't ready to walk through. There were still years and levels of honesty I needed to cut through to face the truth of myself and my life. ## The Year I Stopped Blurring the Edges In 2018 I was mostly keeping my head above water, and in 2019 I felt like I was drowning. At the beginning of 2020, I decided to do a fully sober year (I know, lol). I had been reading Laura McKowen's *We Are the Luckiest* and Holly Whitaker's *Quit Like a Woman* — both leading voices in the feminist sobriety movement — and something cracked open. I wrote in my journal that February: *"Alcohol doesn't make hard moments easier. It just makes me less present to them. It's a false buoy that deflates and leaves me drowning in deeper water than before."* What I didn't know was that a pandemic was coming the following month. Sobriety in 2020 meant I couldn't blur what was coming. It meant I had to face the pain of my life directly, on the pages of my journal, in my body, in the rhythms of my every day life. ## Birth and Death in the Same Week In April of 2020, still in the early disorienting days of the pandemic, I found out that my best friend Rebecca's cancer had returned. It had spread to her spine, her lungs, her liver, her brain. The entire experience of Rebecca’s cancer and ultimate death was a liminality I lived inside for nearly 4 years. She was dfirst iagnosed with breast cancer the month before my twins were born. The same week they arrived, she started chemo. And then in March of 2021, she died just a couple of weeks after my niece was born. I saw Rebecca in her final days, and then I flew to hold a new baby. Birth and death are the same threshold. The theology of womb love — of a God who holds both in her very body, just like I have — came from being inside that space in my life. I share two journal entries from 2021 in this episode. One from August, five months after she died, where I write about resisting acceptance — *"feelings make her real, and acceptance feels like the final nail in the coffin."* And one from September, where I write honestly: *"I don't know what I believe about death."* ## The Tomb Became a Womb This past Easter, I got to preach in my little faith community. I talked about how I learned from Christena Cleveland to see the tomb of Jesus — the place of death, of endings — as a womb. The resurrection is an embodied symbol of a divine pattern: in every ending, there is a new beginning. Death and rebirth. Over and over. I opened this episode with womb love on my arm, and I closed it there too. Because I did walk through that door I was afraid of in 2018\. It cost something — deep depression, sobriety, fighting for what felt like my very survival. But what I found on the other side was a God with a womb. Compassion as the center. A theology expansive enough to hold all of it. Next month, Episode 6 of Breadcrumbs will go behind the scenes of Chapter Six: Sacred Body, Sacred Emotions. See you there. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for April 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-april-2026/ Last updated: 2026-04-15T13:15:03.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: This month in the Faitihfully Dissident Book Club we are reading [The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781523090990?ref=chelseakimlong.com). [You can still jump in and join us for book club. Details here](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/). 📚 In the middle of reading: [Heart the Lover by Lily King](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780802165176?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I kept hearing so much about this one so I proposed it for my IRL book club. I’m INTO IT. 📚 Just finished: [Swear on This Life by Renée Carlino](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781501105791?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I went on a tiny little spree reading books by her because I was googling books with second chance and yearning (for research, of course). Out of the three I read, this was my favorite, although none of them were absolutely incredible. This one definitely had my attention and I wanted to find out what happened. 📚 Oldie but Goodie: [The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780553386691?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | My Kindle tells me I bought this in 2018, but I swear I never read it. Oops! Trying it on audio this time, as that’s my favorite way to digest this kind of book. 📚 Timely recommendation: [Love Like a Mother: How the Sacred Work of Motherhood Reveals the Maternal Heart of God by Elizabeth Berget](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781587436819?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This one comes out May 5 and is written by a friend of mine that I’ve connected with over the past year as we are both on our debut book-writing journey! I’m so excited for Elizabeth’s book to come out and I have a special excerpt to share with you below. You’ll quickly understand why I feel so connected to Elizabeth’s work. Grab your copy today; it's available anywhere books are sold. You can get it for 40% off plus free shipping from Baker Book house by clicking the banner! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/04/banner-pre-order.jpg)](https://bakerbookhouse.com/products/9781587436819%5Flove-like-a-mother?srsltid=AfmBOooNo23dRg-tFsSTE91GT5QwzZpDq4kGOPVVgQV5kEnb1CJU2ZoI&ref=chelseakimlong.com) What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/04/Screenshot-2026-04-09-at-8.22.10---PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Want to be on my launch team? URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/want-to-be-on-my-launch-team/ Last updated: 2026-04-10T13:15:30.000Z You get first dibs _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 4: The Divine Feminine and a Mother’s Choice URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-4-the-divine-feminine-and-a-mothers-choice/ Last updated: 2026-04-03T13:15:56.000Z 💡 Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. [Preorder here.](https://www.wjkbooks.com/bookproduct/0664269451-faithfully-dissident-daughters/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) When you go through a lot of change in a short amount of time, it’s easy to wake up one day and ask: *How did I get here?* That question has followed me through my faith deconstruction, my motherhood journey, my politics, and my writing life. And what I’ve learned is that the answer is usually found long before the moment when everything falls apart. Episode four of *Breadcrumbs* pulls back the curtain on Chapter Four of [*Faithfully Dissident Daughters*](https://www.wjkbooks.com/bookproduct/0664269451-faithfully-dissident-daughters/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and explores things that were already happening in my body and my faith long before the story in the book begins. Chapter Four of *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* is called "The Divine Feminine and a Mother's Choice." It's a heavy chapter in the book, and I'm not going to give it away here — you'll have to read it. But in this month's Breadcrumbs episode, I went looking for the backstory. What I found surprised me because the conflict started before I was even married. ## **Praying About Birth Control (lol)** In April of 2011, a few months before my wedding, I didn’t have health insurance and was trying to figure out birth control. I was twenty-four years old, raised in evangelical culture, and genuinely uncertain whether going on the pill was spiritually okay. So I did what I had been taught to do: I prayed about it. Reading the journal entry now, I feel tenderness for that version of me — trying to do right by God, by her culture, and by her body, all at once, without a framework to hold all three. I ended up going to Planned Parenthood and asked my sister came with me. Walking through the door felt illicit. Instead, I found a friendly provider, a six-month supply of NuvaRings, and a Krispy Kreme next door with the "Hot Now" sign on. ## **What Happens When Doctors Don't Listen** The NuvaRing ended up wrecking me. I spiraled into depression, ended up in urgent care with extreme anxiety and vomiting, and was told — twice, by two different doctors — that hormonal birth control had nothing to do with it. I knew my own body and that they were wrong. But I had been shaped by a culture that taught me to defer to authority, especially male authority, even in matters involving my own body. So I kept looking for someone who would believe me and eventually found a chiropractor who practiced applied kinesiology. My husband and I called him the witchcraft doctor. After a few appointments, he completely misread my situation. I left and never went back. That was one of the first times I trusted my own experience over an authority figure's interpretation of it. ## **The Silence That Says Everything** When I went looking for journal entries from my infertility and fertility treatment season a nearly 5 years later, I found almost nothing. That was such a pattern in my life; I didn't write about things I didn't know how to process. I just powered through. One of the reasons I didn't have words for it is that I didn't have a theology big enough to hold it. That's what faith deconstruction often looks like from the inside — a grinding mismatch between your lived experience and the view of God you were handed. A God who was Father, who blessed the faithful with children and expected women to be vessels of obedience and grace. That God had no language for what my body was going through. ## **Going Looking for a Different God** Chapter Four is where I start searching and where I encountered the Divine Feminine in Christianity for the first time. That theology came from my own body, forcing me to go looking for a God who understood what it felt like to be in my skin. *The full Episode 4 of Breadcrumbs — including my actual journal entries from 2011 and the memoir piece that didn't make it into the book — is available to paid subscribers below the paywall.* Next month, we’ll move into Chapter Five: Compassion and the Womb of God _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Pisces: The Woman who Anointed Jesus with Oil URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-pisces-the-woman-who-anointed-jesus-with-oil/ Last updated: 2026-03-18T14:03:34.000Z Pisces is a water sign, capable of emotional depth, strong intuition, deep empathy and connection. Pisces is a mutable sign, whose energy anticipates movement and change. As the last sign of the Zodiac calendar, it represents the death of one year and the rebirth of another. A Biblical archetype for Pisces is the woman who anointed Jesus with expensive perfume, found in the Gospel of Mark (Mark 14:3-9). She beautifully captures the empathetic and intuitive qualities associated with Pisces. Her act of love and foresight to anoint Jesus for burial prior to his death resonates with the compassionate nature of this sign. I am of the opinion that this unnamed woman is actually Mary Magdalene, which speaks to the secret/hidden side of Pisces. Jesus praises this woman saying, “Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” And yet, her name is lost to history. *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Pisces:** Intuitive, connected to Divine source, introspective, pull toward self-care, seeing with perspective and not being reactive **Low Side of Pisces:** Secrets or hidden desires, tendency to repress the shadow parts, dis-traction (no movement/stagnant) ## SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN PISCES: **You Know What to Do** ## ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/03/You-Know-What-To-Do.png) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/you-know-what-to-do/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for March 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-march-2026/ Last updated: 2026-03-15T13:15:39.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: For March we are reading the [Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780143111399?ref=chelseakimlong.com). It’s become my new Lent tradition to read this one and also watch the Mary Magdalene movie with Rooney Mara during Holy Week. Those two together create a beautiful picture of the life and death of Christ through the eyes of women. [You can still jump in and join us for book club. Details here.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Counterweights, by my dear friend Shannan Martin](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780800740887?ref=chelseakimlong.com). It’s coming out at the end of the month and I feel so pleased to be getting to read it early. To know Shannan’s writing is to love Shannan’s writing. I encourage you to pre-order a copy! 📚 Just finished: [Before We Were Strangers by Renee Carlino](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781501105777?ref=chelseakimlong.com) – I’m calling this “research” for my own second chance romance novel. This one was pretty good, but not my fav in the genre! 📚 Seasonal read: We’re well into Lent, but it’s never too late to jump in. Here’s my Lent reco: [Blessed Is the Body Disability Justice and the Community of Christ](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781513815459?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 📚 Timely recommendation: [The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781479804467?ref=chelseakimlong.com). That title...I know. But, just hear me out, haha. A podcast I listened to recommended this book so I went in with an open mind. Jane, as a lesbian, positions herself as an “ally” to straight people, especially women. Some of the history of heterosexuality was really interesting, and I think we probably *do* need to continue to reckon with the origins of marriage (ie, women were property) so that hetero relationships can move forward on more equal footing. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/03/Screenshot-2026-03-11-at-1.21.21---PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### I’m so excited to show you the cover of my book URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/cover-reveal-faithfully-dissident-daughters/ Last updated: 2026-03-11T21:03:41.000Z As you know, I spent the last few years writing my first book. I’m so happy to share that *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* releases on September 8th, 2026. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 3: Crisis of Theology URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-3-crisis-of-theology/ Last updated: 2026-03-06T14:15:31.000Z When you go through a lot of change in a short amount of time, it’s easy to wake up one day and ask: *How did I get here?* That question has followed me through my faith deconstruction, my motherhood journey, my politics, and my writing life. And what I’ve learned is that the answer is usually found long before the moment when everything falls apart. Episode three of *Breadcrumbs* pulls back the curtain on Chapter Three of *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* and explores the neighborhood, the friendship, and the embodied community that reshaped my theology long before I had language for deconstruction. ### **The Crisis of Theology** When I opened Chapter Three of *Faithfully Dissident Daughters*, I began with a moment that, at the time, felt like the beginning of the end. I was sitting in the lobby of my evangelical megachurch in Orange County, California. The worship band had just led us in a song built around the Nicene Creed, and I realized I couldn’t sing it. I didn’t know if I believed the words anymore. I didn’t know what they meant to me and I couldn’t perform certainty. But what I’ve come to understand is this: I never had a crisis of faith. I never stopped believing in God or identifying as a Christian. What I experienced was a crisis of theology. The framework I had inherited was collapsing, and I would have to rebuild it from the inside out. ### **Why This Episode Is Different** Chapter Three contains a lot. I write about my faith community’s reaction to the 2016 election. I write about the first time I encountered meditation from a Buddhist perspective. I write about the glimmers of healing that followed my move to San Diego. Before *Faithfully Dissident Daughters*, I spent three years writing a full memoir. That manuscript didn’t survive in its original form, but pieces of it still exist in my Google Drive, and I hope to repurpose many of them in a variety of ways. On March 19, we will mark five years since my best friend Rebecca died. As we approach that milestone anniversary, I knew exactly which piece to share: my enchantment with church as neighborhood faith community, the neighborhood itself, and my dear Rebecca. ### **Longing for a Different Church Model and Trusting my Intuition** In college, I read Shane Claiborne’s *Irresistible Revolution* and briefly wondered if I should drop out and move to Philadelphia. Looking back, I can see it for what it was: the beginning of my longing for a more embodied, grounded faith. I was already questioning the model, even if I didn’t yet question the doctrine. Moving to San Diego was one of the first times I trusted my own inner knowing without filtering it through what I thought God “should” want for me. For much of my life, I had assumed that what God wanted would be the opposite of what I desired. In that season of distance and doubt, I was able to access intuition in a new way. ### **Belonging Before Belief** When we eventually did move to San Diego, I was deep in deconstruction. I felt distant from God, unmoored and untethered from the version of myself I had always known. And yet, in that season of spiritual disorientation, I experienced something I had never known before: belonging before belief. And that was what ultimately sent me on the healing trajectory. My longing for something more alive and embodied was the breadcrumb that I trace through this episode. **Full episode video and transcript available below the paywall.** Next month, we’ll move into Chapter Four: **The Divine Feminine and a Mother’s Choice** ### Why I’m doing this *Breadcrumbs* is my humble attempt to map the path. To follow the trail. To honor the version of me who was doing her best with the tools she had. And if you’re someone who’s gone through massive change—faith change, identity change, marriage change, motherhood change—maybe you’ll recognize yourself in this too. Maybe it’ll help you hold your own past with a little more tenderness. Breadcrumbs is available to paid subscribers. Watch the full episode or read the transcript after the break! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Aquarius: The Woman at the Well URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-aquarius/ Last updated: 2026-02-17T14:15:22.000Z Aquarius is an air sign that is very invested in the collective. Air signs typically are intellectual and social. Aquarius is a fixed sign, bringing in stable and focused energy. Aquarius is known as the water bearer. Water is life, and many women around the world still have to travel long distances to a well to collect water and bring it back to their family. A Biblical archetype for Aquarius is the Woman at the Well (John 4:1-30, 39-42). Jesus’ conversation with her transgressed societal norms, offering a revolutionary message of "living water.” Commentators in the past have, of course, written her off as morally questionable. They have also attempted to delegitimize her ability to engage in a serious theological conversation with Jesus. A faithful reading of the text doesn't support either of those ideas. Her curiosity and authenticity reflect Aquarius’ intellectual and progressive traits, while her transformation into an evangelist embodies the sign’s ability to inspire collective healing. Gail R. O'Day states that, "The text presents the woman as a character who is unafraid to stay in conversation with Jesus, who recognizes that a prophet is the perfect person of whom to ask her question. The woman is the first character in the Gospel to engage in sustained theological conversation with Jesus. The Samaritan woman is a witness and disciple like John the Baptist, Andrew, and Philip." (*The Women's Bible Commentary,* p 522) Her initial isolation in showing up at the well without other women as well as her initial resistance and questioning of Jesus parallels Aquarian tendencies toward detachment and stubbornness. Ultimately, the story mirrors Aquarius’ potential to foster radical belonging and create pathways for spiritual renewal for the collective. *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Aquarius:** Visionary thinking, progressive and inclusive, humanitarian spirit, intellectual and curious, authenticity **Low Side of Aquarius:** Detached and aloof, overly idealistic, rebellious for the sake of it, stubbornness, unpredictable ## SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN AQUARIUS: Cultivating Peace with What Is Guided Meditation ## ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/02/Screenshot-2026-02-11-at-8.32.57---AM.png) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/cultivating-peace-with-what-is-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for February 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-february-2026/ Last updated: 2026-02-15T14:16:43.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: This month in the Faithfully Dissident Book Club we are reading [*God is a Black Woman* by Christena Cleveland](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780062988799?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Christena’s work has been hugely influential on helping me find the freedom to see God through my own lens. Can’t wait to discuss this one with the group. [Join us on Friday, February 27 and on WhatsApp throughout the year.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Grape Juice by Eliza Dumais](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798893310566?ref=chelseakimlong.com). This isn’t my fav of the 831 Stories titles, but I absolutely have a friend that I’ve been meaning to text and tell her to read it. Always love a good mental escape, though, so I’m here for it. 📚 Just finished: [Show Don’t Tell by Curtis Sittenfeld](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593446737?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This was my IRL book club's pick, which is interesting because it’s a collection of short stories. There’s a short story centered around the idea of the Billy Graham/Mike Pence rule, which obviously reminded me of one of my favorite comedy bits ever: Mike Pence looks like a clear gummy bear. 📚 Seasonal Read: It’s Black History Month! And Valentine’s Day Month! Read a Tia Williams title; my favorite by her is [Seven Days in June](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781538719091?ref=chelseakimlong.com). 📚 Timely recommendation: [A Fever in the Heartland by Timothy Egan](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780735225282?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | If you need help understanding how the current ICE operations are possible in the United States, this book will reveal the ways in which it has a deeply rooted history. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/02/Screenshot-2026-02-11-at-8.22.56---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Learning to See Wisdom: An Alternative Lenten Curriculum Centering the Voices and Bodies of Women URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/learning-to-see-wisdom-lent-2026/ Last updated: 2026-02-09T14:15:25.000Z For generations, the story of Holy Week has been told in ways that center power, spectacle, and male authority while overlooking the women who stayed, watched, waited, and were the first to witness resurrection. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/02/IMG_7884.jpg) A text exchange between a friend and I recently This Lent, I'm inviting you re-center your focus on the women and on feminine wisdom. That’s why I created the Wisdom Calls Cohort (I only have a couple spots left, so [sign up now if you've been meaning to](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com)!). When we see God in the feminine, it changes how we imagine the world God wants and what we believe is possible., and I'm looking forward to journeying with an intimate group over the 40 days of Lent. When you see the **feminine face of God**—metaphors as true as any in scripture—it changes you. **You stop making yourself small.** For too long, we've been taught that holiness looks like self sacrifice. When you see God in the feminine, you start to believe that your voice, your wisdom, your presence matters. **You get angry—and then you get free.** Anger is natural when you realize how much has been hidden from you to maintain power structures. But your anger is a compass, pointing toward liberation. **You reclaim your spiritual authority.** Wisdom, Sophia, has always been calling—crying out in the streets (Proverbs 8). When you answer, you stop outsourcing your faith to external authorities and begin trusting the sacred wisdom within you. However, I know that the cohort might not be right for you right now, which is why created a **free 7 week curriculum** to help you see Holy Week through women's eyes, voices, and bodies. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 2: Roots and Rebellion URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-2-roots-and-rebellion/ Last updated: 2026-02-06T14:15:47.000Z When you go through a lot of change in a short amount of time, it’s easy to wake up one day and ask: *How did I get here?* That question has followed me through my faith deconstruction, my motherhood journey, my politics, and my writing life. And what I’ve learned is that the answer is usually found long before the moment when everything falls apart. Episode two of *Breadcrumbs* pulls back the curtain on Chapter Two of *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* and explores the inheritance I didn’t know I was carrying. This chapter is about acknowledging both the positive and negative pieces of the lineage that shaped me. Becoming faithfully dissident requires us to grapple with our own history within the larger context. ### **Early Faith Formation** I start the episode with a photograph I love of my sister and me, dressed as candles at a Billy Graham crusade in the mid-90s. We sang *This Little Light of Mine* with Psalty the singing psalm book in costumes that didn’t give us access to our arms (which feels like too obvious of a metaphor at this point). A few years ago, that same sister and I visited my great aunt, one of the last remaining members of my grandmother’s generation. I went looking for stories, but what I found was perspective. That pilgrimage helped me realize that I am far more like my great uncle than I ever knew. He was raising questions about evangelical culture in the 1970s—naming anti-intellectualism, legalism, conformity, and authoritarianism decades before I ever had language for them. Reading his words felt both grounding and disorienting. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/01/unnamed--2-.jpg) That realization helped me see my own struggle with voice, authority, and agency as something that lived in my body long before I had words for it. I was shaped by deeply convicted men and deeply constrained women, held together under the banner of benevolent patriarchy. ### **The Teaching I Received About Womanhood** The episode also revisits some of the materials that formed me more explicitly: worksheets from evangelical high school and college campus ministry that mapped gender roles onto the stories in Genesis, framing women as responders, helpers, and relational beings whose lives orbited men. At the time, I didn’t question these teachings. I internalized them and tried to live inside them. Looking back now, it’s painful—and clarifying—to see how narrow the imagination for women really was. And even for those who grew up in progressive religious spaces or non-religious spaces, we were shaped subconsciously by Disney narratives where women gave up their voices for love, and the biggest choice they had to make was which man they would marry. ### **A Political Awakening Before Deconstruction** Episode two closes with my journals from 2008—the year Barack Obama was first elected. I was a senior in college, newly aware that my political convictions didn’t line up neatly with the evangelical world I still belonged to. I revisit notes from a talk by Donald Miller on Obama’s behalf, and a journal entry written shortly after Election Day, when I felt deeply disappointed by James Dobson and Focus on the Family for publicly shaming young evangelicals who voted their conscience. I hadn’t deconstructed yet...that would come years later. But I can see now that something had shifted: I allowed myself to trust my own thinking. **Full episode video and transcript available below the paywall.** Next month, we’ll move into Chapter Three: **The Crisis of Theology**. ### Why I’m doing this *Breadcrumbs* is my humble attempt to map the path. To follow the trail. To honor the version of me who was doing her best with the tools she had. And if you’re someone who’s gone through massive change—faith change, identity change, marriage change, motherhood change—maybe you’ll recognize yourself in this too. Maybe it’ll help you hold your own past with a little more tenderness. Breadcrumbs is available to paid subscribers. Watch the full episode or read the transcript after the break! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### When Anger Became a Theological Question URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/when-anger-became-a-theological-question/ Last updated: 2026-02-02T18:36:30.000Z *"I’m dealing with a ton of anger. The more I learn about patriarchy and feminism, the angrier I become—and I hate being that stereotype of an ‘angry feminist.’ I’m trying to figure out how to acknowledge that anger, feel it, and work through it, so I can move toward a more peaceful internal space.”* I wrote those words in an email in May of 2020. We were deep in COVID lockdown, and I was carrying grief, exhaustion, and the hotly-burning anger that came from trying to fight for domestic equity in a world that still assumes women will absorb the impact. That was the first time I let myself *name* that tension to someone else. At the time, I thought the problem was my anger. What I didn’t yet understand was that my anger was asking a theological question. [Join the Wisdom Calls Cohort](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Reclaiming What Was Lost Five years before that email, I landed in San Diego in a community of women who held motherhood as sacred in a way I’d never experienced before. Many of these women were midwives, doulas, and lactation consultants. They trusted their bodies and honored their intuition. Most of them identified as feminists—but not the kind I’d been warned about in church. They weren’t rejecting faith or “women’s roles.” They were expanding what faith could hold and living their motherhood together in deep interdependence. One of them introduced me to the Divine Feminine. She never used male pronouns for God. She prayed simply, *“Mother God.”* At first, it unsettled me and felt almost heretical. But eventually, I started searching Scripture for myself. What I found surprised me. - The Spirit of God hovering and breathing life into creation (Genesis 1:2) - God depicted as a woman in labor, bringing forth life with pain and power (Deuteronomy 32:18) - Divine Wisdom personified as a woman, crying out in public places (Proverbs 8:1–2) - Jesus longing to gather people like a mother hen gathers her chicks (Luke 13:34) For centuries, Christianity has clung to the image of God as Father as if it were not one metaphor among many, but the only one that mattered. [Join the Wisdom Calls Cohort](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Why This Matters Now In recent years, we’ve watched the erosion of women’s, LGBTQ+, and non-white people’s rights in real time. Attacks on bodily autonomy. Rollbacks of legal protections. A resurgence of Christian nationalist rhetoric that frames domination as divine order. Too often, Christianity is used to justify that control, but the words of Jesus were never meant to shrink us. Lent has often been framed as a season of restriction—of self-denial, sacrifice, and silence. And for many women, that framing has only reinforced what we were already taught: that holiness requires disappearance. But what if Lent were a season of *reclaiming wholeness*? ## A Different Way Through Lent An intersectional feminist approach to Lent matters because: - We’ve been taught that self-sacrifice is holiness—but that sacrifice often serves someone else’s comfort or power. - We’ve inherited an image of God shaped by patriarchy, one that prioritizes obedience over wisdom and control over care. - We’ve been conditioned to distrust our intuition, our bodies, and our anger—when those are often the very places God is speaking. But Scripture tells a fuller story. A story where: - Wisdom is feminine and public. - Bodies are sacred sites of revelation. - Obedience is not holy if it costs integrity or life. - Resurrection is first proclaimed by a woman whose testimony institutions usually ignored. [Join the Wisdom Calls Cohort](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Why I Created the *Wisdom Calls* Cohort This is why I created the **Wisdom Calls Cohort**—a seven-week Lenten journey for women who are ready to examine not only what they believe, but how the images of God they carry are shaping the way they live, speak, care, and lead. Together, we’ll walk through Lent with curiosity and courage. We’ll uncover the Divine Feminine woven throughout Scripture, confront harmful theological narratives, and practice trusting wisdom as a spiritual discipline. This work is personal, theological, and culture-shifting. In this moment, theology shapes what we tolerate—and what we resist. ****February 18 through April 1** ****Live cohort calls every Wednesday (90 minutes on Zoom)** ****Marco Polo group for ongoing discussion** ****Spots are limited | Registration closes February 16** **Let's fast from patriarchy. Feast on Wisdom.** ### Wisdom Calls 2026: A Feminist Journey Through Lent URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/wisdom-calls-2026/ Last updated: 2026-01-26T18:15:21.000Z Many of us are entering this Lenten season dysregulated and weary: doomscrolling our way through cultural upheaval amidst our daily responsibilities that often feel like too much. For many women, that weariness is the cost of holding together systems that were never designed to sustain us. In the church calendar, Lent is a time of reflection, repentance, and renewal—a season for shedding old patterns and embracing something new. This year, as you enter this sacred season, what if you approached it as an invitation to rediscover the Divine Feminine within the Christian story—and within yourself—as a way of loosening the hold of patriarchal images that have shaped both our faith and our lives? This Lent, join me for the Wisdom Calls Cohort: - A seven-week virtual cohort from February 18-April 1 to help you to reimagine Lent as a season of feminine wisdom and to practice loosening your participation in patriarchal narratives that no longer give you life. - Six, 90 minute live cohort meetings on Zoom (Wednesdays, 5-6:30pm PST/8-9:30pm EST) - Marco Polo group chat for ongoing asynchronous discussion between Zoom meetings - Theological exploration, introspective discussions, and illuminating spiritual practices in a supportive community of women. [Click to Register!](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Wisdom Calls is for a nurturing space for you if you are ready to examine how the images of God you carry are shaping the way you live, speak, care, and lead. While not exclusively for those in official leadership positions, Wisdom Calls is a meaningful space for clergy women, chaplains, spiritual directors, mothers, and lay leaders who are guiding communities—formally or informally—while still tending their own questions. In this seven-week cohort, we’ll walk through Lent together with curiosity and courage. We’ll uncover often-overlooked feminine metaphors for God, examine the narratives that have shaped our theology and leadership, and reconnect with the wisdom of our intuition as a spiritual practice rather than a liability. Through theological exploration, embodied practices, shared reflection, and community, we’ll create space for real integration—letting go of harmful scripts and making room for a more just, expansive, and life-giving vision of God. This is not dismantling as discernment: noticing what we’ve been taught to protect, and choosing instead to align ourselves with our own reality. Whether you’re deconstructing inherited theology, leading a community through change, reconnecting with your intuition, or simply longing for spiritual renewal, this cohort is for you. Starting on February 18, I will be gathering with a small group of women once a week on Zoom to rediscover the Divine Feminine in the Christianity, the world, and yourself. Let's fast from patriarchy and feast on Wisdom. ### More Details: - This group will be limited to 10 women max. - The cost is $400, with a $50 discount for paid newsletter subscribers - Registration closes Monday, February 16. - *If church-related responsibilities prohibit you from joining on Ash Wednesday, please let me know and we may shift the first meeting to accommodate.* *Have questions? Scroll to the FAQ section below!* [Click to register!](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) --- ### **A preview of our weekly outline:** #### ****Week 1: An Invitation to the Journey** - Reflecting on Lent as a season of introspection and renewal, beginning our Lenten journey together - Discussing how cultural and historical factors have shaped traditional views of God and excluded the feminine. - Exploring our current “lenses” of God and imagining what might need to change. ****Lenten Focus:** What burdens or old beliefs are you carrying that no longer serve you? What might you release this season to make space for new insights? #### ****Week 2: God as Birthing Mother and Midwife** ****and the Holy Spirit as Femine** - Diving into feminine metaphors for God: the nurturing, birthing, and partnering aspects. - Discovering the longstanding tradition of seeing the Holy Spirit as the feminine expression of God. - Exploring the sacredness of women’s bodies and our connection to creation. ****Lenten Focus:** Reflecting on partnership with God—what does it mean to co-create with the Divine in your life? #### ****Week 3: The Female Personification of Wisdom and** Christ as Nurturer - Exploring Lady Wisdom in Scripture and Sophia in Greek tradition - Learning about the feminine imagery used by Jesus and Paul. - Seeing the connection between Wisdom and Christ ****Lenten Focus:** How can you embrace wisdom and intuition as spiritual practices this Lent? #### ****Week 4: Confronting Harmful Narratives** - Examining patriarchal, heteronormative white supremacy culture in dominant church US American culture and introducing the alternative approaches to faith. - Discussing how harmful systems have impacted perceptions of God, community, and ourselves. ****Lenten Focus:** What narratives or structures in your spiritual life need to be dismantled or reimagined this Lent? #### ****Week 5: Women’s Stories: Seeing Ourselves in the Bible** - Learning to read Scripture with an intersectional feminist, womanist, or other liberative lenses. - Highlighting overlooked or misunderstood women’s stories in the Bible, such as Hagar, Tamar, Deborah, Mary Magdalene, and Mary, the mother of Jesus. ****Lenten Focus:** What lessons from these women resonate with your own story? How does seeing their importance change your sense of worth? #### ****Week 6: Rest and Integration** - No Zoom meeting - Catch up on missed cohort call recordings - Work on creative response piece #### ****Week 7: Resurrection and Renewal** - Wrapping up the course with reflection and celebration. - Sharing response pieces from each participant. ****Lenten Focus:** As we move toward Easter, what does resurrection look like for you in terms of new insights, practices, or beliefs are you ready to carry forward into your life? [Registration is closed!](https://chelsea-kim-long.ghost.io/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **FAQ’s** #### ****When are the group meetings?** We will meet on Wednesdays from 5:00p-6:30p PST/ 8:00p-9:30p EST. ****Start:** Ash Wednesday, 2/18 **\*If church-related responsibilities prohibit you from joining on Ash Wednesday, please let me know and we may shift the first meeting to accommodate.* Wed, 2/25 Wed 3/4 Wed, 3/11 Wed 3/18 **NO CALL Wed 3/25 - catch up on missed cohort recordings and work on creative response project* ****End:** Wed, 4/1 #### ****What's the cost and how do I pay?** The cost is $400 per participant, or $350 for paid subscribers to my newsletter (email me for the discount code). [****Please click here and complete your payment to secure your spot. Limited spots are available!**](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi5kC736ejda7M56n0kE0g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) I believe in the transformative power of this course and have set the price to reflect the depth and value of the experience you’ll receive. However, I also understand that financial circumstances vary, and I am committed to making this course accessible to those who need it. If the cost of the course is a barrier for you, I offer a limited number of sliding scale spots and scholarships. Please don’t hesitate to reach out—I want to ensure that all who are interested have the opportunity to participate. Your journey matters, and I want to support you. If you have any questions about pricing or accessibility options, please contact me directly. #### ****How do I sign on?** I will send out a Google cal invite, and every week you will receive a reminder email with a link before the meeting starts to join us via Zoom. Please be prepared to be on video during our calls, to help increase our sense of embodiment and community. #### ****What if I have to miss a live session?** Each Zoom meeting will be recorded, and I will follow up each week with the link to the recording and any other materials (eg, slides) for you to catch up on. I will be available by email to answer any questions. Recordings will remain accessible for two weeks after the course ends to give everyone ample time to review and reflect. If you know you will have to miss one session, that's ok; but I wouldn't recommend signing up if you don't think you can't make 5 out of the 6 live sessions. #### ****Will there be lots of homework?** There will not be homework, but I will offer some questions for reflection throughout the week, whether you have capacity to write things down or just use them as food for thought! For our final meeting, I will ask you to come prepared to share some kind of creative response to what you’ve learned, whether that’s a written piece, a drawing, a collage...the sky is the limit and you get to choose how much time and effort you put into it. You won’t be graded or judged—it’s simply a personal expression of what resonated and how you’re integrating it. #### ****Do I have to believe something specific to be in this group?** Nope! All are welcome! We will be drawing from images of the Divine Feminine in the Bible, but this does not have to reflect your own personal belief system. As a Christian myself, I hold an interfaith perspective that values a variety of wisdom traditions and seek to offer insights from my own tradition. This space is not about dogma or doctrine, but about exploration and connection. #### ****What should I expect for the first cohort call?** Expect a warm, supportive environment where all feelings and experiences are welcome. In our first meeting we will introduce ourselves, discuss why we are here, what we hope to get out of our time together, and then dive in. Bring your skepticism and questions, your pain and your joy. Everything belongs in this space; you’re invited to bring your full self. #### ****What materials do I need?** All you need is a journal or notebook for reflections, a reliable internet connection and device to log on to Zoom, and an open heart! ### New Moon in Capricorn: Mary's Character Arc URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-capricorn-marys-character-arc/ Last updated: 2026-01-17T16:08:02.000Z Capricorn energy is grounded, ambitious, and disciplined. Ruled by Saturn, the planet of structure and responsibility, this earth sign values foundations: hard work, perseverance, and long-term success. Capricorn energy understands that meaningful things are built slowly. It encourages setting realistic goals and steadily working toward them with patience and determination. Capricorn is also deeply tied to themes of wisdom, tradition, and resilience. While it thrives in structure and accountability, it also invites us to balance achievement with rest and reflection. This energy encourages us to honor our commitments while staying attuned to our inner needs. The story of Mary, the mother of Jesus, reflects the disciplined and nurturing qualities of Capricorn. Mary's long-term devotion, responsibility, and role as a guiding force embody the strong Capricorn archetype. Mary has been studied, revered, flattened, and weaponized in countless ways. At times she’s been elevated beyond humanity; at others, reduced to a prop for submissive womanhood. I’m more interested in allowing her to exist as a whole person—a woman allowed a character arc in a world that rarely preserved women’s stories. Of course, Mary is famously a virgin. In the ancient world, women were seen as little more than property. The archetype of the Virgin has little to do with sexual status. It refers to an autonomous woman; a woman who isn’t required to answer to anybody. In a symbolic sense, Virgins contain a knowledge of themselves that can be seen by others, but never tainted, claimed, co-opted, or violated. They are self-contained and can choose to offer themselves to others. That interior strength feels deeply Capricorn to me. Luke 2:19 finds the virgin Mary, after the birth of Jesus, finding treasure in all the wild experiences and the prophecies spoken about her son. I love this little nugget of a verse. I imagine her sitting there, surrounded by chaos, but filled with the peace of a deep knowing–self-contained and choosing to hold the wonder close to her heart, just for herself. Yet Mary's certainty isn't without its complications. In Mark 3, even though she had received all of the prophecy about who Jesus would become, Mary and Jesus' siblings question his sanity. This moment matters to me because it doesn't cancel out her faithfulness. Discernment and arriving at clarity takes time. We know that eventually Jesus' family does come around, and Mary remains a faithful follower and leader of the early Christian movement. In John 19, Mary is at the foot of the cross and Jesus acknowledges her and puts her into chosen family with the beloved disciple. Lastly, we see Mary at Pentecost. In Acts 1:14, Mary is present when the Spirit descends. Many artistic traditions place her at the center of the scene, the Holy Spirit hovering above her in the form of a dove or a flame. Some have named her the Queen of Pentecost. I like to imagine that, after this, Mary was finally allowed to rest. That she had completed what was asked of her—not as a passive vessel, but as a discerning, enduring participant in God’s unfolding work. Creating a legacy that reverberates today. In Capricorn season we're invited to choose a long-term goal and commit to steadily building that legacy. The world is on fire right now, and I find myself tempted to distraction, trying to put out tiny fires all over the place and abandon the one I know that I'm meant to tend for the long haul. We can trust that when we keep showing up—grounded, discerning, and whole—what we carry will bear fruit in its own time. --- *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Capricorn:** Disciplined, responsible, ambitious, grounded, practical, patient, dependable, strategic, hardworking, wise, values structure and long-term success. **Low Side of Capricorn:** Rigid, pessimistic, controlling, workaholic, emotionally reserved, overly critical, status-obsessed, fearful of failure, struggles with vulnerability, can be overly serious. ## SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN CAPRICORN: **DWELLING IN YOUR SANCTUARY** ## [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/01/Dwelling-In-Your-Sanctuary.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/dwelling-in-your-sanctuary-guided-meditation/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/dwelling-in-your-sanctuary-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for January 2026 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-january-2026/ Last updated: 2026-01-15T14:15:55.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: ICYMI, [I just launched my 2026 Book Club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/), and I want you to join! Our first book is the book that was so influential for me that I literally titled my debut book after it: [The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780062573025?ref=chelseakimlong.com). I’m re-reading it now for the first time in 8 years and it’s still SO good. I cannot wait to discuss and read all year around these themes. [You can join any time this year by clicking here and signing up.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Outlawed by Anna North](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781635578249?ref=chelseakimlong.com) || This is my IRL book club book for this month. I’ve had it on my TBR for a while so I’m excited to finally dig into it! A feminist Western? Tell me more... 📚 Oldie but goodie: [Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781984825070?ref=chelseakimlong.com) || I read this in 2019 and it really helped me choose a dry 2020, and then again in 2024\. I still drink now, but definitely way more mindfully than prior to 2020\. I’m grateful! My 11 year old recently picked up QLAW when he saw it on my desk (I quote it in my FDD manuscript) and found all of the science about drinking in the early part of the book interesting. 📚 Seasonal read: Since it is January afterall, maybe you’re thinking about fresh goals. The book that had the biggest impact on how I see my time is [Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781250849359?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Seriously! Reading it is what got my butt into gear to start writing a book in 2021\. And here I am 5 years later, about to be published! 📚 Timely recommendation: We are in year A of the lectionary again, and I’m so happy because I already had a copy of [A Women’s Lectionary for the Whole Church Year A by Wil Gafney](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781640654747?ref=chelseakimlong.com) on my shelf. If you don’t yet, I highly recommend it both for church leaders and regular degular Christians! Dr. Gafney shares some of her own translation of the Scriptures, using gender-inclusive and female pronouns/names for God. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/01/Screenshot-2026-01-13-at-9.30.58---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2026?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs Episode 1: The Cost of Denying Yourself URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-episode-1-the-cost-of-denying-yourself/ Last updated: 2026-01-09T14:05:13.000Z Welcome to my new video series, Breadcrumbs! The idea is simple: each month, I’ll take one chapter from my upcoming book, *Faithfully Dissident Daughters* and share a few things from the cutting room floor—journal entries, behind-the-scenes stories, little moments that didn’t make it onto the page, and what I’m learning as I shape the final manuscript. This first episode is… pretty off the cuff. Unscripted. A little messy because honestly I don't have the time for perfection and I'm just going to let myself post it messy. Which feels like a nice counter-balance, honestly, because writing a book is the opposite of messy; it's extremely fine-tuned. ### Journals + conversations + the weirdness of memory As I’m in the some of the final edit stages of my manuscript, I've found myself asking my husband for feedback on scenes that involve both of us—especially birth stories and early marriage stuff—because memory is such a strange thing. It reminds me that writing your story isn’t just documenting facts. It’s telling the truth as you experienced it…while also holding how other people experienced it too. ### Revisiting the early days Chapter 1 of my book is called **“The Cost of Denying Yourself.”** It centers on my traumatic first birth. I wanted a natural, unmedicated birth, but I ended up laboring for three days and eventually had a C-section. That experience wasn't the catalyst for my deconstruction (reading [*Torn* by Justin Lee](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781546006909?ref=chelseakimlong.com) was!), but it was the beginning of me realizing that “holy” and “harmful” had gotten tangled together in my body. ![pregnancy countdown](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2026/01/imgi_3_37-baby-cross-process.jpg) 2014 Chelsea ### Bonus breadcrumbs: my high school list (lol) While I was digging through old notebooks, I found a list I wrote in high school of what I wanted in a future husband. And… it’s incredible. Equal parts sincere and hilarious. Reading it now is like meeting a younger version of myself and wanting to hug her and also be like, “Sweetie… you have no idea what you're doing.” The list is weirdly generic, and my husband hits every mark! I also found notes from a high school class on “Christian relationships.” The gender roles. The expectations. The very tidy formulas for how marriage was supposed to work. It was like discovering the blueprint that shaped my early understanding of marriage and spirituality more than I ever wanted to admit. ### Postpartum entries: gratitude and then… reality When I went back to my postpartum journaling, two entries stood out immediately. The first is pure gratitude—overwhelmed, reverent, trying so hard to be “the right kind” of new mom. And then not long after, the tone shifts. The second entry is honest in a different way: exhausted, scared, disoriented. I was unraveling, and my faith language didn’t quite fit what was happening inside my body. ### The beginning of “deconstruction,” before I had that word One of the earliest places I can see my faith beginning to shift is around LGBTQ+ inclusion. I found a journal entry from 2015 where I’m actively changing my mind in real time—trying to reconcile what I’d been taught with what love was asking of me. And it’s wild to read now, because I can see the courage it took for me to even write it down. That entry was a small peek into my understanding of what spirituality could be: less about certainty, more about integrity. ### Why I’m doing this *Breadcrumbs* is my humble attempt to map the path. To follow the trail. To honor the version of me who was doing her best with the tools she had. And if you’re someone who’s gone through massive change—faith change, identity change, marriage change, motherhood change—maybe you’ll recognize yourself in this too. Maybe it’ll help you hold your own past with a little more tenderness. Breadcrumbs is available to paid subscribers. Watch the full episode or read the transcript after the break! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Breadcrumbs and Book Club URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breadcrumbs-and-book-club/ Last updated: 2025-12-30T18:43:26.000Z I’m betting that since you’re reading this, you resonate with feeling in the middle of something: a faith shift, a life shift, a body shift, a “wait… do I even believe what I used to believe?” shift. Because it’s the start of a new year (and I’m feeling a little tender about it), I want to reintroduce myself and tell you what’s coming down the pipeline in 2026—so you know who’s writing to you, why I’m writing, and what you can expect when you open these emails. ## **Who I am (and why I’m worth listening to)** I’m Chelsea. I’m a writer, meditation teacher, and community-builder—and I spend most of my time working to help people who are disentangling faith from patriarchy and trying to build something true on the other side. I arrived here after 10 years of wrestling with God. Everything I share is because I first needed to hear it. I grew up with a version of Christianity that taught me to mistrust my body, my questions, and my inner knowing… and then I became a mom and realized I couldn’t pass that inheritance down. So I started doing the slow, painful work: unlearning, listening to myself, rebuilding, practicing. I’ve taught meditation since 2016\. I’ve facilitated support groups for women deconstructing for the past 3 years. Since 2019, I've co-led a small neighborhood faith community that’s been learning how to practice belonging for over a decade. And I’m writing my first book book ([*Faithfully Dissident Daughters*, coming September 2026 from Westminster John Knox Press](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/im-writing-a-book/)) about deconstruction, embodiment, motherhood, the Divine Feminine in Christianity, and what it looks like to reclaim Christian womanhood beyond patriarchy—without abandoning yourself in the process. I will never again be interested in certainty as a performance. I’m interested in honesty that might shatter your whole world, but at least you have a chance at being whole and free. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/12/-ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-82.jpg) ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Let’s explore Christianity outside of the patriarchy and become faithfully dissident together. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## **What you’ll keep getting here in 2026** Here’s what you can expect when you’re subscribed to Rebirth: - Language for what’s true: essays that help you name what you’re living through—faith transition, [grief](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-grief-guided-meditation/), anger, [belonging](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/examen-of-belonging/), becoming. - Embodied practices: [grounded meditations](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/self-compassionate-body-scan-guided-meditation/) and [reflections](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-scorpio/) that help you come back to your body as a place you can live. - A more expansive spiritual imagination: [inclusive prayer + liturgy](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/liturgies-and-faith-resources/), [feminist theology](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/august-2023/), and ways of relating to God that don’t require you to shrink. - Books + ideas worth chewing on: what I’m reading, what I’m learning, and what I think is worth keeping. - Invitations to gather and work more deeply with me: ways to practice this work in community, like [monthly book club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/) and [Soul Support Sessions](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/work-with-me/). - I'll wrap up my [new moon series](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-rituals/) in March and likely archive those posts, so if you want to save the worksheets, I recommend you take some time to do it now! ## **What's new for 2026** - [Faithfully Dissident Book Club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/): I'm excited; I hope you'll read with me! - Breadcrumbs: This will be a paid subscriber email; I'm trying a new format! As I prepare for the release of my book, I'll be sharing a monthly video series following the trail of my own becoming—reading old journals and reflecting on who I was, how I understood God then, what I needed, and what I know now. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/12/-ChelseaLongandAssociateFINAL-55.jpg) If you’re someone who still wants faith but can’t do patriarchy, who’s longing for an expansive spiritual path that allows space for all of you—you’re in the right place. I’d love for you to hit reply and tell me one thing you’re hoping for in 2026 or one question you keep circling; I read every response. It genuinely helps shape what I write. With you, Chelsea ## ### New Moon in Sagittarius: Hagar and the ability to see God URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-sagittarius/ Last updated: 2025-12-19T17:35:17.000Z Sagittarius energy is adventurous, philosophical, and freedom-loving. Ruled by Jupiter, the planet of expansion and abundance, this mutable fire sign is associated with optimism, curiosity, and the desire for exploration. Sagittarius is the seeker of truth, always on a quest for knowledge. It thrives on adventure, loves to travel, and cherishes independence. Sagittarius energy encourages us to expand our horizons, question beliefs, and embrace the joy of discovery. It’s also playful and enthusiastic, bringing lightheartedness to even the heaviest of topics. This energy asks us to dream big and live boldly, while also reminding us to remain grounded in our values and relationships. Hagar’s journey into the wilderness, both when fleeing Sarai and later when she is sent away with her son, embodies Sagittarius’ themes of resilience, survival, and faith. Hagar encounters God in the wilderness, where she names God *El Roi* ("the God who sees me"). Her story reflects Sagittarius' connection to expansive understanding, seeking hope even in isolation, and trusting in divine provision. --- *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Sagittarius:** Adventurous, optimistic, open-minded, philosophical, enthusiastic, freedom-loving, curious, wise, generous, visionary, loves to explore and expand horizons. **Low Side of Sagittarius:** Restless, reckless, impatient, blunt, commitment-avoidant, inconsistent, overly idealistic, tactless, distracted, struggles with follow-through. ## SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN SAGITTARIUS: WELCOMING FEAR [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/12/Welcoming-Fear--1-.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-fear-guided-meditation/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-fear-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for December 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-december-2025/ Last updated: 2025-12-15T14:10:07.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: The 2025 Year of Belonging has officially come to a close! You are the first to receive an invitation to next year’s book club: [the Faithfully Dissident Book Club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/). Our January book will be none other than *Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd*, the namesake for my book. [See the other 2026 book picks and sign up here!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithfully-dissident-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Famished: On Food, Sex, and Growing Up as a Good Girl by Anna Rollins](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780802884510?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This was just released last week and will definitely give you so much food for thought. 📚 Just finished: [Eternal Summer by Franziska Gansler](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781635425260?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | In all honesty, I picked this up because it’s the book club pick for this month for my local book store and I want to try and build a relationship with the book store. It was a semi-dystopian, intriguing read. I’m looking forward to discussing it. 📚 Seasonal read: If you’re still looking to pick up a good Advent season book, my favorite is [The First Advent in Palestine by Kelley Nikondeha](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798889838258?ref=chelseakimlong.com). 📚 Timely recommendation: [Nobody’s Girl by Virgina Roberts Giuffre](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593493120?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | Obviously a brutal read, but important. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/12/Screenshot-2025-12-11-at-4.23.48---AM.png) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### How to Survive the Holidays URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/how/ Last updated: 2025-11-26T15:22:49.000Z The holiday season is upon us. Maybe you’re anticipating moments of connection—or bracing for conflict. Maybe you’re feeling the weight of complicated relationships or wondering how you’ll show up when it feels like there’s no common ground. My Holiday Calm Kit helps you to navigate all situations with peace and presence. [Click to Buy the Holiday Calm Kit](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/holiday-calm-kit?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/11/Screenshot-2024-11-25-at-8.34.40-PM.png) Whether you lean into the mess or decide to step back, my hope is that you do so from a place of clarity and care for yourself and others. Maybe you’re in a season of faith deconstruction, or maybe you’re reimagining what it means to follow the teachings of Jesus. Perhaps you’ve left religion behind, but you still crave the depth and connection found in gathering with others. Wherever you are, this workbook is here to support you. It honors the full spectrum of what you might be carrying—your hopes, your hurts, your faith (or lack of it), and your longing to find belonging. As you move through these pages, you’re invited to reflect, prepare, and return to yourself—your inner light that no one can extinguish, no matter how messy things get. [Download the Holiday Calm Kit](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/holiday-calm-kit?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### New Moon in Scorpio: Rahab and the Intensity to Change Lineages URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-scorpio/ Last updated: 2025-11-18T14:05:23.000Z Scorpio, a fixed water sign, embodies endurance, emotional depth, and the power of transformation. Those born under its influence are marked by unwavering focus, profound intuition, and the ability to face the darkness in themselves and others with courage. At its highest expression, Scorpio channels passion and perception into healing and truth-seeking. At its lowest, its intensity can turn inward, manifesting as control, jealousy, or secrecy. Rahab’s story in the Book of Joshua mirrors this archetype perfectly—her daring act of faith transformed her legacy from woman on the margins to ancestor of redemption. Like Scorpio, Rahab teaches us that true power lies in embracing transformation and allowing intuition and courage to change the trajectory of generations. ### Rahab’s Story: The Book of Joshua tells the story of Israel’s entry into the Promised Land, led by Joshua after Moses’ death. It includes the conquest of Canaan and the fall of Jericho, which is where we meet Rahab. Joshua is a complicated book for the modern progressive Christian, as it portrays a seemingly genocidal god. [*The Women’s Bible Commentary*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780664237073?ref=chelseakimlong.com)brings forward the work of Robert Allen Warrior, a Native American scholar who points out that “in order to celebrate the strength of the conquering and delivering God of Joshua, the narrative erases evidence of Canaanite loss and pain.” The commentary continues: “Warrior’s comments clarify what is at stake for modern readers of the book of Joshua. If we ignore the worldview of the text, and the way that worldview is upheld by excluding other perspectives, we run the risk of maintaining structures of erasure that exist in the text and our modern world.” (1) Rahab’s story begins in Joshua 2, where she is described as a prostitute living in Jericho. In her book [*In the Beginning Were the Women*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780827216853?ref=chelseakimlong.com), Claire McKeever-Burgett adds nuance by imagining that Rahab chose the profession, rather than being forced into it, and that she is a wealthy and influential woman committed to community care. Whether she was a social outcast or a well-connected woman, when two Israelite spies arrive in the city, they enter her establishment. She tells them that her people have heard the tales of the Exodus and are afraid of the impending invasion. She believes that God has given them the land. Throughout history she has been lauded as a prophetess with knowledge from God, but in [*Womanist Midrash, Volume 2*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780664266011?ref=chelseakimlong.com), Wilda Gafney offers another perspective: “Perhaps Rahab knew that the fall of Jericho was inevitable through her own spy network, which was apparently much more reliable than that of the Israelites.” (2) She hides the spies from the king’s soldiers and asks them to spare her family during the coming invasion. They agree and tell her to hang a red cord from her window as a sign. In Joshua 6, her household is noted as the only one spared. Gafney notes that Rahab joins the line of women deliverers in Exodus—alongside Shiphrah and Puah (the midwives), [Miriam](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-cancer/), and Jochebed, the mother of Moses (3). ### Rahab and Scorpio: Rahab’s story and her character embody Scorpio's ability to hold space for intensity, complexity, and moral ambiguity. Despite her unconventional role, she is praised throughout scripture and both the Jewish and Christian traditions. She is remembered three times in the New Testament: - Matthew 1:5: In the genealogy of Jesus - Hebrews 11:31: In the hall of faith - James 2:25: She is praised for her actions of faith. The Matthew genealogy is notable because in a highly patriarchal time, it includes Rahab, a prostitute responsible for the welfare of her entire household, as well as a few other women, including [Ruth](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-taurus/). “These women represent the socially vulnerable,” the *Women’s Bible Commentary* writes, “and at the same time Matthew, following the Scriptures of Israel, empowers them.” (4) Although Rahab lied, her character traits are generally lauded in a variety of sources throughout history, and she is seen as a woman of valor (p111) Once again, she expands our vision for biblical womanhood. The commentary continues: > “These women...choose an Israelite affiliation, a choice that Matthew’s Gospel, with its interest in making disciples of all Gentiles/nations (28:19), commends...each \[woman\]—from a relatively powerless position—seeks justice not through violence but through cleverness.” Scorpio and Rahab invite us to go deeper; to channel our intensity into generational change. We can trust that our intuition as invitation to the beginning of liberation, not just for us, but for those who come after. Sources: (1): Carol A. Newsom, Sharon H. Ringe, and Jacqueline E. Lapsley, eds., *Women’s Bible Commentary*, 3rd ed. (Westminster John Knox Press, 2012), 63 (2): Wilda C. Gafney, *Womanist Midrash, Volume 2* (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2024), 64. (3): Gafney, *Womanist Midrash*, Volume 2, 63. (4) Newsom, *Women’s Bible Commentary*, 467. --- *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Scorpio:** Intense, intuitive, loyal, emotionally deep, transformative, courageous, passionate, perceptive, magnetic, resilient, seeks truth and authenticity. **Low Side of Scorpio:** Secretive, controlling, jealous, possessive, vengeful, obsessive, manipulative, mistrustful, emotionally volatile, prone to power struggles. ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN SCORPIO: TREASURES OF THE DARKNESS** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/11/Screenshot-2025-11-17-at-11.11.29---AM.png) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/treasures-of-the-darkness-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for November 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-november-2025/ Last updated: 2025-11-15T14:01:48.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: For our last book in the 2025 Year of Belonging, we are reading [What It Takes to Heal by Prentis Hemphill](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593596845?ref=chelseakimlong.com). This will be a nourishing read; I hope you’ll join us! 📚 In the middle of reading: Who would I be if I didn’t have a romance novel to recommend? I’m reading [Well, Actually by Mazey Eddings](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781250333315?ref=chelseakimlong.com) which was recommended by a friend. I’m torn because it’s second chance (which is my favorite trope) but also kind of enemies to lovers (which I don’t prefer). 📚 Just finished: [The Skies Are Full of Us by Sarah Carter and Corrine Shark](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780997064223?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This one has been LONG anticipated and it is such an impactful read. If you are into books where women share their deepest pain and the way they wrestled through to healing, plus a side of bestie and subtle Taylor Swift lyric insertion...this book is for you. 📚 Seasonal read: [Liturgies for Resisting Empire by Kat Armas](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781587436499?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | Kat is one of my favorite current theologians, and I have been waiting for this one to come out. I mean, come on with that title. Kat grounds us in biblical truth while providing visions of living out our Christian faith in these fraught times. 📚 Timely recommendation: [Nervous Systems by Sarah Billups](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781540904218?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | Another new release that I have been anticipating for months! She discusses anxiety in our bodies, in the church and in our politics, along with practices to hold space for and calm the anxiety. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/11/Screenshot-2025-11-11-at-5.48.43---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Libra: Abigail—Get You a Woman Who’s Both URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-libra-abigail-get-you-a-woman-whos-both/ Last updated: 2025-11-11T19:15:48.000Z Libra is an air sign, known for its graceful intellect, love of beauty, and dedication to harmony in relationships. Libra thrives in the realm of ideas, communication, and social connection—bringing a breath of fresh air to interactions with their light, thoughtful, and engaging presence. Libra is also a Cardinal sign, marking the beginning of autumn. Cardinal signs are initiators—they carry the spark of new beginnings and are known for their ability to launch fresh ideas and lead with dynamic vision. This gives Libra a unique blend of drive and diplomacy, capable of starting movements rooted in justice, balance, and collaboration. Ruled by Venus, the planet of love and aesthetics, Libra values art, peace, fairness, and beauty—in both the outer world and the inner life. Symbolized by the scales, Libra is constantly seeking equilibrium. Abigail, a woman whose story is told in 1 Samuel 25, reflects Libra’s essence. She is the only woman in the Bible described as intelligent and beautiful, reflecting a balance of qualities. Ruth Perry writes, “Abigail breaks the ancient patriarchal mold of being valued for her beauty and/or ability to bear sons. She is praised for her intellect and understanding, with the same language attributed to wise King Solomon, the priestly tribe, and the prophets Zechariah and Sherebiah!” ([source](https://thebeautifulkingdomwarriors.com/2020/05/29/her-fathers-joy-the-story-of-abigail?ref=chelseakimlong.com)). Abigail’s story, though brief, shines with Libra energy: diplomatic, creative thinking, and attuned to the balance between self and others. When we meet Abigail, David has been anointed king of Israel, but he is on the run from Saul. David sends messengers to Abigail’s husband, a wealthy man named Nabal (whose name literally means “fool”). David asks if Nabal will be his ally and send supplies to him and his men. Nabal refuses, and an enraged David vows to kill him. Abigail hears all of this and decides to defy her husband and bring the supplies herself, throwing herself at the mercy of David. She comes home to her drunken husband, and waits until the next morning to tell him what she has done. He suffers a stroke and ten days later, he dies. David offers Abigail marriage, and she accepts. Abigail’s story is complicated. She is a woman in a highly patriarchal society, caught between two powerful men who hold all of the power: her foolish, and likely abusive husband Nabal (as Wil Gafney suggests in *Womanist Midrash*), and the king-to-be, David, whose power comes from violence. And yet, it becomes apparent in the story that although she doesn’t retain *ultimate* power, she has agency. Abigail's power is revealed in verse 17, when the servants come to *her* to ask what they should do after Nabal refuses to give David the supplies. She acts swiftly, decisively, and gracefully—gathering gifts to bring to David herself, diffusing the conflict with tact and wise foresight. She appeals to his sense of justice and legacy to protect her household, again displaying Libra at its best: as a courageous bringer of peace. Abigail is a noteworthy model of biblical womanhood. She is not honored for her submission to her foolish husband, but for defying him and acting with wisdom to save herself. Furthermore, Heather Celoria writes that Abigail bears striking similarities to Jesus: - Riding a donkey - Presenting an offering for her husband’s sin - Speaking prophetic truth about David’s future kingdom - Washing the feet of David’s servants In this sense, she is not only a Libra archetype, but a feminine Christ figure ([source](https://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/abigail-old-testament-type-christ/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)). She brings peace through courageous, creative, and embodied action. **High Side of Libra:** Diplomatic, charming, fair-minded, gracious, social, aesthetically attuned, collaborative, balanced, peace-loving, thoughtful communicator, values harmony. **Low Side of Libra:** Indecisive, conflict-avoidant, people-pleasing, superficial, passive, overly dependent on others, image-conscious, inconsistent, struggles with boundaries, avoids discomfort. ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN LIBRA: PRACTICING PRESENCE** [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/10/Screenshot-2025-10-15-at-9.58.01---AM.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/practicing-presence-guided-meditation/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/practicing-presence-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for October 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-october-2025/ Last updated: 2025-10-15T13:01:04.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: For the year of belonging this month we are reading [*The Leavers* by Lisa Ko](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781616208042?ref=chelseakimlong.com). It’s a story of a boy whose mother disappears and is an examination of borders and belonging. I’m excited to dive in and discuss at the end of the month. Don’t forget, you can join us any time! [Click for more details.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [*As Long As You Need* by J.S. Park](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781400336845?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I’ve been listening to this one on grief by a hospital chaplain. He offers explanation and help with soul care during times of grief. 📚 Just finished: [*James* by Percival Everett](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780385550369?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This was my in-person book club book for last month and I thought it was fantastic. If you haven’t heard of it, it was a Pulitzer Prize winner, telling the story of Huck Finn from the perspective of Jim (James), the enslaved man. 📚Oldie but goodie: [*The Spiritual Child* by Dr. Lisa Miller](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781250033833?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I recently picked this back up because I’m quoting it in my manuscript and I’m also working on offering a workshop and workbook around some of the concepts in her book as it relates to parenting after deconstruction (if this sounds interesting to you, stay tuned! 📚 Timely recommendation: [*A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts: The Subtle, Insidious Nature of Spiritual Abuse and Life on the Other Side*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781957687629?ref=chelseakimlong.com) by Katherine Spearing || For anyone who felt like faith was used as a weapon, this book is for you. [Order your copy now](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781957687629?ref=chelseakimlong.com)! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/10/Screenshot-2025-10-14-at-10.54.31---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for September 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-september-2025/ Last updated: 2025-09-16T18:49:54.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: [How to Make Herself Agreeable to Everyone](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593595480?ref=chelseakimlong.com) by Cameron Russell. I’m excited to dive into this memoir about belonging to yourself in the midst of the fashion industry. We have three more months left for our 2025 Year of Belonging: [come read with us in September!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Sun House](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780316129374?ref=chelseakimlong.com) by David James Duncan | This book is 784 pages...😬but came highly recommended as funny and deep so I’m diving in. By “in the middle of” I mean I’ve read like 50 pages and my Kindle says I have 20 hours left, LOL 📚 Just finished: [Reclaiming Your Community: You Don’t Have to Move out of Your Neighborhood](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781523000296?ref=chelseakimlong.com) to Live in a Better One by Majora Carter | I’m going to visit my friend Majora in October and wanted to read about her neighborhood before getting to visit in person. If you care about community development or are worried about gentrification, READ THIS BOOK. She’s has such creative ideas and is so funny. I learned so much and laughed out loud several times. 📚 Seasonal read: [Financial Feminist: Overcome the Patriarchy's Bullsh\*t to Master Your Money and Build a Life You Love](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780063260269?ref=chelseakimlong.com) by Tori Dunlap | Tis the season to work on your money hangups. This was one of my big goals for this year, was to really dive into my relationship with money. I grew up a) believing it was wrong to have money and 2) believing that I wouldn’t have to think about making money. One of my favorite business coaches, Simone Grace Seol, emailed recently about how we should say no to billionaires but yes to millionaires. She wrote, “The question isn’t whether wealth is good or evil. The question is whether you're extracting from your community or strengthening it. Whether you are hoarding wealth or circulating it.” I’ve been working through my own issues with making enough money to feel financially stable and empowered. Anyways, Tori’s book was helpful!What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! 📚 Timely recommendation: [The Girl Who Baptized Herself](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593595008?ref=chelseakimlong.com) by Meggan Watterson | This BOOK! I read her previous book about Mary Magdalene years ago and remember being freaked out by it and \*not convinced.\* I’m sure if I read it now I’d resonate more with it, and that’s on growth and change. But I truly loved this one about a story called the Acts of Paul and Thecla that was written around the same time as most of the New Testament, but didn’t make it into the Bible. It gave me hope for a version of Christianity that doesn’t suppress women's voices and power. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/09/Screenshot-2025-09-16-at-11.44.46---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Virgo: Priscilla and the Ministry of Details URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-virgo-priscilla-and-the-ministry-of-details/ Last updated: 2025-08-22T15:12:00.000Z Virgo, ruled by Mercury, is an earth sign associated with meticulousness, service, and practicality. It represents the harvest time of the year, symbolizing a period of gathering, sorting, and refining. Virgos are known for their analytical minds, attention to detail, and a strong desire to be of help. They thrive in environments where they can bring order to chaos and take great satisfaction in completing tasks to the best of their abilities. Priscilla, mentioned in the New Testament alongside her husband Aquila, is a strong example of Virgo’s intellectual and service-oriented qualities. She was a tentmaker, like Paul, and played a significant role in the early Christian church. Priscilla is noted for her hospitality, teaching, and support of Paul’s ministry. She and Aquila are known for their careful teaching of Apollos, helping him understand the way of God more accurately (Acts 18:24-26). Priscilla’s actions demonstrate Virgo’s focus on detail, clarity in communication, and dedication to service. Virgo season, and back-to-school season, turns us toward the small, steady things like handwritten to-do lists, rhythms that actually work, and the satisfaction of a project turning out according to your vision. Virgo can get a bad rap, but this energy helps us gather, sort, and refine. Priscilla (aka Prisca) reminds us that service isn’t code for silence and being detail-oriented is a way to embody love. She shows up throughout the New Testament in partnership with her husband Aquila, crafting textiles, opening her home, and strengthening her church. Although I wish we knew more about her, the record we have lets us see more than a “helper.” Priscilla and Aquila had been kicked out of Rome and first met Paul in Corinth. According to[ the Wisdom Commentary on the book of Acts](https://amzn.to/45nLtGo?ref=chelseakimlong.com), “It is very likely that Prisca and Aquila had started a ‘house church,’ gathering Jews whom they encountered at their place of business or elsewhere and who were interested in hearing their message.” (p. 639) The arc of their ministry stretches from Corinth to Ephesus, a year and a half with Paul, then trusted enough to remain and teach. Paul writes about the community in their home as an *ekklesia* (Rom. 16:5). He names Prisca and Aquila as “fellow workers” (Rom. 16:3). They send greetings “with the church that meets in their house” (1 Cor. 16:19; cf. 2 Tim. 4:19). Prisca’s role is leadership with physical presence, the hospitable structure of four walls and a table. She stands as a teacher and a prominent leader. In Acts 18:24 Apollos arrives in Ephesus as a gifted and eloquent speaker, but Prisca and Aquila take him aside to instruct him in the Way of Jesus. It’s worth noting that the majority of the time that the pair is named, her name appears first. [The Wisdom Commentary](https://amzn.to/45nLtGo?ref=chelseakimlong.com) says, “It is Prisca who is the teacher. Luke tried putting her in second place \[in verse\] 18:2, but that attitude could not be maintained in view of her reputation. The couple work in tandem, and she takes the lead. Here we have a woman who is married and yet preeminent. She is a new model…the church in her house depicts what other such household communities should strive to be.” (p. 648) None of this should feel radical, but unfortunately it does, because women’s work is so often erased. Former Wheaton professor Gilbert Bilezikian once called it “the conspiracy of anonymity in the ancient church.” Writer Ruth Hoppin pressed even further in her book *Priscilla’s Letter*, which explores the possibility that Priscilla authored the book of Hebrews. Whether or not you think that’s true, the suggestion exposes something that we know so well: let the woman do the work, then make the woman invisible. Virgo energy has shadows that I know well: the inner critic can take over and a desire for order can cross the line into control. But Priscilla gives us a picture of the beautiful side: the church has a home because someone made a set the table. A student grows because someone was meticulous in teaching them. A partnership bears fruit because power is shared, not hoarded. Virgo shows us the power of faithfulness. Prisca’s name rose to the top of Paul’s list again and again, and the Spirit is still raising up this kind of leadership: the ministry of detail and the importance of steadfastness. Women have been creating the scaffolding for the Church for a very long time. May this season help us gather what nourishes, compost what doesn’t, and build rooms where love can breathe. **High Side of Virgo:** Analytical, detail-oriented, reliable, practical, methodical, hardworking, organized, precise, service-oriented, nurturing through helpfulness, values efficiency. **Low Side of Virgo:** Overcritical, perfectionistic, anxious, judgmental, overly focused on details, self-doubting, controlling, worry-prone, struggles with imperfection, can be dismissive of emotions. ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN VIRGO: SELF-COMPASSIONATE BODY SCAN** [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/08/Screenshot-2025-08-17-at-8.57.27---PM.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/self-compassionate-body-scan-guided-meditation/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/self-compassionate-body-scan-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for August 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-august-2025/ Last updated: 2025-08-09T13:05:49.000Z Work with me! [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/Screenshot-2025-07-14-at-7.20.09---AM.png)](https://drive.google.com/file/d/13eZNN%5FgYhvDjZCtYFRJnEjkZzvqxWm%5FZ/view?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com) Are you a creative, small business owner, church leader, or nonprofit director that needs help with content strategy? If showing up online feels more like pressure than purpose, you’re not alone. I’ve begun offering Content Audit & Strategy Consultation sessions. Together, we’ll clarify your voice, assess what’s working (and what’s not), and build a content approach that supports your goals and your capacity. Email me if you’re interested! Please pass along my info to anyone who you think could use help in this area. [Work with me ](https://drive.google.com/file/d/13eZNN%5FgYhvDjZCtYFRJnEjkZzvqxWm%5FZ/view?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: [The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780358062684?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I read this one many years ago and am excited to return to it. It explores the immigrant experience, the clash of cultures, the conflicts of assimilation, and the tangled ties between generations. [Come read with us for the Year of Belonging in August!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Olive Days by Jessica Elisheva Emerson](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781640096530?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This is a quiet novel about an Orthodox Jewish wife and mother in LA who undergoes an awakening of sorts. I’m really not sure how it will end, but I’m curious to find out! 📚 Just finished: [Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Bali Kaur Jaswal](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780062645111?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | The title is lol, and there is a bit of spice in the book, but this was just a really fun, creative read about a woman who gets hired to teach Punjabi widows basic literacy, but they end up writing their own spicy stories. 📚 Seasonal read: I’m not going to stop recommending second chance romance novels! My latest read was [The Summers Between Us by Noreen Nanja](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781039013001?ref=chelseakimlong.com). 📚 Timely recommendation: [Taking the State Out of the Body: A Guide to Embodied Resistance to Zionism by Eliana Rubin](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798887440620?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I haven’t started this one yet, but according to the description, “this book will equip you with the tools you need to move from rugged individualist models of self-help/preservation to liberatory frameworks of collective care and joint struggle.” I need this - don’t you, too? What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/08/Screenshot-2025-08-06-at-9.44.16---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Leo: Esther and the Fire of Discernment URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-leo-esther-and-the-fire-of-discernment/ Last updated: 2025-07-22T13:15:24.000Z Leo is a fire sign, known for its radiant energy, bold presence, and passionate spirit. Fire signs are fueled by creativity, courage, and a zest for life that often draws others toward their light. As a fixed sign, Leo brings consistency and strength, holding steady in the heart of summer. Fixed signs are known for their endurance, loyalty, and focus—qualities that allow Leo to lead with both heart and conviction. The story of Queen Esther in the Hebrew Scriptures reflects Leo’s regal strength and bravery. Her bold decision to risk her life for her people mirrors Leo’s courageous leadership and magnetic presence. Like a true lioness, Esther rises with grace and power when her community needs her most. The book of Esther is one of two books in the canonical Bible named after its leading female character (the other being [our girl Ruth](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-taurus/)). It uses irony and humor to dive into themes of power and lack of power, ethnic tensions and the threat of genocide, and the consequences of pride. The story of Esther is about the reversal of power, or as my friend, pastor Brenna Rubio calls it, “[The Big Flip](https://www.brennarubio.com/resources/p/esther-the-big-flip-sermon-series-guide-for-congregations-of-under-100?ref=chelseakimlong.com).” When we meet Esther, she is a female, Jewish orphan living in exile in a hostile empire. By the end of the story, she reaches the heights of power. I have an uneasy relationship with power, wealth and influence. I’ve always had a strong sense of discernment (aka low bullsh\*t tolerance). I could always spot an inauthenticity from a mile away, and I tend to steer clear of people who I perceive to have a big ego or tons of charisma. Over time, that discernment has started to turn a bit cynical; a general mistrust toward people who have power, money, and influence. I’m not entirely unjustified in this perspective. Studies have shown that people in higher socioeconomic brackets tend to demonstrate more entitlement, narcissism, and even dishonesty in pursuit of their own interests. Wealth can diminish empathy, especially toward those who are suffering ([source](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/04/does-wealth-rob-brain-compassion/618496/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)). I’ve started to make a shortlist of people who I perceive as achieving some level of success without seemingly abandoning morals because I need my subconscious to trust that this is still possible (Dolly Parton and Mister Rogers are on the list). As a woman raised in white evangelicalism, I was taught to trust male authority and to question myself. And I’ve watched so many of those men—Mark Driscoll, Carl Lentz, Jerry Falwell Jr., Bill Hybels—fall from grace in deeply harmful, hypocritical ways. They never had my best interest at heart. And my intuition knew it, even then. Yet so many of us were conditioned to distrust our intuition and to follow orders, not our instincts. This is why Esther’s story matters. She doesn’t speak until chapter 4, when her cousin and guardian Mordecai urges her to act on behalf of her people. In this chapter we see her moving from a passive character shaped by other’s choices into “the chief actor and controller of events.” According to the Women’s Bible Commentary, “We witness Esther successfully manipulating the power structures of the Persian Empire, using the tools that are available to her to achieve her goals.” Even in a system designed to silence her, she finds a way to lead. (p. 205, [source](https://bookshop.org/p/books/women-s-bible-commentary-carol-a-newsom/12782659?ean=9780664237073&utm%5Fsource=google&utm%5Fmedium=pmax&utm%5Fcampaign=gift%5Fcards&utm%5Fcontent=6443417794&gad%5Fsource=1&gad%5Fcampaignid=16235479093&gbraid=0AAAAACfld43cnlPU-BiRvjkliu8b1ndZD&gclid=CjwKCAjw4efDBhATEiwAaDBpbhEmd2dEo7esjgPQtaJ7B3YHeHu1JFjBcakxUDEBKTj127uTwCcf1hoCeH8QAvD%5FBwE)) The book of Esther lacks any direct mention of God—except, a hint, in the phrase: “And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). It’s a powerful reminder that human intuition and action can become the holy work of God. Esther is a model for anyone in minority status under empire—those navigating unjust systems with limited tools and dangerous consequences. Her story is about discernment, timing, courage, and risk. As Brenna Rubio writes: “The media talk about fascism and oligarchy; we recognize bullying when we see it. We know it’s not right for a small group to keep making their own lives better at the expense of so many others, and with particular cruelty toward the least of these. So we ask ourselves—what does love, what does justice ask of us in this moment?” ([source](https://open.substack.com/pub/bigflipspirituality/p/queen-esther-and-me?r=3oltm&selection=3c90433e-16f0-42ae-b85e-6b8bb66e2b97&utm%5Fcampaign=post-share-selection&utm%5Fmedium=web&aspectRatio=instagram&textColor=%23ffffff)) This Leo season, reflect on how we use our influence, money, power, and fire. How do we speak up without becoming the very thing we’ve come to resist? How do we lead without domination? How do we trust that we’re going to represent our highest values when we walk into rooms we haven’t yet had access to? Esther’s fire reminds us that courage can stand still, steady and patient until we know the right moment to speak. And when that moment comes, we do not shrink. We rise on behalf of ourselves and those whose voices are yet to be heard. *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Leo:** Confident, generous, passionate, expressive, courageous, warm-hearted, inspiring, loyal, creative, natural leader, brings light and energy to others. **Low Side of Leo:** Arrogant, attention-seeking, stubborn, overly proud, dramatic, controlling, self-centered, easily wounded ego, craves validation, struggles to share the spotlight. ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN LEO: The Gap Between Who I Was and Who I Am** [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/Screenshot-2025-07-21-at-3.29.03---AM.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-gap-between-who-i-was-and-who-i-am-guided-meditation/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-gap-between-who-i-was-and-who-i-am-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for July 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-july-2025/ Last updated: 2025-07-14T14:22:32.000Z Work with me! [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/Screenshot-2025-07-14-at-7.20.09---AM.png)](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-IefoSVsKtiln7FoeVk8wjJD5LdoeFii/view?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com) Are you a creative, small business owner, church leader, or nonprofit director that needs help with content strategy? If showing up online feels more like pressure than purpose, you’re not alone. I’ve begun offering Content Audit & Strategy Consultation sessions. Together, we’ll clarify your voice, assess what’s working (and what’s not), and build a content approach that supports your goals and your capacity. Email me if you’re interested! Please pass along my info to anyone who you think could use help in this area. [Learn more ](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-IefoSVsKtiln7FoeVk8wjJD5LdoeFii/view?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: We're reading [*In the House of Me: A Path From Self-Abandonment To Self-Reclamation Through A Practice Of Embodied Consent*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798987989043?ref=chelseakimlong.com)by Mel Gentry Bosna this month in the Year of Belonging. I’m excited to see how our discussion later this month will go because we haven’t read a book like this yet...[want to join us?](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging-book-club/) 📚 In the middle of reading: [*Pride* by Ibi Zoboi](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781432879105?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | Earlier this year my local book club read [Soniah Kamal’s *Unmarriageable*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780525486480?ref=chelseakimlong.com), which was a Pride and Prejudice retelling set in Pakistan, and this month we’re reading a retelling set in Brooklyn. I enjoy reading a new take on a familiar story! 📚 Just finished: [*One Golden Summer* by Carley Fortune](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593638910?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I have to confess that I haven’t liked her other books nearly as much as [Every Summer After](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593438534?ref=chelseakimlong.com). And that’s ok, I just know that about myself now. Do you have any recs for good second chance romance novels? 📚 Seasonal read: It’s summer, so if you’re looking for something light, try out [*There’s Nothing Like This* by Kevin Evers](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9798892790178?ref=chelseakimlong.com). It’s about the business genius of Taylor Swift. I really enjoyed the trip down memory lane to past eras, and there were also some insightful nuggets I took away! 📚 Timely recommendation: I recently heard the most beautiful song called [Jesus and John Wayne](https://open.spotify.com/track/6okV8XV4EFSxpVnP0zM2vF?si=701afd7b1bac4d61&ref=chelseakimlong.com) and it reminded me of [the book with the same title](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781631499050?ref=chelseakimlong.com) by Kristin Kobez Dumes. It’s been out for 5 years, and I didn’t read it till last year. If you haven’t read it, take this as your sign to read it. You might throw it across the room, and you’ll probably have to take some breaks (I definitely d9d—use the meditation I linked below to reset emotionally!), but it’s a worthy use of your time. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/07/Screenshot-2025-07-13-at-9.45.19---PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Cancer: Miriam and the Waters of Belonging URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-cancer/ Last updated: 2025-06-23T13:55:11.000Z Cancer is a water sign, known for its emotional intelligence, fierce loyalty, and nurturing instincts. Ruled by the Moon, Cancer carries the wisdom of tides and memory. Water signs are intuitive and empathetic, often feeling the undercurrents of situations before they are spoken aloud. This emotional depth and devotion to belonging often make Cancer the keeper of family stories and safe spaces. Cancer is also a Cardinal sign, marking the beginning of the season of summer. Cancer doesn’t just feel deeply; it initiates transformation through love, leading with the heart through courage and connection. In the biblical story of Miriam, sister of Moses, found in the book of Exodus, we find an embodiment of the strength of a Cancer: emotionally attuned, fiercely protective, and profoundly connected to water as both symbol and source. Like a Cancer, Miriam appears again and again near water—ushering in new beginnings, offering protection, and anchoring collective memory. Her name means “bitter water woman,” and her story is filled with the ache and beauty of what it means to carry leadership within a suffering community. She is the first woman in the Bible named as a prophet and her name appears in more biblical books than any other woman, indicating her importance to the narrative1. We meet her first as a child, where her cleverness and courage secure her brother’s safety as well as preserve her mother’s continued presence in his life. Many decades later, we see her lead a song in Exodus 15, after the miraculous crossing of the Red Sea. Many scholars believe it is *her* song, even though it’s traditionally ascribed to Moses. This “Song of the Sea” is the oldest recorded piece of poetry in the Bible, and it is led by a woman with tambourine in hand and liberation in her voice. Interestingly, in Numbers 20, Miriam dies—and the people immediately cry out that there is no water. Rabbinic tradition tells us that Miriam’s presence *was* the well—that the community’s source of water dried up with her death. Dr. Wilda Gafney writes, “When she died, they lost the well along with her.” Her loss is collective. She had been holding sacred, vital, and nourishing space for the community. And perhaps like many women, her value was most deeply felt in her absence. Yet her legacy lingers. In Micah 6:4, God reminds the people, “I sent Moses to lead you, and also Aaron and Miriam.” She is named *equally* alongside her brothers, a leader in her own right. Her story invites us to consider that leadership from within is just as valuable as leadership from the front. As Kelley Nikondeha writes in *Defiant*, “We are all Miriam’s descendants with work to do, songs to sing, and liberation to practice until every Pharaoh is dethroned and every captive set free. Women are not the soft side of church work...We are called to be Exodus strong and to work alongside men to set people on both sides of the Nile free from slavery, complicity, and all manner of injustice.” Cancer’s energy is not passive or sentimental. It tends the flame of freedom and walks beside the wounded, holding the stories, the water, and the hope. To live in the spirit of Miriam—and in the strength of Cancer—is to lead with the heart and to know that the tenderness of emotions is not a weakness, but a wellspring. 1: [Womanist Midrash, Wilda Gafney](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780664239039?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 2: [Defiant, Kelley Nikondeha](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780802864291?ref=chelseakimlong.com) *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Cancer:** Nurturing, intuitive, loyal, empathetic, emotionally intelligent, protective, compassionate, imaginative, deeply caring, creates a sense of home and belonging. **Low Side of Cancer:** Moody, overly sensitive, withdrawn, clingy, passive-aggressive, avoidant of change, emotionally reactive, stuck in the past, overly self-protective, prone to resentment. ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN CANCER: Seeing with the Eye of the Heart** [![Seeing with the eye of the heart guide sheet](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/06/Screenshot-2025-06-15-at-5.51.42---PM.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/seeing-with-the-eye-of-the-heart/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/seeing-with-the-eye-of-the-heart/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### I'm Writing a Book URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/im-writing-a-book/ Last updated: 2025-06-22T14:43:12.000Z About a week ago I sent out my normal [mid-month email](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-june-2025/). About an hour later I got a text message from one of my oldest friends congratulating me for signing a book contract. She's not very active on social media, and hadn't seen my [announcement post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/DJZddTCJwYz/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). So consider this my official newsletter subscriber announcement: I get to write the book I desperately needed between 2015 and 2020, when I was painfully rebuilding my identity as a Christian woman from the ground up. I needed to know that there was another way to be a faithful Christian outside of the restrictions that I felt within patriarchal religious structures. I did eventually come to a new understanding of the world and myself, cultivating self-compassion, and learning to embody my Christian faith in a wildly different way than I was raised. In 2021, I decided to write a memoir. I quit a toxic job with no real plan. In 2022, I stepped into a new role with Parish Collective that began to heal my church hurt and remind me of my place with other Christians outside of my neighborhood faith community. That year I also wrote a 55,000 word manuscript about my simultaneous deconstruction and reproductive journeys (and also got back into therapy to process all of that). My dear friends [Erin](https://www.erinleeperkins.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and Marissa served as my primary readers of those raw words on the page. In 2023 I wrote a book proposal for my memoir. Several friends in the publishing industry generously looked at it and helped me improve it (special thanks to [Sarah Carter](https://www.instagram.com/heysarahcarter/?hl=en&ref=chelseakimlong.com) and [Shannan Martin](https://www.shannanmartin.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)). Eventually, I learned that memoirs are nearly impossible to sell unless you’re famous or tragic, so I pivoted. (RIP *Meeting the Mother: On Being Born Again Into the Feminine Heart of God*, writing you was very therapeutic for me, and honestly, you *are* perfectly tragic). In 2023 I started coming into my identity as a lay theologian and neighborhood pastor and I rewrote the proposal with the help of [Gemma Hartley](https://www.gemmahartley.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and [Shannan Evans](https://www.shannonkevans.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), focusing on the larger theological, cultural and other systemic issues beneath my story. Last October I signed with my agent [Morgan](https://www.morganstrehlow.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), and in February she started sending it to editors. In March I had calls to discuss the proposal with editors at two publishing houses, and in April I got an offer from Jessica at [Westminster John Knox](https://www.wjkbooks.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). In early May I signed the contract and got to writing! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/06/announcement-blue.jpg) As of this morning I'm 25,000 words deep into my new manuscript and so thrilled that I get to write this book. It's set to publish in September 2026\. I solemnly swear to keep you in the loop, dear newsletter subscriber, and offer you news FIRST next time. ### 5 Books for June 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-june-2025/ Last updated: 2025-06-14T13:15:28.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: [The Overstory by Richard Powers](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780393356687?ref=chelseakimlong.com) || Listen, I love this book. I can count on one hand the number of books that I have re-read and this is one of them. Also, it’s long. But the writing is so enchanting, and the themes are so important. I cannot wait to discuss this with my Year of Belonging folks at the end of this month. [There’s still time to join us!](http://theyearofbelonging.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 📚 In the middle of reading: [Heartbreak Is the National Anthem: How Taylor Swift Reinvented Pop Music by Rob Sheffield](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780063351318?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | I saw this on the “new” shelf at my library and grabbed it. I’m finding the author to be a bit annoying, however, I am enjoying a walk down memory lane of deep cut Taylor lore. It has sent me to Google more than once to watch old performances and truly marvel at the way she was able to improve her vocal presence and delivery. Masterful. 📚 Just finished: [The Wedding People by Alison Espach](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781250899576?ref=chelseakimlong.com) || I tend to avoid books that have a “Read with \_\_\_\_\_” sticker on them. That probably makes me a snob, but I always feel like, well, that author is getting a lot of people to read their book, they don’t need me. Nevertheless, my local book club chose this one and I read it and it was fine. 📚 Seasonal read: [Every Summer After by Carley Fortune](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780593438534?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This is also on my short list of books that I have re-read. It’s just lovely and if you’re into moderately spicy second chance romance, you’ll like it. It’ll make you feel 16 again with your first love. 📚 Timely recommendation: This is a bit of a throwback, but if you find yourself still frustrated and confused that so many Christians seem okay with racist policies (see the news regarding ICE raids and LA protests), read the [Color of Compromise by Jemar Tisby](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780310113607?ref=chelseakimlong.com). I returned to it recently to cite it in my manuscript and it lays out the history of racism within white evangelicalism from the past until today. What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/06/Screenshot-2025-06-13-at-6.30.57---AM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Click to visit my 2025 list on Bookshop _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Reclaiming Space for the Divine Feminine: A Summer Solstice Workshop URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/divine-feminine-summer-solstice-workshop/ Last updated: 2025-06-02T22:25:16.000Z The summer solstice is the longest day of the year—a day unmistakably ruled by the sun, which has long been a symbol of the masculine. For centuries, Christian theology has centered that same kind of presence in God: strong, dominant, Father. But if we listen to nature, we know that the solstice isn’t the whole story. Yes, it marks the high point of light, but it's also the turning point, the beginning of a slow return to the dark. The Divine Feminine endures there, represented by the moon. She waits in the shadows, in the silence, in the sacred spaces we’ve forgotten to celebrate. This summer solstice, I invite you to join me in reclaiming space for the Divine Feminine: the face of God that has always been there, but rarely acknowledged. *God as Mother, the Spirit as feminine, and Christ as nurturer.* [Join me Friday June 20th at 10am PST/1pm EST](https://buy.stripe.com/14AcN41IMejdcfU6ar0kE0c?ref=chelseakimlong.com) For the very first time, I'm opening up this offering to bring men and women together in a learning and community experience. Whether you're reconnecting with your own experience of the feminine, reimagining God through a post-evangelical lens, or simply longing for something more whole, this space is for you. I've taught this workshop twice in person and many people asked for a way to access it online, so I’ve created this digital version: **a one-hour live workshop on Zoom (replay available if you can't join live) + an optional month-long virtual support circle** to help you go process and integrate, wherever you are. ### **What We'll Explore** Through scripture, theological reflection, discussion, and meditation, we’ll explore: - The **feminine imagery for God** found throughout the Bible - The wisdom of Christian voices throughout church history who spoke of God as Mother, the Spirit as feminine, and Christ as Wisdom incarnate - Your questions and concerns around seeing God in the feminine - A **guided meditation** to help you experience the breath, presence, and tenderness of a God who nurtures, holds, and empowers This is not about replacing God the Father. It’s about **rebalancing our image of the Divine**, so that our faith—and our lives—can become more whole. [Register now for the live workshop](https://buy.stripe.com/14AcN41IMejdcfU6ar0kE0c?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **Who This Is For** This workshop is open to everyone: - Those raised in patriarchal religious traditions, navigating faith shifts or deconstruction - Women who long to see themselves reflected in the Divine - Men who are ready to expand their image of God - Queer folks who’ve been told there's no place for their bodies, identities, or ways of knowing in the story of God - Pastors, lay leaders, and spiritual guides An interesting thing happens when we start to notice the Divine Feminine through Scripture. *It opens up space for people all along the gender spectrum.* Whether you’ve longed for a God who looks more like you, or you simply want to explore a more full picture of who God is, this is your invitation. ### **Why This Matters Now** Our faith communities are aching for something more whole. We need space to be human and to heal through honesty about our life experiences. If you’re a pastor, a spiritual guide, or someone holding space for others—you already know this. Reclaiming the Divine Feminine in Christianity is about recovering the parts of God and ourselves that patriarchy told us to ignore. Now is the time to speak a fuller truth and imagine God more completely. ### **A Note to Male Pastors (Former and Current) or Spiritual Leaders** Many of us inherited a version of God and leadership that centers male dominance, authority, and certainty. But scripture also speaks of a God whose strength is expressed through **compassion, presence, and wisdom**. If you’re guiding others through faith deconstruction or longing for more expansive, embodied ways to speak of the Divine, this workshop offers theological depth, scriptural grounding, and spiritual imagination. **You are welcome here.** ### **Event Details** **Live Workshop → $25** Friday, June 20, 10am PST/1pm EST 60 minutes live on Zoom (Replay link to be sent after the workshop, available for 2 weeks) [Register now for the live workshop](https://buy.stripe.com/14AcN41IMejdcfU6ar0kE0c?ref=chelseakimlong.com) **Add-On: Month-Long Support Circle → $50 additional** Four weeks of ongoing reflection, connection, and integration See more details below! [Register for Workshop and Support Circle](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi28q0EIcb55Rw0Q70kE0e?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### What You’ll Gain - An overview of the Divine Feminine in Christian scripture and tradition - The beginnings of a more **compassionate relationship with yourself, others, and the Divine** - A guided meditation to revisit when you need grounding - Permission to use language and imagery for God that affirms all gender expressions [Register now for the live workshop](https://buy.stripe.com/14AcN41IMejdcfU6ar0kE0c?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **The Support Circle: A Deeper Journey** The workshop opens a door. The **Support Circle** invites you to **walk through it gently, in community, and on your own time.** This month-long experience is designed for those who want to go deeper—**to ask questions, process, integrate, and embody** the truths of the Divine Feminine in a spacious, soul-nourishing way. [Register for Workshop and Support Circle](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi28q0EIcb55Rw0Q70kE0e?ref=chelseakimlong.com) **What’s Included:** - **A Private Marco Polo Group (4 Weeks, June 20-July 18):** Throughout the 4 weeks you’ll receive video messages from Chelsea with reflections, prompts, or embodied practices to carry with you. Marco Polo lets us connect without the pressure of showing up at a specific time. You can listen in the car, on a walk, or with your morning coffee and respond when you’re ready. - **Ongoing Asynchronous Sharing:** Share your own reflections or questions on your own time. Listen and respond in a way that fits your rhythm. No live calls. No pressure. This space is open to all genders and designed for *gentle, meaningful conversation.* This space is for you if you want more time to reflect on the Divine Feminine and what it brings up for you in a safe, spacious container. - **Themes for Reflection:** Everyone brings their own story to this circle, so what unfolds will be uniquely yours. You may find yourself exploring new sacred images of God that once felt off-limits. You may begin to heal from inherited ideas about gender, power, or worth. You might name the harm of patriarchal theology and find language that sets you free. You may learn to trust your body or intuition again—or begin to witness that unfolding in others. This is a space for letting go of fear and moving toward a more compassionate, expansive faith. This is a space for transformation through *presence, reflection, and shared wisdom.* Space is limited to allow for a close and connected support circle. Early registration encouraged. [Register for Workshop and Support Circle](https://buy.stripe.com/cNi28q0EIcb55Rw0Q70kE0e?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Testimonials from past participants... "The best word I can come up with to describe it is ***expansion***. I have broadened my concept of God (and self), and it was really healing" - Mary O. "I loved the feeling of **being in a safe space*.*" - Jenn "I didn't know what to expect from this group, and I ended up thoroughly enjoying it. I loved hearing from the other women, ***such wisdom and helpful insight*** and ***knowing I’m not alone*** in my experiences, doubts, anxieties. Thank you so much for facilitating and contributing so much knowledge, Chelsea!" - Dani ### New Moon in Gemini: Mary and Martha, Women Who Contain Multitudes URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-gemini/ Last updated: 2025-05-23T16:40:53.000Z Gemini is an air sign, known for its playful pursuit of gaining knowledge, creating connection, and paving new pathways. Gemini is represented by the image of twins and likes to see all sides of the situation. Air signs are characterized by their intellectual, communicative, and social nature. This reflects the light and dynamic essence of their elemental influence. Overall, these signs tend to excel in the realms of ideas, relationships, and innovation, bringing a breath of fresh air to their interactions and thought processes. Gemini is also a Mutable sign, falling at the end of spring. Their energy anticipates movement and change, and they tend to be more flexible and adaptable to the changing world around them. The story of Mary and Martha, as depicted in Luke 10:38-42, offers a glimpse into the both/and nature of Gemini. Mary's contemplative nature and Martha's practicality highlight the balance between intellect and action, a characteristic trait of Gemini. But common interpretations push us into a duality, rather than allowing us to hold the tension of the many roles women inhabit. In the short story, Jesus is at the home of two sisters, Martha and Mary. Martha is fretting, distracted by some details (*not, as is often remembered, in the kitchen–we'll come back to this later*). Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, hearing his teaching. Martha appeals to Jesus to tell Mary to come and help her, and Jesus famously says, "Mary has chosen the better part." This story has often been interpreted as a net positive for women, as Jesus seems to be freeing them from the role of "staying in the kitchen," and providing space for women to pursue intellectual and spiritual formation. As a theologian myself, I have been happy to have this story where Jesus affirms this calling for women. On deeper inspection of the text, however, something else is happening. Nowhere in the text does it explicitly say that Martha is preparing a meal. Some translations read: "Martha was distracted by much serving." The truth is, both Mary and Martha were disciples. Martha was likely one of the wealthy women who supported Jesus' ministry. Against the norms of the day, Martha was a female head of her own home, and because of her wealth, she likely would have had servants to perform domestic labor. The original Greek word here is *diakonia*—often translated as “serving,” but more accurately understood as “ministry.” It’s the same root word used for “deacon,” someone who held leadership in the early church. And even if Martha was preparing and serving a meal, according to the Wisdom Commentary on Luke, "Attending at table in early Christian circles is often a form of religious leadership rather than a servile task... Jesus engaged in *diakonia* in the last supper with his disciples." There are many interesting things to notice in this text. Mary is passive, not speaking at all. Jesus repeats Martha's name twice, a rarity in scripture that indicates emotional closeness. When thinking about our common interpretations of this text, I resent the fact that, once again, women are pitted against each other. How many times have you heard a sermon telling you to *be a Mary in a Martha world?* We’re told we must choose: Be the reflective one or the responsible one. The mystic or the manager. But isn’t that the very tension most of us live in every day, holding sacred space while holding everything else together? Feminism is meant to celebrate every woman's right to choose how she spends her time and what roles she pursues. Yet women are constantly confronted with dualism. This Gemini season, what would it look like to stop choosing sides within yourself? What if Mary and Martha aren’t a binary, but a blueprint for wholeness? Women contain multitudes; it's time that we stop judging ourselves for that. *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Gemini:** Curious, witty, adaptable, expressive, quick-thinking, playful, engaging, good communicator, connector of ideas, mentally agile. **Low Side of Gemini:** Scattered, superficial, anxious, inconsistent, avoidant, emotionally detached, overstimulated, unreliable, overthinking. ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN GEMINI: Harvesting Wisdom from Doubt** [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/05/Screenshot-2025-05-18-at-9.17.50-PM.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/harvesting-wisdom-from-doubt-guided-meditation/) [Click to read more about the meditation and access the guide sheet.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/harvesting-wisdom-from-doubt-guided-meditation/) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for May 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-may-2025/ Last updated: 2025-05-15T13:15:26.000Z ## 5 Books... 📚 Book club read: [Orlando by Virginia Woolf](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780156701600?ref=chelseakimlong.com). According to the internet, this is Virginia Woolf's “most unusual creation, a fantastical biography as well as a funny, exuberant romp through history that examines the true nature of sexuality.” I've just started it, and you can consider me intrigued... [Learn more and join us: theyearofbelonging.com](http://theyearofbelonging.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 📚 In the middle of reading: [The Madonna Secret by Sophie Strand](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781591434672?ref=chelseakimlong.com). I was recently in a group of newer friends and someone asked what we were all reading. I confessed that I’m reading a book that is peak me, which is this book. It’s an imaginative (fiction) retelling of the relationship between Mary Magdalene and Jesus. I’m into it, and it’s also REALLY LONG. I’m like, a third of the way through and my Kindle is telling me I still have 8 hours left. So the jury is out but ask me about it again in a couple weeks to see if I recommend it! 📚 Just finished: [Sandwich: A Novel by Catherine Newman](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780063345164?ref=chelseakimlong.com), which truly was a snack; a super quick read for me. Surprisingly enjoyable read about a menopausal woman caught between caring for her young adult children and aging parents, with a lot of humor and a wonderful dose of poignancy. Pick it up for a beach vacation, for sure. 📚 Seasonal read: [Hope in the Dark by Rebecca Solnit](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781608465767?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | Are you familiar with her work? She feels like the type of person that I should have read by now, and in all honesty, I’ve had this audiobook on my Libby app for a bit and haven’t started it. Will this be the time that I actually do? 📚 Timely recommendation: [Faith Unleavened: The Wilderness Between Trayvon Martin & George Floyd by Tamice Spencer-Helms](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781735833729?ref=chelseakimlong.com) | This is timely for me because I finally got to meet Tamice in person at the Post Evangelical Collective gathering last week. I feel so connected to and inspired by Tamice’s work, and they are working on their next book, so the time is now to catch up on their debut. I just bought it on Kindle, who wants to read with me? What are you reading? Have you read any of these? I'd love to hear back from you; just hit reply! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/05/Screenshot-2025-05-13-at-4.09.52-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/books-i-read-2025?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Click to visit my 2025 list on Bookshop _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Taurus: Ruth, a Loyal Agent of Her Own History and the History of Israel URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-taurus/ Last updated: 2025-05-13T22:08:04.000Z Taurus is an earth sign, known for its deep connection to beauty, stability, and the creation of both inner and outer sanctuaries. Earth signs are typically grounded, practical, and patient—rooted in the tangible aspects of life. As a fixed sign, Taurus brings an energy that is steady, enduring, and focused. In the biblical tradition, Ruth—whose story is told in the Book of Ruth—is a fitting archetype for Taurus season. She is known for her loyalty, persistence, and strength. Her story is both deeply rooted in place and marked by care for others, embodying the earthy, grounded qualities of this sign. Like all women in scripture, Ruth’s story comes filtered through a patriarchal lens. And yet, feminist, womanist, and queer theologians have found layers of meaning beneath the surface. In the [Wisdom Commentary volume on Ruth](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780814681077?ref=chelseakimlong.com), the authors write: > “While the book of Ruth can be read as reinforcing the stereotype of a woman’s happiness resting in marriage and motherhood, it doesn’t have to be. Rather, it can also be read as revealing a strong and independent woman who is clearly responsible for her own decisions, who practices loving kindness, and who is an agent of her own history and of the history of Israel.” The narrative begins with a family from Bethlehem who flee to Moab during a famine. There, Naomi’s husband dies, and her two sons—who marry Moabite women named Orpah and Ruth—also pass away. Naomi, now a bereaved widow, urges her daughters-in-law to return to their families. Orpah leaves. Ruth stays. Her words to Naomi are some of the most enduring in all of Scripture: > “Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people.” (Ruth 1:16) Verse 1:14 says that Ruth “clung” to Naomi—the same Hebrew word translated as “cleave” in Genesis to describe the union between Adam and Eve. This has led some scholars to view Ruth and Naomi as a same-sex couple. Others interpret their bond as a deep and covenantal friendship or kinship—one that stands out as the only time in the Bible where a woman declares a vow to another woman. Either way, theirs is a sacred relationship marked by mutual care and survival on the margins of society. Together, the women return to Bethlehem, destitute. Ruth gleans leftover barley in the fields—an earthy act of provision and persistence—and later approaches Boaz, a landowner and relative of Naomi’s late husband, for security and protection. They marry, Boaz redeems Naomi’s family land, and Ruth becomes the great-grandmother of King David. The Book of Ruth is one of only three books in the Bible named after a woman (the others being Esther and Judith). Unfortunately, the lectionary—used by many Christian churches—only includes small passages of her story twice every other year. Ruth is also the only book in the Bible that passes the [Bechdel test](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel%5Ftest?ref=chelseakimlong.com), a measure of the representation of women in works of art that asks whether a work features scenes where two named women have a conversation about something other than a man. In Taurus fashion, Ruth is loyal, steady, and practical. Her motivations are grounded in deep love and survival. Even her marriage to Boaz is a strategy for security and protection within a patriarchal world. Her story invites us to consider the sacredness of loyalty, the holiness of care work, and the power of women choosing one another, especially in a world that often overlooks them. *In terms of personality traits, each sign exhibits positives and negatives. It’s important to be aware of both, and to notice what you want to emphasize and what energy you can focus on in this season.* **High Side of Taurus:** Grounded, loyal, dependable, patient, nurturing, sensual, practical, steady, committed, appreciative **Low Side of Taurus:** Stubborn, possessive, resistant to change, materialistic, lazy, indulgent, overly cautious, jealous, rigid, stuck in routine ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN TAURUS: Creating Sanctuary** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-22-at-8.56.25-PM.png) [Click to listen to the meditation on Insight Timer.](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/creating-sanctuary?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Inviting Resurrection: A Post-Easter Support Group URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/inviting-resurrection-support-group/ Last updated: 2025-04-21T13:15:23.000Z Easter has come and gone. But what happens after resurrection? What does it *really* mean to come back to life after loss, disorientation, or spiritual upheaval? What does resurrection look like in a body, in a community or a family, in a life that still carries grief and uncertainty? This group is for anyone sitting in that *in-between*, still longing for healing, renewal, or clarity. Together, we’ll explore resurrection not as a single miraculous moment filled with joy, but as a slow, unfolding pattern full of the range of human emotions. A way of being. A return to life that often begins quietly, underground, in the dark. Whether you hold a traditional belief in Jesus’ resurrection, a more metaphorical lens, or something in between—this space welcomes you. [Click to join the Inviting Resurrection support group!](https://buy.stripe.com/28ofZybSB1pw6D63cl?ref=chelseakimlong.com) This May, join a small group of women committed to making meaning of resurrection beyond Easter, through shared stories and compassionate connection. ### **This group is for you if:** - You’re navigating a personal “after”—after grief, after change, after loss - You feel unsure what resurrection looks like in your current faith journey - You’re craving space to process and reconnect with your own rhythms of renewal - You want to engage in honest reflection alongside others doing the same ### **Here’s what’s included:** - A kickoff Zoom call to meet and share intentions (Friday, May 2 or Saturday, May 3—time TBD by group availability) - A private Marco Polo group for ongoing reflection and connection through the end of May - Support, prompts resources, and group check-ins from me - The group wraps up on May 31. I’ll be available to respond to your Marco Polo messages within 24 hours, offering encouragement, gentle reflections, and space to help you consider how resurrection—whatever it looks like for you—might be unfolding in your own life. ### Details: - This group will be a maximum of 8 women. - It’s offered at a sliding scale from $30-50, and free for paid newsletter subscribers ([email me if you're a paid sub and interested in joining!](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com)) - Registration closes Wednesday, April 30. **This is not a space of forced positivity or premature joy.** This is a space to to reflect on resurrection as both a spiritual and embodied pattern—something that unfolds not just in belief, but in our lived experience. Together, we’ll explore what “new life” might look like in our own stories, practice noticing the quiet signs of healing and hope, and hold space for the parts of us that still feel unfinished or uncertain. This is a space for honest sharing, gentle curiosity, and the slow, sacred work of becoming. [Click to join the Inviting Resurrection support group!](https://buy.stripe.com/28ofZybSB1pw6D63cl?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### ### 5 Books for April 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-april-2025/ Last updated: 2025-04-15T13:15:18.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon in Aries: Deborah the Prophetess and Judge of Israel URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-in-aries/ Last updated: 2025-04-15T22:29:55.000Z Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac calendar. We are official in Spring–welcome to that new year energy we’ve been craving! It’s a fire sign, known for boldness, enthusiasm, courage, and a zest for life that often leads them to adventure. Aries is a Cardinal sign, full of initiative to generate new ideas and projects. These are qualities that women embody every single day, and it’s worth noting that women have always led in Christianity and before Christianity existed. As Dr. Wilda Gafney writes in her book *Daughters of Miriam*, “The biblical text presents female prophets leading the people of God and proclaiming the word of God unremarkably, as part of the natural order of things.” The Bible was written in an extremely patriarchal time, when the lives and stories of women were not deemed important, and therefore they became almost invisible in the biblical text. This means that when a woman’s story is told, it’s because it was important enough that her story *could* *not* *be* *erased*. Deborah stands tall in the Old Testament, a judge and a prophetess found in the Judges 4-5\. She is our biblical archetype for Aries. ### **Deborah’s story: Woman of Torches** Deborah is introduced very matter of factly as a spiritual and strategic leader in Judges 4:4: “Now Deborah, a prophetess, was leading Israel at that time.” Deborah was the sole female judge of Israel, out of the 12 featured in the book of Judges. In his book *Tell Her Story*, author Niijay Gupta tells us, “Deborah is the only judge given extensive narration of whom nothing negative is said or implied... Deborah appears to be the most faithful, the most prophetically tuned into God, and the wisest of them all.” In the Hebrew, she is described as "woman of torches," which implies "a fiery woman" or "woman of spirit."1 Perfect description for our biblical Aries queen. In the story, she sends for Barak, a military commander and instructs him on God’s command to take 10,000 men to fight against an oppressive army, led by the commander Sisera. Barak is hesitant and tells Deborah he will only go if she accompanies him. Deborah agrees to go and says in verse 9, “I will indeed go with you. But you will not gain fame on the expedition you are undertaking, for the Lord will turn Sisera over to a woman.” The battle ensues, and with God's intervention, Barak's forces defeat them, but the commander Sisera flees on foot to the tent of a woman named Jael. She agrees to hide him under a blanket and, once he falls asleep, drives a tent peg through his temple, killing him and fulfilling Deborah’s prophecy that a woman would claim the honor of victory. The song of Deborah in Judges 5, also known as the Song of Deborah and Barak, celebrates this triumph. It is one of the oldest parts of the Bible and offers a poetic account of the battle and victory, highlighting the roles of Deborah and Jael saying, Iin the days of Jael caravans disappeared;Travelers had to go on winding side roads. Warriors were scarce; they were scarce in Israel,until you arose, Deborah,until you arose as a motherly protector in Israel.” (Judges 5:6-7) The story of Deborah closes with the land having peace for forty years. ### **Deborah and Aries** Deborah displayed the bold and assertive qualities often linked with Aries. Let’s not think of Deborah as “extraordinary” because, as Beth Allison Barr reminds us in her book *Becoming the Pastor’s Wife*, “describing women as extraordinary is often a subtle way of reinforcing patriarchy.” Nijay Gupta writes, “Deborah is an important answer to the question ‘Can a woman...?’ or ‘Is a woman allowed to...?’ Deborah could. Deborah was. God was behind it; \[God\] filled her with prophetic wisdom, and her sung words became part of the Word of God, testifying to the brave and wise woman who brought God’s peace to a troubled people.” So yes, she was a powerful leader, and let’s remember that *it’s normal for women to be powerful leaders.* Deborah fearlessly led the Israelites in a military victory, showcasing not only her strength but also her strategic mind and spiritual leadership. This story mirrors the dynamic and pioneering spirit of Aries individuals, inspiring courage and leadership as a model for men and women. It’s important that we tell her story in particular because when we share about the ordinary capacities for leadership in all women, we shift cultural perceptions about what women “can” do. 1 Source: *Wisdom Commentary: Judges*, by Mercedes L. Garcia Bachmann **High Side of Aries:** Courageous, passionate, independent, determined, action-oriented, authentic, honest, protective, loyal **Low Side of Aries:** Impulsive, reckless, hot-tempered, impatient, self-centered, competitive, argumentative, blunt, restless, easily bored ## **SUGGESTED MEDITATION FOR NEW MOON IN ARIES: Understanding the Flesh as Ego** [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/03/Understanding-Flesh-As-Ego.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/understanding-flesh-as-ego-guided-meditation/) [Click to listen to the meditation on Insight Timer.](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/understanding-flesh-as-ego?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Embracing New Moon Rituals: A Feminist and Post-Evangelical Christian Approach URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/feminist-christian-moon-rituals/ Last updated: 2025-03-20T13:15:26.000Z > “The heavens are telling the glory of God, and the firmament proclaims God’s handiwork. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard; yet their voice goes out through all the earth and their words to the end of the world.” Psalm 19:1-4 In 2022, I shared 4 meditations based around the primary phases of the moon cycle. I had been working deeply with the concept of cycle-syncing for a year, and reflecting on the monthly cycle of the moon and my monthly cycle as a woman helped me honor my own embodied female experience. [Find those meditations here.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/moon-cycle/) In the 3 years since, I have incorporated a monthly New Moon ritual into my spiritual practice. This year, I will be sharing monthly guide sheets for incorporating a New Moon ritual into your spiritual practice. [Find the New Moon landing page here.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-rituals/) ## Why New Moon rituals? Ancient and indigenous cultures followed a lunar calendar, because tracking the moon phases was a visible way to mark the passing of time on a consistent basis. A lunar month starts at the new moon. Psalm 104:19 says, “You made the moon to mark the seasons.” Gathering at the New Moon is an ancient feminine spiritual practice. In the Hebrew scriptures (the Old Testament of the Bible), we see the importance of Rosh Chodesh, the New Moon festival. Many significant events are recorded as happening during the new moon. One day, I was reading a [feminist Bible commentary on the book of Hebrews](https://litpress.org/Products/E8229/Wisdom-Commentary-Hebrews?srsltid=AfmBOopBjKcKcPeogCB2BFgINkQ2VWM-zwQVkYC6QFGsPusfZwPyhyAd&ref=chelseakimlong.com) (as one does) and stumbled upon a delightful piece of Jewish midrash. In Exodus 32, we find the story of the Israelites wanting to make a golden calf to worship. Check out this excerpt below from Pirkei DeRabbi Eliezer, a midrash thought to be composed by a 2nd-century sage: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/03/Screenshot-2025-03-17-at-2.15.09-PM.png) You may have read the book [*The Red Tent*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781250067999?ref=chelseakimlong.com)*.* It depicts these types of women-only spaces, where women would gather during their menstrual cycle. The New Moon phase of the lunar cycle is correlated with menstruation, and in some indigenous cultures, women who were thought to be most intuitive while menstruating. For these reasons, my group of friends gather to honor the New Moon and to cultivate and share our intuition. Women's circles honor the exchange of wisdom, and the shape of a circle symbolizes shared leadership. ## Why bring the Bible into this? I want to share a bit of a Biblical foundation for how I work with the moon cycles in my personal spiritual practice. You may wonder why I would bring the Bible into this. As a Christian, the Bible is a primary sacred text from which I've sought wisdom and guidance since birth. For years I fought against this spiritual inheritance because of all the harm done in the name of Christianity. Now, although I am influenced and inspired by many spiritual traditions, I acknowledge that the Christian tradition as my spiritual "native language"–the lens through which I tend to engage in spirituality. Much of my work focuses on bringing redemption to passages of scripture that have been used to condemn people. I grew up being told that Astrology is demonic. Reading my horoscope felt dangerous, even though when I did read it, it seemed as innocuous as a message you’d find inside a fortune cookie. Much of this view can be traced back to Augustine, a very influential Christian figure in the fourth century. Augustine saw Astrology as a way humans for humans to try and blame God or the celestial bodies for sin. He seemed to believe that if people thought their lives were predetermined by the stars, then they could let themselves off the hook for their behavior. ## How we are impacted by the moon and the sun Historically, Astrology was not horoscopes and zodiac signs. It was a branch of natural philosophy dealing with the physical influence of the cosmos on the earth. It is clear that the sun and the moon both have a significant impact on our earthly lives, and up until the time of Galileo, the fields of Astrology and Astronomy were considered essentially the same. In fact, we live by a solar calendar. Our modern calendar gives a date based on the position of the sun in relation to the stars behind it. The seasons are based on the equinoxes. We mark the summer solstice as the day when we have the most hours of daylight and the winter solstice, when we have the fewest hours of daylight. In contrast, we see in many traditions and cultures the ways in which the moon plays a role, like Lunar New Year in East and South Asian countries, the Islamic holy month of Ramadan begins at a New Moon, and in Jewish tradition, the festival of Passover begins on a Full Moon. If you’ve ever wondered why the date of Easter varies so widely from year to year, it’s because Easter is set to occur on the first Sunday after the first Full Moon after the Spring Equinox. So even the holiest day of Christian tradition is linked to the moon cycle. ## My current view of zodiac signs Because of my upbringing, I understand how deeply uncomfortable Christians can be with Astrology and the zodiac signs. I also am aware that many associate moon rituals with pagan practices and witchcraft, which is why Christians tend to fear these practices. However, I believe there’s a way to incorporate the moon cycle into a spiritual practice without worshiping the moon, and there’s a way to let zodiac signs guide your intentions without using them for “fortune-telling.” This is why in my New Moon ritual, I do discuss the zodiac signs. I see the zodiac signs as a personality framework, like the Meyers Briggs or Enneagram. It can help to paint a picture of our personality, strengths, and talents. I see it as descriptive, not prescriptive. I always knew I was a Pisces Sun based on my birth date, but since discovering that I’m a Cancer Moon and Cancer Rising it's been interesting to learn more about those personality types as it relates to my own life and tendencies. Similarly with how I work with the Enneagram, self knowledge is helpful to understand your tendencies, but it shouldn’t stop there. Self-awareness should help us grow and become more balanced instead of using it as an excuse for our behavior. ## Scripture references to celestial bodies When I started searching the Bible for references about the celestial bodies, I was surprised by how many references there are. In Genesis 1:14-14, God says, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And **let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years**.” Job 9:9 describes God making the constellations: "God is the Maker of Leo and Orion, the Pleiades and the constellations of the south." In Ezekiel 47:1 we learn that the Temple in Jerusalem faced the East, the direction of the rising sun. Jesus refers to himself as the light of the world, and to this day, many churches are built to face the east. In early Christianity, Christians prayed facing east, seeing in the rising sun a symbol of the risen Christ. It is clear in the Hebrew scriptures that God does condemn divination, and there are multiple stories where people seeking God for wisdom vanquish those who are praying to false gods and seeking signs in the sky. However, in Matthew 2:1-12, we see that the Magi follow the signs in the stars to lead them to Jesus. In Luke 21:25, Jesus predicts the destruction of Jerusalem saying, “**There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars** and on the earth distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and the waves.” Later, in the final book of the Bible, we see strange visions that include the celestial bodies. Revelation 12:1 says, “**And a great sign appeared in heaven:** A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet...” We see in the New Testament that Jewish Christ-followers continued to observe the New Moon even after Jesus’s ascent into heaven (Col. 2:16). Later in the passage, Paul condemns people who judge others based on human laws, and in Galatians 5 again Paul condemns legalism. So it does feel a bit contradictory that in some instances, it’s okay to look for signs in the heavens, and that God might even send signs. Because of this, I don't find that New Moon rituals are in conflict with my Christian faith. In fact, it has been a deeply impactful communal spiritual practice for me over the past several years. ## Feminist Christian New Moon Rituals Paying attention to the moon cycles and marking the new moon with a communal ritual with other women is a way for me to mark time intentionally. Each New Moon we gather to reflect and set intentions for the next four weeks. It's a space of accountability, connecting me to something larger than myself and providing a framework to see growth and allow myself time to experiment with new intentions. I also have done a lot of learning around the meaning behind each of the 4 phases of the moon which are new moon, waxing moon, full moon, and waning moon. The moon shows up differently every day of the month, sometimes with more brightness, and sometimes less. In modern culture, productivity tends to be the highest value. Our days are marked in 24 hour increments, and there can be a pressure to perform equally every single day. Male hormones operate on a 24-hour cycle. This means that, for men, testosterone levels are highest in the morning and lowest in the night. In a patriarchal society, it makes sense that the standard workday would align for what works for men. They are energetic throughout the day and hormones start to drop in the afternoon and then in the evening, when energy wanes, it’s time to go to bed. The female hormonal cycle, however, is typically spread out over 28 days, or 4 weeks, and in 4 phases. We can see a corollary between the 4 moon phases and the 4 hormonal phases. As a person who has a monthly cycle, I notice the ways in which my energy levels wax and wane throughout the month in a predictable pattern. Noticing the shifting phases of the moon gives me a sense of permission to not have to show up at full force every single day. [For more information on the moon phases and the menstrual cycle, listen to my guided meditations on the moon cycle.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/moon-cycle/) Of course, not every female-identifying person cycles through the hormonal phases, and I want to be inclusive of anyone who wants to draw inspiration and permission from the moon. If you are someone who doesn’t currently experience a monthly cycle, you can choose to start *your* monthly cycle or rhythm with the New Moon and go from there. I believe that the moon can be an enlightening, feminine tool in spiritual practice. In my life, this does not include direct worship of the moon, rather it offers a reminder that I can look up and be reminded that God has placed this feminine guide in the sky who mirrors my body's cycle. I have also begun to develop theological explorations of important women in scripture who embody the energy of each zodiac sign. My hope is that through my guide sheets and your New Moon Ritual practice, you are drawn closer to your own intuition, the indwelling Wisdom of God. > “Most High, all powerful, good Lord, > Yours are the praises, the glory, the honour, and all blessing. > To You alone, Most High, do they belong, > and no man is worthy to mention Your name. > Be praised, my Lord, through all your creatures, > especially through my lord Brother Sun, > who brings the day; and you give light through him. > And he is beautiful and radiant in all his splendour! > Of you, Most High, he bears the likeness. > Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars, > in heaven you formed them clear and precious and beautiful." > > – Excerpt from the Canticle of the Sun by Saint Francis of Assisi, 1225 ### 5 Books for March 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-march-2025/ Last updated: 2025-03-15T13:15:04.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### A Catholic Prayer Card, an Orthodox Prayer Rope, and Untying Generational Knots URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/a-catholic-prayer-card-an-orthodox-prayer-rope-and-untying-generational-knots/ Last updated: 2025-03-14T17:12:48.000Z I. In the spring of 2019, my life was a labyrinth of knots, seemingly of my own making. Each thread had been intractably woven through demands of faith, motherhood, and career, threatening to unravel the seams of my identity. My twins were almost 18 months and my older son was 4\. Thriving in my burgeoning career, I loved going on work trips, which unlocked an independent, confident, and clear version of me that I rarely experienced otherwise. I was free from "mom guilt" that I saw as a tool of the patriarchy. I was, by all accounts, an excellent, devoted mother, often told, “I don’t know how you do it all!” Still, I judged myself. Everywhere I turned, I ran into mirrors that reflected back to me the internalized belief that I wasn’t doing motherhood right. It was reflected in the way that my family structure had come together over the last 5 years. I was needed at home to tend the children and to cook the dinners, to stock the fridge and to do the laundry. It was reflected in the way I set my career up to have a “flexible” job. When the school called to tell me I needed to come pick up a sick kid, I was supposed to be instantly available, not frustrated that my plan for the day was derailed. I was working all of the time, switching from paid labor to domestic labor in an endless cycle of days, draining me to the point of depression. At the end of that summer, I dragged myself into the doctor’s office for an annual checkup. Nothing in particular was wrong with me but I felt...off. Tired beyond remedy. Every test came back normal, which felt almost worse. I kept pushing forward. The day before my a work trip, I got into a minor car accident, which rattled me. I couldn’t emotionally recover, my nervous system on high alert. I put in an SOS call to a soulful friend who’s something of a neighborhood medicine woman. She dropped everything to show up that night, whiskey in one hand and essential oils in the other. When she asked me what I needed, I just sobbed. She rubbed my shoulders, led me through an embodied Celtic prayer, and left me with a Catholic prayer card–Mary, the Mother of Jesus, Untier of Knots. I’ve kept it in my wallet ever since. The prayer on the back reads, “Holy Mary, Mother of God and ours, with your maternal heart untie the knots that upset our lives. Deliver us from the chains and confusions that have us restrained. Deliver us from evil and untie the knots that keep us from uniting with God, so that once free of every confusion and error, we may find God in all things, have God in our hearts, and serve God always.” I marveled at the idea that I could look to Mary for solace in a time of spiritual crisis. Recently one of my favorite writers and theologians, Christena Cleveland shared a poignant thought: “Imperfection is our sacred umbilical cord.” As I pondered the knots that complicated my life, tangled in expectations and judgments, I stumbled upon a revelation from Jewish tradition that caused me to rethink my understanding of these entanglements. Perhaps, I thought, the goal isn’t to untangle every single knot. Could it be that those things that seem hopelessly knotted have the power to draw us closer to the Divine? --- II. “Some rabbis say that, at birth, we are each tied to God with a string, and that every time we sin, the string breaks. To those who repent of their sins, especially in the days of Rosh Hashanah, God sends the angel Gabriel to make knots in the string, so that the humble and contrite are once again tied to God. Because each one of us fails, because we all lose our way on the path to righteousness from time to time, our strings are full of knots. But, the rabbis like to say, a string with many knots is shorter than one without knots. So the person with many sins but a humble heart is closer to God.” \- Rachel Held Evans, *A Year of Biblical Womanhood* --- III. Recently, I bought an orthodox prayer rope. I didn’t grow up with the rosary or any type of prayer beads, but I have been curious about incorporating them as an [embodied spiritual practice](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/exploring-embodied-spiritual-practices-in-the-christian-tradition/) since they span many cultures and religions. The making of a prayer rope is a devotional art form, passed down through generations of monastics. Each knot is skillfully tied in a state of reverence, imbuing the process with spiritual intention. The artists create these ropes with skilled hands, typically by tying seven intertwined crosses out of wool. The prayer rope that I bought is called a *brojanica* in the Serbian language of my ancestors. My great great grandfather, driven by his pacifist beliefs rooted in Jesus' teachings, dodged the draft in Serbia. After spending time in prison for his civil disobedience and getting drafted yet again, he decided to move his family to the United States. My great grandfather, a baby at the time, grew up to be an architect in Northeast Ohio, a pillar of the community in many ways, raising his family in the Apostolic Christian Church. The AC Church still exists today and believes in the “priesthood of all believers,” meaning that the church is mostly lay-led with a “simple and flat organizational structure, which provides order while avoiding hierarchy as much as possible.” 1 The priesthood of believers is missing a key word: **male**. The hierarchy inherent to a patriarchal practice of religion is implied. Women play the role of submissive wife and mother, and that particular church required women to wear skirts, head coverings, and no jewelry. From my understanding, it appears that they were never expected to have any important ideas about God or to make decisions for their church or family. My great great grandfather was praised for his decision to flee his home country, borne out of deep conviction. I wonder, however, what my great great grandmother mourned about leaving. His son, my great grandfather, eventually moved his family out of the AC Church because he aptly realized that he would have to choose between losing his relationship with his children or losing that form of religion. The non-denominational evangelical church he began attending is the same one I grew up in. I learned later that my great grandmother struggled immensely with changing churches. A reserved and emotionally complex woman, she was never able to recover socially from the loss of community that came with leaving the insular world of the AC Church. --- IV. In 2023, my sister and I went on a pilgrimage of sorts, to visit a family member and learn stories from my grandmother's generation. I learned about my great uncle, who was a lifelong scholar and lay theologian. I discovered that he criticized the white evangelical church for some of the same reasons I do, decades before I was born. I saw myself in him, the same quest for knowledge and authenticity and zeal to share with others. I also began to realize why I have wrestled with a deep-seated feeling that no one wants to hear what I think or believe. As I finger the knots on my *brojanica*, each repeated prayer reminds me of the Divine’s constant presence. Holding the prayer rope, I sense a profound connection to my foremothers and the unseen burdens they carried. The *brojanica* serves as a tangible reminder of the intangible ties that connect me not only to my faith but also to the generations of women whose struggles have shaped my own. My great great grandmother and others like her were bound by their roles, their voices often lost amidst the louder narratives of the men in their lives. Generations later I am untangling my own modern knots of motherhood, career, identity, and faith, working through my struggles with a voice they were denied. After that family visit, I engaged my struggle with a deeper understanding of myself, easing the tension on a few particular knots. This prayer rope is not just a tool for meditation but a cord that binds me to my past, empowering me to reshape the future of the faith that I’ve loved so dearly. Faith is not only for contemplation, but for action. In the untying, tying, and re-tying of these knots, we can continue to draw near to God for sacred connection. In our imperfections, this spiritual umbilical cord, we find the resources to weave not only our own stories but also those of the generations to come. 1: https://www.apostolicchristian.org/leadership ### Fast from Patriarchy. Feast on Wisdom. (Free Lenten guide + final call for the cohort!) URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/free-lenten-guide/ Last updated: 2025-02-25T20:31:57.000Z For most of my life, **God was exclusively He.** Father. Lord. King. It never occurred to me to ask whether there was something missing—until I encountered **God as Mother and Midwife, Spirit and Wisdom.** When you see the **feminine face of God**—metaphors as true as any in scripture—it changes you. **You stop making yourself small.** For too long, we've been taught that holiness looks like self sacrifice. When you see God in the feminine, you start to believe that your voice, your wisdom, your presence matters. **You get angry—and then you get free.** Anger is natural when you realize how much has been hidden from you to maintain power structures. But your anger is a compass, pointing toward liberation. **You reclaim your spiritual authority.** Wisdom, Sophia, has always been calling—crying out in the streets (Proverbs 8). When you answer, you stop outsourcing your faith to external authorities and begin trusting the sacred wisdom within you. This Lent, I'm inviting you into a different kind of practice—one that leads to **expansion, wisdom, and wholeness.** That’s why I created the Wisdom Calls Cohort (I only have a couple spots left, so [sign up now if you've been meaning to](https://buy.stripe.com/3csbJi9Ktd8e2mQ28g?ref=chelseakimlong.com)!). I know these ideas have transformational power, and I'm looking forward to journeying with an intimate group over the 40 days of Lent. However, I know that the cohort might not be right for you right now, which is why I decided to also create a **free 40-day reflection guide** to help you uncover the Divine Feminine in Scripture and reclaim your own sacred belonging. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### What if Lent isn’t about sacrifice? URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/lent-2025/ Last updated: 2025-02-17T21:47:44.000Z *“I'm dealing with a ton of anger. The more I learn about the patriarchy and feminism, the angrier I become, and I hate being that stereotype of an ‘angry feminist.’ I’m trying to figure out how to acknowledge that anger, feel it, and work through it, so that I can move to a more peaceful internal space.”* I wrote those words in an email in May of 2020\. We were waist-deep in COVID lockdown, and I was drowning in anger as I worked to bring more domestic equity into my household. That wasn’t the first time I had felt the weight of these tensions, but it was the first time I allowed myself to **name them**. [Join the Wisdom Calls Cohort](https://buy.stripe.com/3csbJi9Ktd8e2mQ28g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **Reclaiming What Was Lost** Five years before that email, when I moved to San Diego, I entered a community of women who held motherhood as sacred in a way I’d never seen before—not as a burden to bear alone, but as something that wove us into deep interdependence. These women—a group that happened to include midwives, doulas, and lactation consultants—embraced a way of life that most women in the modern U.S. don’t get to experience. They supported one another. They believed in their bodies, their intuition, and their wisdom. Most of them also considered themselves feminists, but not the kind I had been warned about in church. They weren’t rejecting faith or “women’s roles.” **They were expanding it.** One of them, my friend Janny, was the first to introduce me to the Divine Feminine. She never used male pronouns for God. Instead, every time she prayed, she said, "God our Mother." At first, it unsettled me. It felt almost heretical. But I kept listening. I kept wondering. And eventually, I started searching. What I found in Scripture surprised me. - **The Spirit of God as a hovering, creative, *feminine* force** present at creation (Genesis 1:2) - **God as a woman in labor** bringing forth life with pain and power (Deuteronomy 32:18) - **The Wisdom of God personified as a woman**, calling out to those who have ears to hear (Proverbs 8:1-2) - **Jesus longing to gather people like a mother hen** gathering her chicks under her wings (Luke 13:34) These aren’t just metaphors. **They are truths about the nature of God that we were never taught to see.** And yet, for centuries, Christianity has clung to the image of God as Father as if it were the only truth—not just a metaphor, but an unquestionable fact. Why? Because when women and people with other marginalized identities see ourselves in God, when we understand that the Divine is not exclusively white, straight, cis, male, **everything changes**. We start to ask questions.We stop accepting our own oppression as “God’s design.”We begin to trust our own voices, our own wisdom, our own callings. [Join the Wisdom Calls Cohort Here](https://buy.stripe.com/3csbJi9Ktd8e2mQ28g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **Why This Matters Right Now** In the past few years, we’ve watched the erosion of women’s/LGBTQ+/non white-people's rights in real-time. From attacks on bodily autonomy to the rollback of legal protections, we are witnessing a surge of Christian nationalist rhetoric that seeks to reinforce patriarchal control—not just in the political sphere, but in our spiritual lives as well. We are told to submit. To stay small. To not trust our own wisdom. And too often, Christianity has been used to justify that oppression. But **the words of Jesus were never meant to shrink us.** What if Lent—a season often defined by restriction, self-denial, and sacrifice—could be about reclaiming wholeness instead? ### **This is why we need an intersectional feminist approach to Lent.** For too long, women and other people on the margins have been taught that **self-sacrifice is holiness**. That making ourselves smaller is what God desires. That wisdom belongs to men. That our intuition is not to be trusted. But **what if holiness is about expanding into our wholeness?**What if **wisdom has always been within us**? A new approach to Lent matters because… **We’ve been taught that self-sacrifice is holiness.** But what if holiness isn’t about making ourselves smaller—it’s about embracing our **wholeness**? **We’ve been given an exclusively male image of God.** But what if we could reclaim the feminine wisdom woven throughout scripture—**God as Mother, Spirit, and Wisdom?** **We’ve been conditioned to accept harmful narratives.** But Jesus **confronted oppression, uplifted people on the margins, and embodied a God of liberation**—an intersectional feminist approach to Lent invites us to do the same. **We are ready to reclaim our spiritual authority.** For too long, we’ve been told that wisdom belongs primarily to (white) men. But **divine wisdom is within each one of us**, waiting to be remembered through our own unique perspective. [ Join the Wisdom Calls Cohort](https://buy.stripe.com/3csbJi9Ktd8e2mQ28g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **Join Me for the Wisdom Calls Cohort** This is why I created the Wisdom Calls Cohort—a seven-week intersectional feminist approach to Lent. We’ll gather each week to unlearn the old scripts and step into a faith that liberates. We’ll uncover the Divine Feminine in Scripture, reflect on the sacredness of our own stories, and make room for a new way of seeing God, faith, and ourselves. **March 5 - April 16** **Live cohort calls every Wednesday (90 minutes on Zoom)** **Optional Marco Polo group for ongoing discussion** **Spots are limited | Registration closes March 3** Fast from patriarchy. Feast on wisdom. I hope you’ll join us. ### 5 Books for February 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-feb-2025/ Last updated: 2025-02-15T18:31:08.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Wisdom Calls: A Feminist Journey Through Lent URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/wisdom-calls-lent-cohort/ Last updated: 2025-03-14T17:13:31.000Z In the church calendar, Lent is a time of reflection, repentance, and renewal—a season for shedding old patterns and embracing something new. This year, as you enter this sacred season, what if you approached it as an invitation to rediscover the Divine Feminine within the Christian story—and within yourself? This Lent, join me for the Wisdom Calls Cohort: - A seven-week virtual cohort from March 5-April 16 to help you reimagine Lent as a season of feminine wisdom and liberation from patriarchal narratives. - Six, 90 minute live cohort meetings on Zoom (Wednesdays, 5-6:30pm PST/8-9:30pm EST) - Optional Marco Polo group chat for ongoing discussion between Zoom meetings - Theological exploration, introspective discussions, and illuminating spiritual practices in a supportive community of women. [Registration is closed!](https://chelsea-kim-long.ghost.io/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) In this seven-week cohort, we’ll walk through Lent together with curiosity and courage. We’ll uncover the often-overlooked feminine metaphors for God, reflect on the sacredness of our own stories as women, and embrace the feminine wisdom woven throughout the Bible. Through learning, discussion, spiritual practices, and community, we’ll create space for transformation—letting go of harmful scripts and embracing a more just, inclusive and holistic vision of God. Whether you’re deconstructing your faith, reconnecting with your intuition, or seeking spiritual renewal, this course is for you. From March 5 to April 16, I will be gathering with a small group of women once a week on Zoom to rediscover the Divine Feminine in the Christianity, the world, and yourself. Fast from patriarchy. Feast on Wisdom. For centuries, the feminine aspects of God have been, at best, overlooked and, at worst, strategically hidden. Women’s voices and role in the Bible and church have been shoved to the side, just out of our modern view. Lent invites us to pause, reflect, and reimagine. It is a season to confront the narratives we’ve been handed, challenge the ways we’ve been conditioned to live, and reconnect with our sacred intuition—the Wisdom of God alive within us. ### More Details: - This group will be limited to 10 women max. - The cost is $300, with a $50 discount for paid newsletter subscribers - Registration closes Monday, March 3. *Have questions? Scroll to the FAQ section below!* [Registration is closed!](https://chelsea-kim-long.ghost.io/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) --- ### **A preview of our weekly outline:** #### ****Week 1: An Invitation to the Journey** - Reflecting on Lent as a season of introspection and renewal, beginning our Lenten journey together - Discussing how cultural and historical factors have shaped traditional views of God and excluded the feminine. - Exploring our current “lenses” of God and imagining what might need to change. ****Lenten Focus:** What burdens or old beliefs are you carrying that no longer serve you? What might you release this season to make space for new insights? #### ****Week 2: God as Birthing Mother and Midwife** ****and the Holy Spirit as Femine** - Diving into feminine metaphors for God: the nurturing, birthing, and partnering aspects. - Discovering the longstanding tradition of seeing the Holy Spirit as the feminine expression of God. - Exploring the sacredness of women’s bodies and our connection to creation. ****Lenten Focus:** Reflecting on partnership with God—what does it mean to co-create with the Divine in your life? #### ****Week 3: The Female Personification of Wisdom and** Christ as Nurturer - Exploring Lady Wisdom in Scripture and Sophia in Greek tradition - Learning about the feminine imagery used by Jesus and Paul. - Seeing the connection between Wisdom and Christ ****Lenten Focus:** How can you embrace wisdom and intuition as spiritual practices this Lent? #### ****Week 4: Confronting Harmful Narratives** - Examining patriarchal, heteronormative white supremacy culture in dominant church US American culture and introducing the alternative approaches to faith. - Discussing how harmful systems have impacted perceptions of God, community, and ourselves. ****Lenten Focus:** What narratives or structures in your spiritual life need to be dismantled or reimagined this Lent? #### ****Week 5: Women’s Stories: Seeing Ourselves in the Bible** - Learning to read Scripture with an intersectional feminist, womanist, or other liberative lenses. - Highlighting overlooked or misunderstood women’s stories in the Bible, such as Hagar, Tamar, Deborah, Mary Magdalene, and Mary, the mother of Jesus. ****Lenten Focus:** What lessons from these women resonate with your own story? How does seeing their importance change your sense of worth? #### ****Week 6: Rest and Integration** - No Zoom meeting - Catch up on missed cohort call recordings - Work on creative response piece #### ****Week 7: Resurrection and Renewal** - Wrapping up the course with reflection and celebration. - Sharing response pieces from each participant. ****Lenten Focus:** As we move toward Easter, what does resurrection look like for you in terms of new insights, practices, or beliefs are you ready to carry forward into your life? [Registration is closed!](https://chelsea-kim-long.ghost.io/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **FAQ’s** #### ****When are the group meetings?** We will meet on Wednesdays from 5:00p-6:30p PST/ 8:00p-9:30p EST. ****Start:** Wed, 3/5 Wed, 3/12 Wed 3/19 Wed, 3/26 Wed 4/2 **SKIP Wed 4/9 - catch up on missed cohort recordings and work on creative response project* ****End:** Wed, 4/16 #### ****What's the cost and how do I pay?** The cost is $300 per participant, or $250 for paid subscribers to my newsletter (email me for the discount code). [****Please click here and complete your payment to secure your spot. Limited spots are available!**](https://buy.stripe.com/3csbJi9Ktd8e2mQ28g?ref=chelseakimlong.com) I believe in the transformative power of this course and have set the price to reflect the depth and value of the experience you’ll receive. However, I also understand that financial circumstances vary, and I am committed to making this course accessible to those who need it. If the cost of the course is a barrier for you, I offer a limited number of sliding scale spots and scholarships. Please don’t hesitate to reach out—I want to ensure that all who are interested have the opportunity to participate. Your journey matters, and I want to support you. If you have any questions about pricing or accessibility options, please contact me directly. #### ****How do I sign on?** I will send out a Google cal invite, and every week you will receive a reminder email with a link before the meeting starts to join us via Zoom. Please be prepared to be on video during our calls, to help increase our sense of embodiment and community. #### ****What if I have to miss a live session?** Each Zoom meeting will be recorded, and I will follow up each week with the link to the recording and any other materials (eg, slides) for you to catch up on. I will be available by email to answer any questions. Recordings will remain accessible for two weeks after the course ends to give everyone ample time to review and reflect. #### ****Will there be lots of homework?** There will not be homework, but I will offer some questions for reflection throughout the week, whether you have capacity to write things down or just use them as food for thought! For our final meeting, I will ask you to come prepared to share some kind of creative response to what you’ve learned, whether that’s a written piece, a drawing, a collage...the sky is the limit and you get to choose how much time and effort you put into it. You won’t be graded or judged—it’s simply a personal expression of what resonated and how you’re integrating it. #### ****Do I have to believe something specific to be in this group?** Nope! All are welcome! We will be drawing from images of the Divine Feminine in the Bible, but this does not have to reflect your own personal belief system. As a Christian myself, I hold an interfaith perspective that values a variety of wisdom traditions and seek to offer insights from my own tradition. This space is not about dogma or doctrine, but about exploration and connection. #### ****What should I expect for the first cohort call?** Expect a warm, supportive environment where all feelings and experiences are welcome. In our first meeting we will introduce ourselves, discuss why we are here, what we hope to get out of our time together, and then dive in. Bring your skepticism and questions, your pain and your joy. Everything belongs in this space; you’re invited to bring your full self. #### ****What materials do I need?** All you need is a journal or notebook for reflections, a reliable internet connection and device to log on to Zoom, and an open heart! ### Faithful Resistance in the Face of Injustice URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithful-resistance-in-the-face-of-injustice/ Last updated: 2025-02-07T14:15:49.000Z #### **The Heartbreak of Family Separation** I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the night the news broke in June 2018 about the thousands of children separated from their parents while seeking asylum at the U.S. border. Parents were coerced into signing papers they didn’t understand, then dragged onto planes and deported without their children. I felt sick and distraught in the face of such injustice. The online debates that followed left me questioning the soul of our nation. How could we ever justify ripping vulnerable children from their parents' arms? Living in San Diego, just miles from the border, made the heartbreak feel even closer. #### **Finding Ways to Help** Six months later, I heard about an organization searching for families willing to host asylum seekers. Among the hundreds of deported parents, 90 were nearly impossible to find—speakers of indigenous languages living in remote villages. Volunteers trekked through the mountains of Honduras and Guatemala, asking, *Where are the parents whose babies were taken? We are here to help.* They found every single one. Many were reunited with their children, but for 29 parents, reuniting meant an impossible choice: to never see their child again or have them returned to imminent danger. #### **Meeting Melanie and Elizabeth** When I learned about this, I couldn’t look away. I jumped on an opportunity to temporarily house one of these parents and followed a confusing trail of emails, phone calls, and paperwork that led me to a Skype call with a mom and her 8-year-old daughter—I’ll call them Melanie and Elizabeth. They were waiting in Tijuana, hoping to cross back into the U.S., reunite with Melanie’s 10-year-old son, and apply for asylum. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### The Year of Belonging Book Club 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/2025-year-of-belonging-book-club/ Last updated: 2025-01-31T14:19:17.000Z **What does it mean to belong to each other in a world that so often feels fractured?** [Join the Year of Belonging Book Club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) As we step into 2025, we find ourselves reflecting on how much has shifted—and how much still feels unresolved. How has it already been five years since 2020, since a global pandemic and worldwide uprisings reshaped our world? How has it only been a year since we began reading together, when it feels like we’re all irreparably changed? As we enter another year of pivotal shared experience, we feel - deeply - the weight of this moment. But rather than dreading the divisions and tensions ahead, we want to reframe our approach—to be present, engaged, and intentional in how we show up for ourselves and for others. We believe we all need a simultaneously renewed, *and continued,* exploration of belonging, renewed and continued exploration of how to extend unconditional compassion to ourselves so that we can offer the same to others. Many of us have experienced being cast out of communities we once called home due to ideological shifts, while others have never fully felt a sense of belonging at all. Approaching this harm requires deep, intentional work. **This year, we will continue our year-long exploration of belonging through a monthly book club featuring a thoughtfully curated selection of titles, along with opportunities for connection and conversation in community with others.** Now more than ever, we need hope. We need to cultivate resilience, foster belonging in our own spaces, and stand in solidarity as we strive for a more just and equitable society. In a time of uncertainty, we can hold each other close, weather the storms together, and imagine new possibilities for the future. [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/2.png) ## **About your facilitators:** Dr. Kholi Murchison is a femme-presenting nonbinary embodied movement practitioner, writer, and diviner of Black queer magic, who's been defining brands and gathering and growing communities through inclusive, communal actualization for almost 20 years. [Learn more about Kholi.](https://www.carriekholi.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Chelsea Kim Long (she/her) is a writer, creator, meditation teacher, and lay theologian. Entering motherhood catalyzed her deconstruction journey out of the white evangelical faith and into an expansive version of faithfulness to God that doesn’t require self-abandonment. She lives in San Diego with her husband and kids, where she co-leads an intentional neighborhood faith community. ## Meeting dates: February 28, March 28, April 25, May 30, June 27, July 25, August 29, September 26, October 31, November 28 We will meet on the last Friday of each month (adjusted as needed for holidays, etc) on Zoom at 12pm PST/3pm EST. [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) ## How this group will run: The book club will run from February to November of 2025\. We'll read one book each month and have a live Zoom call once a month. Throughout the month, we will also offer an optional WhatsApp group chat and a book club through the app Fable. We want to offer you a space to connect with other folks to the degree that you want to - it can be really helpful to have a supportive digital community that encourages you to embody what you're learning through reading. It's optional to join these ongoing spaces of connection, but it'll be there for you to share how you're processing the book throughout the month, or if you’re unable to join the Zoom call. Kholi or Chelsea will respond to your messages in a timely manner. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. We'll have some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. ## What does it cost? The Year of Belonging Book Club is for paid newsletter subscribers in Chelsea’s community **(**[**learn more and sign up here**](https://chelseakimlong.com/subscribe?ref=chelseakimlong.com)**).** You can participate for no additional charge as a thank you for being a part of her sustaining community. If you're already a paid subscriber and want to join the book club, [email Chelsea to sign up.](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) *\*Please don't let finances be an obstacle; we are offering this book club on a "pay-what-you-can" basis with a suggested minimum payment of $5 per month. If you can't make that work,* [*please email Chelsea*](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) *and we are happy to have you join us. Registration will be open on an ongoing basis.* Also, you can pick up the books that we'll keep in a list on [Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) or your local library (we recommend using Libby and Hoopla)! [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) --- ## About the books [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/3.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) We have curated a list that spans genres with the goal to create vibrant conversation around variations on the theme of belonging in theory and in practice. Some of the books are nonfiction and practical, aimed at helping you embody belonging in your life. Other books are fiction, and through story we will meditate on our own relationship with belonging both to ourselves and also with community. We will be in conversation with the work of contemporary thinkers laboring toward belonging in real life and with writers both modern and classic imagining how people make belonging and what belonging can feel like, so that throughout the year we can continue a conversation on belonging from a variety of angles. [*If you're interested to see last year's books, find our 2024 selections here!*](https://bookshop.org/lists/2024-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) February: Teaching Community by bell hooks March: Paradise by Toni Morrison April This Here Flesh by Cole Arthur Riley May: Orlando by Virginia Woolf June: The Overstory by Richard Powers July: In the House of Me by Mel Gentry August: The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri September: How to Make Herself Agreeable to Everyone by Cameron Russell October: The Leavers by Lisa Ko November: What it Takes to Heal by Prentis Hemphill [To learn more about each individual title, please visit the 2025 Year of Belonging booklist on Bookshop.org.](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/Screenshot-2025-01-30-at-7.30.06-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2025/01/Screenshot-2025-01-30-at-7.29.54-PM.png)](https://bookshop.org/lists/2025-the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Faithful Resistance: A Support Group for the First Full Month of the New Administration URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/faithful-resistance-support-group/ Last updated: 2025-01-27T13:41:39.000Z Many of us are carrying deep grief over the ways Christian nationalism has distorted the values of love, justice, and mercy. Perhaps you’re grieving how faith has been weaponized for political power or feeling the weight of division among family, friends, or your church. Maybe you’re wondering how to reclaim a faith that stands against systems of oppression and lives out the call to justice. The start of this administration offers us an opportunity: to process our grief, reflect deeply, and begin to take faithful steps toward resistance rooted in love and hope. *You don’t have to navigate this moment alone.* [Click to join the Faithful Resistance support group!](https://buy.stripe.com/4gw7t26yh9W24uYaEL?ref=chelseakimlong.com) This February, join a small group of women committed to holding space for lament and hope while discerning how we can respond faithfully to the challenges ahead. Together, we will: - Share honestly about the heartbreak of watching faith weaponized. - Process the tension of wanting to disengage from toxic systems while still holding onto hope. - Connect with others who long for a faith rooted in justice, mercy, and love. - Encourage one another toward actionable steps to engage in activism and advocacy. You don't need to live in the United States to join this group! This is a space for honesty, healing, and solidarity—and a call to faithfully resist the forces that perpetuate injustice in our communities and beyond. Jesus wasn’t silent in the face of power and oppression, and neither should we be. **Here’s what’s included:** - A Zoom call to meet and share introductions (Friday, Jan 31 or Saturday, Feb 1, based on group availability). - A private Marco Polo group for ongoing connection and support. - Optional opportunities for additional Zoom gatherings if the group desires. - Offerings of resources for activism, spiritual practice, and self-care. - The group will wrap up on February 28. I’ll be available to respond to your Marco Polo messages within 24 hours, offering encouragement, resources, and space to reflect on how faith can hold space for both lament and resistance. ### The Details: - This group will be 5-8 women. - It’s offered at a sliding scale from $30-50, and free for paid newsletter subscribers ([email me if you're a paid sub and interested in joining!](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com)) - Registration closes Wednesday, January 29. **You’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate this season in silence. In the face of division and injustice, let’s choose faithful resistance. Together, we’ll honor our grief, deepen our hope, and take bold steps toward a future shaped by love, justice, and mercy.** [Click to join the Faithful Resistance support group!](https://buy.stripe.com/4gw7t26yh9W24uYaEL?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### ### 5 Books for January 2025 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-january-2025/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:09:58.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Embracing Wholeness URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/embracing-wholeness/ Last updated: 2025-01-03T23:40:15.000Z I took a break from social media over the holidays because all I wanted for Christmas was rest and presence. As we step into this new year, I've been reflecting on something close to my heart. I truly believe that the message of Jesus wasn't that you’re broken and in need of a savior. I believe the message is this: **you are whole. You are good. You are made in the image of the Divine.** Jesus said it himself, he didn't come in the the world to condemn the world, but, I believe, to restore the world, and humanity to our state of original goodness, to call forward the truths about ourselves that we might have forgotten while moving through this broken world. So much of life asks us to split off parts of ourselves—our true thoughts, our real feelings, or our desires. We’re often put in situations where we feel the need to protect ourselves, to stay on guard. Sometimes life demands too much, and we find ourselves in survival mode, just managing or defending. That’s part of being human. It's easy to forget that you are whole because so much of the time we feel broken, we experience the impacts of living in a society full of broken systems and other messy humans. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### What Do You Want to See in 2025? 🌟 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/eoy-2024/ Last updated: 2024-12-31T22:15:03.000Z Take my brief end of year survey to help shape this newsletter for 2025! _This post is for subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for December 2024 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-december-2024/ Last updated: 2024-12-15T14:15:05.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### 3 Meditations to Bring More Calm to Your Holidays URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/3-meditations-to-bring-more-calm-to-your-holidays/ Last updated: 2024-12-13T23:36:51.000Z For many of us, the holiday season stirs up deep emotions. As we look toward Christmas gatherings, maybe you’re anticipating moments of connection—or bracing for conflict. Maybe you’re feeling the weight of complicated relationships or wondering how you’ll show up when it feels like there’s no common ground. I invite you to take a few moments to center yourself before the holidays, starting with these three meditations I created. ## 1) Before Your Holiday Gathering [**Click to listen to the Creating Your Sanctuary Guided Visualization Practice**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/creating-your-sanctuary-guided-visualization-practice?ref=chelseakimlong.com) In this seven-minute guided visualization, you’ll imagine an inner sanctuary that represents your source of calm, strength, and wisdom. Within this sanctuary, you’ll discover a warm, radiant light—your inner strength—centered in your body. Next, you’ll visualize a challenging situation, seeing yourself handle it with confidence, patience, and compassion, supported by the strength of your sanctuary. This practice helps you feel empowered and grounded, so you can approach any moment with clarity. Remember, this sanctuary is always within you, ready to guide and comfort you whenever needed. ## 2) During Your Holiday Gathering [**Click to listen to the Pause, Breath, And Reset Technique**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/pause-breath-and-reset-technique?ref=chelseakimlong.com) This simple technique will help you to recenter by using the “Pause, Breath, Reset” tool. You can listen to the guided audio anytime you need it, and once you get the method down, you can have it in your back pocket at any moment. Pause: Pull back from the situation physically or mentally Breath: Take 3-5 conscious breaths, focusing on the air entering and leaving your body. Notice your feet firmly on the ground, and your hands gently in your lap. Silently repeat an affirmation such as “I am grounded.” Reset: Remind yourself that you get as many fresh starts as you need. Set a simple intention to help guide you during your next interaction such as, “I choose peace.” ### 3) After Your Holiday Gathering [**Click to listen to the Guided Body Scan For Stress Release**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/guided-body-scan-for-stress-release?ref=chelseakimlong.com) This guided body scan practice is designed to help you reconnect with your body and release any tension lingering after a stressful situation. It involves moving your attention through different parts of your body, noticing where stress is held, and gently letting it go. By bringing awareness to each area and breathing into moments of tightness, you can return to a state of relaxation and presence. This practice promotes mindfulness and helps ground you in the present moment, making it easier to move forward with a sense of peace. ### Bonus: Create an affirmation card keyring Sometimes you don’t even have 5 minutes to listen to a meditation, and I get that. I like to take index cards, punch a hole through the corner, put them on a keyring, and write affirmations. I can throw it in my purse and pull it out when I need a little moment of encouragement. Only write affirmations that feel true and resonate with you, otherwise, you'll just annoy yourself. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/12/image-1.png)](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/holiday-calm-kit?ref=chelseakimlong.com) These three meditations are included with my holiday calm kit, plus affirmations, questions for self-reflection, and more. ### Tidings of Hope for the Holidays Support Group URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tidings-of-hope-for-the-holidays-support-group/ Last updated: 2024-12-05T03:41:38.000Z **The Holidays Can Feel Heavy During a Faith Transition** If you’re spending time with family and friends who still believe the way you used to, it can feel isolating. You might feel frustrated by their attempts to “fix” you or sad that they don’t understand where you’re coming from. And navigating the holidays without the same sense of certainty you once had? That’s hard, too. **You don’t have to carry that weight alone.** [Click to join the Tidings of Hope for the Holidays group!](https://chelsea-kim-long.ghost.io/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) This December, I’m hosting a small, supportive group for women navigating faith transitions during the holidays. It’s a safe, judgment-free space where you can: - Share honestly about your experiences, frustrations, and questions - Be heard and supported without judgment or advice you didn’t ask for - Connect with others who *get it* **The universal message of the Christmas story is this: in the darkest time, the world begins again.** Even if Jesus isn’t your reason for the season right now—or maybe won’t ever be again—there’s still room for hope. Let’s practice holding space for the hard feelings and sitting in the darkness together. **Here’s what’s included:** - A Zoom call to meet and share introductions (Dec 6 or 7, based on group availability) - A private Marco Polo group for ongoing connection and support through the end of the year - Optional opportunities to gather on additional Zoom calls if the group desires - A complimentary copy of the [Holiday Calm Kit](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/holiday-calm-kit?ref=chelseakimlong.com). I’ll also be available to respond to your Marco Polo messages within 24 hours, providing encouragement, validation, and (if requested) resources or stories from my own journey through deconstruction and reconstruction. **The Details:** - This group is limited to 8 women. - It’s offered at a sliding scale from $20-50, and free for paid newsletter subscribers ([email me if you're a paid sub and interested in joining!](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com)) - Registration closes Wednesday, Dec 4. **You’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate this season in silence. Let’s honor both the hard feelings and the hope that still exists—even in the darkest times.** ### The Holiday Calm Kit: In-the-Moment Tools for Navigating Family Gatherings with Peace and Presence URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/holiday-calm-kit/ Last updated: 2024-11-26T14:15:38.000Z The holiday season is upon us—a time of tradition and togetherness. For many of us, this season also stirs up deep emotions. Maybe you’re anticipating moments of connection—or bracing for conflict. Maybe you’re feeling the weight of complicated relationships or wondering how you’ll show up when it feels like there’s no common ground. When humans gather, carrying our stories, emotions, and perspectives, some level of messiness is inevitable. And yet, each moment gives us a choice. When our relationships are strained, we can break apart, retreating into isolation and estrangement. Or we can break open, allowing the discomfort to deepen our compassion, expand our understanding, and move us toward healing. This is my hope with this new resource, the Holiday Calm Kit. [Click to Buy the Holiday Calm Kit](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/holiday-calm-kit?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/11/Screenshot-2024-11-25-at-8.34.40-PM.png) I’m not here to pressure you into reconnecting with everyone, smoothing over wounds that still need tending, or putting yourself into unsafe situations. I want to help you pause, reflect, and prepare—so you can make choices with intention and authenticity. Whether you lean into the mess or decide to step back, my hope is that you do so from a place of clarity and care for yourself and others. In the Christian tradition, the table has always been sacred—a place where all are invited. Jesus, in his final days, shared a table with those who would betray and abandon him. He didn’t shy away from the tension. Instead, he leaned into it with grace, while always fiercely protecting the vulnerable. The table is not always an easy space. It’s a messy one. And yet, the table can be a place of healing and transformation, whether with your family of origin or your chosen family. Maybe you’re in a season of faith deconstruction, or maybe you’re reimagining what it means to follow the teachings of Jesus. Perhaps you’ve left religion behind, but you still crave the depth and connection found in gathering with others. Wherever you are, this workbook is here to support you. It honors the full spectrum of what you might be carrying—your hopes, your hurts, your faith (or lack of it), and your longing to find belonging. As you move through these pages, you’re invited to reflect, prepare, and return to yourself—your inner light that no one can extinguish, no matter how messy things get. [Download the Holiday Calm Kit](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/holiday-calm-kit?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### The Art of Holding Space: Guided Meditations for the Emotions We Resist URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-art-of-holding-space-workbook/ Last updated: 2024-11-07T16:58:10.000Z Hi friends, I don’t pretend to know how you’re feeling today. Maybe you're moving through joy, anxiety, or a quiet ache you can’t quite name. What I do know is that each day brings an opportunity to work on nervous system regulation—a skill that so many of us, especially those raised in environments where emotions were policed or suppressed, desperately need. Over the past year, I’ve poured my heart into creating meditations that hold space for the “harder” emotions, the ones we were taught to ignore, dismiss, or fear. Today, I’m excited to share [*The Art of Holding Space: Guided Meditations for the Emotions We Resist*](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/the-art-of-holding-space?%5Fgl=1%2A1kkswsa%2A%5Fga%2AMTU1ODIzNzMyMS4xNzI5NzIxMzI5%2A%5Fga%5F6LJN6D94N6%2AMTczMDk5NzY5Mi42LjAuMTczMDk5NzY5Mi4wLjAuMA..&ref=chelseakimlong.com), a workbook dedicated to helping you meet those emotions with the gentleness and compassion they deserve. For those of us raised in fundamentalist religious spaces, emotions like anger, fear, or sadness often came with an unspoken (or spoken) warning: they were weaknesses, sins, or failures. But these emotions didn’t disappear—they retreated to hidden places within us, waiting to be acknowledged and understood. This workbook is an invitation to listen, explore, and reclaim those feelings without judgment, creating a sanctuary for your whole self. This resource is *pay what you can*, with a suggested price of $10\. I want it to be accessible to anyone seeking to approach their emotions with compassion. Meditation isn’t sexy or an instant fix. It’s a long-term strategy to build your capacity to show up for yourself, bit by bit, as you navigate life’s complexities. If you’re ready to hold space for every part of yourself and welcome those exiled emotions home, I hope this workbook serves as a meaningful companion. [Download the Workbook Here](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/the-art-of-holding-space?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey. May this workbook be a source of courage and freedom as you embrace the fullness of your emotional landscape, creating a path forward toward healing, authenticity, and peace. With warmth and gratitude, Chelsea ### Four Days Out: Living Belonging in Divided Times URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/four-days-out-living-belonging-in-divided-times/ Last updated: 2024-11-01T14:53:03.000Z Every four years, as we near the presidential election in the United States, we brace ourselves for the divide. But what if this time, instead of bracing, we chose to build? ### The Year of Belonging Back in January, as we stared down the barrel of another presidential election year, I started [the Year of Belonging book club](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging-book-club/). My goal was simple: to lean into community and hope. I wanted to glean from the work of artists and thinkers who see the world we want to build toward, and who help us find the strength to fight against the injustice we encounter. Now, four days from the 2024 election, I still believe that healing our own wounds of belonging is crucial if we hope to heal our fractured world and our own broken relationships. With people forecasting catastrophe regardless of the outcome, it’s easy to feel anxious or defeated. But strangely, I feel a sense of calm. The lack of anxiety feels strange, especially for someone like me, who’s used to navigating it daily. Here’s my secret: I’ve come to realize that I have no control over the outcome of this election, but I do have a lot of control over how I show up. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Cynicism Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-cynicism-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-25T13:15:51.000Z Cynicism is a defense mechanism, a shield to protect us from disappointment or hurt. We can use cynicism to try and keep ourselves safe or guard against vulnerability, but in reality, cynicism can close us off to possibility and growth. We might feel cynical when we’re afraid to hope, trust, or believe that things could be different. When we get curious about it, cynicism has a message for us. It’s a call to look deeper, to understand what’s underneath our protective layers. The invitation here is to explore the root of our cynicism, to meet it with compassion, and to see if we can transform it into a softer curiosity and openness. [*Click to listen to this introduction on Insight Timer.*](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-cynicism-teaching?ref=chelseakimlong.com) #### **Understanding Cynicism** Cynicism is often a response to unmet expectations or repeated disappointments. It’s a defense mechanism that kicks in when our heart feels betrayed or let down, so we tell ourselves, “It’s better not to care.” But what if cynicism isn’t as solid as it seems? What if it’s actually a signpost leading us to unhealed hurt or unresolved grief? Beneath the hardness of cynicism lies a part of us that still longs to believe, that still holds onto hope. To work with cynicism, we must acknowledge the pain and fear it covers up and give ourselves permission to soften. #### **Exploring Your Intention** Ask yourself: What are the true risks? What am I trying to protect myself from? What is it that I truly want underneath this layer of doubt and disbelief? Setting a clear intention to stay open and curious, even in the face of uncertainty, can transform cynicism into something more fluid and flexible. Intention invites us to choose a different path, to turn toward growth and healing instead of closing off. #### **How Cynicism Feels in Your Body** Cynicism often shows up in the body as tension, especially in the chest, jaw, or shoulders. You might feel a heaviness, like a shield being held up, or a tightening that resists letting anything in. Pay attention to any areas where you feel hardened or closed off. Notice if your breathing becomes shallow or if your posture hunches slightly, as if guarding your heart. Let this awareness be a gentle invitation to soften, even just a little, to breathe deeper and make space within. #### **Discovering Inner Polarities** Cynicism is rarely a whole-self experience. There might be parts of you that feel skeptical and closed off, while other parts still hold onto hope or desire. This inner conflict is normal and worth exploring. Take some time to identify these different parts of yourself. Are there voices within you that are at odds—one that doubts and another that believes? What do these parts need from you to feel safe enough to be curious and open? This is where healing begins, by creating space for all your inner voices to be heard. #### **Conclusion** Cynicism is not the enemy; it’s a protector that’s trying to keep you safe. But it can also keep you from experiencing the fullness of life. By bringing gentle awareness, openness, and compassion to the parts of you that are hurt or afraid, you invite transformation. You allow cynicism to dissolve into something softer, something more aligned with hope and possibility. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-cynicism?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for October 2024 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-october-2024/ Last updated: 2024-10-23T22:12:47.000Z Sneak peek of my first two merch designs! _This post is for subscribers only._ ### The Millennial Exodus and Me URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millennial-exodus-and-me/ Last updated: 2024-10-04T13:15:52.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Confusion Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-confusion-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-27T13:15:42.000Z Before we dive into our meditation today, let’s take a moment to talk about confusion. Often, we see confusion as something negative—a frustrating state that keeps us from moving forward. But what if we viewed it differently? Confusion, at its core, is a protective mechanism, a pause that gives us space to realign with our intentions. It halts our actions to keep us from rushing into decisions that may not be in our best interest. [*If you'd rather listen, you can hear a recording of the information in this email on Insight Timer.*](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-confusion-teaching?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **Understanding Confusion** Confusion isn’t the problem; it’s a mask for something deeper. It shows up when our behavior or motivations are out of sync with our deeper purpose, creating a sense of internal conflict. It’s a signal that we’ve lost touch with our intuition or that something within us needs attention. While it may feel like a barrier, confusion actually gives us the gifts of being open to options, curiosity, and adaptability—it allows us to take a much-needed time out. Instead of pushing through confusion, we need to honor this pause and explore why it’s there. By unmasking it, we can restore our instincts and find clarity again. ### **What is my intention? What action should be taken?** When confusion arises, the best question to ask yourself is not “What should I do?” or “Which decision is right?” Instead, ask: *What is my intention?* Intention is the key to unlocking clarity. Confusion surfaces when our behaviors or motivations are misaligned with our core purpose. Once we realign with our true intentions, the path forward becomes clearer. Rushing to make a decision in a state of confusion often leads to deeper conflict and regret. By turning inward and asking intentional questions, we can quiet the noise of indecision and find decisiveness within ourselves. When we clarify our purpose, we can move forward with integrity and focus. ### **How confusion feels in your body** Confusion doesn’t just affect our minds; it manifests physically as well. Here are some common ways confusion shows up in our bodies: - **Tension or tightness**: You might feel tightness in the chest, shoulders, or stomach as your body braces for the uncertainty. - **Restlessness**: The inability to settle or focus can lead to fidgeting, as your body searches for clarity. - **Foggy head or heaviness**: Confusion can create mental fog, making it difficult to think clearly, often accompanied by tension in the forehead or behind the eyes. - **Fatigue or lethargy**: Mental overwhelm from confusion can drain your energy, making you feel sluggish and less motivated. - **Gut discomfort**: Confusion can cause a sense of uneasiness in the stomach, signaling that something is out of alignment. - **Breath changes**: You might notice shallow, rapid breathing, reflecting your body’s subtle anxiety over the indecision. These physical sensations can be signs that confusion is present and that it’s time to pause, listen, and reconnect with your inner self. ### **Discovering inner polarities** When confusion becomes overwhelming, it may be because there’s a deeper internal conflict or “polarity” at play. This is where inner exploration becomes important. Check in with the different parts of yourself—your spirituality, intellect, emotions, and body. Is there a disagreement or misalignment between them? Internal Family Systems (IFS) calls this inner conflict *polarities*—when different aspects of ourselves are pulling in opposite directions. When you discover this, ask the part of yourself that feels out of alignment what it needs. Then, find a way to meet that need in a manner that brings everything back into harmony. ### **Conclusion** Confusion isn’t the enemy—it’s the messenger. It arises to show us that something within us needs attention and alignment. Instead of pushing through it, we can learn to pause, listen, and ask intentional questions that restore our focus and integrity. By honoring this time of confusion, we reconnect with our intuition and find the clarity we seek. As we move into our meditation, let’s embrace confusion as a guide, not an obstacle. By tuning into our bodies, exploring our inner polarities, and clarifying our intentions, we can move forward with deeper insight and alignment. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-confusion-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for September 2024 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-september-2024/ Last updated: 2024-09-16T13:15:42.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Jesus Didn’t Condemn Women. So Why Do We? URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/jesus-didnt-condemn-women-so-why-do-we/ Last updated: 2024-09-07T13:15:25.000Z *A woman approached Jesus, her face etched with sorrow. "Lord," she said, "I made a choice to end a pregnancy, and now I am burdened by what others say. They cry out that I have sinned, that I have no place in the eyes of God. Is there hope for me?"* *Jesus looked at her with deep compassion. "My child, you are loved beyond measure. The choices you made were not easy, and they do not define you. God sees your heart, not the judgments of others. In God's kingdom, there is no condemnation. Release your shame. Go in peace, knowing that you are always beloved."* **–**The Gospel according to Chat GPT when I asked it to write a story about Jesus and a woman who had an abortion. ### Does This Story Challenge What You’ve Been Taught About Sin? What does reading this story stir in you? Does it challenge the way you’ve been taught to see women who make an abortion choice? We have a deeply rooted problem in mainstream Christianity—a tendency to filter everything through sin and judgment, rather than compassion and grace. This filter has malformed our faith over generations. ### The Misuse of Scripture to Condemn I posted on [Threads](https://www.threads.net/@chelseakimlong/post/C-5b3Z0vBNL?ref=chelseakimlong.com) last week that I don’t think Jesus would respond to a woman who has had an abortion with condemnation. My comments were flooded with folks citing a Bible story found in John 8 referred to as “the woman caught in adultery.” At the end of the story Jesus says, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” On my thread, several people commented something along the lines of, “He wouldn’t condemn her, but he would tell her to go and sin no more.” In general, I wish Christians would stop cherry picking verses and throwing them at people like weapons. But as I thought about why this bothered me, I realized that it’s because Jesus's words in this verse felt like a contradiction to my modern ears. ### The Confusing Words: “Neither Do I Condemn You” and “Go and Sin No More” “Neither do I condemn you” sounds like, “I don’t find you to be guilty.” But then, “Go and sin no more” sounds like, “Don’t do things that make you guilty.” *What?* When I can’t make sense of something in the Bible, I remind myself that I must be missing something. In our modern translations of the Bible, we are missing layers of meaning because of years of translation and culture/context shifts. I get excited when I realize it’s time to do a deeper dive. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Grief Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-grief-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-08-24T13:15:55.000Z This meditation is part of a series that focuses on what we might typically see as our “harder” or less acceptable emotions. Many of us have learned to push away these less desirable emotions based on a variety of reasons, perhaps religious, cultural, or social. Yet we know that it’s not healthy for us to repress emotions, and our meditation practice helps us create space for what is present within ourselves, even if it’s hard to face. We want to learn to understand our emotions better, what they’re trying to tell us, and identify how they show up in our body, so that we can then work with our emotions and use the gifts they bring us instead of fighting against them. In this short teaching before our meditation, we'll explore how grief invites us to mourn our losses and trust our body to carry us through that experience. My teachings and the following meditations have been greatly informed by my study of Internal Family Systems Therapy or “parts work,” Somatic Experiencing, and the book The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren. [*If you'd rather listen, you can hear a recording of the information in this email on Insight Timer.*](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-grief-teaching?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### **Understanding Grief** We often think of grief as an acute period of mourning after a loss. This can be true, but grief also is so much more than that. Grief arises not only from death but from any profound ending—whether it's the loss of health, the betrayal of trust, or the absence of something we always longed for. Our culture often tries to sidestep grief, offering tidy explanations or spiritual bypasses that keep us from fully experiencing our sorrow. But grief asks us to wade into the deep waters of our emotions, to feel the weight of our loss, and to allow that weight to press us into our bodies, into the reality of what we’ve lost. If we allow grief, it is medicine for loss. ### **What must be mourned? What must be released completely? What needs to be transcended?** These questions are not meant to have immediate answers but to open your heart to the process of grieving. Grief allows us to touch the depths of our being, connecting us to the universal experiences of loss and love that bind us all. Grief helps us honor the losses that have shaped us, whether they be the passing of loved ones, the end of cherished relationships, or the loss of dreams we held dear. ### **Physical Manifestations of Grief** The movement required by grief is downward, down into the depth of this universal human experience. It may feel heavy, like a great weight pressing on you. This weight is what anchors you to your body, allowing you to truly feel and honor your loss. Grief can feel like an ache or physical pain like headache, stomachache, or tension. Grief can be incredibly draining, leading to fatigue. Grief can sometimes make you feel numb or impact your sleep patterns. And of course, often the most immediate physical expression of grief is crying. Tears are a natural way for the body to release emotional tension, and crying can be both a relief and a physical manifestation of the pain of loss. ### **Ways Culture Bypasses Grief** Many of us live in cultures that feel uncomfortable in the face of grief. In religious or spiritual communities, there may be a tendency to trying and bypass grief by talking about the afterlife. It’s important for us to experience our grief in this life, even if we have a belief in the eternal nature of souls. Similarly, in our overly intellectualized culture, we often experience discomfort with raw, emotional experiences, preferring to try and rationalize them. Grief doesn’t demand that we stifle our intellect or spirit but rather invites them to take their proper places in the sacred ritual. Your heart will break open, but it won’t break apart. Instead, it will expand, creating more room for love, more capacity to breathe deeply, and more connection to the fragility of life. ### **A Call to Ritual** In many ways, we've lost touch with community-based grief rituals, yet our souls still crave these sacred spaces. Grief is a lengthy and profound process, best held within ritual and sacred space. However, even in solitude, we can create our own rituals of mourning, trusting our bodies to guide us through the process. ### **Conclusion** As we begin this meditation, I invite you to welcome your grief. Trust your body to take charge of the process. Allow yourself to be carried into the river of tears, knowing that you will be brought safely out again, transformed by the journey. ## **LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER** [Click to listen to the meditation on Insight Timer.](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-grief-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for August 2024 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-august-2024/ Last updated: 2024-08-15T13:15:23.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### When Healing Makes You (and Those Around You) More Uncomfortable URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/when-healing-is-uncomfortable/ Last updated: 2024-08-02T17:54:54.000Z I’m writing this from a plane, heading out to visit one of my best friends for three nights. This kid-free trip couldn’t have come at a better time for me. As a mom, summer has typically been a challenging time, full of disruption and trying to find the balance between advocating for my priorities as a working mother who largely sets my own schedule and willingly dropping balls in order to lean into the spontaneity that summer often demands. I went into this summer strong, clear on what I wanted to prioritize in my own work. As a family, we had planned a chill summer consisting of two small trips and staycation activities. As the summer rolled on, we were doing ok! And then, one of my weeks of childcare got cancelled and the political landscape of our country erupted and I got strep throat for the second time in two months and construction was happening at my house, and, and, and...my mental health took a hit. Lately, my body has been buzzing with anxiety, carrying tightness in my shoulders and my solar plexus. My social energy has been dangerously low, and if I don’t take a sleep aid I’ve been tossing and turning, unable to calm my racing mind. There’s a part of me that has the ability to keep dragging me through life even when every alarm in my nervous system is telling me to slow down, to say no. That part used to be stronger, used to be able to suppress signals from my body for the sake of continuing to meet the expectations of others, continuing to push through to more productivity. I honor that part’s desire to protect me by keeping me compliant. And yet... ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/08/Screenshot-2024-08-02-at-12.34.06-PM.png) So grateful to Simone Biles for opening the conversation about honoring our mental health. Post from @mattxiv on Instagram. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Fear Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-fear-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-07-27T13:15:24.000Z This meditation is part of a series that focuses on what we might typically see as our “harder” or less acceptable emotions. Many of us have learned to push away these less desirable emotions based on a variety of reasons, perhaps religious, cultural, or social. Yet we know that it’s not healthy for us to repress emotions, and our meditation practice helps us create space for what is present within ourselves, even if it’s hard to face. We want to learn to understand our emotions better, what they’re trying to tell us, and identify how they show up in our body, so that we can then work with our emotions and use the gifts they bring us instead of fighting against them. n this short teaching before our meditation, we'll explore how fear helps us to use our intuition to respond to whatever life throws at us. My teachings and the following meditations have been greatly informed by my study of Internal Family Systems Therapy or “parts work,” Somatic Experiencing, and the book “The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren. [*If you'd rather listen, you can hear a recording of the information below on Insight Timer.*](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-fear-teaching?ref=chelseakimlong.com) #### **Understanding Fear** Fear, when it flows freely, brings us the following gifts: **Intuition**: Heightens our awareness and connects us to our deeper instincts. **Focus**: Sharpens our senses and aligns our actions with our immediate needs. **Clarity**: Helps us see situations clearly and respond effectively. **Attentiveness**: Keeps us present and engaged with our environment. **Readiness**: Prepares us for change and equips us to handle new challenges. When fear flows freely, it hones our senses and enhances our ability to respond. It makes us focused, centered, capable, and agile. Fear is not cowardice; it carries survival instincts honed over thousands of years. By listening to our fear, we can access profound intuitive and instinctual knowledge. #### **How Fear Manifests in Your Body** Fear is not just a mental or emotional state; it's a physical experience that involves our entire body. Everyone experiences fear differently, and these body responses can be influenced by individual differences, cultural factors, and personal history. In uour meditation practice, just be aware of what is happening in your body and see if you can identify it. Fear communicates through sensations and urges. It might tell you to slow down, stop, or take action. These signals often come as queasy feelings, sudden insights, or nagging thoughts. Trust these messages and ask yourself, "What action should be taken?" Physical manifestations of fear can include increased Heart Rate and Palpitations, shallow or rapid breathing, muscle tightness, clammy skin, stomach upset or butterflies, dry mouth, or numbness. ### **Creating Boundaries** Anger and fear work in tandem. Anger helps us set boundaries, while fear maintains our focus and preparedness. By setting strong personal boundaries, we create a sacred space where our fear can flow freely, bringing us readiness, focus, and calm. ### **The Difference Between Fear and the Aftermath of Fear** Understanding the distinction between fear and its aftermath is crucial for managing our responses and integrating our experiences. Fear is kind of like an operating system that is always running in the background, and isn’t necessarily an obvious emotional state. When free flowing, it can rise up when needed as an instinctive reaction to a perceived threat. It is focused and intentional, heightening our senses to prepare our body to respond. When we listen to our fear, we often become surprisingly resourceful and capable. The aftermath of fear refers to the period after the immediate threat has passed, when our bodies and minds begin to process the experience. It’s important that we integrate our experience and allow our bodies and minds to process. After the threat has passed, the leftover adrenaline can make us feel jittery or anxious. This is not fear itself but the body’s way of coming down from a heightened state of alertness. Our body may need to shake, cry, or find other forms of emotional release. Our minds may replay and analyze the situation, often through flashbacks or repeated thoughts about the event. This review process helps integrate the experience and learn from it. #### **Signs of Obstruction** When fear is obstructed, it often manifests as constant worries or anxieties, which can decrease our focus and clarity. Understanding the difference between free-flowing fear and obstructed fear is crucial. Anxiety and Worry often arise when our instincts are still on high alert, even though the immediate danger is no longer present. Anxiety can be a sign that our fear response needs to complete its cycle of activation and release. #### **Conclusion** Fear, when honored and understood, is a powerful guide. It sharpens our intuition, enhances our focus, and prepares us for whatever comes our way. By creating space for our fear and integrating our experiences, we become more resilient and resourceful. As you go about your day, remember to listen to your fear, respect its messages, and use its energy to navigate your life's journey with wisdom and grace. ## **LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER** [Click to listen to the meditation on Insight Timer.](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-fear-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) *Become a paid subscriber to get the bonus resources for this meditation!* _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### 5 Books for July 2024 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-books-for-july-2024/ Last updated: 2024-07-27T18:31:55.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Don’t Get Stuck in Freeze: How to Face This Political Moment URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/dont-get-stuck-in-freeze/ Last updated: 2024-07-05T17:07:09.000Z This is a wellness check. How are we doing? [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/cbc-1zRfoTwnJ44J1PsIOh?ref=chelseakimlong.com) The news lately has been *a lot*. And I feel us possibly collectively slipping down the slide of despair to election day in November. As a post-evangelical white woman, it has been disconcerting (*understatement*) grappling with the possibility for a different version of Christianity while also confronting my role in the dominant forms of Chrisitanity present in the broader sociopolitical landscape. I spent 2016-2020 head down, trying to distance myself as much as possible from the white evangelical church and live into an alternative version of faith. And in the past 4 years, I’ve realized that it’s important for me to reckon with the impact of the people that I come from and try to do my part in modeling a different path as well as fighting for a different future. The political moment we find ourselves in is one marked by division, fear, and a troubling rise in fascist politics. This reality has been fueled, in part, by the longstanding marriage between the Republican Party and the white evangelical church—a union I was once unwittingly a part of. Maybe you were, too, or maybe you actively supported it. It’s uncomfortable to carry the weight of that, and it’s important that we do, so that we can move forward with intentionality and integrity. ### **Acknowledging Our Complicity** It's crucial that we acknowledge our complicity. For years, the white evangelical church has been a powerful political force, championing policies and leaders that have often been at odds with values of love, justice, and inclusivity. We must recognize how our past involvement—whether through votes, donations, or silence—has contributed to the perpetuation of these harmful ideologies. We also don’t get to say, “They’re not *actually* Christians.” In his book *Do I Stay Christian?*, Brian McClaren speaks to those of us who still want to retain Christian identity. It’s important not to create “others” out of people we disagree with who also identify as Christians. He writes, “If I hold the term Christian for myself and deny it to all those I consider wrong or evil, I am upholding Christianity as the fount of all moral good, which I know is simply not true...if I let the idealized conception of Christianity in my head negate the the harm that Christans are doing out there in the world, I am deluding myself and letting my idealized form of Christianity and myself off the hook.” The truth is, they *are* Christians. Particularly, as white people, we have been fed a narrative that we are innocents, and others are at fault. If we continue to separate ourselves from Christian nationalists and others who are causing harm, we continue to perpetuate this myth that we are innocents. Brian suggests, instead, “You stop seeking innocence through separation. Instead you seek love through solidarity. If you choose solidarity in the way modeled by Jesus, then you don’t have to stop being Christian.” _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Why Pride Matters to Me as a Straight Christian Woman URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/why-pride-matters/ Last updated: 2024-06-08T13:15:35.000Z For several years, I was quietly LGBTQ+ affirming. It was a huge deal for me to change my mind, and yet it was easy–truly. I read [*Torn*](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781546006909?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 1 by Justin Lee in 2013\. This book shared Justin’s personal experience of growing up in the evangelical church, knowing from a young age that he was same-sex attracted. Although Justin advocated for room for disagreement, his personal stance was that monogamous same-sex relationships are not mentioned anywhere in the Bible, and that any verses against homosexuality don’t relate to our modern conceptions of relationships. His story challenged me because I had always grown up believing that being gay is a sin. After reading and agreeing with this book the summer of 2013, it still took me two full years to admit, out loud to myself (in my journal) that I wasn’t sure that homosexuality was a sin. It took me many more years after that to ever say that out loud to someone else or to understand the concept of allyship and why it matters. I didn’t have the words to define it at the time, but I was beginning my deconstruction journey. Partly, I didn’t think it mattered if I, a veritable nobody, was outspoken about changing my mind. And partly, I knew I would be seen differently by my evangelical community if I said it out loud. So for years, I kept quiet. I didn’t think Pride had anything to do with me. I have come to learn that it really matters that straight Christian allies are outspoken in our support of our LGBTQ+ siblings. And, as I navigated my own spiritual path of self-acceptance, I have learned so much from them. It’s important to note that Pride began as an annual remembrance of the Stonewall Rebellion, which happened on June 28, 1969 which in many ways catalyzed the LGBTQIA+ civil rights movement. While Pride has evolved to become a celebration of the queer community, it’s still important to continue to reflect on the inequities present in society and fight for justice. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Hatred Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-hatred-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-05-24T16:59:10.000Z This meditation is part of a series that focuses on what we might typically see as our “harder” or less acceptable emotions. Many of us have learned to push away these less desirable emotions based on a variety of reasons, perhaps religious, cultural, or social. Yet we know that it’s not healthy for us to repress emotions, and our meditation practice helps us create space for what is present within ourselves, even if it’s hard to face. We want to learn to understand our emotions better, what they’re trying to tell us, and identify how they show up in our body, so that we can then work with our emotions and use the gifts they bring us instead of fighting against them. We'll explore how shame serves as a guide to help you live according to your own moral code. My teachings and the following meditations have been greatly informed by my study of Internal Family Systems Therapy or “parts work,” Somatic experiencing, and the book “The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren. [*If you'd rather listen, you can hear a recording of the information below on Insight Timer.*](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-hatred-teaching?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Understanding Hatred Let’s begin by normalizing your experience of hatred. Hatred is, like all emotions, a natural human emotion. It’s an intense and laser-focused form of rage and fury. Hatred is what you experience when you project something that is repressed in you onto another person. When you can get curious about the object of your hate and dig into what exactly it is that you hate, it can provide you with valuable information about parts of yourself that need integration. Through an Internal Family Systems lens, hatred can serve as fierce, protective parts trying to keep exiled parts of your system safe. If you are able to begin to turn toward your feelings of hatred, your hatred will gift you with an ability to look at hidden or suppressed parts of yourself. Jungian psychology describes the concept of the shadow, which contains all of the parts of yourself that you have cut off in order to be acceptable perhaps to your family, friends, or society in general. If you can approach it with curiosity, your hatred can be a pathway to learning about these suppressed aspects of yourself. ### How hatred can feel in your body Let’s talk somatics for a minute. Hatred can manifest as physical sensations in the body, such as tightness in the chest or a knot in the stomach. Some research has linked feelings of hatred to heightened cortisol levels and overstimulation of the nervous system, putting you into fight or flight mode. Hate can feel fiery in your belly or chest and like pent up energy that you need to vent out. It can provide a surge of adrenaline and even lead to heart racing and muscle tension. By tuning into these bodily sensations, you can deepen your understanding of yourself and work with your body and emotions toward healing. ### What has fallen into my shadow? What must be reintegrated? Hatred serves as a signal from your soul, highlighting aspects of yourself that have been suppressed and need to be reintegrated. By examining the perceived flaws in the target of your hatred, you can identify and integrate the parts of yourself that you have not been able to express. The light of your hatred can help you observe these parts of yourself that you may have formerly rejected and work to bring them to wholeness. ### The Power of Hatred Despite its negative connotations, hatred holds immense power—the power to illuminate the darkest corners of our psyche, the power to catalyze profound transformation. It is a force that, when channeled with awareness, can lead us on a journey of self-discovery and integration. By embracing our hatred and the insights it offers, we can tap into our inner strength and forge a path towards wholeness. ### The Relationship Between Adoration and Hatred Adoration and hatred may seem like opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, but they share a common thread—they both stem from our inability to fully accept ourselves. When we admire someone, we project our idealized self onto them, while hatred arises when others reflect back the parts of ourselves we reject. By understanding this dynamic, we can see adoration and hatred as two sides of the same coin, in that they can both point you to a deeper understanding of yourself. This is good to remember–if it feels too tricky to start with working with your hatred, start by thinking about someone you adore and what you’re projecting onto them as a means to get in touch with your shadow. ### Do I have to like everyone? Of course not! There’s a difference between not enjoying someone or not liking how they behave, or just not wanting to be around someone and the intensity of hatred. If you’ve got an intensity of emotion toward someone, and you can’t detach, that’s projection. So let this intensity of emotion guide you to what might be in the shadow and what might need to be reintegrated. ### Conclusion I hope you’ll join me in the meditation that follows as we get in touch with our hatred to create space to examine our own shadow. As we journey together, remember that hatred, when approached with respect and curiosity, is a guide to help you integrate lost parts of yourself. Trust yourself, welcome your emotions, and allow hatred to play its role in acting like a mirror to your own soul. ## **LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER** [Click to listen to the meditation on Insight Timer](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-shame-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com). *Become a paid subscriber to get the resources for this meditation!* _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### You're On Your Own, Kid URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/youre-on-your-own-kid/ Last updated: 2025-11-05T17:34:16.000Z ## Sign up for my newsletter Let’s imagine Christianity outside of the patriarchy together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. I have a tattoo on my left forearm that says “peace.” When I got it in 2016, I couldn’t even really explain why I wanted that word on my body permanently, other than the fact that, as a white evangelical girlie I had been obsessed with the Hebrew concept of *shalom* for years. For many years I had also struggled with anxiety. I kept asking God to give me peace, as if it was something outside of my own ability. At the end of her *folklore* album, Taylor Swift sings, “Would it be enough if I could/Never give you peace?” Endless ink has been spilled speculating on who Taylor is singing about in each one of her songs; sometimes we know and many times we guess. I’ve never identified as a Swiftie because I can’t deal with that level of fandom. I love the art she creates but get annoyed by the constant headlines about her personal life. In many of her songs she seems to be describing a quest to find belonging with a life partner. A prevailing theory in the psychology of relationships is that we choose partners based on our projection of self. When I listen to her music, I see a woman wrestling with her own sense of self in and out of relationships throughout her life and wondering, *Can I be loved for who I am, not just for the roles that I play?* Maybe I see that because it’s true for her, but it’s more likely that I see that because it’s been true for me. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Shame Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-shame-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-05-24T15:58:40.000Z This meditation is part of a series that focuses on what we might typically see as our “harder” or less acceptable emotions. Many of us have learned to push away these less desirable emotions based on a variety of reasons, perhaps religious, cultural, or social. Yet we know that it’s not healthy for us to repress emotions, and our meditation practice helps us create space for what is present within ourselves, even if it’s hard to face. We want to learn to understand our emotions better, what they’re trying to tell us, and identify how they show up in our body, so that we can then work with our emotions and use the gifts they bring us instead of fighting against them. We'll explore how shame serves as a guide to help you live according to your own moral code. My teachings and the following meditations have been greatly informed by my study of Internal Family Systems Therapy or “parts work,” Somatic experiencing, and the book “The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren. [*If you'd rather listen, you can hear a recording of the information below on Insight Timer.*](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/welcoming-shame-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### The Difference Between Shame and Guilt I have to start with a few disclaimers. Let's first distinguish between guilt and shame. Guilt is a factual state, not an emotion. Either you're guilty or you're not based on some moral or legal standard. On the other hand, shame is the emotional consequence of wrongdoing. So throughout this teaching and meditation I will focus on the word shame, talking about an emotional state. ### Toxic Shame At the top we also have to talk about toxic shame. Unfortunately we have such a bad relationship with our own authentic shame, that we struggle to connect with it and see anything useful about shame at all. Most of us have been taught about shame by being shamed. Shame has been used as a form of control by authority figures. We weren’t trusted to moderate our own behavior and were coerced to embody other people’s ideas of right and wrong. If you were raised in a worldview like I was, where you were told from a young age that you were bad at your core, a sinner from birth, shame most likely lives deep in your body. Tread with caution and compassion because this deep, longstanding shame can be resistant to you working with it. When we are constantly in a blocked state of not wanting to feel shame, we will keep doing wrong or we will feel stuck because we aren’t allowing ourselves to moderate our own behavior. A first step is just getting curious about what our shame feels like, and exploring where our shame originated, which we’ll do in our meditation after this teaching. ### Understanding Shame The primary gift that shame brings is to help bring you into integrity according to your own moral code and can lead to atonement and behavioral respect. Shame is the internal counterpart to Anger’s external role. Anger sets external boundaries, and Shame sets internal boundaries that help you respect yourself and how you want to show up in the world. In an IFS framework, there are parts known as exiles. Exiles can carry a lot of shame from the past, and are often harder for you to access because there are layers of protection trying to keep the exiles safe. Know that when trying to work with shame, it can be best to do so with a therapist or other trained professional that can support your process. It might be helpful to simply start with noticing when you feel shame and spending some time journaling about what it feels like in your body and what stories come up around your shame. ### How Shame Can Feel In Your Body Shame can manifest in various parts of the body. It can feel like heat rising, or a flush, intensity, or an internal pull in the gut or another body part. Shame can be paralyzing, leaving your speechless or literally stopping you in your tracks. You might feel tension in the shoulders, chest tightness, a lump in the throat, or a sinking feeling in the stomach. These sensations often accompany feelings of embarrassment or exposure. Shame might feel like “I’m in trouble” or “I’m going to get caught doing something wrong.” It can feel childish, if shame entered into your life early. You may notice changes in your breathing pattern, like shallow or rapid breathing, or shame might also cause breath-holding or a sense of being unable to catch one's breath. You may take on a posture of trying to make yourself physically smaller as a protective impulse, such as slumped shoulders, avoiding eye contact, or crossed arms or legs. You may become more vigilant or sensitive, or even shake. The sensations of shame can be powerful, so please offer yourself tons of compassion when exploring your shame. ### Who has been hurt? What must be made right? Shame, like anger, acts as a guide helping us see when we have crossed our own internal boundary. So you can see your healthy shame as a form of anger toward yourself, when you have done something wrong or you have been convinced what you did is wrong. When we are in a healthy relationship with our shame, it can help us to live the life we want according to our own ethics and moral code and help us to be in right relationship with others. It can help us recognize our own shadowy behaviors and make amends to those we may have hurt. ### The Power of Healthy Shame In her book, Karla MacLaren says that when we are in healthy relationship with our shame, we will see the world as a place of grace, rather than living in fear of punishment. When we can trust our shame to help us restore integrity, we will flow easily into happiness and contentment, knowing that we are living in line with our own moral code. ### Conclusion I hope you’ll join me in the meditation that follows as we get in touch with our shame to create space for its healthy expression in a safe space. As we journey together, remember that shame, when approached with respect and curiosity, is a guide. Trust yourself, welcome your emotions, and allow shame to play its role in protection and restoration. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### My Sister and I Take Taylor Swift Very Seriously URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-tortured-poets-department/ Last updated: 2025-05-07T02:25:56.000Z My sister Shanna and I are only 18 months apart in age and our entire life has been a constant flow of conversations. Over the last several years particularly as she became a mother for the first time, our conversations have centered around the intersections of pop culture, motherhood, feminism, parenting, religion, and everything in between. Taylor Swift released her album The Tortured Poets Department on Friday, April 19, and we haven't stopped texting about it since, so we thought we'd discuss. We dive deep with a focus on themes of feminism, self-identity, and pop culture. We explore our own emotional connections to her lyrics, Swift's portrayal of experiences, and critiques on her approach to complex topics. The discussion encompasses the narrative arc of the album, our thoughts on Taylor identifying with the Romantic Era of art, and we tease out the themes of relationships, self-discovery, and faith deconstruction represented in the music. Let us know what you think! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### My Spontaneous Abortion Story URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/my-spontaneous-abortion-story/ Last updated: 2024-04-06T13:15:40.000Z *This piece is an excerpt from a larger work in progress that tells the story of my faith deconstruction and reproductive journey and shares, among other narratives, how I went from an anti-abortion conservative Christian to a progressive Christian who vehemently defends the healthcare rights of women, including abortion. Every single reproductive journey is unique, and I firmly believe that all people should have the right to make complex medical decisions with access to care and without fear of legal repercussions. As a part of my effort to contribute to the destigmatization of abortion care, I refer to my miscarriage as a "spontaneous abortion," which is a commonly used medical term.* I look down at the test again, in disbelief that I see two pink lines. Pregnant. How? I text my husband at work to let him know: “I’m pregnant. Oops.” He knew that my period was late, but I had been waiting to test until it was really late. Plus I haven’t been very regular since it came back four months ago, at just three months postpartum. Whoever says that exclusive breastfeeding is the best contraceptive is a liar. I try to count back the days since my last period and estimate that I am 6 weeks along. My baby is seven months old, crying in the next room, and his birth is a trauma I have yet to unpack. I’ve been stumbling, zombie-like through many moments of the last seven months, waiting to see if the fog will lift. A few days after his birth, or maybe the day after, my husband declared, “When are we going to have another one?” I looked at him like he was insane. Does he know what I went through to get this one out of my body? Why is everyone acting like I’m okay? Why am I trying to act like I’m okay? I’m pretty sure I will never be ready to have another baby, yet I want my son to have at least one sibling, so the conversation about baby number two has been ongoing. I glance back at the pregnancy test and shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts as I pick up my baby. With him in my arms, I call my doctor and book an appointment for an ultrasound. Discussions about timing aside, ready or not, I guess this is happening. I quickly do the mental math; these kids will be 17 months apart in age. Neither my husband nor I have any illusions that having kids so close in age won’t be difficult, but over the next few days as we process the new reality, we begin to dream about how fun it will be (eventually) to have children so close in age. My older sister, my best friend, is just 18 months older than me, and we grew up attached at the hip. The day of the appointment with the OB, my husband and I walk into the appointment holding hands, trying to keep it light. We have decided that, despite the surprise factor, we are happy about this pregnancy. I secretly have complex feelings that I feel too ashamed to share. I can find my way into happiness, I’m sure of it. In the examination room, the doctor greets us and gets to work. Once the computer screen is up and running, we wait in anticipation to hear the heartbeat. We see the tiny little bean shaped thing, but there’s no heartbeat. “Are you sure you’re 6 weeks along?” the doctor asks. “I don’t know for sure. My period hasn’t been super regular since I’m still breastfeeding, but I know the date of my last period.” “Maybe you’re not 6 weeks; maybe it’s earlier than that. There’s no need to worry. We usually like to see a heartbeat by 6 weeks, but let’s schedule a follow up for two weeks from now.” We leave the appointment with the familiar black and white printout of the inside of my uterus, ostensibly the first picture of our baby. We decide to tell our families, texting them a photo and saying, “We didn’t hear a heartbeat today, but we’ll go back in 2 weeks! They think it’s too early.” Over the next few weeks, I am distracted and the anxiety weighs heavy. I try to convince myself that everything will be okay. I remind myself that even though I wasn’t ready to be pregnant, we know we want more kids, so why not now? Two weeks later, we return to the doctor. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### On Katie Britt’s performance of white, Christian motherhood (Or, how I grew up thinking I wanted to be a tradwife) URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/on-katie-britts-performance-of-white-christian-motherhood-or-how-i-grew-up-thinking-i-wanted-to-be-a-tradwife/ Last updated: 2024-03-08T20:03:15.000Z I thought I would grow up to have a life that looks like the one that Katie Britt portrayed in her [rebuttal to the State of the Union](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQw0-AkgQGM&ref=chelseakimlong.com) last night. She pulled off a flawless performance of white, conservative Christian motherhood. I was 29 when I realized that I couldn’t live up to that ideal, and this devastated me because I had no other plan for my life. I didn’t grow up with career aspirations or thinking definitively about what I wanted to be when I grew up, beyond being a wife and mother. This is not to say that I didn't have strong female role models. My own mother consistently pursued her own personal and career goals alongside playing the primary parent role in many ways and homeschooling me through elementary school. My paternal grandmother got her masters degree in the seventies as a mom of three tween boys and valued her career as an early elementary reading interventionist. I saw plenty of women who seemed to do both parenting and “work” (as if parenting is not work). I also noticed how, in many cases, the woman’s career or personal aspirations seemed to have to be molded around the demands of parenting. I noticed how, in college, many of my female friends chose careers with flexible schedules because they assumed that they would have to mold their lives and ambitions around their future motherhood. Women choosing to become teachers because it’s convenient to have summers off with the kids. Women choosing to become nurses because the shift work makes it easier to organize childcare and the days they got to be home with their kids. After my husband and I got married, I attended grad school knowing that as soon as I got pregnant and had a baby, I had no intentions of pursuing a career. He would financially support us as I focused all my attention and energy on the important job of raising our children and tending to the home. I could barely wait to live out the dream that I’d held for so many years, the peaceful happily ever after, the outcome of a life of obedience and faithfulness to God. So imagine my shock when my worldview began to come apart at the seams as a Christian mother with an 18 month old baby experiencing a crisis of theology with a side of unprocessed birth trauma and a nagging case of untreated postpartum depression. I was unhappy and mired in shame, overwhelmed by the demands of domestic labor and motherhood while also working outside of the home. I loved my child, and I didn’t understand why I was unhappy, why I couldn't do what was required of me. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me. I kept asking myself that for years, until I realized that for most of my life I had worked tirelessly to conform myself to an image of white, conservative Christian womanhood that never did contain me, internally. I molded my entire identity and how I showed up in the world around belonging to a group of people who would never allow me to be who I actually was. It took me 5 more years and 2 more kids to find the bravery to be honest about who I was and what I actually wanted and needed to be happy in my own life. > I could never have grown up to have a life that looks like the one that Katie Britt portrayed last night because that life doesn’t exist in reality, even for the women who align with her worldview. We all have our secrets, the parts of ourselves that we shove into the shadow in order to continue to perform womanhood in that way, to find belonging in that culture. In Luke 8, Jesus says, "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." In reality, there are so many ways to be a faithful Christian woman. There's no honest way to end this sentence: "Christian women don't (fill in the blank)." Because Christian women have all kinds of experiences and make all kinds of decisions, it's just that only some are considered acceptable to discuss in polite company. In the Katie Britt version of motherhood, there are so many pieces of our lives and experiences that we aren't allowed to speak of. Let's bring them into the light so that we can live in alignment with who we really are, and trust that whatever we lose is worth losing to find wholeness. ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live into a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### On the Need for Diverse, Embodied Theology URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/on-the-need-for-diverse-theology/ Last updated: 2024-03-01T14:10:19.000Z Before we start, I have fun news! I just released my first ever devotional, entitled Embodying the Divine. Check it out by clicking the image below. [![Embodying the Divine](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/03/embodying-the-divine-cover-photo.png)](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/shop/) After I had my first baby, I would often think to myself, “I can’t find God.” Prior to that point in my life I would have said that I truly understand the felt experience of God. Like, I had this certain God-feeling in my body And after I had my first baby, I couldn’t find that feeling. I would try and try to walk down the paths that had led me to God before and I couldn’t conjure that feeling anymore. I didn't know where God had gone and I felt utterly unanchored. It took me years to realize that God was always there in my body, and I was right to be able to locate God in my body. But the problem was, when I had these uniquely female experiences of pregnancy, postpartum mental health crises, miscarriage, infertility, that theology that taught me to only ever address God with male pronouns had never given me an imagination for a God who had a body that looked like mine, for a God that had the bodily experiences that I experienced in my body. It’s no wonder that when my body was going through these experiences, I couldn’t find that God in my body.This is why it’s so important for us to have a theology that makes space for the lived experiences of all people because we have been told that we are all made in the image of God, that God lives in our bodies, and yet the majority of our theology was created by able bodied, cisgendered men. Almost a year ago, I started identifying as a lay theologian. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Welcoming Anger Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/welcoming-anger-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2026-01-30T20:54:15.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/02/Screenshot-2024-02-22-at-5.46.51-PM.png) New this month, downloadable worksheet to accompany the meditation This is the first meditation in a series that focuses on what we might typically see as our “harder” or less acceptable emotions. Many of us have learned to push away these less desirable emotions based on a variety of reasons, perhaps religious, cultural, or social. Yet we know that it’s not healthy for us to repress emotions, and our meditation practice helps us create space for what is present within ourselves, even if it’s hard to face. We want to learn to understand our emotions better, what they’re trying to tell us, and identify how they show up in our body, so that we can then work with our emotions and use the gifts they bring us instead of fighting against them. We'll explore how anger serves as both a protector and a catalyst for restoration. My teachings and the following meditations have been greatly informed by my study of Internal Family Systems Therapy or “parts work,” Somatic experiencing, and the book “The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren. ## Listen the Teaching on Anger ### Understanding Anger When I use the word anger, it also encompasses stronger versions such as rage and fury. It’s important to note that anger is often felt by those who are doing work to heal from trauma, as a natural part of that process. The primary gift that anger brings us is to let us know where a boundary has been crossed and where restoration is needed. I often refer to the Internal Family Systems model of therapy. In IFS, we have what is known as protector parts, and these protector parts can sometimes manifest with anger. Notice that when you’re experiencing anger, it may be some part of you that is trying to protect you, and work to honor that. ### How Anger Can Feel in Your Body Let’s talk about somatics for a minute. Everyone experiences anger differently, and these body responses can be influenced by individual differences, cultural factors, and personal history. So as I talk through this, and then in the meditation when we work with our anger more directly, just be aware of what is happening and see if you can identify it. Anger can manifest as muscle tension, particularly in areas like the jaw, shoulders, neck, and back, or in your fists. This can lead to headaches. The body prepares for action, and this can result in a tightening of muscles. Anger can feel like heat or flushing, an increased heart rate, agitation, shallow breathing, or an adrenaline surge, shaking, or upset stomach. These physical responses can happen as the body's way of dealing with excess energy that anger can bring. ### What Needs Protection? What Needs Restoration? Anger acts as a guide, pointing out where our boundaries have been breached. It's a protective energy that, when acknowledged and expressed healthily, helps restore what's been broken. So when you feel anger, you can ask yourself, what needs protection in this situation? What boundary has been broken? What needs restoration? And let the answers to those questions be your guide for how you will respond and channel that anger. ### Repressive vs. Expressive Anger I briefly want to mention two reactions that we often have to anger that can lead to negative consequences. The first is repressing, or pushing our anger down. Repressing anger can lead to enmeshment, self-abandonment, apathy, and depression. When you ignore your anger, you are neglecting the restoration of boundaries. On the opposite of that, we can also express our anger in harmful ways which can lead to harsh, isolating boundaries, hurting other people, or even hatred on an extreme end. A knee-jerk reaction can lead to violence. Neither of these options, repressing or expressing in harmful ways are helpful to us, so let’s look at how we can use our anger in healthy ways to move through the emotion and come out restored and protected. ### The Power of Healthy Anger Anger helps you create your boundary and has a sense of honor for yourself and for others. It stops you from violating other people. Anger can also protect other emotions, for example, sometimes if you’re afraid or feel vulnerable, your anger will come out to try and protect you. Healthy anger sets your boundary and helps you be awake to others boundaries and individuality - takes away power struggles, projections, or enmeshment. Remember, emotions are messengers, and anger's intensity highlights important, unhealed aspects within us. ### Forgiveness and Healing A quick note about forgiveness. Forgiveness can only follow when anger is used constructively to restore boundaries. ### Conclusion I hope you’ll join me in the meditation that follows as we get in touch with our anger to create space for its healthy expression in a safe space. As we journey together, remember that anger, when approached with respect and prayerfulness, is a guide, a warrior standing guard. Trust yourself, welcome your emotions, and allow anger to play its role in protection and restoration. ## Listen to the Meditation on Insight Timer _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The Year of Belonging Book Club URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-year-of-belonging-book-club/ Last updated: 2024-11-10T14:29:53.000Z As the calendar turned over to 2024, I felt myself go into a time warp of sorts. How has it already been 4 years since 2020, since a global pandemic altered our world forever, since the last presidential election here in the US? I entered this year dreading another contentious election season, but I have a desire to change my orientation to the particular time in which we live so that I can show up more fully in any given situation. I think we all need a renewed exploration of *belonging*. Much of my work centers around learning how to offer unconditional belonging and compassion to ourselves so that we in turn can offer that to others. What does it mean to belong to each other in a world that is so fractured? Many of us have had experiences of being thrust out of places that we once belonged because of changed ideologies, and some of us have never fully felt belonging. It takes deep work to heal these wounds. My friend Dr. Kholi Murchison and I will be facilitating a year-long exploration of belonging together through a monthly book club of curated titles along with ongoing opportunities for connection and conversation in community with others. We need hope right now; we need renewed vision to see the world we want to build toward while also fighting against the injustice that we see. We need to continue to learn resiliency and create belonging in our own places so that we can work together in solidarity to create a more just and equitable society, and to weather the storms together. [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://buy.stripe.com/14kbJi1dXgkq4uY3ch?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/02/2.png) ## **About your facilitators:** Dr. Kholi Murchison is a femme-presenting nonbinary embodied movement practitioner, writer, and diviner of Black queer magic, who's been defining brands and gathering and growing communities through inclusive, communal actualization for almost 20 years. [Learn more about Kholi.](https://www.carriekholi.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Chelsea Kim Long (she/her) is a writer, creator, meditation teacher, and lay theologian. Entering motherhood catalyzed her deconstruction journey out of the white evangelical faith and into an expansive version of faithfulness to God that doesn’t require self-abandonment. ## **Meeting dates:** The last Friday of each month (we will adjust as needed for holidays, etc) on Zoom at 12pm PST/3pm EST. Tentative dates: Fridays 3/1, 3/29, 4/26, 5/31, 6/28, 7/26, 8/30, 9/27, 10/25, 11/22, 12/20 [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://chelseakimlong.com/subscribe?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## How this group will run: The book club will run for all of 2024 and we want to keep the conversation going all year in a variety of ways. We'll read one book each month and have a live Zoom call on the last Friday of each month at 12pm PST/3pm EST. Throughout the month, we will also offer an optional Marco Polo group chat and a Broadcast Chat on Instagram. We want to offer you a space to connect with other folks to the degree that you want to. It can be really helpful to have a supportive digital community that encourages you to go out and take action to create belonging in your neighborhood. It's optional to join these ongoing spaces of connection, but it'll be there for you to share honestly how you're processing the book throughout the month, or if you’re unable to join the Zoom call. If you don't have anyone IRL yet to discuss these concepts, we'll be here. I will commit to respond to your Polos in the group within 24 hours. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. We'll have some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. ## What does it cost? The Year of Belonging Book Club is for paids subscriber in my community ([**learn more and sign up here**](https://chelseakimlong.com/subscribe?ref=chelseakimlong.com)), you can participate for no additional charge as a thank you for being a part of my sustaining community. ***If you're already a paid subscriber,*** [***email me to sign up***](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com). \*Please don't let finances be an obstacle; we are offering this book club on a "pay-what-you-can" basis with a suggested minimum payment of $5 per month. If you can't make that work, [please email Chelsea](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com) and we are happy to have you join us. Registration will be open on an ongoing basis. Also, you can pick up the books that I'll keep in a list on[ Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/lists/the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com) or your local library (which is mostly what I will be doing through Libby and Hoopla)! [Click to join the Year of Belonging Book Club!](https://chelseakimlong.com/subscribe?ref=chelseakimlong.com) --- ## About the books ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/02/3.png) Kholi and I have curated a list that spans genres with the goal to create vibrant conversation around variations on the theme of belonging in theory and in practice. Some of the books are nonfiction and practical, aimed at helping you enter into conversations with folks who may disagree with you. Other books are fiction, and through story we will meditate on our own relationship with belonging both to ourselves and also with community. We will be in conversation with the work of contemporary thinkers laboring toward belonging in real life and with writers both modern and classic imagining how people make belonging and what belonging can feel like, so that throughout the year we can continue a conversation on belonging from a variety of angles. [To learn more about each individual title, please visit the Year of Belonging booklist on Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/lists/the-year-of-belonging?ref=chelseakimlong.com). February: *Troubling the Water* by Ben McBride March: *The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store* by James McBride April: *I Never Thought of It That Way* by Monica Guzmán May: *Wellness* by Nathan Hill June: *Worthy* by Jada Pinkett Smith July: *Freshwater* by Akwaeke Emezi August: *High Conflict* by Amanda Ripley September: *I Who Have Never Known Men* by Jacqueline Harpman October: *Belonging* by bell hooks November: *The People We Keep* by by Allison Larkin December: *The Salt Eaters* by Toni Cade Bambara ### "Women are badder than men." URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/women-are-badder-than-men/ Last updated: 2024-02-02T14:03:15.000Z “Women are badder than men.” I glance back in the rearview mirror to my 6 year old daughter, who has just causally said this. I’m driving my kids to school; how does so much happen in a 4 minute drive? We just listened to a song that my 9 year old son requested. The song is about a breakup, a girl who cheated on her boyfriend. I remarked on one of the lyrics, saying that it was a Biblical allusion (listen, I’m a former English teacher from a family of English teachers). The lyrics said, “You were my Garden of Eden, I’m leaving” and my 9 year old pointed out another line that said, “Guess my lover was a snake.” From there we started to talk through the narrative of “the Fall” found in Genesis 1-3\. Of course, most of us know how the story goes. Eve eats the apple and all of humanity suffers because of it. [Click to read what I wrote in August about the Barbie movie being a feminist retelling of the Genesis narrative. ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/august-2023/)It’s hard for me to understand why it seems like according to this story, God would create a circumstance where a human is bound to fail. In the midst of this conversation, it was wild to hear my 6 year old daughter, the daughter of an extremely outspoken feminist mother, name a belief she had absorbed somewhere else: “Women are badder than men.” _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Reclaiming Holiday Happiness URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/reclaiming-holiday-happiness/ Last updated: 2024-02-02T15:42:39.000Z If you are a caretaker of children, you understand that when they are on “break” from school, it is typically very much the opposite of a break for you. My kids have three weeks off for the winter holidays, and I am writing to you from the third of those 3 weeks, while my kids are at winter camp through our neighborhood rec center. At any given moment, I vacillate between feeling wildly grateful for any time I get to spend with my children and resentful if I feel I am expected to be the one who is caring for my children. It never has anything to do with my children themselves; as I often say, they are a true delight. Moments when I can be fully present with them are some of my favorite moments of life. The issue that I so often run into is that the moments when I’m not trying to accomplish something else (be it domestic labor or paid work etc etc etc), are extremely draining, and it feels like those moments of pure presence are a luxury. One upside of the paid work that I do is that it’s very flexible and I set my own hours. One downside is that I have to be mindful of protecting my time and thinking ahead to set myself up for success so that I can be more present to my kids when they are home. All of that being said, this year, I set myself up for success really well, and this three week “break” has been super peaceful. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Mary Taught Her Son to be a Prophetic Witness URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/december-2023/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:10:55.000Z Growing up in the white evangelical church, I didn’t pay much attention to Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was for the Catholics, and we proudly declared we didn’t pray to anyone but God and Jesus. The song lyric from Silent Night comes to mind, “Round Yon Virgin, Mother and Child.” Blah, next. She wasn’t interesting to me at all. But this year in the lead up to Advent, I spent time in the first couple chapters of Luke, which gives Mary a lot of airtime. As I’ve been reading and learning more about Mary it struck me: *I think Mary taught her son Jesus how to be a prophetic witness.* _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Advent 2023 Guided Meditations URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/advent-2023-guided-meditations/ Last updated: 2023-12-22T20:21:38.000Z Throughout these weeks leading up to Christmas, we will look at Luke chapter 1, a chapter that focuses on the months leading up to the birth of Jesus, solidifying that from the beginning of his life that women played a prominent role. Growing up in the white evangelical church, I didn’t pay much attention to Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was for the Catholics, and we proudly declared we didn’t pray to anyone but God and Jesus. The song lyric from Silent Night comes to mind, “Round Yon Virgin, Mother and Child.” Blah, next. She wasn’t interesting to me at all. But this year in the lead up to Advent, I spent time in the first couple chapters of Luke, which gives Mary a lot of airtime. Luke chapter 1 in particular focuses on Mary, and in the interaction between Mary and her cousin Elizabeth we see them exhibiting Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love, which are the traditional themes for each week of Advent. Each Friday in December I will share a new meditation that goes with the upcoming Sunday's Advent theme. I hope you enjoy them! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Harvesting Wisdom from Doubt Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/harvesting-wisdom-from-doubt-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-30T11:27:45.000Z Doubt is not an enemy to faith, but a companion. So many of us were handed a black and white view of the world, and now we find ourselves exploring the gray. Author Philip Yancey calls “the borderlands of belief,” Richard Rohr calls it “the edge of the outside.” Maybe you find yourself on the edges of a religious structure you used to belong to because of questions that you couldn’t get good answers to. Maybe people around you feared your doubt. The human brain craves certainty, yet faith requires a humility inherent to being honest about all that you do not know for sure, but that you still might hope for. Uncertainty can be felt as a threat, but uncertainty, questions, and doubt can serve as a powerful tool for growth and deeper connection with the sacred. Today in this practice, in the quiet space of our hearts, together we’ll acknowledge the presence of doubt. We will hold space for doubt together. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/harvesting-wisdom-from-seeds-of-doubt?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Reading the Psalms in a Time of War URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/november-2023/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:11:22.000Z *“O Lord, let my soul rise up to meet you, as the day rises to meet the sun.”* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/11/Newsletter-Header--2-.png) A few snaps from past morning prayers, we often do a hybrid now of in person and zoom We started meeting as an attempt to stay connected in the throes of 2020, and still, three years later, every Friday morning at 8:15am, some friends and neighbors and I gather on Zoom to pray from the [Common Prayer book](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9780310326199?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (1). I find praying through liturgy to be a comforting, grounding practice. The reading always includes an opening and closing that we all have memorized, a reading from the Old and New Testament (full disclosure we only ever read the New), an inspirational quote or tidbit from a historical figure, and a call and response reading of a Psalm. Lately I don’t know what to do with the Psalms. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### How We Show Up Book Club URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/how-we-show-up/ Last updated: 2023-10-30T13:31:49.000Z It's stressful to be a human; I'm feeling that especially right now. As we watch the war unfold in the Middle East, we often feel helpless against the pain and devastation we are bearing witness to. I was talking to my friend [Kholi](https://www.carriekholi.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and mentioned that I want to read this book, and she jumped on board wanting to read it, too. So we're doing this! We need hope right now; we need fresh vision so that we're building toward the world we want while also fighting against the injustice that we see. We need to continue to learn resiliency and build community in our own places so that we can work together in solidarity to create a more just and equitable society, and to weather the storms together. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/10/Newsletter-Header--1-.png) [Click to join the How We Show Up Book Club!](https://buy.stripe.com/28o7t24q95FM2mQ9AD?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Meeting date: On Zoom: December 1, 2023 at 12pm PST/3pm EST. ## How this group will run: The book club is officially running from November 1 to December 1\. We'll read the book during that month and have a live Zoom call on Friday, December 1\. Throughout the month, I will also offer a Marco Polo group chat. Yes, we'll be reading a book, and I also want us to offer you a space to connect with other folks, to the degree that you want to. Building community is so important, and it can be really helpful to have a supportive digital community that is encouraging you to go out and take action to build community in your neighborhood. It's optional to join, but it'll be there for you to share honestly how you're processing the book throughout the month. If you don't have anyone IRL yet to discuss these concepts, we'll be here. I will commit to respond to your Polos in the group within 24 hours. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. We'll have some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. ## What does it cost? If you are a paid subscriber in my community ([**learn more about what that means here**](https://chelseakimlong.com/subscribe?ref=chelseakimlong.com)), you can participate for no additional charge as a thank you for being a part of my sustaining community. [***If you're a paid subscriber, email me to sign up***](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com). I don't want money to be an obstacle, so I'm offering this book club on a "pay-what-you-can" basis with a suggested minimum payment of $5\. If you can't make that work, please email me and I will accommodate you. Registration will open until the date of the Zoom call. Also, you can pick up the book on [Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/a/97710/9781580058070?ref=chelseakimlong.com) or your local library (which is what I will be doing)! [Click to join the How We Show Up Book Club!](https://buy.stripe.com/28o7t24q95FM2mQ9AD?ref=chelseakimlong.com) --- ## About the book **A provocative, essential guide to cultivating community and solidarity, from an activist, community organizer, and thought leader whose viral TED talk has been viewed more than 1.5 million times.** From Occupy to Black Lives Matter to the various marches and protests, we have had some powerful moments over the last decade that have galvanized and created new, but brief, feelings of community. Many of us, however, haven't figured out how to spark that feeling on our own, or how to build on or sustain those moments. We are longing for a kind of sugar-borrowing and stoop-sitting closeness we imagine existed in the 50s. In *How We Show Up*, community visionary Mia Birdsong delivers a compelling, timely understanding of what true, authentic family and community can look like – outside of the 2-parent, 2.5 kids norm we all have in our heads. Today we have more single parents, couples who raise children outside of marriage, and more people growing older alone. Tackling topics like creating safe spaces, creativity in community, raising children in community, and more, *How We Show Up* is the antidote to the social fractures we face in our nation today. By sharing stories and actionable advice, and taking cues from marginalized communities – people of color, women, the LGBTQ movement – Mia Birdsong offers us the blueprint we need to build true community wherever we are. ## **About the author** **Mia Birdsong** is an activist, facilitator, and storyteller. A Senior Fellow of the Economic Security Project, she was also an inaugural Ascend Fellow of The Aspen Institute and New American California Fellow. She was founding Co-Director of Family Story and Vice President of the Family Independence Initiative, Mia speaks widely at conferences and gatherings across the country. She lives with her loved ones on the occupied land of the Chochenyo Ohlone people (AKA Oakland, CA). Read more about her work at miabirdsong.com. ### Centering Prayer Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/centering-prayer-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-30T11:15:32.000Z I stumbled across Centering Prayer sometime in 2017\. After completing my 200 hour yoga teacher training I felt really inspired and grounded by my meditation practice. Yoga was my doorway into a contemplative life; when I learned more about the 8 limbs of yoga, I saw that the postures (what we mostly think of as yoga, but is called Asana within the tradition) were just one aspect of what yoga is. I learned about Pratyahara–withdrawing sense from the outside world and turning the mind inward–and Dharana–maintaining a single focus in the mind's eye. These practices can lead to Dhyana, a sense of oneness with God, a blurring of your sense of self when you leave the consciousness that you typically experience. It sounds wild if you haven't experienced it, but maybe you have had this experience at the end of a yoga class when you drift away to somewhere else during the final resting pose and you don't know where "you" went, because your body was laying on the mat. Ok so back to the topic at hand: Centering Prayer. I discovered Centering Prayer when I was curious about what contemplative practice looks like within Christianity. I discovered there's an entire stream of contemplative Christianity! For me this didn't mean that I stopped practicing yoga as a contemplative practice. It did mean that I felt a place of belonging and resonance within my own spiritual tradition, and that felt exciting and comforting for me. Essentially Centering Prayer is Christianity's version of silent meditation. It's suggested to practice for 20 minutes at a time, so that is the practice I'm presenting today. In the meditation I share the 4 guidelines for Centering Prayer, read a quote from mystic Mirabai Starr, and then I leave space for 20 minutes of silence. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/centering-prayer-practice?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The Compassionate Heart of God: A Maternal Perspective URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-compassionate-heart-of-god/ Last updated: 2023-10-21T18:00:03.000Z *You may call God love, you may call God goodness. But the best name for God is compassion. —Meister Eckhart (c. 1260-1327)* ## God's Compassion in Motherhood I am a theologian and I am a mother. I spent countless hours nursing my babies day and night, sustaining them with my own life, cradling them in my arms, lifting them to my cheeks. I didn’t know this at that time, but God is reflected in the sacred acts of growing, birthing, and feeding babies. Mothering is a reflection of the image of God, Divine functions experienced by God and bestowed upon humans. > God is reflected in the sacred acts of growing, birthing, and feeding babies. ## God's Compassion in a Complex World All eyes are on the Middle East, and everyone has an opinion on what’s happening there. Because it’s an extremely complex situation, many Christians are looking for reasons or rationale to support one side over the other. The truth is that the heart of God is compassion for everyone, rooted in the heart of a Mother. This truth has implications to radically alter our theology and how we show up in the world, if we let it. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### October 2023 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/october-2023/ Last updated: 2023-10-06T13:13:37.000Z There’s a story told in Matthew 20, Luke 18, and Mark 10, where Jesus is walking from Jericho to Jerusalem. The details vary, bu,t basically, a blind man (or men) is sitting on the side of the road, and when he realizes that Jesus is passing by he calls out to be healed. People try to shush him, but he gets louder. Jesus hears him, has the blind man come to him and then asks him, “What do you want?” He answers, “Open my eyes, that I may see.” The Christianity that raised many of us taught us to disconnect from our Self. There was the cute little acronym–Jesus, Others, Yourself=JOY. Put yourself last to find joy. There was the cute little drawing of the train, facts leading the way, followed by faith, and feelings as the caboose. Don’t let your feelings guide you, you’ll run right off the track! Beyond that, US American church culture often favors those with privilege and power, in overt and subtle ways, and everyone else learns how to go with the flow to keep those people comfortable and happy. It may have been safer to be others-centered because that helped you to conform, to draw attention away from yourself and the ways that you didn’t fit in. It was safer to teach yourself not to want, to believe that wanting as the problem. Or maybe it wasn’t your faith tradition, but your family culture (or a combination of both!) that taught you to stay quiet about your desires. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Understanding Flesh as Ego Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/understanding-flesh-as-ego-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-30T11:01:23.000Z This particular lens shift is perhaps the single most influential one for me. When I first read about it in Richard Rohr’s book [Immortal Diamond](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1118303598/ref=cm%5Fsw%5Fr%5Fas%5Fgl%5Fapi%5Fgl%5Fi%5F9BV9R0M3SA7Z0ERX33T6?linkCode=ml2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&ref=chelseakimlong.com), it was a huge light bulb moment. I still deeply value the Bible, and I no longer need it to be the “perfect, unchanging Word of God” in order for it to have value. It’s very tricky when you’ve been taught to see the Bible in that way–because what are you supposed to do with verses that never resonated with you? You have to try and accept it, swallowing your doubts or chalking them up to your lack of understanding, and maybe that does work for a while or it works for your whole life. Or maybe, you’re like me, and you don’t want to follow a religious system that forces you to live in conflict with your own lived reality. My lived reality is that my body is good–and I think the whole of Scripture affirms that. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/understanding-flesh-as-ego?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### September 2023 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/september-2023/ Last updated: 2023-09-01T13:33:03.000Z As I write this, it's August 31, what would have been my grandma's 89th birthday. She passed away August 11\. It's been interesting comparing the grief of that loss with the grief of the loss of my best friend Rebecca. When you lose someone young, it feels so wrong. And with my Gram, she lived a beautiful, long life; she was ready to go. I think what I've realized, at least for myself, is that so much of grief centers on the loss of the future vision you had for yourself and that person, the desire that you had for more time. September 15 is also weighing on me; what should have been Rebecca's 41st birthday, the third one we've celebrated without her. To be honest, I'm quite tired and trying to get my feet back under me after the summer and then the quick trip to Ohio for my grandma's memorial service, and then the start of the new school year. Today instead of new words, I'm going to type out something I wrote in my journal the last time I saw Rebecca before she passed. It speaks to the loss of a future that you had imagined with someone. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### The Gap Between Who I Was and Who I Am Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-gap-between-who-i-was-and-who-i-am-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-30T10:51:08.000Z Change takes time; we all know that. We are at some point going to find ourselves in what Brene Brown calls "the messy middle." It's uncomfortable; there's tension....and, if you want to grow, it's inevitable. I think it helps to know that's it's normal, and it helps to have strategies for when you're in the messy middle. As an Enneagram 1, I want to get things right the first time (and every time, dammit!). Alas, this is not how life works. I created this practice to help you visualize a time when you didn't nail it, and work through the emotions and bodily sensations that accompanied that failure. Then we'll practice envisioning a time when we successfully embody the change we're hoping for. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/the-gap-between-who-i-was-and-who-i-am?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### My Sister Doesn't Think I'm a Psychopath URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/my-sister-doesnt-think-im-a-psycopath/ Last updated: 2023-08-06T02:33:31.000Z For a while now I've been telling my sister Shanna that we need to start a podcast where we just talk about things. We're only 18 months apart in age and it feels like our entire life has been a constant flow of conversations. Over the last several years particularly as she became a mother for the first time, our conversations have centered around the intersections of pop culture, motherhood, feminism, parenting, religion, and everything in between. Yesterday she posted about [**this article**](https://www.foxsports.com/stories/soccer/alex-morgan-embracing-first-world-cup-as-a-mom-im-playing-two-roles?ref=chelseakimlong.com) that discusses USWNT star Alex Morgan's experience in her first World Cup as a mother. I had a lot to say in response and I didn't feel like typing it on an IG message, so we hopped on a call to discuss and hit record. You can listen to our 25 minute conversation or read the transcript. Let us know what you think! _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The Barbie Movie is a Feminist Retelling of the Genesis Story URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/august-2023/ Last updated: 2025-02-28T22:24:28.000Z *Heads up: Spoilers to follow for the Barbie Movie...bookmark this to read later if you still plan to see the movie!* *“The Bible is full of heroic men celebrated for their hero’s journeys–from Noah to Job, Moses to Jesus. Men whose stories map the arc of exile from family or homeland, of being tested, of losing faith and regaining it. Men who learn about goodness and evil through the fire of their own experiences. Only Eve has been demonized for answering the same call. While the men of the Bible are allowed to fall in their humanness and rise in wisdom, Eve only falls. And womankind bears the scars of her sin instead of the honor of her courage.” - Elizabeth Lesser,* [*Cassandra Speaks*](https://amzn.to/3QnQ2t2?ref=chelseakimlong.com) \*\*\* As someone who’s done a significant amount of reading and musing about Eve’s portrayal in the Genesis story, I'm convinced that Barbie is a feminist retelling of the Genesis story. The movie opens with Barbie living in a perfect world. We see that Ken was created as an accessory to Barbie and only exists when she acknowledges him. Some of the most darkly funny moments of the movie are when you see how little Barbie cares about Ken. At one point someone asks her where the Kens live and she chirps, “I don’t know!” _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Singing in Church Feels Complicated URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/july-2023/ Last updated: 2025-07-18T13:34:28.000Z I have always loved singing in church, yet there are so many songs that I used to sing in church that I cannot sing anymore. Even when I attended a more traditional church setting, I had a hard time with the lyrics of so many songs because either I didn’t personally believe the words or I didn’t even know what we were trying to say with the words we were singing. I would stay quiet during those parts of the song, getting stuck in a little mental spiral until the song ended. After no longer identifying as an evangelical Christian, there were a lot of years where I couldn’t walk into a church setting without crying. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Exploring Embodied Spiritual Practices in the Christian Tradition URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/exploring-embodied-spiritual-practices-in-the-christian-tradition/ Last updated: 2025-03-29T22:13:16.000Z *This is Part 2 of a two part series about embodied spirituality within Christianity.* [***Click to read Part 1***](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/embracing-embodied-spirituality/)*.* Through my lifelong exploration of faith, I have come to my own personal discovery that our spiritual lives are not limited to beliefs that live in our heads. Our spiritual lives are intricately intertwined with the physical essence of our being. Part 1 of this series explored the impact of the Reformation on Christian practices as well as the insights of modern philosophers and researchers around the concept of embodied cognition. We also saw tons of Biblical basis for embodied spirituality in Part 1\. In this article, we’ll discover embodied Christian practices, both ancient and modern. [**Click to check out Part 1: Exploring Embodied Spirituality within Christianity**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/embracing-embodied-spirituality/) > What does it look like for us to connect with God through our body, not in spite of our body? So what does it look like for us to connect with God through our body, not in spite of our body? Thankfully, in the realm of Christian spirituality, there are various practices that invite us to engage our bodies as sacred vessels as a way to connect with God. First we’ll explore the Sacraments of the Catholic Church and then I’ll share some other practices that you can incorporate into your spiritual life. [Subscribe to my newsletter!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup/free) ## The Sacraments Growing up as a Protestant, my church didn’t overtly discuss the Sacraments, although we did practice some of them, for example baptism and the eucharist (taking communion). In the Catholic tradition (which, remember...prior to the Reformation, there was no Catholic/Protestant distinction), there are 7 Sacraments, and as we explore them, we’ll see that they are embodied in their own way, engaging our senses and connecting us to the spiritual realm through physical rituals. ### The Sacraments of Initiation: **Baptism:** Practiced since the very beginning of the Christian church, this is an embodied act of entering water and emerging, representing a spiritual renewal. **The Eucharist:** Established by Jesus at the Last Supper, again, we see a physical representation of a spiritual truth as Jesus invites us to take and eat his body and drink his blood. ### The Sacraments of Healing **Penance/Confession:** The practice of speaking out loud is powerful. In the Bible, God created the world simply by speaking and Jesus is referred to as the Word of God. Words have power, and there is a spiritual transformation that occurs when we can confess our deepest secrets out loud, whether to a priest or to a trusted friend or therapist. There is a palpable sense of relief when we hear hear words of absolution **Anointing of the Sick:** This embodied practice is ancient beyond the Church. Laying on of hands and anointing with oil has long been a form of supporting someone and interceding for healing. ### The Sacraments at the Service of Communion **Marriage:** The consummation of marriage is an embodied act, and many Christians believe it is a spiritual act as well. **Holy Orders:** The vestments (the special garments that church leaders wear) are a physical representation of the role that this person is playing in the church ## Embodied Spiritual Practices in the Christian Tradition ### Walking a labyrinth Labyrinths showed up in Christian practice as early as 324 AD. A slow and quiet way to embody prayer, you enter the labyrinth and follow the path to the center, symbolizing a path toward God. In the center you experience connection with God. To exit, you walk the path in reverse, symbolyzing that as you walk back out into the world, your connection with God is with you.Try it: 🧎‍♀️ Try it: [****Find a Labyrinth near you with the World-Wide Labyrinth Locator**](https://labyrinthlocator.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Singing There are countless Biblical references to singing, and there seems to be a link between joy and singing, whether singing leads to joy, or joy leads to singing. In the Psalms there are also many songs of lament. Singing is something that modern Christians do well! There is a wide variety of music that you can listen to and sing along with to lift your spirits and connect with your spirituality. 🗣️ Try it: [****Click to check out my "Reorientation" playlist on Spotify, some of my current favorite Christian songs.**](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2AWrJwkFrSRlZlaepmxzMu?si=3b98d0cf7d00478e&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Breath Prayer In the Bible, the Holy Spirit is connected with the concept of breath. Both the Hebrew *ruach* and Greek *pneuma* mean breath, wind, and/or spirit. Within the Orthodox Christian tradition, Breath Prayer appears as early as the 3rd century, with the appearance of the Jesus Prayer, coming from Mark 10:47, "Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." Practitioners inhale and exhale, silently repeating parts of the phrase. 🌬️ Try it: Make it as simple as inhaling and repeating silently, "I," and exhaling and repeating silently, "am." ### Chanting Gregorian chant began during the Middle Ages in Europe. Each Gregorian chant consists of a single line of music, sung without instruments, usually in Latin. The lyrics are typically taken from Psalms, prayers, or creeds. We need more in the way of modern Christian chants! 🙌 Try it: [****Chant along with Beautiful Chorus in their track "I Am Safe."**](https://open.spotify.com/track/7q5vygKSAwL6Gsx1U9Ge6w?si=b1aedb1ceb04470a&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Body Prayer There are many creative ways to combine movement with prayer beyond the yoga tradition, and I hope to see more of this in the future of the church. You can try breath prayer with movement, such as the Jesus Prayer combined with the physical postures of a sun salutation from yoga, enabling us to offer our whole being to God in worship. As we move through each pose, we engage in a full-bodied prayer. [**Find a few more practices to try at Wisdom Waypoint**.](https://wisdomwaypoints.org/embodiment-practice/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 🤲 Try it: Inhale arms up to the sky, **Lord Jesus Christ*, exhale hands to heart center, **Son of God*, inhale up to the sky, **have mercy on me*, exhale hinge at the hips and reach down for toes, **a sinner*, inhale halfway, **Lord Jesus Christ* exhale reach for toes, **Son of God*, inhale all the way up arms to sky, **have mercy on me*, exhale hands to heart center, **a sinner*. ### Lectio Divina with the Senses Lectio divina is Latin for “divine/sacred reading.” The origins of this type of prayer can be traced back to the sixth century when Benedict of Nursiaestablished it as a monastic discipline. There are many ways to practice lectio, but one way is to engage our imaginations and our senses. Through this type of reading, we engage Scripture with our whole being, immersing ourselves in the emotions, actions, and sensory experiences of the biblical narratives. My guided meditation, [**A Journey of Faithfulness with Mary Magdalene**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/journey-of-faithfulness-mary-magdalene-guided-meditation/) uses a similar technique. 🤲 Try it: 1\. Read the following passage: The Death of Lazarus–John 11:1-44 2\. Make a mental list of the people implied or explicitly mentioned in the text, such as main people, others who came to offer support, perhaps professionals involved in the funeral. 3\. Choose what character you're going to identify with in this passage. As you re-read, imagine this person’s emotions, actions, thoughts, appearance, sensory input (smell, taste, touch, see, hear). Imagine the actions, expression, and mood of other people as you interact with them. 4\. Read v 17-37 again. 5\. Imagine what your character may have said. 6\. When Jesus says that he is the resurrection, are others watching and listening? What is happening in your heart and mind when Jesus speaks? 7\. How do you feel as Jesus weeps? How do you feel now about those who were complaining? 8\. Reread the whole passage and consider what you learned through this experience. ### Fixed hour/Divine hour prayers Early Christians continued an ancient Jewish practice of reciting prayers at certain hours of the day or night. In the book of Acts, we can see the Apostles observing the Jewish custom of praying at the third, sixth, and ninth hours, and at midnight. Vespers is a familiar example of the Divine Hours. There are modern resources if you'd like to pray the Divine Hours more formally, [**like this series by Phyllis Tickle.**](https://amzn.to/447F3In?ref=chelseakimlong.com) 🤲 Try it: Set an alarm on your phone or watch to remind you several times throughout the day to stop and take a moment to breathe. ### Ora et labora The Benedictine tradition of "ora et labora" advocates for incorporating physical labor as a form of meditation, allowing us to find spiritual resonance in everyday tasks. 🧽 Try it: The next time you are doing a chore like folding laundry or washing dishes, taake a moment to tune into your emotions, the sensations in your body and on your skin, the thoughts you’re having. Explore what it’s like to try and be completely present to the task ahead of you instead of listening to a podcast, or letting your mind wander off into the past or future. This is a simple way to begin a mindfulness practice. ### Circling Prayer Drawing inspiration from early Celtic Christians, we can embrace the practice of "circling prayers" or *caim*, symbolizing a sacred space and the encompassing love of God. By physically drawing a metaphorical circle around ourselves as we pray, we invite our entire being—body, mind, soul, and spirit—into communion with the divine. This practice acknowledges the profound interconnectedness of all creation and invokes a sense of protection, sanctuary, and unity. ⭕ Try it: [****Pray this Circling Prayer that I wrote**.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/circling-prayer) ## Finding an Embodied Spirituality within Christianity As I continue on my journey of embodied spirituality, I am continually reminded of the profound truth that our bodies are inseparable from our spirituality. By working with our bodies, we unlock a deeper connection with God, ourselves, others, and the world around us. Drawing inspiration from scripture, philosophy, and personal experiences, we have explored the significance of embodied spirituality and discovered practices that help us cultivate a more embodied spiritual life. May this exploration of embodied spirituality inspire us to approach our Christian faith with a renewed sense of wholeness, recognizing that our bodies are sacred vessels through which can connect with God. Jesus, who demonstrated the embodiment of God's love and compassion, invites us to follow in his footsteps. May we embody the divine in every breath we take and every step we make. [Subscribe to my newsletter!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup/free) ### Seeing with the Eye of the Heart URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/seeing-with-the-eye-of-the-heart/ Last updated: 2024-09-25T11:14:42.000Z *"The eye is the lamp of the body; so if your eye is clear \[spiritually perceptive\], your whole body will be full of light \[benefiting from God’s precepts\]." - Matthew 6:22, Amplified Version* In this meditation I share a quote from Thomas Merton where he talks about this idea of the "nous"–a Greek word we translate as "mind" but better translated as "the eye of the heart." Thomas Merton says, "At the center of our being is...a point of pure truth, which belongs entirely to God." Since I learned about this concept of the nous, I've found myself drawn to this imagery of a tiny little pinprick of light where the light of God gets in. It's been helpful to me to create a practice of visualizing the nous, and that's the practice that I'm sharing with you today. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/seeing-with-the-eye-of-the-heart?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Tell Her Story Book Club URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tell-her-story-book-club/ Last updated: 2023-07-06T20:42:02.000Z I've been accused of having "no theological training," and, while it's true that I don't have a seminary degree, my theological stances have come from my embodied experience of working my faith out with fear and trembling. This has included countless hours of therapy, spiritual direction, reading, taking online courses through the Center of Action and Contemplation, listening to podcasts, participating in and leading progressive Christian spaces, and engaging my in-person yoga practice and community. Reading has been one of the primary ways I have worked to deconstruct and reconstruct my Christian faith. I'm excited to read this book together with you throughout the summer. [Click to join the Tell Her Story Book Club!](https://buy.stripe.com/28o4gQbSBfgm8LedQS?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## Meeting Topics and Dates: All meetings will be held on Zoom. If you sign up before 6/30 I will send out a survey asking for your preferred time to meet and we'll choose the time that works the best for the majority of us. **Meeting 1:** Friday, July 28, 10AM PST/1PM EST Before the Women Leaders of the Early Churches (Chapters 1-4) **Meeting 2:** Friday, August 18, 10AM PST/1PM EST The Women Leaders of the Early Churches (Chapters 5-9) **Meeting 3:** Friday, September 22, 10AM PST/1PM EST Conclusion and Sharing Personal Reflections (Putting It All Together, What About? Sections, Postscript) ## What this book club is: Yes, we'll be reading a book, but I also want us to offer you a space to connect more, to the degree that you want to. To this end, I'll establish a Marco Polo group chat (or a few, depending on how many book club members we have) where you can share as much or little as you want. It's optional to join. This will be a space to share honestly how you're processing the book or your deconstruction in general. Use it as a safe place to share a tidbit you loved and want to discuss more, or to vent, process, cry–whatever you need, whenever you need, knowing that nothing you say will leave the group. Sometimes just saying the thing out loud brings freedom. If you don't have anyone IRL that you feel safe talking about this stuff with, I'm here. If you just need to talk to someone who isn't personally impacted by what's going on in your life, I'm here. I will commit to respond to your Polos in the group within 24 hours. The other group members will be invited to respond and share as they have capacity and desire. We'll have some ground rules to keep it helpful and respectful. ## What does it cost? If you are a paid subscriber (**[learn more about what that means here](https://chelseakimlong.com/join?ref=chelseakimlong.com)**), you can participate for no additional charge as a thank you for being a part of my sustaining community. **[If you're a paid subscriber, email me to sign up](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com)**. I don't want money to be an obstacle, so I'm offering this book club on a "pay-what-you-can" basis with a suggested payment of $15-50\. Registration will open until the date of the first meeting, but if you want to vote on our meeting times/dates, please register by Friday 6/30. Also, you can pick up the book on [**Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3pnoE3u?ref=chelseakimlong.com) or your local library or, it's available as a free digital loan on Hoopla. [Click to join the Tell Her Story Book Club!](https://buy.stripe.com/28o4gQbSBfgm8LedQS?ref=chelseakimlong.com) --- ## About the book ### [**Tell Her Story: How Women Led, Taught, and Ministered in the Early Church by Nijay K. Gupta** ](https://amzn.to/3pnoE3u?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/06/tell-her-story.jpeg) **Women were there.** For centuries, discussions of early Christianity have focused on male leaders in the church. But there is ample evidence right in the New Testament that women were actively involved in ministry, at the frontier of the gospel mission, and as respected leaders. Nijay Gupta calls us to bring these women out of the shadows by shining light on their many inspiring contributions to the planting, growth, and health of the first Christian churches. He sets the context by exploring the lives of first-century women and addressing common misconceptions, then focuses on the women leaders of the early churches as revealed in Paul’s writings. We discover the major roles of people such as: - Phoebe, Paul’s trusted coworker - Prisca, strategic leader and expert teacher - Junia, courageous apostle - Nympha, representative of countless lesser-known figures When we understand the world in which Jesus and his followers lived and what the New Testament actually attests about women in the churches, it becomes clear that women were active participants and trusted leaders all along. They were welcomed by Paul and other apostles, were equipped and trained for ministry leadership, instructed others, traveled long distances, were imprisoned―and once in a while became heroes and giants. The New Testament writers tell their stories. It's time for the church to retell them, again and again. ### About the author Nijay K. Gupta is a professor of New Testament at Northern Seminary. He has written several book and numerous academic articles. Learn more about him at his blog: **.** ### June 2023 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/june-2023/ Last updated: 2023-06-05T13:17:33.000Z *I am floating above my body. I cannot feel anything from the waist down beyond pressure and tugging. I cannot feel anything in my heart except exhaustion and defeat.* *This is how I am the moment that I was reborn, the moment I became a mother. I do not remember if my baby cried or not when they pulled him out of my body. I do not remember the first time I held him, my firstborn child.* *I only remember my body hidden from my view behind a sheet, there on the table as they tugged and pulled. I was far away, taking in bits and pieces, snatches of the song that was playing, snippets of conversation between the staff. And my baby, born at 8:13AM, sunny side up and alive. That’s what matters, right? We survived.* – I don’t recall thinking about my relationship with my body prior to getting pregnant with my first baby. I think most of that is due to privilege, my white skin, my thin, able body that moved with ease through a world that was pretty much tailor-made for people who look like me. Yet, a question continues to nag at me that I’m not sure how to answer: *Can I not remember much about my relationship with my body because I felt comfortable in my body, or because I was disconnected from my body?* _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Exploring Embodied Spirituality within Christianity URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/embracing-embodied-spirituality/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T12:21:45.000Z *This is Part 1 of a two part series about embodied spirituality within Christianity. Stay tuned for Part 2.* Over the last decade, a profound truth has transformed my faith: our spirituality is not limited to the realm of the unseen; it is intricately intertwined with our physical existence. I learned this first through my yoga asana practice, and then I started to discover it in my own faith tradition of Christianity. In 2016 I wrote an article exploring the ways in which yoga asana helps me to live out my Christian faith ([**click to read it**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/yoga-and-my-christian-faith/)). > A profound truth has transformed my faith: our spirituality is not limited to the realm of the unseen; it is intricately intertwined with our physical existence. I see yoga asana as God's revelation of a beautiful embodied spiritual practice, and it is essential to my own spiritual life. And yet, several years ago I began to wonder, particularly as I learned about the colonization and Westernization of yoga, if God had revealed any embodied practices in my own faith tradition of Christianity. This is Part 1 of a two part series. In Part 1, we’ll explore a brief history of ways of thought about embodiment, and we’ll also see a strong Biblical basis for valuing the body and re-incorporating the body into our spiritual practice. ## **A (VERY) Brief Religious and Scientific History of Embodiment** Before we explore how scripture forms the foundation of this embodied spirituality, it’s important to understand some of the history of how religion has viewed the body, as well as share the insights of pioneering philosophers and researchers who coined the idea of embodied cognition. Christianity’s relationship with the body has been interesting from the start, and Christians aren’t alone in the idea that we must transcend our body in order to connect with our spirituality. “Mortification of the flesh” is a long-standing and varied practice of self-denial (fasting, vows of celibacy, practicing Lent) and even various forms of self-harm to help the practitioner "share in the suffering of Christ." One impact of the Reformation of the 16th century shifted the Protestant Church away from rituals and embodied practices and toward the written text, highlighting the importance of engaging the mind. Martin Luther, by the way, also affirmed the practice of mortification of the flesh. In the 17th century, philosopher René Descartes wrote of a separation of mind and body, influencing a dualistic perspective that lingered for centuries. The Christianity that I inherited was impacted by these ways of thinking, and my faith very much lived in my brain, with that specific Christian culture primarily defining belief as an intellectual assent to a set of ideas, rather than being defined by actions. A paradigm shift began in the 20th century when philosophers coined the term "embodied cognition," highlighting how our thinking is not only influenced but potentially shaped by our physical experiences in the world. In 1979, University of California, Berkeley professor George Lakoff published his research in *Metaphors We Live By*. Lakoff's research on conceptual metaphors, such as associating "up" with happiness and "down" with sadness, reveals the profound interplay between physical and metaphorical experiences. In one study, research participants were asked to recall either a time of social acceptance or rejection. Those with warm memories of acceptance perceived the room temperature as being warmer than those who recalled experiences of social snubbing, when they were treated “coldly.” This study showcases how our bodies respond both physically and metaphorically to interpersonal interactions. These insights remind us of the profound connection between our bodies and our spirituality. It’s worth noting that many religious traditions and spiritual practices work to transcend the physical body, and spiritual practitioners often believe that the body is an obstacle to our spirituality. Really, we cannot divorce our spirituality from our bodies, as our bodies are the home for all of our spiritual experiences. > We cannot divorce our spirituality from our bodies, as our bodies are the home for all of our spiritual experiences. ## **Divine Encounters in the Old Testament** As I've delved into the scriptures, I've discovered narratives that illustrate the embodiment of divinity. In Genesis, we read how God formed humanity from the dust of the ground and breathed life into the first human. Throughout the Hebrew Scriptures (what Christians call the Old Testament), encounters with God reveal compassion and understanding towards our embodied existence. We read stories like Abraham's encounter with three mysterious men, who some interpret as a manifestation of the Trinity in human form. We have the account of Jacob wrestling with the Divine and walking away with a limp. Another story I often ponder is in Exodus 16 when God rained down manna (bread) while the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years. We see this story echoed when Jesus teaches the “Our Father." He says, “give us today our daily bread”–each day in the desert God asked the Israelites to collect only what they needed for each day. ## **Embodiment in the Life and Teachings of Jesus** In the New Testament, Jesus becomes the ultimate embodiment of God, inviting us to recognize the divine presence within ourselves and others. John 1:1 says, “the Word became flesh.” In John 6:30-36, Jesus says he is the bread of life, again comparing himself to the manna in the desert. He says, “by eating my flesh and drinking my blood you enter into me and I into you.” The book of Colossians speaks often Jesus' embodiment of the Divine. Colossians 2:9 says, “For in \[Jesus\] the whole fullness of divinity dwells bodily.” Colossians 1:15 says, “We look at \[Jesus\] and see the God who cannot be seen.” Ephesians 2:14 says that Jesus is “ the embodiment of our peace.” In the life and parables of Jesus, we see the ways in which Jesus' heart was moved with empathy when he encountered people in need. In Luke 7:13, upon seeing a grieving woman, the scriptures say “his heart went out to her,” urging him to offer words of comfort. Similarly, the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:33 showcases Jesus' emphasis on compassion, as the Samaritan was moved to help a stranger in distress. These narratives exemplify Jesus’ embodiment of Divine qualities and invite us to also extend these Divine qualities of love and compassion through our physical actions. ## **Embracing Our Bodies as Sacred** The Bible affirms the sacredness of our bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (MSG) says, “Didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” > We are called to honor and care for ourselves as physical beings, recognizing that they are intricately connected to our spiritual lives We are called to honor and care for ourselves as physical beings, recognizing that they are intricately connected to our spiritual lives. Rom 12:1 encourages us to offer our everyday lives, with all its activities and routines, as a living sacrifice to God. This means that even the simplest actions—sleeping, eating, working, and walking—can become acts of worship when offered to God with intention and gratitude. There are many times in scripture where God emphasizes that God is not interested in mere words, but in actions that show our belief. One such verse is found in Jeremiah 7:1-15,“‘Clean up your act—the way you live, the things you do—so I can make my home with you in this place.” In the New Testament, the letter of I Corinthians uses the metaphor of “the body of Christ,” saying, “Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you’re still one body. It’s exactly the same with Christ.” (12:12-13) 1 Peter 2:4-6 tells us to, “Present yourselves as building stones for the construction of a sanctuary vibrant with life, in which you’ll serve as holy priests offering Christ-approved lives up to God.” Grounded in the scriptural foundation and inspired by research and philosophical insights, I have embarked on a personal journey of embodied spirituality. Join me in Part 2 to discover embodied spiritual practices that have been found in Christianity since the beginning of the tradition. *This is Part 1 of a two part series about embodied spirituality within Christianity. Stay tuned for Part 2.* ### God's Not Mad At You Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/gods-not-mad-at-you-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-25T08:52:50.000Z Whether we realize it or not, many of us carry around a lot of shame. For me, shame can often manifest in my body as a fear of making a mistake, or a childish feeling of being “caught” or “I’m in trouble” if I do make a mistake. I think some of that can be traced back to beliefs I had about God and about myself and the ways in which I felt incentivized to hide parts of myself that didn’t seem acceptable. In this meditation I invite you to consider the idea that God is not mad at you and see what it brings up for you in your body, emotions, and thoughts. Get curious about how you react–mind, body, soul–to the statement that God is not mad at you, find yourself in a safe inner sanctuary to imagine how it feels to be surrounded by God's love, and repeat some affirmations to allow the truth of God's unconditional love to sink deeply in during this meditation. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/god-s-not-mad-at-you?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers on the Meditations tier only._ ### May 2023 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/may-2023/ Last updated: 2023-05-05T13:47:59.000Z *Note: In this piece I write from my experience as a cisgender woman. It’s hard to critique the gender binary without incidentally falling into it. I acknowledge that transgender men can experience childbirth, and for the purposes of this article I use the word “woman” as it is how I identify.* Easter may be over, but I’m not over it. Which, as a Christian, I think is ok. We are to be "resurrection people" after all, right? I just no longer believe Jesus lived to die, rejected and alone. We need new narratives. It is true that many of his disciples rejected, abandoned, and doubted as Jesus prepared to die, was crucified, and resurrected. Notably we have the stories of Peter, Judas, and Thomas, and the story of the disciples who fell asleep when Jesus asked them to watch and wait while he prayed. Another story exists on the very pages of the four gospel accounts that we most likely overlooked in the past so that we could get back to what the “main characters” were doing. So that we could continue to identify our failures in the failures of the men who were always emphasized. The men who were allowed to fail and find redemption. The men who, despite Jesus’ radical teachings of inclusivity for those on the margins, still managed to craft and create a religion throughout the centuries that excludes most people. *How would the church have been different, how would our world have been different, if women had been allowed to lead and influence?* If women were allowed to shape the dominant narratives of the Church from the very beginning, we would have seen, for example, that when the men abandoned Jesus in his time of great suffering, the women had the capacity to stay. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Hosting Council Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/hosting-council-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-25T08:46:53.000Z I've been pondering the differences and intersections between "spirituality" and "religion." I think, at it's best, religion serves as a container to hold our spiritual experiences and helps us systematize our traditions and language for how we connect with God/the Divine/that which is beyond our humanness. At it's worst, well, you get the Crusades and the Nazi. In less obvious but still harmful ways, religion can stifle spirituality in favor of following the rules and fitting in those human-made containers. I think for people who are "spiritual," religion can be a dirty word. And for those who are "religious," they may scoff at those who find themselves outside of the bounds of any one container. I find myself holding these things in tension. Seeing the beauty and value of the religious tradition that was so lovingly passed down to me, yet also acknowledging the ways in which I thought I had to stifle my own unique spirituality in order to conform. I feel like I don't really fit anywhere, stuck somewhere in the world between, holding space for nuance. I suppose that's why I'm drawn to meditation, it helps to shake me out of the black and white and become present to the REAL. This meditation is designed to help you connect with your Self, the support of those who love you, and with God. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/hosting-council?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Finding Hope in the Church on the Ground URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/finding-hope-in-the-church-on-the-ground/ Last updated: 2025-01-24T23:31:16.000Z *Next week I'm headed to Seattle for* [*Inhabit 2023*](https://www.inhabitconference.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)*, the annual conference hosted by the Parish Collective, the nonprofit org that I work for doing communications and content. The impending trip stirred some reflection on my journey...* ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. I walk into a sanctuary and my heart starts beating fast. I find a friend in the rows of pews and claim a seat next to her. I quietly look around and notice a variety of emotions and physical sensations as I take in the stained glass windows, painted ceiling, and sacred art. It has been 5 years since I stopped attending my nondenominational Evangelical church, and on the rare occasion I find myself inside of a sanctuary, it feels like my heart is breaking. I grew up a certified megachurch girl, often at church 3 times a week throughout my childhood. Church was always my main place of belonging–until at age 26 it suddenly wasn’t. Like so many others in my generation, I unintentionally began a bewildering deconstruction journey in 2014 that unwound over years and left me clinging to Christ while letting go of many beliefs that used to anchor me. I continued to participate in Christian community throughout that time, as a part of a small, intentional neighborhood community that meets in living rooms and backyards, coffee shops and playgrounds. This group of friends and neighbors has kept me rooted in my faith tradition and offered me unconditional belonging while also giving me space to explore my beliefs. Deconstruction for me was not apostasy; quite the opposite. > Deconstruction for me was not apostasy; quite the opposite. So here I find myself back inside a church sanctuary for an event called Cultivate–a regional gathering in San Diego produced by the Parish Collective, an ecumenical organization that connects people to be the church in the neighborhood. I’m intrigued by this organization, and deeply distrustful of my ability to feel safe in church environments and with church people. It feels safer to continue to work on belonging to myself than to try and seek belonging with anyone in the Christian world. The weekend is emotional for me. I spill over with tears when we sing corporately. I am inspired by the work of people in and beyond this room working to be a hopeful presence of Christ in their neighborhood. I jot down a quote from urban revitalizer Majora Carter: “I don’t want to be a part of a club that doesn’t want me.” She’s talking about venture capitalists and community developers–I’m thinking about the Church. I leave the weekend feeling encouraged and cautiously optimistic about finding a place of belonging among a theologically and ethnically diverse group of Christ-followers finding unity in loving God and loving neighbors. > I jot down a quote from urban revitalizer Majora Carter: “I don’t want to be a part of a club that doesn’t want me.” She’s talking about venture capitalists and community developers–I’m thinking about the Church. – Fast forward 4 years. I began working with Parish Collective in 2021 because I had a sense that God had more to teach me here. Recently I met up with my coworker who architects the in-person gatherings for our organization. She told me that our annual conference, Inhabit, will be hosted April 21-22 in a new location this year: Quest Church in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle. I hadn’t heard of Quest Church, but a quick web search told me three important facts. First, it’s co-pastored by a diverse group of people with a female BIPOC Lead Pastor. Second, this church is fully LGBTQ affirming. Third, this church has its home in the building that used to house Mars Hill. Yes, that Mars Hill. > Third, this church has its home in the building that used to house Mars Hill. Yes, that Mars Hill. I laughed out loud at the layers of redemption. As an organization, Parish Collective recognizes that people attending the conference may hold varying theological stances. Our main point of unity lies in collaborating to be the church in each of our unique neighborhoods. This means we may not agree on everything, but we ask for a mutual commitment to love and respect, especially protecting those on the margins of our differences. We hold space for the value of connecting across places and our differences–and as we do so, we find the power of God’s love to be healing and transformative. We also strongly believe in the future of the Church, particularly in the United States. This is new for me; for many years I wasn’t sure if I even cared if the Church survived these tumultuous times. I confess at times I wanted to see the whole messy thing crumble to the ground. Part of my role in working with Parish Collective is collecting and sharing stories from neighborhood church practitioners. The closer I get to real people on the ground, the more I see reasons for hope. At our very best, the Church can join God to fight the forces of evil in the world–systemic oppression, injustice of every kind, corporate greed, despair, isolation. We believe that if we can organize and connect the Church at the neighborhood level, there is literally nothing that could not be transformed, liberated, and reimagined. This is our mission, and we take it on faith that this is what God is actually doing. I have caught a new vision for what it could mean to be the church in the neighborhood, and I’ve begun to believe again that I might find some corner of belonging for myself and my neighbors under the wide umbrella of Christendom. ### April 2023 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/april-2023/ Last updated: 2023-04-07T13:12:24.000Z *Reintegration: the action or process of restoring elements regarded as disparate to unity.* *Redemption: deliverance, rescue; also, the action of regaining something in exchange for something else, or clearing a debt.* I perch on the edge of the bathtub while one of my long-distance besties curls her hair and gets ready for her day. We’re debriefing some moments from the weekend we just spent together before we part, off to our mostly separate lives until the next time we meet up. She and I have both known the depths of grief over the last three years, each with our unique pain that has kept our hearts tightly bound together. She looks at me and says, “I believe that God is a God of redemption. I have to believe at the end of it all, we will find redemption for everything.” I look right back at her, “Yes, I believe in that God, too. And I also don’t think that we need to wait for redemption. I see redemption happening in my life right now. I believe that reintegration is redemption.” – I sit in my therapist’s office, describing how often a childish feeling rises up in me: *I’m in trouble*. I hate feeling this way, I’m a grown adult. She asks me to close my eyes and see if I can locate the feeling inside of my body. Almost immediately, I get a mental picture of 16-year-old me, looking in the mirror in the school bathroom, swiping on a fresh layer of lip gloss. I study myself, straight hair, white eyeliner. I tuck my button down shirt into my plaid uniform skirt. That shirt tuck represents so much more. A sense of containment, of making myself appropriate for those around me. The rules for belonging–for survival, really–are clear. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### A Journey of Faithfulness with Mary Magdalene Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/journey-of-faithfulness-mary-magdalene-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-16T02:34:14.000Z I've been pondering the idea of faithfulness lately. I realized I had been holding on to some pain from old versions of myself that needed updating on how things are now. In seasons when I walked through really tough, bewildering life circumstances, I judged myself for not suffering "well." For not "trusting God" for not being able to see a higher purpose in all of it. Since the loss of my friend Rebecca, I've taken a lot of solace in the humanity of Jesus' followers before and during his death and after his resurrection. As I read through the gospel accounts of the crucifixion, I'm struck by the dark emotions I found there. In the Garden of Gesthemane, Jesus’ disciples were “drugged by grief.” I understand that feeling. Jesus tells Mary "don't cling to me" when she sees him in the garden after the resurrection. I don't think he's annoyed. I think he's trying to help her see that clinging to the way things used to be isn't a productive way to live. But I can totally relate to the desire to cling to the way things used to be. We can still be considered faithful even when we wrestle with the way things are. Mary surely was. Maybe faithfulness can be defined as honest presence; showing up to what is. I've listed out the references below of Mary Mag at the various scenes that you can go look up! ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/a-journey-of-faithfulness-with-mary-magdalene?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Return Home to Yourself URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/march-2023/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:19:20.000Z *“Home is a sustained mood or sense that allows us to experience feelings not necessarily sustained in the mundane world: wonder, vision, peace, freedom from worry, freedom from demands. All these treasures from home are meant to be cached in the psyche for later use in the topside world.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estes* **But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. - Luke 5:16** Alignment was a guiding word for me in 2021\. At the end of 2020 I made a big career move that helped me be more in alignment with my integrity, passion, and future goals. I spent much of 2021 seeing what happened when I listened to my intuition and followed it (spoiler alert, it led to way more peace). As someone who tries to follow God in the path of Christ, Jesus is an example of a person who lived in alignment with his purpose even though he was often very misunderstood by those around him–both those in opposition to him and also his close friends! Throughout all four accounts of the stories of Jesus (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), there are many places where the text mentions that Jesus withdrew to be alone. Here are just a few examples: _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Breathing with God Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/breathing-with-god/ Last updated: 2025-06-20T20:00:12.000Z I know, I know, I never stop talking about God as Mother. I think it’s because I realize increasingly how deep the wound is for me in terms of not feeling identified with the Divine in my femininity. So many other faith traditions have feminine representations of God. Representation matters, as they say. The patriarchy was incredibly successful as stamping out female role models within Christianity and then making anything other than what they deemed to be true “heresy.” I recently had a woman send me a DM that said, “All of Jesus’ disciples were men. The women were behind the scenes doing what women do best. There isn’t a book published in the New Testament that’s knowingly written by a woman.” That message has lived rent-free in my head for a while now. That second sentence, WOOF. I feel pretty passionate about restoring the divine feminine in the Christian tradition, not in a "woo woo" out there way, but in an incredibly grounded in Christian orthodoxy way. This meditation is an intimate practice, you don’t even have to imagine God as a mother in this one, just let your imagination go as you breathe into God and allow God to breathe into you. ## LISTEN TO THE MEDITATION _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### We Know That “He Gets Us”–But Evangelical Church Leaders Still Don't Get It URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/he-gets-us/ Last updated: 2023-02-13T15:41:59.000Z *“How did the story of a man who taught and practiced unconditional love become associated with hatred and oppression for so many people?”* This is the beginning of an article from the [He Gets Us](www.hegetsus.com) website describing the so-called agenda of the mysterious ad campaign. In case you’ve somehow missed the media blitz, a group of wealthy evangelical Christians–including David Green, the founder of Hobby Lobby–have funded a 1 billion dollar campaign to “rebrand Jesus.” The website describes its campaign as “a movement to reintroduce people to the Jesus of the Bible and his confounding love and forgiveness.” As a progressive, post-evangelical Christian, I can agree with that. And clearly, this website and ad campaign is targeted toward people on the margins of white evangelical Christianity. But back to that first question. We know the answer because the through lines have been pretty thoroughly traced. There’s lots of hand wringing from conservative church leaders over declining church attendance. If they want to know the answer, they can start with Jemar Tisby’s *[The Color of Comprise](https://amzn.to/3YrTVOW?ref=chelseakimlong.com)* if you need a primer on how the religious right came to choose abortion as their rallying issue once overt racism wasn’t socially acceptable anymore. *[One Nation Under God: How Corporate America Invented Christian America](https://amzn.to/40JqhWS?ref=chelseakimlong.com)* by Kevin M Kruse connects the dots of how capitalism and Christianity became tied together. The He Gets Us website is sprinkled with phrases like “Jesus invited everyone to sit at his table” and “Jesus didn’t feel welcomed by religious people either.” I believe these things, and I love the idea of people coming to experience Jesus for who he really is, but I don’t think they’re going to find *that* Jesus within the walls of fundamentalist Christianity. > Before finding out that the campaign was funded by wealthy evangelicals, it felt like a ploy. Now I know that it is. David Green is a generous philanthropist–to organizations that pass his doctrinal vetting process ([source](https://www.forbes.com/sites/briansolomon/2012/09/18/david-green-the-biblical-billionaire-backing-the-evangelical-movement/?sh=5d878d6d5807&ref=chelseakimlong.com)), like Jerry Fallwell’s Liberty University. The Christian donor-advised fund called The Signatry is also a major source of funds for this campaign. Their [2020 990 form](https://pdf.guidestar.org/PDF%5FImages/2020/431/890/2020-431890105-202110469349300841-9.pdf?ref=chelseakimlong.com) shows that they donated in in 2019 to Alliance Defending Freedom, an organization committed to “protecting religious freedom, free speech, the sanctity of life, parental rights, and God's design for marriage and family” and Al Hayat Ministries, an organization that seeks to “respectfully yet fearlessly unveil the deception of Islam.” So, yes “he gets us.” But the evangelical church still doesn’t get it. If they want to answer the first question posed on the “He Gets Us” website, they can start by just looking in the mirror. ### Embodiment, Diet Culture, and Intuitive Eating URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/february-2023/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:18:46.000Z 💕 **Content warning...small-bodied person discussing diet culture and body image issues. Also, my musings are never meant as an indictment against the company I used to work for. I quit in December 2021 and the time since has helped me see the impact of wellness culture in general and working at that company specifically. These words are about that, my experience alone, and no reflection on my former employer or the intentions of anyone who still currently works there.* I stumbled backwards into an intuitive eating journey sometime last year. In August 2022, I had been consistently working out for a year and still was dealing with lower belly pooch, feeling like I looked pregnant when relaxed. I sought out pelvic floor physical therapy to get my c-section scar assessed as well as my core engagement. My PT told me that I was underusing my low abs and transverse abdominis, and over using my upper abs and obliques, creating a gripping that exacerbated the pooch. At one of my appointments I confessed to her that I felt weirdly guilty for caring what my stomach looked like, that I was failing at body positivity. She said something that changed my perspective. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Cultivating Peace with What Is Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/cultivating-peace-with-what-is-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2025-01-28T20:48:38.000Z I talk often about embodied spirituality because I think it's so important. So much of spirituality and religion seek to separate you from your body, teach you to deny your everyday, human experiences. In 1517, the Reformation moved Christian practice away from images and rituals toward the written text. In many ways, it was liberating to allow people to encounter the Bible on their own terms, instead of mediated through the powerful church leaders, but on the other hand, it started this new emphasis on intellectual assent to a set of beliefs as the definition of what makes someone a Christian. To be sure, belief is important. And yet, if you hold all the "right" beliefs but your life is devoid of the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control), then what good do those beliefs do you? I find myself drawn to embodied practices and rituals that help ground me in my body and embrace my humanity, while also growing my ability to tap into transcendent experiences. The body is not an obstacle to spirituality, rather it is a home in which your spiritual experiences can dwell. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/cultivating-peace-with-what-is?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers on the Meditations and Paid Newsletter Subscriber tiers only._ ### Benefits of Spiritual Direction URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/benefits-of-spiritual-direction/ Last updated: 2023-01-16T14:00:16.000Z When it comes to seeking guidance and support, spiritual direction is an extremely helpful and accessible source. I've been meeting once a month virtually with my current spiritual director for the past 2 years and have benefited from having someone who can help me make sense of my spiritual musings and see God in my life. ### Spiritual Direction vs. Therapy I want to note that although it’s incredibly beneficial, it’s different from therapy. Therapy, also known as counseling or psychotherapy, is a form of mental health treatment that helps individuals address and overcome emotional, behavioral, and psychological issues. A licensed therapist or counselor will work with you to identify underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and promote overall well-being. Therapy can be incredibly helpful if you are dealing with specific problems or symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, or addiction. A psychiatrist can also prescribe medication to help you manage your mental health symptoms. I’m currently in therapy as well and taking an SSRI for depression. *[*Read my blog on my first 3 months on an SSRI.*](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/putting-boundaries-depression/)* In terms of cost and time commitment, it varies. Both therapy and spiritual direction are typically 50-60 minutes each session. Spiritual direction is typically a monthly meeting, while frequency of therapy sessions can range depending on the treatment you need. Spiritual direction can be more accessible financially. I've seen a wide range of $50-100 per meeting. Many spiritual directors offer a sliding scale and wouldn't want finances to be a deterrent for you to seek the support you need. ### What is Spiritual Direction? Spiritual direction is a form of guidance that specifically helps you explore and deepen your connection with your spiritual beliefs and practices. This is important to note. You can find a spiritual director from a variety of religious and spiritual backgrounds. Your spiritual director will help you connect to your own religious/spiritual practices and can also recommend other ones. Most of the time, a spiritual director is not a licensed therapist but they usually have some sort of spiritual training. This may include a priest, rabbi, imam, or lay person with training in spiritual guidance. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/01/spiritual-direction-1.png) ### The Goal of Spiritual Direction The goal of spiritual direction is not to solve specific problems or address symptoms, but rather to help you understand and live out your unique spiritual path. One of the key benefits of spiritual direction is that it can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your purpose in life. Over time, as your spiritual director gets to know you, they can point out patterns they see in your life and recommend resources that may be helpful for you. Spiritual direction can also help you learn how to apply spiritual principles to your daily life. In addition, spiritual direction can help you to find peace in difficult times and to develop a deeper relationship with your own inner wisdom or the voice of God. 💕 [**Consider subscribing to my meditation newsletter, where you'll receive one new meditation each month with questions for gentle self-inquiry and recommended resources for reading and listening on a variety of topics.**](chelseakimlong.com/join) You can think of a spiritual director like a spiritual friend; someone who you can share your spiritual experiences, questions, and doubts with, and who can help you identify God in your everyday life or help you unwind difficulties in your religious experience or view of God. Having someone to talk with about these topics can be incredibly helpful if you feel isolated or disconnected. ### Navigating Life's Challenges In short, therapy and spiritual direction are both valuable forms of guidance that can help you navigate life's challenges. While therapy is focused on addressing specific problems and symptoms, spiritual direction is focused on personal growth and understanding your life. Both can be incredibly beneficial for someone going through a faith crisis or shift of beliefs, and they can even complement each other. It is important to understand the differences between the two so that you can choose the right type of guidance for your needs. ### Bonus: How to Find a Spiritual Director I found my spiritual director through the [**Spiritual Directors International website**](https://www.sdicompanions.org/find-a-spiritual-director-companion/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). My favorite thing about the website is how specific you can get using their search parameters. I was able to narrow down exactly what I was looking for (seriously, their search parameters are fantastically granular!) and the website gave me about 5 potential options. From there, I checked out their websites/social media presence if they had them, and even signed up for a few of their newsletters. After getting a sense for who they were, I chose mine, and it's been such a great match. ### Do Less and Prioritize Your Joy URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/january-2023/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:17:59.000Z In 2019 I burned myself out to the point of depression. I had tried unsuccessfully for a few years to try to explain to my husband the inequitable and unsustainable nature of my role in the family. He was the primary breadwinner, and I was the primary parent of our 3 children, although I also worked part time outside of the home. That fall I knew something was deeply not ok with me, with the way I had been living my life. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Fresh Eyes for the Christmas Liturgy URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/fresh-eyes-for-the-christmas-liturgy/ Last updated: 2024-09-16T01:34:24.000Z This is a hybrid between a lecture and a meditation. I take you through the 4 parts of the Christmas liturgy and share some insights to help you find deeper meaning in familiar stories. I’ll be explaining throughout and providing a bit of space for reflection within. This is inspired by the work and insights of Alexander John Shaia. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/fresh-eyes-for-the-christmas-liturgy?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers on the Meditations and Paid Newsletter Subscriber tiers only._ ### You Can Find New Meaning in Christmas URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/december-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:17:33.000Z One of my favorite people to listen to during this season is Alexander John Shaia. Alexander John is a speaker, author, scholar, and psychologist. His fresh take on the Christmas story brings me a lot of hope and I find myself searching out podcasts and articles by him every December. The Christian narrative around this time of year is inescapable. It can be painful to navigate this when going through a faith transition. It can be hard to sing the old hymns you used to love, to ponder if you really believe in a virgin birth or if you really believe that Jesus even was God. It’s difficult to be confronted by your lack of certainty during a time that holds so much spiritual meaning. I spent a few numb Christmases myself because I just didn’t know what to think. ### The Incarnational Reality of Christianity Alexander John says that when we want to know where a holiday comes from, we don’t need to go to theology, we need to go to the earth. Christianity is an incarnational religion. The religion hinges on the fact that God came to the earth and inhabited a human body, with all the messy mundaneness that it brings. Around Christmas time we talk about the idea of Immanuel, God with us. I am drawn toward meditations and writings around the visceral nature of the way that Jesus entered this world, through the blood and guts of childbirth, [**like this poem by Kaitlyn Shetler.**](https://www.instagram.com/p/CW8STaGgla0/?hl=en&ref=chelseakimlong.com) Did you know that Christmas wasn’t celebrated until close to 300 years after Jesus’ death? If you have time, [**read this interesting summary of the history behind the celebration of Christmas**](https://www.history.com/topics/christmas/history-of-christmas?ref=chelseakimlong.com)**.** In the 4th century AD, church leaders superimposed the celebration of the birth of Christ onto the already existing celebration of the winter solstice. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Easing Holiday Stress Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/easing-holiday-stress-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-16T01:28:14.000Z Ah, the holidays. So much anticipation and planning goes into this 6 week period of time. I struggle with the hustle and bustle, the lack of routine, and the increased domestic labor of this time. I want to stay present and enjoy the magic and time with family and all of the things, but sometimes I find myself yearning for post-holidays, when things go back to their relative normal. That's okay! I can acknowledge that about myself while also trying to stay present and finding the joy hidden in every day moments. This meditation gives you space to slow down and helps you remember that peace is found within. You are not a victim to your circumstances. You get to make choices. We explore that lower down in the journal questions. The holidays are still ahead of us as I write this, so what choices can you make to set yourself up for success this season? ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/ease-holiday-stress-by-returning-to-your-center?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The Benefits of a 5 Minute Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/benefits-5-minute-meditation/ Last updated: 2022-11-09T16:12:36.000Z I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for 6 years and have experienced a dramatic decrease in anxiety and increased ability to regulate my emotions. Some people call meditation a [push-up for the brain](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/07/110714091940.htm?ref=chelseakimlong.com) because studies have shown that the brains of long-term meditators actually change over time when compared to a control group. ## Benefits of Meditation Meditation has emotional, mental, and physical benefits. The physical benefits of meditation are likely a side effect lower stress–which can have a significant impact on our overall health. [The American Heart Association](https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1161/JAHA.117.002218?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (AHA) found that meditation may reduce inflammation, improve pain responses, and reduce the risk of a variety of heart-related health issues. Emotionally, meditation helps you develop self-awareness and acceptance that lets you see, hold space for, and let go of tough emotions–rather than getting stuck in them. [Johns Hopkins University](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/1809754?ref=chelseakimlong.com) researchers compiled data from 47 medical trials and found that mindfulness meditation can help ease psychological distress, including stress and anxiety. In the mental realm, [The Sleep Foundation](https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/treatment/meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) reviewed studies and found that practicing cultivating a relaxed state of mind through meditation combats insomnia and helps people get into the state of mind to fall asleep more easily. Meditation also increases our ability to focus, and even slows down cognitive decline that happens as we get older. No matter how you look at it, research strongly suggests even [five minutes of meditation](https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Effects-of-Five-Minute-Mindfulness-Meditation-on-Lam-Sterling/7a7529a9e6401679016ab78f398eaaf4487aff84?ref=chelseakimlong.com) a day can help reduce your stress and improve your overall emotional wellness, increasing your general wellbeing. ## Getting Started With a Meditation Practice You don’t need anything special to meditate. Start small! If you make your goal to sit down for an hour when you’re first beginning, you’re setting yourself up to fail. 5 minute guided meditations are great for beginners because it gives your brain something to focus on besides the deafening silence. As time goes on, you can try longer stretches and different methods. [Try one of my 5 minute meditations for moments over overwhelm in parent.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-minute-meditations-for-when-you-need-a-parenting-time-out/) ## Setting up Your Meditation Space As best as you can, try to find a quiet, distraction-free place where you can feel completely free. Lol, I know. If you’re at work, you can put a little sign up next to your cubicle or on your office door that says do not disturb. If you’re at home with the kids, you can put a show on for a few minutes or ask another adult to mind them for a few minutes and use noise-canceling headphones. As much as you can, try to limit distractions whether you’re sitting, laying down, walking, or doing a task mindfully. Put your phone on “do not disturb,” just for these 5 minutes of meditation. ## How Do I Add Meditation into My Daily Routine? Habit researcher James Clear wrote about a method called “Habit Stacking” in his book [Atomic Habits](https://amzn.to/3RXuLU6?ref=chelseakimlong.com). His method states that the most effective way to create a new habit is to “stack” it onto an existing habit or routine in your day. For example, “Every day right after the kids are in bed, I will meditate for 5 minutes.” ## How Long Do I Need to Meditate? Starting with 5 minutes is just fine. A [2015 study](https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Effects-of-Five-Minute-Mindfulness-Meditation-on-Lam-Sterling/7a7529a9e6401679016ab78f398eaaf4487aff84?ref=chelseakimlong.com) explored the impact of meditation on 61 mental health professionals. The group who meditated for only 5 minutes a day during a seven-day period experienced significantly lower stress levels. Don’t doubt the power of only 5 minutes of meditation in your day. ### "When you meet the Buddha, kill him." URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/november-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:16:53.000Z I have the words “you know what to do” tattooed on my inner right wrist. They propel me forward many days as I press into following dreams that I have been too scared to chase for years. I have always been an excellent judge of character. In Christianity we call that *discernment*, and it’s also known as having a really low bullsh\*\* tolerance level. Just ask my sisters–they would often hear me complain about friends of theirs in high school or college that I thought weren’t worth their time. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen under the influence of someone who others like just because they’re “cool.” Over the past 6 years especially, that discernment has started to turn a bit cynical; a mistrust toward people who have power, money, and influence. I feel justified with a perspective that goes something like “guilty until proven innocent.” At the very least, I’m gonna be wary. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### God Our Mother Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/god-our-mother-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2025-06-20T20:02:19.000Z I grew up with a patriarchal faith, being told that God is my Father, and that the hierarchy as designed by God was a pyramid. God was of course on top, then men, then women and children on the bottom. God often felt far outside of myself, somewhere away in the clouds. People would always say that Jesus calls God “Abba,” a more personal nickname than the formal “Father.” When trying to connect with God, I used to imagine myself being held in my Heavenly Father’s lap to find solace. I have been practicing yoga outside for the past two years because of the pandemic. If I count it all up, it’s approximately 240 hours spent communing with Mother Earth. There is something visceral about lying on the ground, being literally held by the earth below. It’s reminding me that instead of this far off Father God, instead, I can believe in a God who is as near to me as my breath. A God who doesn’t require me to try and distance myself from my body, from my humanity. A God who dwells in the mess and literal dirt, that I can scratch and get stuck under my fingernails. That I can get coated in like freshly cut grass on the lawn when I stretch my arms out at the end of a yoga practice. I don’t believe that God is a man or a woman. Yet for centuries of Christianity we’ve been given primarily masculine images for the Divine. The Bible, and in particular the Hebrew Scriptures/Old Testament, contains many feminine images for God. Many passages portray God as a mother. Feminine and specifically maternal images say something true about God and my experience with God, and I offer you this meditation as a chance to reflect on these images as seen in scripture. In case you’re curious, if you click on the link below for the transcript, I’ve added the references to where God is described in this way in the Bible. ## LISTEN TO THE MEDITATION _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Announcing the “Do I Stay Christian?” Book Club URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/announcing-the-do-i-stay-christian-book-club/ Last updated: 2024-08-07T19:31:58.000Z ### “Mom, why did Jesus have to die?” I glanced at my husband and turned around to face my 3-year-old, sitting in the backseat of the car as we drove home from a family BBQ. A particularly precocious child, I found myself in theological conversations with him on a fairly regular basis once he started attending preschool at a nearby evangelical church. Even though I didn’t identify as evangelical, I still appreciated that he was getting some basic Bible knowledge. Except, in my opinion, they could really cool it with the ‘Jesus dying on the cross’ talk. “Honey, I don’t think Jesus had to die,” I said. “You don’t?!” exclaimed my husband. “Maybe we should talk about it,” I shrugged and turned back to my 3-year-old. As I muddled my way through trying to explain in 3-year-old terms what I thought Jesus’ death meant, the ‘evangelical in my head’ was shouting, “HERETIC!” But I couldn’t in good conscience pass on to my children the views of God that I used to hold and that I now found harmful. And I no longer thought I needed to have it all figured out for them. – I grew up in the white evangelical church and started very seriously deconstructing starting in 2014 up until about 2019\. And then, 2020 happened to all of us ... and long story short, now I feel ready to be more open about why it matters to me that I continue to identify as a Christian and my desire to work toward a hopeful future for the church. For me, even in my moments where I had no clue what I actually believed, I never really thought of not identifying as a Christian or not believing in God. It feels so foundational to my identity. Ever since I started deconstructing, I’ve been super curious about exploring American Christianity outside of white, fundamentalist evangelicalism. In my mind growing up, there really was no “legitimate” alternative that could still be called true Christianity. When I stopped identifying in that way, it was hugely isolating. I resonated with the words of Peter when he said, "Lord, to whom would we go?" But I didn't know where to turn. ## I’m allowed to define myself as a Christian That has been a huge part of my grappling and learning–discovering a whole world of faith and spirituality that exists within the umbrella of Christianity yet still marks you as an outsider with the culture that raised me. I’ve had to unlearn patterns of thinking to allow myself to trust that I’m allowed to define how I experience God and what I believe as “Christian.” Over my years of deep deconstruction I did share about how my views were shifting and I received a lot of pushback behind the scenes from some loud voices. A lot of the time I didn’t have the energy to brace myself for that feedback. I was also experiencing some really hard life things during that time and felt pretty vulnerable, so I often chose to protect my peace by staying quiet. During those years I also felt uncomfortable putting myself into any category with others. I noticed toxicity within the “deconstruction” camp so I didn’t settle there. I was still attending my neighborhood house church throughout this time, and I was pretty content staying quiet about that experience. I also felt deeply afraid to stake any claim in the “Christian” space because I was quite honestly afraid of rejection. I needed a long time to work on belonging to myself and to my small circle of trustworthy people. Yet I also felt deeply lonely and disconnected from the bigger circle, and just kept reading and listening to hear what other people were thinking and where I could find resonance. I wondered where I could jump in and find a place where my thoughts could be seen valid, valuable and productive. ## Coming out of isolation Over the past year I’ve been doing Communications work for Parish Collective, an organization that believes in a more hopeful vision of the Church that's rooted in working for the good of our neighborhoods. Joining with them has helped me regain some trust that I could find a place of belonging with other Christians. I still feel a lot of pain over the wound of betrayal and rejection from the evangelical church. I wrapped so much of my identity up with belonging, and there’s still a big piece of me that's afraid to even want to belong. Sometimes it feels easier to stay lonely than to risk rejection. In May of this year, Brian D. MacLaren published a book called [*Do I Stay Christian*?](https://amzn.to/3TcTc1s?ref=chelseakimlong.com) In Part 1 of his book, he talks about why it’s completely understandable and the right choice for some people to answer that question “no.” In Part 2, he shares why many people (including himself) still answer that question “yes.” And then in the last part of his book, he focuses on the “how” of living well regardless of whether you identify as a Christian or not. I’m hoping this book will help give me words to articulate why I have chosen to answer that question “Yes, I’m still a Christian” despite it all. ## The "Do I Stay Christian?" Book Club Over the next 6 weeks or so, I’m going to be reading this book and reflecting on its topics and themes. [If you’d like to pick up a copy and join me in reading it, please do!](https://amzn.to/3TcTc1s?ref=chelseakimlong.com) This isn’t a traditional book club in the sense that we’ll meet and discuss the chapters, but it’s going to inform a lot of what I’m thinking and talking about over the next 6 weeks. And I'd love to hear your thoughts if you read it. I’m going to be having conversations on Instagram Live most Fridays for the next 6 weeks as I explore these ideas for myself personally and in the company of a diverse group of people that I admire. The majority, if not all of the people I’ll be in conversation with, had an intersection with fundamental evangelical Christianity at some point, and now have chosen to step outside of that context. Some have stepped out of religion altogether and some into a different version of Christianity or spirituality. I’m genuinely curious about the way that people live every day in light of their answer to that question. I’m calling this series of Instagram Live conversations “Exploring American Christianity outside of Fundamentalist Evangelicalism.” I know, a mouthful. It felt important for me to be precise with words. American Christianity feels like its own unique cluster, and it’s what’s most concerning to me at the moment. I don’t want to speak for the rest of the world. I also want to make space for a less fundamentalist version of evangelicalism, and for those of you who find yourselves one foot in and one foot out of that world. It’s all valid and up for discussion, and I’m excited to facilitate and participate in these discussions. All that I ask is that you hold space for others’ experience and views, and to hold it in tension if you disagree (I know I’m not always the best at that, but here’s trying). If you have comments to share, I’d love to see them here on my website, in the comments or on Instagram. I plan to save the Lives to my feed so that you can watch and interact with them even if you can’t make it in real time. ### 5 Minute Meditations for a Parenting Time Out URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/5-minute-meditations-for-when-you-need-a-parenting-time-out/ Last updated: 2022-10-14T13:12:58.000Z Parenting is stressful and can take you to your emotional, physical, and mental capacity in no time flat. Even though gentle parenting is all the rage and we might not do time out with our kids, sometimes we still need a parent “time out.” I created four 5-minute meditations for moms (or really, any parent!) that you can use at specific moments of your day when you need a second to regroup and carry on. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for 6 years and have experienced a dramatic decrease in anxiety and increased ability to regulate my emotions. And if you really don’t have 5 minutes for a meditation, I have some accompanying affirmations for moms that you can use on the go. I created four 5-minute guided meditations with suggested times of day or scenarios for you to use them, so that you can stack them into your daily routine. If you do all four in a day, that’s 20 minutes of meditation right there! ## 1) For a Transition Moment Use this one as a way to transition from one part of your day to another, eg transitioning from work to being with the kids, transitioning after dinner before a family activity, or while waiting in the school pickup car line. ### Affirmations: Peace is as near as my next round of breath. I can show up to everything life brings my way and navigate it with grace. ## 2) For when you’re triggered by chaos or big feelings Use this meditation when you need a few minutes to regroup before or after an intense moment of chaos or big feelings. This one will remind you of your capacity to hold space for your kids’ big emotions without entering their chaos. Maybe there’s a certain unavoidable activity in your life that usually feels rough to get through like taking kids to medical appointments that cause kid meltdowns or rushing out the door to get somewhere. Stack this meditation onto that moment. ### Affirmations I am capable. I can hold space without entering into the chaos. ### 3) For when you feel touched out or overstimulated Use this meditation when you get overwhelmed. We all have those moments when the noise level is too much, the needs are too many, and you need to tap out. Set the kids in front of a screen for 5 minutes and commit to returning to your breath and your body. ### Affirmations: My body is my own. I offer myself freely as a gift of love to those around me. I can find a peaceful place within myself. I am grounded by gravity and supported by the earth. ### 4) For the end of the day This one is very easy to tie to the kids’ bedtime routine. Get them in bed and then take 5 minutes for yourself to decompress. You could even listen to this one while doing some nightly chores (meditative dishwashing, get into it!). ### Affirmations: Peace lives in the present moment. I let go of the past and make space for joy. ## Bonus: Create an affirmation card keyring Sometimes you don’t even have 5 minutes, and I get that. I like to take index cards, punch a hole through the corner, put them on a keyring, and write affirmations. I can throw it in my purse and pull it out when I need a little moment of encouragement. Only write affirmations that feel true and resonate with you, otherwise, you'll just annoy yourself. ### I Opted Out of Mom Guilt URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/october-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:15:06.000Z ## I'm thinking about opting out of mom guilt *“You’ll never guess what she said.”* I’m catching up with my husband on a quick phone call during a work trip, trying to decide between the chambray dress or the black for the next day’s meetings. “She asked me if you don’t like being a mother and that’s why you work.” My brain froze, unable to come up with an appropriate response. I retorted, “What? Would anyone ever ask you if you work because you don’t like being a dad?” “I know, it’s ridiculous.” It was ridiculous, and it also stung–not because it was true–but because it struck a cord with the self-judgment I still had toward the way that I chose to mother, even 5 years into my motherhood journey. ### I've never felt guilty about leaving my kids I’ve never felt guilty about leaving my kids, even though it’s widely acknowledged that almost all mothers in the Western world do feel some level of mom guilt. I realize that I am in the minority, but it has never made sense to me in that particular context. Every time I travel, whether for work or fun, I know that my kids are well taken care of and fine without me–and I will be back soon enough. The time away from them is either necessary for my paid job or important for my mental health. My first solo trip away from my oldest child was a girls’ weekend with some friends, when he was 16 months old. The trip was pure joy, and I didn’t feel guilt over one second of it. I did, however, feel conspicuous, as if I was walking around missing a vital body part. In some ways I resented that I could never enjoy the same unencumbered freedom of life before his birth, where I could simply enjoy a moment alone without feeling a tug from an invisible string that forever ties my heart to his. It’s one thing to know that your child is fine, happy, well-taken care of. It’s another to resist the biology that reminds you of your responsibility, your all-consuming love and concern for a tiny, vulnerable person that is under your care. It’s not something you can turn off. ### Traveling for work When my twins were 5 months old, I started traveling for work several times a year. It was hard, logistically, of course. That first trip I lugged my dinosaur of a hospital grade breast pump to a conference– thank God they had a special room set up complete with snacks for parents and a fridge to store milk. Sneaking away to pump every few hours wasn’t ideal, but it was manageable. After they weaned around 15 months, traveling solo felt more like a luxury, and honestly, downright relaxing. I often save a good book for the occasion and revel in being able to get lost in a story for a long stretch of time. I’ve heard stories of mothers telling other mothers that they would have to be a psychopath to not feel mom guilt. Yet the phrase “dad guilt” does not exist because society doesn’t put the same expectations on fathers. 📫 [Subscribe for free to read the rest!](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Waning Moon Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/waning-moon-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2026-08-05T19:05:52.000Z The Waning Moon corresponds with the sorceress archetype. Also known as the wild woman or the medicine woman, she represents our intuition, our intellect, and the creative powers that each of us has within us. We have a tendency to stifle the energy of the wild woman because our culture has gaslit us into ignoring our intuition–writing it off as "PMS symptoms." If we push down our true, natural emotions, they can turn into destructive behavior. Our bodies scream at us to listen. The wild woman asks us to begin to turn inward. She asks us to hold space for all parts of ourselves, to reflect and accept and integrate so that we know how to make changes toward peace and wholeness. During this time, listen intently to what your body is telling you, and act accordingly with self-love and care. Let the waning moon remind you that there's room for the light and the dark within you. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/waning-moon-gratitude-and-release-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Below the paywall you'll find a worksheet, the transcript, a breath prayer, journal prompts, book recommendations, and a lock screen image to download. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Serena Williams' Retirement and What We Tell Our Daughters URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/september-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:14:36.000Z ## I'm thinking about...Serena Williams' Retirement “I’m so glad I had a daughter. I want to teach her that there are no limits.” - Serena Williams, February 2018 ([**source**](https://www.vogue.com/article/serena-williams-vogue-cover-interview-february-2018?ref=chelseakimlong.com)) If you follow me on [**Instagram**](http://instagram.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com) you’ll know I’ve been having a lot of feelings about Serena’s announcement that she plans to retire. As you also know, she is the literal GOAT and won her 23rd Grand Slam title while 8 weeks pregnant. I’ve followed her journey closely ever since she shared about her traumatic birth and postpartum experience with her daughter Olympia in 2017\. At the time, I was becoming aware of the racial disparities in healthcare–particularly when it came to Black maternal health. Serena, an elite athlete, knows more about listening to her body than anyone, yet was met with doubt and resistance when she sounded the alarm that something was very wrong with her after giving birth. Because of this, she almost died and had to receive 3 surgeries in addition to her emergency C-section. As soon as she returned to the court, Serena boldly claimed her desire to win more Grand Slam titles.She continued to share their journey, revealing in her HBO documentary, *Being Serena*, that she had to stop breastfeeding earlier than she wanted because it interfered with her ability to train at an elite level. In her 2018 cover story for Vogue, she talked about the inherent difference of being a mom vs. being a dad, speaking of Roger Federer whose wife had two sets of twins in 5 years time, saying, “It’s so unfair. He produced four babies and barely missed a tournament. I can’t even imagine where I’d be with twins right now. Probably at the bottom of the pool.” 📬 [****Subscribe for free to read the rest!**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup/free) _This post is for subscribers only._ ### On letting people see who you really are URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/on-letting-people-see-who-you-really-are/ Last updated: 2022-09-01T02:36:57.000Z “It doesn’t make sense that only two kids are allowed on the trampoline at a time! The trampoline is so big. So many more kids could fit on there.” My son Calvin looks at me and I ask him again to put his shoes on. We’re rushing to get out the door to make it to church on time, and my husband and I had been reminding the kids about the rules at the house where we meet. Calvin immediately voiced his disagreement with the trampoline rule. “Cal,” I begin, “There’ve been times in the past where kids have gotten too crazy and someone got hurt, so now the rule is two kids at a time.” I catch myself. I notice that my immediate parenting tactic is to try and change his mind, to convince him to see things from my point of view. And then I stop. That’s not the type of parent that I want to be. That’s not the type of relationship I want with my kids. I start over. “Cal, I hear you. You think that rule is dumb. It doesn’t make sense to you. It would be a lot more fun if more than 2 kids could be on the trampoline at once. I get it. I’ve had lots of times in my life when I thought a rule was dumb and it made me really mad.” Surprised, he says, “You have? Like what?” I laugh and quickly sift through my memories visiting two of my sisters at various times when they went to a super conservative Christian college. I got so annoyed every single visit about the seemingly arbitrary rules. I tell him about the time when one of my sisters had a best friend who lived across the country, so she was allotted more over-the-summer storage than my sister (who lived a car drive away from the school). The cross-country friend didn’t need all of the storage space, so my sister was planning to leave a box of books in her friend’s spot. The RA found out and said she couldn’t do that, so my sister “gave” the books to her friend, and her friend “gave them back” at the start of the next school year. My husband jumps in and the three of us talk a little bit more about how sometimes we're in situations where the person in charge will hear our feedback and change the rule. Other times it feels like our opinion doesn't matter, so we have to decide if we're going to stay in the situation or not. This feels a bit heady for an 8 year old, plus, he doesn't really have the choice to not come to house church in protest of this particular rule, but he seems to get it, and we head out the door. 📬 [**Sign up for my newsletter to receive regular, exclusive essays straight to your inbox.**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) --- I've been reflecting and realizing to a greater degree all of the times in my life when it felt dangerous to reveal who I *really* am or what I *really* think. I just posted yesterday on Instagram stories that I'm afraid to post my "spicy" content there because I'm afraid to make people mad. Of course, I woke up to 10 messages this morning from people saying they're here for the "spicy" content. I constantly try to strike a balance between propriety and letting it all hang out. The line is so subjective. I'm sure some people wish I would button it up a little more, and some would totally be here for pretty much anything. Whether or not it is *actually* dangerous to say what I really think, the culture that raised me definitely taught me that it was risky to do so, when what I thought was outside of the bounds of what they deemed appropriate. There was a lot of encouragement toward groupthink. It drives me crazy to this day when I hear someone use the word "we" to broadly (e.g., "We don't think that.") I remember, particularly in high school, thinking to myself often, "Who is this 'we'? I *do* think that." It would take me until I was well into adulthood to start feeling brave enough to say the things that I thought when I knew I'd be challenging the dominant narrative. And still, to this day, there are things I’m afraid to say because I anticipate the fallout. --- A confusing story has come out of the American Evangelical world this week. Matt Chandler, a megachurch pastor, is taking a leave of absence for exchanging "unguarded" direct messages (DMs) with a female congregant. According to the reports, the DMs were not sexual in nature, but they were reviewed by a law firm, and they were deemed to be "unwise" because of the "frequency and familiarity" of the messages. If you're scratching your head and wondering how “frequent and familiar” DMs with a friend are grounds for stepping down from leadership of a church–yeah, so am I. I read a post by Robin Black of *Robin Thinks* that does an amazing job breaking down and explaining the church service where Matt and team announced this situation to their congregation. [**I encourage you to read it here**](https://robinthinks.substack.com/p/the-dark-side-of-matt-chandlers-confession). She wrote, > I 100% believe Chandler’s “DM relationship” was exactly what he said it was: not sexual in nature, but instead **unguarded.** Almost assuredly, Chandler revealed himself to her for **who he really is** and that is every bit as dangerous, if not far more so, than if he simply had sex with her. If he had sex with her, then they could paint her as being equally in the wrong. Instead, she is simply in possession of his deepest, darkest, dirtiest secret, which is that **he is not who he presents himself to be** *.* All we can do in this situation is speculate as to the content of the DMs, unless they get leaked (please, God, let them be leaked so we can all stop speculating!). But for the greater culture, we have *got* to move toward more acceptance for who people really are. We have to stop putting leaders–especially spiritual leaders–on pedestals. We have to let people be human. Messy, flawed, real humans. We have to leave space for admitting our faults and holding two realities at once. We have to stop creating a culture that shames people into hiding their truth and presenting a false or "more acceptable" version of themselves. Here's where my imagination goes. What if the content of the DM was Matt calling another congregant a "f\*cking idiot"? I could see that happening in an "unguarded" moment, if this is a close friend of his and he's just complaining about something another church member did. Is a pastor not allowed to have an unguarded, honest moment of frustration? That feels pretty human to me, I don't know. We all have different standards for acceptable behavior. Who gets to decide? Wouldn't it be better if Matt felt full permission to say admit what he said, apologize for being mean in a moment of frustration, and we could all move on? As a post-evangelical still trying to live out a healthy version of Jesus/Bible-based spirituality, I get asked a lot about parenting through and after deconstruction. This is one of the ways that I'm trying to do it differently for my kids. I want my kids to be unafraid to show me who they really are. I want them to know I can handle hearing what they really think. When Calvin started complaining about the trampoline rule, my immediate impulse as a parent was to persuade him to adopt my perspective. Over time, what this approach yields in any system–whether a family or a congregation–is to cause people to go into hiding. Usually, they won't adopt change their perspective. They'll just stop sharing openly about what they really think. I have to keep reminding myself that I would *always* rather know my children for who they truly are than for them to present a version of themselves to me that they think I'll find more acceptable. I don't want that for them. I don't want that for myself. Heck, I don't want that for Matt Chandler. 📬 Like what you read here? [**Sign up for my newsletter to receive regular, exclusive essays straight to your inbox.**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/#/portal/signup) ### Full Moon Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/full-moon-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2025-03-17T17:52:36.000Z I’m just going to be honest and say I am not a full moon gal. Give me all the [**new moon energy**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-guided-meditation/). Give me all the inner winter vibes; give me the permission to slow down and do less. Summer makes me grumpy! Summer demands too much of me. I just had a conversation with my husband 2 weeks ago where I told him that we really need to reevaluate our expectations for what we can do next summer because this one was too much, and I feel like I’m still trying to get back to a normal baseline from getting so out of whack. Routine is my friend, and I’m so happy we’re done with all our summer chaos and getting back into normalcy. Are you like me? Or are you cool with chaos? ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/full-moon-grounding-meditation?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### August 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/august-2022/ Last updated: 2022-08-11T13:02:28.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Waxing Moon Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/waxing-moon-meditation/ Last updated: 2025-03-17T17:51:43.000Z The Waxing Moon reminds us of the interplay between light and dark, as it grows from a tiny sliver of light into the full moon over the course of time. At the First Quarter Moon that balance is equal. I find myself pondering my shadow side and my light side, the things I would rather ignore and what I tend to emphasize. The moon continues to be endlessly inspiring to me because she just exists. I've been (very delinquently) taking an e-course about St. Theresa of Avila with Mirabai Starr and James Finley. One of the things Mirabai said about St. Theresa is that she carried her wounds and didn’t try to be perfected, just human. This resonates with me, as for most of my life I've felt like I'm on a quest for self-improvement and optimization. What if I just allowed myself to be and noticed the value in that? The Waxing Moon reflects Springtime and our follicular (pre-ovulation phase). So even in the "just be-ing," there's variation because this is a time to work toward goals. Enjoy that! ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/waxing-moon-meditation-2?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### July 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/july-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:13:49.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### New Moon Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/new-moon-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2025-03-17T17:50:22.000Z I had heard the term “cycle syncing” a lot over my years working in the wellness world, but in April 2021 finally decided to check it out more deeply. The book I read focused a lot on nutrition, but I found myself more drawn to the idea of my natural waxing and waning of energy throughout the month. It felt revolutionary to have the permission to be lower energy at times, that my body was functioning as designed. Once I got sucked into the biological/science-y side of things, I started to explore the spiritual side of this idea, as well. This is what got me interested in following the moon cycle. I love that the moon is a visual reminder of permission to show up differently every day. As someone who tends to push and push myself, it's a huge relief. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/new-moon-meditation-33?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for subscribers on the Meditations and Paid Newsletter Subscriber tiers only._ ### June 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/june-2022/ Last updated: 2022-06-28T13:15:44.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Thoughts On Moon Rituals From An Exvangelical URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/thoughts-on-moon-rituals-from-an-exvangelical/ Last updated: 2025-03-15T17:00:31.000Z [**Prefer to listen? Click to hear this as a 13-minute recorded talk on Insight Timer.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/thoughts-on-moon-rituals-from-an-exvangelical?ref=chelseakimlong.com) > “The heavens are telling the glory of God, and the firmament proclaims God’s handiwork. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night declares knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard; yet their voice goes out through all the earth and their words to the end of the world.” Psalm 19:1-4\. Over the next several months I’m planning to share 4 meditations based around the 4 primary phases of the moon cycle. First I wanted to share this talk giving a bit of a Biblical foundation for how I work with the moon cycles in my personal spiritual practice. ## Why bring the Bible into this? You may wonder why I would bring the Bible into this. Well, I often say that Christianity is my native language of spirituality, and the Bible is the sacred text that was handed to me from birth. For years I fought against this spiritual inheritance because of all the harm done in the name of Christianity. Now, although I am influenced and inspired by many spiritual traditions, I acknowledge that the Christian tradition is the lens through which I tend to engage in spirituality. Much of my work focuses on bringing redemption to passages of scripture that have been used to condemn people. I grew up being told that Astrology is demonic. Reading my horoscope felt dangerous, even though when I did read it, it seemed as innocuous as a message you’d find inside a fortune cookie. Much of this view can be traced back to Augustine, a very influential Christian figure in the fourth century. Augustine saw astrology as a way humans would try and blame God or the celestial bodies for sin. He seemed to believe that if people thought their lives were predetermined by the stars, then they could let themselves off the hook for their behavior. ## How we are impacted by the moon and the sun Historically, astrology was not just about horoscopes and zodiac signs. It was a branch of natural philosophy dealing with the physical influence of the cosmos on the earth. Of course we have the entire field of astronomy to help us see and study the celestial bodies. It is clear that the sun and the moon both have a significant impact on our earthly lives. In fact, we live by a solar calendar. Our modern calendar gives a date based on the position of the sun in relation to the stars behind it. The seasons are based on the equinoxes. We mark the summer solstice as the day when we have the most hours of daylight and the winter solstice, when we have the fewest hours of daylight. In contrast, many ancient and indigenous cultures used a lunar calendar, because it was a visible way to mark the passing of time on a consistent basis, by observing the phases of the moon. A lunar month starts at the new moon. > Psalm 104:19 says, “You made the moon to mark the seasons.” In the Hebrew scriptures, we see the importance of Rosh Chodesh, the New Moon festival. Many significant events are recorded as happening during the new moon. We also see in many traditions the ways in which the moon plays a role, like Lunar New Year in East and South Asian countries, the Islamic holy month of Ramadan begins at a New Moon, and in Jewish tradition, the festival of Passover begins on a Full Moon. If you’ve ever wondered why the date of Easter varies so widely from year to year, it’s because Easter is set to occur on the first Sunday after the first Full Moon after the Spring Equinox. So even the holiest day of Christian tradition is linked to the Moon cycle. ## My current view of zodiac signs Now, my personal practice of moon cycle observation doesn’t really incorporate the zodiac signs, but there is an obvious intersection, as we each new moon does fall under a specific sign depending on the month. My personal view on zodiac signs is as a personality test of sorts, like the Meyers Briggs or Enneagram. It can help to paint a picture of our personality, strengths, and talents. I see it as descriptive, not prescriptive. I always knew I was a Pisces based on my birth date, but since discovering that I’m a Cancer Moon and Cancer Rising I’m like, oh wow, that makes so much sense! Similarly with how I work with the Enneagram, self knowledge is helpful to understand your tendencies, but it shouldn’t stop there. We should use our self-awareness to help us grow and become more balanced instead of using it as an excuse for our behavior. Because of my upbringing, I understand how deeply uncomfortable Christians are with astrology and the zodiac signs. I also have a very limited knowledge of astrology and am not advocating for anyone to get interested in it; this is just my current perspective on it. I also am aware that many associate moon rituals with pagan practices and witchcraft, which is why Christians tend to fear these practices. However, I believe there’s a way to incorporate the moon cycle into a spiritual practice without worshiping the moon, and there’s a way to let zodiac signs guide your intentions without using them for “fortune-telling.” ## Bible references about celestial bodies Now, when I started searching the Bible for references about the celestial bodies, I was surprised by how many references there are. In Genesis 1:14-14, God says, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons, and for days and years...” Job 9:9 describes God making the constellations. In Ezekiel 47:1 we learn that the Temple in Jerusalem faced the East, the direction of the rising sun. As a side note, this tradition continues to this day, where many churches are built to face the east. In early Christianity, Christians prayed facing east, seeing in the rising sun a symbol of the risen Christ. Jesus refers to himself as the light of the world. It is clear in the Hebrew scriptures that God does condemn divination, and there are multiple stories where people seeking God for wisdom beat out those who are praying to false gods and seeking signs in the sky. However, in Matthew 2:1-12, we see that the Magi follow the signs in the stars to lead them to Jesus. > In Luke 21:25, Jesus predicts the destruction of Jerusalem saying, “There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars and on the earth distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and the waves.” We see in the New Testament that Jewish Christ-followers continued to observe the new moons even after Jesus’s ascent into heaven (Col. 2:16). Lastly, in the final book of the Bible, we see strange visions that include the celestial bodies. > Revelation 12:1 says, “And a great sign appeared in heaven: A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet...” So it does feel a bit contradictory that in some instances, it’s okay to look for signs in the heavens, and that God might even send signs. ## How I (and my body!) currently work with the moon cycle Whew, okay that’s a lot. I wanted to lay out that foundation in case you are a person listening who has been taught to fear any focus on the meanings found in the night sky. For me, paying attention to the moon cycles and marking the new moon with a communal ritual with other women is a way for me to mark time intentionally. Each new moon we gather and reflect, and we set intentions for the next four weeks. It helps me to feel grounded to something larger than myself and provides a framework to see growth and allow myself time to experiment with new intentions. I also have done a lot of learning around the meaning behind each of the 4 phases of the moon which are new moon, waxing moon, full moon, and waning moon. The moon shows up differently every day of the month, sometimes with more brightness, and sometimes less. In our culture, productivity tends to be valued above all. Our days are marked in 24 hour increments, and there can be a pressure to perform equally every single day. Interestingly enough, male hormones operate on a 24-hour cycle. This means that testosterone levels are highest in the morning and lowest in the night. In a patriarchal society, it makes sense that the standard workday would align for what works for men. They are energetic throughout the day and hormones start to drop in the afternoon and then in the evening, when energy wanes, it’s time to go to bed. The female hormonal cycle, however, is typically spread out over 28 days, or 4 weeks, and in 4 phases. Although these 4 phases don’t perfectly align for each woman each month, we can see a corollary between the 4 moon phases and the 4 hormonal phases. As a person who has a monthly cycle, I notice the ways in which my energy levels wax and wane throughout the month in a predictable pattern. Noticing the shifting phases of the moon gives me a sense of permission to not have to show up at full force every single day. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2022/06/ig-moon-phases-1.jpg) I will leave the scientific exploration for you to do on your own but as I create a meditation based around each of the 4 moon phases I will bring some of this information in. Of course, not every female-identifying person cycles through the hormonal phases, and I want to be inclusive of anyone who wants to draw inspiration and permission from the moon. If you are someone who doesn’t currently experience a monthly cycle, you can choose to start your monthly cycle or rhythm with the new moon and go from there. I believe that the moon can be a vital tool in spiritual practice. In my spiritual practice, this does not include direct worship of the moon, rather it offers a reminder that I can look up and be reminded that God has placed this feminine guide in the sky. I’m excited to explore more specifically in the upcoming meditations how I work with each of the moon cycles. I will end with a short excerpt from the Canticle of the Sun by St Francis. > “Most High, all powerful, good Lord, > Yours are the praises, the glory, the honour, and all blessing. > To You alone, Most High, do they belong, > and no man is worthy to mention Your name. > Be praised, my Lord, through all your creatures, > especially through my lord Brother Sun, > who brings the day; and you give light through him. > And he is beautiful and radiant in all his splendour! > Of you, Most High, he bears the likeness. > Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars, > in heaven you formed them clear and precious and beautiful." Thanks for listening, and I’d love to hear your feedback in the form of a review. ### Self-Compassionate Body Scan Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/self-compassionate-body-scan-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-07T02:34:35.000Z I stumbled into this embodiment work and realized that I've been coming at it from several angles for years. My youngest children are halfway to 5 years old and I feel like the insanely challenging baby/toddler stage is finally behind me. As I work to integrate all that I've experienced through this 8-year childbearing season, embodied spirituality keeps cropping up. From such a young age girls receive messages about the acceptability of our bodies. I have always had a basically healthy body image, yet my relationship with my body became more complicated throughout the years of pregnancy, pregnancy loss, childbirth, infertility, c-section recovery, breastfeeding, the physical labor and exhaustion that comes from caring for children. My body endured things that I didn't know she could, things that I didn't have a category for and that mind didn't have capacity to stay with her through. I'm working to heal that mind-body-soul connection and have compassion for the ways in which I abandoned my body. In this season I've been walking deeper into some experiences that I'm committed to heal and integrate so that I can move forward into what feels like a new season with true wholeness and acceptance for all that's happened. Part of this is a new belief in the sacredness of my body and my ability to embrace the scars, both physical and emotional, that live within my body. I love the idea of Jesus as the "disabled God," as seen by how he shows up post-resurrection with scars and wounds still visible. Even in the picture of the Eucharist, the body of Christ, broken for me, the blood of Christ, spilled out on my behalf. It's a beautiful picture, and one I find so much familiarity in as I consider my labor story and my c-section scar. Together with you in this path to wholeness. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/self-compassionate-body-scan-3?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### May 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/may-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:13:38.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Inviting Resurrection Guided Mediation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/inviting-resurrection-guided-mediation/ Last updated: 2024-10-07T02:29:02.000Z Several years back I read a book called the *Meaning of Mary Magdalene* by Cynthia Bourgeault and it helped breathe new life into the Easter narrative for me. One of the focal points that I grew up with around the story of Jesus’ death was that he was betrayed by all of his friends–and particularly Peter. Cynthia busted some myths for me and helped bring to the forefront of the story for me the faithfulness of Mary Magdalene. In Matthew 14, the day before Jesus’ death, she anointed him with oil. In Mark 15, she is present at the crucifixion. In Matthew 27, after everyone else had left the burial site, Mary Magdalene stayed. In John 20, Mary arrived at the empty tomb with Peter and John. The men leave, but Mary stays, and then Jesus appears to her before anyone else. In Luke 24, Mary Magdalene shares Jesus’ the news of resurrection with Jesus’ male disciples. Richard Rohr points out in his book *Immortal Diamond* that connection between his death and resurrection with Mary anointing him prior to his death and also preparing the burial spices after his death. He says, “Jesus has been held in love throughout his entire passage.” There’s a beautiful poem by Jan Richardson that I read in this meditation–don’t miss it. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/inviting-resurrection?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### April 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/april-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:13:26.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Dwelling in Your Sanctuary Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/dwelling-in-your-sanctuary-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-07T02:22:19.000Z Let me just say, this might be my favorite member-only meditation yet. Bringing embodiment into my spirituality, into my relationship with God and myself has been transformative. Last month I caught a brutal stomach bug that kept me in bed for an entire day. One night, my 4 year old son came up to visit me in my room and I asked him to ask God to help me feel better. He said to me, “I’m going to ask my body what you should do to feel better.” He was quiet for a moment and said, “My body said you should take some medicine.” I was so struck by the way in which he located God within his physical body and that he trusted his intuition on what would “heal” me. When I was newly postpartum with the twins, I noticed that every time I settled onto my yoga mat, strong emotions would arise. At the time I was overwhelmed with daily life and care of two babies while trying to juggle work and the rest of life. Sometimes I’d feel a rush of giddy thrill, a wave of anxiety, or a sudden welling up of tears. It felt like I had been bottling it all in, waiting for a moment to myself where nobody needed me, nothing was required except for me to stay fully in my body for one hour. Although people have been creating systems for connecting with God since the beginning of time, Latin was the first language that had a word for religion. It’s interesting to think about a time before a named split between religion and life. Perhaps before we had a word to define the concept of religion, all of life was seen as a way to try and restore our connection with the Divine. Psalm 86:11 says, “unite my heart” or “grant me undividedness of heart.” The word religion contains the Latin root *ligar–* meaning to join, or link. Religion then, is a way of re-joining the human with the divine. I think it also points to the idea that anything that divides us or causes us to embrace anything other than wholeness with ourselves and with community is not a form of healthy religion. Many religions ask us to split off parts of ourselves or insulate us from the world, but my journey has been one of slowly acknowledging this exiled places, allowing myself to see them and make decisions on how to move forward based on who I actually am, not who I wish I was or who others want me to be. I leave you with the Asher Yatzar Blessing that comes from Orthodox Judaism. I discovered this prayer when I was researching embodiment. This is a prayer that is to be said after a person goes to the bathroom. Yep, isn’t that fascinating? Everything fits, everything is seen by the Divine. *Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, King of the universe, who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollow spaces. It is obvious and known before Your Seat of Honor that if even one of them would be opened, or if even one of them would be sealed, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You even for one hour. Blessed are You, Adonai, who heals all flesh and acts wondrously.* ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/dwelling-in-the-sanctuary?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### March 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/march-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:13:18.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Creating Sanctuary Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/creating-sanctuary-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-07T02:14:20.000Z *“How do we balance the need to go home with our daily lives? We pre-plan home into our lives. It is always amazing how easily women can ‘take time away’ if there is illness, if a child needs them, if the car breaks down... Going home has to be given the same value, even stated in crisis proportions if necessary. For it is unequivocally true, if a woman doesn’t go when it’s her time to go, the hairline crack in her soul/psyche becomes a ravine and the ravine becomes a roaring abyss.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estes* I’ve been diving into some old journals from my early days of motherhood. I came across some sermon notes I took during one week of the moms group at my church. The speaker was talking about marriage and I wrote down gems such as, *“Our husbands weren’t designed to make us happy,”* and *“Our husbands shouldn’t be the ones to carry our burdens–God wants to take those.”* Cool, cool. I was 5 months post traumatic birth, struggling with postpartum depression that I was unwilling to treat with medication, and in the middle of a faith crisis. I’ve been joking that looking back, maybe it’s that moms group that pushed me off the precipice into deconstruction. Emily and Amelia Nagoski, in their book *Burnout*, describe the concept of *Human Giver Syndrome*. Women are often seen as Human Givers instead of Human Beings. The Nagoski sisters explain on their podcast, “Givers are not allowed to impose anything so inconvenient as their own needs, including their difficult emotions, including their stress, on anyone else... No emotional need for connection or care. No intellectual need to pursue your own sense of purpose or curiosity. And remember, this is our moral duty. If we fall short of our moral duty, we'll get punished. And if no one's around to punish us, we will just go ahead and beat the s\*\*\* out of ourselves.” If you have a little voice inside of you begging you to drop everything and run away, listen to it (you know what I mean...in a safe, responsible way). You deserve to prioritize your needs and passions and to take time to process your difficult emotions. I hope this meditation gives you a tiny bit of space to flex the muscle of prioritizing yourself. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/creating-sanctuary?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### February 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/february-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:12:30.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Practicing Presence Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/practicing-presence-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-07T01:54:54.000Z Sometimes I think the most magical thing about meditation for me is just that I've created a pocket of space and time for myself to just be with myself. And that's honestly way more than half the battle. Time and time again, despite it all, I come home to myself and remember that being in my body and mind is a good place to be. In this meditation I recall an experience I had with my son in the NICU and even now, 4 years later I can vividly remember that time of meditation and how I filled that little room with warm, golden, healing light. Sometimes I do the most with creating these guided meditations, and I do it because I truly LOVE IT. This month, I'm offering you this simple yet profound meditation. It contains a small amount of guidance in how you can use your breath and imagination to center your mind, and then it's the magic lies in the space that you've created for you to be with yourself. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/practicing-presence-3?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## **DOWNLOADABLE PDF WORKSHEET** [**Click to download the worksheet for free with code PAIDSUB24.**](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/practicing-presence?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/10/Practicing-Presence-1.png) ## TRANSCRIPT [**Click to read the transcript for this meditation.**](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AUWnXZvGtY3fgSUlMjW7oH8Ym1qlnh63xoJEDUcWSKs/edit?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## BREATH PRAYER Inhale: I receive what I need. Exhale: I walk with God. ## JOURNAL PROMPTS 1. Rate your ability to check in with yourself. Describe your typical process for checking in with yourself during a rough patch mentally, emotionally, or physically. How do you typically figure out what you need to shift in order to bring more ease? 2. How did you feel about New Year's resolutions this year? Did you set any intentions? How can you bring more grace, ease, and sustainability into them? 3. What season are you in, internally? Reflect on your level of acceptance with your current inner state. (Winter typically represents hibernation and rest. Spring represents new beginning, excitement and ideas. Summer represents bringing ideas to fruition and the time of year with the most energy to expend externally. Autumn is typically represented by reflection and preparing for the rest and hibernation of winter.) ## ADDITIONAL RESOURCES I really was not feeling New Years resolutions and adding more to my plate right now. I also have had ZERO interest in reading self help books lately. I think I read exclusively fiction and memoir last year. Instead I've been cozying in with myself and trusting that I have all the answers I need. And I've been listening to a ton of Billie Eilish. Here are a couple podcast episodes that have been speaking to me: +[**South Star from the Rob Bell podcast**](https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CbxDKEVSOwuXCxA43qLep?si=YFz6aKLXTSeW7w4PEcxPrg&ref=chelseakimlong.com)**.** He posted it in March of last year, but I keep coming back to it and even listened to it again last week. It's such a simple and profound concept. +Recently Glennon Doyle talked about how to listen to your inner knowing on her We Can Do Hard Things podcast and it really resonated with me. [**Listen here on Spotify.**](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6haDdFw27alW6DgBcOKqfb?si=QRYVCaFJSB-1mLzf99FmuQ&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## LINK TO THE ARCHIVE [**Find all of my guided meditations here.**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/guided-meditations/) ## **LOCK SCREEN** (Image not showing? [**Find the file here**](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XdsHQr6OGbnLen5vuHs23MflVW8n3Qaq/view?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com)**.** Right click the image below and save to photo album on your phone to use as lock screen!) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/10/Practicing-Presence-2.png) ### January 2022 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/january-2022/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:12:20.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Treasures of the Darkness Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/treasures-of-the-darkness-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-07T01:12:42.000Z If I’m being honest, I never made it past the darkness of Saturday of Holy Week this year. My friend Rebecca passed away 9 months ago and Easter came 3 weeks after that. I sat there on Easter morning surrounded by a community of freshly grieving friends and we couldn’t pretend like we felt any Easter triumph in our hearts. As I read through the gospel accounts of the crucifixion, I was struck by the dark emotions I found there. In the Garden of Gesthemane, Jesus’ disciples were “drugged by grief.” I understand that feeling. The season of Spring felt so incongruous with my grief process. I internally referred to this summer as “the Summer she wasn’t here”–her absence felt so outsized. Time continues to pass, and now we find ourselves in December. Throughout this darker season on the earth, we see a celebration of lights in many religious traditions. Diwali symbolizes the spiritual victory of light over darkness and knowledge over ignorance. In the Jewish faith they light 8 candles progressively for the "illumination of the house without," so that people passing by can see it and be reminded of the holiday's miracle. In my faith tradition, we celebrate Advent, and we light one more candle each week as it gets closer to Christmas Day. This year I’ve felt more drawn to the tradition than I have for a long time. I have a ritual of lighting candles throughout my house as the sun sets. I feel held and comforted by this dark season. Every day there’s a cycle of light and dark as the sun rises and sets. Every month there’s a moon cycle from full moon to new. Every year there’s the cycle of the seasons, and now we find ourselves in the middle of the one with the least light. Darkness is one of nature’s ways, and I’ve embraced it this year, maybe for the first time ever. One of the names for Christ is “Emmanuel”–God with us. And it’s true, we can feel the presence of the Divine, even in our darkest inner winters. I don’t have to hope and wish for brighter days in the future. I’m comforted even here, in the dark. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/treasures-of-the-darkness?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### December 2021 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/december-2021/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:12:05.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Riding the Waves Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/riding-the-waves-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-09-30T11:48:33.000Z As a kid I often was labeled "sensitive." Unable to handle my emotions, I was the kid who would "ruin" neighborhood games of Capture the Flag because I started crying. I distinctly remember sensing that my emotions were too much for other people (even grown ups in my life) and being told that when I got older I would be able to handle my emotions better. Even now, I have someone in my life who sees all sensitivity as a negative trait and can barely stand to be around raw displays of emotion. Of course, as we grow older we learn to manage our emotions in more socially appropriate ways, and hopefully we continue to learn and utilize tools for managing them in a healthy way. We, of course, also learn some maladaptive coping mechanisms–we hide our emotions from others, we stuff them down and try to hide them from ourselves. In my twenties, I often felt scared that I wouldn't be able to handle hard things in my life, that I couldn't manage difficult situations that came my way. I felt like the weakest link, that I was always the one with the problem. A few years back I discovered the concept of Highly Sensitive Persons and more made sense for me in terms of myself and two of my children. As Glennon says, "I'm not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often--because I'm paying attention.'" Two years ago, I finally allowed myself to acknowledge some truths that I had known for quite some time. In 2020, I gave my anger the space that it needed and finally found the courage to speak up and make some changes. This year, I surrendered myself to a vast ocean of grief and found that it did not drown me. Life can be brutal. Sometimes we question our path. The only thing I can say is acknowledge reality, exactly how you experience it. Suppressing it does not make it less true. I promise, there's a bottom to your emotions (taking anti-depressants helped me find mine). I'm rooting you on. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/riding-the-waves-2?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### November 2021 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/november-2021/ Last updated: 2021-11-19T13:47:59.000Z 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” This is actually one of several verses that I still have memorized in my arsenal against fear. The answer to anxiety of any kind was to rebuke it because “God has not given us a spirit of fear!” I have an entire blog post about how fear is foundational to the evangelical worldview ([**click to read**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-evangelical-fear-complex/)), so this little musing isn’t about that. There’s so much more surrounding that verse that is much more interesting to me now. 😉 For example, verse 5, that says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you.” We love to see the faith of women honored (by Paul, no less!). This verse is sometimes weaponized against introverts and anyone who felt uncomfortable with street evangelism–as someone who was involved with Campus Crusade in college, we don’t all have the gift of evangelism, but so many people felt very pressured and guilted into “going sharing” because of this verse. The Message version of verse 7 says, “God doesn’t want us to be shy with God’s gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.” What if, instead of using this verse to try and push everyone to do ministry in one specific way, we used this verse to encourage everyone to be bold with the gifts that were inherent to them? What if women who have the gift of teaching were encouraged to use that gift? Verses 13-14 say, “So keep at your work, this faith and love rooted in Christ... Guard this precious thing placed in your custody by the Holy Spirit who works in us.” What precious gift has God put in your custody? Trust that you are meant to go forward boldly in the direction of your gifts. ## **New meditation this month:** My meditation for this month is called "Riding the Waves." Find the 11-minute, free version on **[Insight Timer](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/riding-the-waves-2?ref=chelseakimlong.com)**. Don't forget to follow me there! Please rate and review my meditations to help other people find them. If you're a paid supporter of my work,[ ](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/paid-supporters/)the longer version (including one of my favorite concepts from Internal Family Systems therapy) and bonus materials will be available today [**on the members' page**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/tag/paid-supporters/). May this meditation give more space to your emotions as you remember that you are safe and held, even in the midst of overwhelming feelings. ## **Breath Prayer:** Inhale: *This emotion feels threatening.* Exhale: *I am safe, and I am held.* ## **Lock screen affirmation:** ![Riding the Waves Lockscreen](https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Eku756UsCbF1Mg6pM9bbZm49JMgpeKK7) If you're on mobile, you can hard click and save this to your photo album to set it as your lock screen. On desktop, right click and save! ## **Join My Community** If you're receiving this newsletter, most likely you have joined my community at the free level. I'd love it if you'd consider[ **joining my paid supporters**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/join) at $5 a month or $50 a year. It helps so much to have people partner with me so that I can continue to create my meditations and other resources in a sustainable way. If you're already a paid supporter, thank you so much! ### Almost 8 Months In URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/8-months-in/ Last updated: 2021-10-29T20:38:56.000Z These days I’m surprised at how peaceful I feel about her death. Almost 8 months of life without her and most of the time my grief nags at the edges of my consciousness, but it’s contained. And then something happens like I wake up remembering in vivid detail what her hands looked like with her long fingers and bones and that chipped, orangey-red nail polish. Or I see an old picture of us that I forgot existed (this was pre-kids, when camping was still fun). Sometimes it creeps in closer and I have to put my hand on my heart and try to take a deep breath to remind myself that I am capable of a full, human experience without her. The only other experience I can compare it to is the pain of a breakup I had in college. I don’t know if that trivializes her death or proves how much that prior loss meant to me, but either way, the pain is in the fact that you didn’t realize you expected forever but now you’re being asked to let it go. I don’t know how to reach her. I close my eyes and I can imagine her perfectly. I can see her looking into my eyes and knowing the truth about me like she always did. I chafe against life change because every step I take takes me farther away from the person I was when she still knew me. The thing about deconstruction is that it’s an ever-unfolding process. And her death brought this issue to the forefront for me. What do I believe about death? When someone dies, other people love to share their beliefs and project them on you. How many times have I gritted my teeth to stop myself from screaming, “NOTHING YOU DO OR SAY CAN MAKE THIS OKAY FOR ME.” I know I have more learning and soul-searching to do. How do you feel connected with someone who has died? (No really, I want to know.) In the Spring and Summer, I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of grief. I avoided it and kept trying to tread above it until I finally couldn’t anymore, and it took me under for days, or even a week at a time. I had to play catch up with all the grief I suppressed throughout 2020 and the well felt endless. Now my grief feels more like the tide coming in. Almost imperceptible if you’re not paying attention, and then a wave comes up high and sweeps through everything. But if you’re paying attention, you can give it space, move higher on the beach and observe it, noticing that it’s happening, and you’re still safe. ### You Know What To Do Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/you-know-what-to-do/ Last updated: 2024-09-30T11:42:30.000Z One of my best friends, Rebecca, passed away from cancer in March of 2021\. In the days before her death, as it became increasingly obvious that her time was short, her sister-in-law started to get desperate, asking her how we were supposed to carry on without her, help raise her two young daughters, and support her husband. She asked Rebecca, “What do I do? Is there anything you want me to do?” Rebecca reached out, cupped her face in her hands and said, “You know what to do.” Her words have become a constant companion for me for months now, guiding me through this dark season of grief. It has set me free knowing that she trusted me. So I want to tell you, I trust you. And I believe that you know what to do. I want to expand a bit more on something I mention in the meditation. You aren't failing to listen to your intuition if you don't immediately act on it. In 2019 I had a season of deep inner knowing and yet it took me months to speak up and start to make changes in my life. I remember sitting in my living room early in the morning and chanting "ha" because that is supposed to open your throat chakra (trust me, I felt crazy). In good time I was able to garner the courage to make the changes I knew I had to make. And so will you. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/you-know-what-to-do?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### October 2021 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/october-2021/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:11:54.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Womb Love Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/womb-love/ Last updated: 2025-06-20T20:01:35.000Z This topic is so tender for me. I first presented a version of this meditation to my small house church community here in San Diego and could not make it though without breaking down. And even in recording the meditation, there were a few times when I teared up. It touches this deep, wounded part of me that felt spiritually lesser than for most of my life, even though I couldn't have articulated it until more recently. Representation matters. And the lack of female representation in my imaginings of the Divine caused me deep self-doubt. It has been maddening yet ultimately healing to discover that the aspects of the Divine Feminine have been buried even in the Christian faith all along. This is still a topic that I'm exploring, so the recommended resources list is long. ## LISTEN TO THE MEDITATION _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### September 2021 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/september-2021/ Last updated: 2025-01-25T19:11:30.000Z _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Exploring the ordinary; encountering the divine URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/exploring-the-ordinary-encountering-the-divine/ Last updated: 2021-09-08T21:19:18.000Z I remember taking a career aptitude test as a senior, sitting in the little modular building that held the guidance office of my Christian high school. One of the results I got as a possible profession was pastor. I remember thinking, *pastor? That’s not an option for me. Men are pastors.* But even in a broader sense of the word, I remember thinking, *me? A spiritual leader? I have so much growing to do. I haven’t arrived.* ••• One summer during college I went on an evangelistic mission trip to a college campus in Rome. One way we tried to engage Italian students in conversation was with a deck of larger-sized cards with random photographs on them (anyone out there remember Soularium?). I would choose 3 cards and explain what they meant to me; the goal was to weave God’s plan of salvation into that explanation. One of the cards I always chose was an image of a young woman with cute shoes walking up a flight of stairs. I remember saying, “This represents the spiritual journey for me. A constant climb, a continual striving.” I said that as if it was a good thing, but I see now that underneath I held a hidden despair, an exhaustion because the whole thing just felt relentless. Surely, spiritual maturity and God’s approval were just around the corner. Life was constant self-evaluation and a never-enoughness. So, so tiring. To be honest, I still struggle with this type of thinking, although I know that self-optimization is not the same thing as self-care, and that the goal is wholeness, not perfection. ••• I used to journal nearly every day in college, sometimes a mundane recounting of daily events, sometimes juicy gossip, lament, stories of love and loss. I so desperately wanted to be a “prayer warrior.” I had a specific vision of what that looked like–on my knees, with a list of requests, quietly talking to God in my head in the morning. Looking back, I now see that journaling was (and is) my intuitive prayer practice. A daily laying bare of my soul, innermost thoughts and truest feelings. I mourn the years of self-judgment and not being able to recognize my gifts. ••• Last year I attended a conference that offered daily meditation sessions as a part of the programming. One of the meditation leaders described themself as a “channel of the divine.” I immediately thought to myself, *How dare they? Who gave them the authority?* And the real questions hiding under those ones: *How can I do that? How do I get to a place where I get to spend my time guiding others to an experience beyond themselves, to connection with God?* Deep inside of me lives a desire to connect with God, to transcend my humanness and anchor myself into something deeper. Throughout my deconstruction process I never lost faith in God even as the entire framework I had built around God crumbled. Alongside that is a desire to help others connect to that place as well. I want to contribute something life-giving and beautiful to the world. And I don’t have to be perfect to do that. I don’t have to have arrived. I don’t have to have the right degree. The truth is that I have hard earned life experience and my own intuition to undergird my work here, and for the first time, that feels like enough. This new website is an attempt to take a step in that direction. I’d love it if you’d consider supporting me in this new endeavor and joining my community. **[Find out what that looks like here.](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/join)** ### Patient Nurture Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/patient-nurture-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-10-20T17:43:38.000Z I have a crystal clear memory from my first postpartum. We were just home from the hospital, my milk was coming in, and I was in a lot of pain. I felt so anxious and was so tightly wound emotionally and physically. I decided to listen to a meditation to try and calm down. I don’t even remember what it was, but as I sat in that dark room and let the words wash over me, I experienced a deep sense of relaxation. I’ll spare you the TMI details, but my body responded in a physical way. It was honestly incredible to experience the physical response to relaxing and settling my mind. In an instant my entire body relaxed. It’s no secret that my entry into motherhood was rocky. I learned about the concept of Orientation, Disorientation, and Reorientation from a friend of mine, Bonnie Lewis. I’ll link the podcast below if you’d like to give it a listen. I was already 2 years into motherhood when I heard this podcast, and I also clearly remember that moment, I was driving between San Diego and Orange County alone in the car and listening with tears running down my face. I still felt like a complete stranger to myself in so many ways, even two years postpartum. Hearing Bonnie say that things can’t and won’t go back to the way they were was really painful but also liberating because in that moment I started to let go of what was and create room for the joy of what is. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/patient-nurture?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### More Than Conquerors Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/more-than-conquerors-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-08-27T21:24:24.000Z All of us have situations in our lives that are less than ideal. We are all operating within the confines of our circumstances. Some of us come up against systemic oppression daily because of our marginalized identities. While acknowledging this truth, we still don't have to choose to be a victim. Meditation was actually a huge part in helping me overcome many self-defeating thoughts and actions. Of course, sometimes I still fall into a victim mentality, but it used to happen much more often that I would watch and react as things happened to me. I knew that things in my life were NOT working for me, but I would tell myself stories that take the responsibility off of myself and place it on anything else—people, situations, events. In most situations, however, we do have a choice; we aren't truly a victim. Perhaps our patterns keep us stuck, so the first step is noticing those patterns. Once you notice them, you start to see that you actually do have a choice. Making the hard choice? Well...that's a different topic altogether and perhaps fodder for a future meditation. ## LINK TO INSIGHT TIMER [**Click here to listen to the meditation.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/more-than-conquerors?ref=chelseakimlong.com) _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Fruit of the Spirit Guided Meditation URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/fruit-of-the-spirit-guided-meditation/ Last updated: 2024-08-27T20:12:00.000Z Once a month I send a new guided meditation to all of my newsletter subscribers. You can always listen to my meditations for free on [Insight Timer](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com), but paid subscribers get tons of bonus materials to dive deeper into the topic at hand, including a breath prayer, a phone wallpaper, access to the transcript, and book or podcast recommendations for the meditation topic. For each meditation I create a downloadable PDF worksheet with journal questions that you can use either on your own or to share with a group. You can purchase the worksheet separately, and paid subscribers can access it for free. Download the Fruit of the Spirit Meditation worksheet for free below! This is an example of what free and paid subscribers receive each month. ## Sign up for my newsletter Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- I spent many of my younger years feeling like I was bad and wrong. I clearly recall times when I felt in conflict with an authority figure or disagreed with something I was taught. I was told and assumed internally that I was the one with the problem. I remember thinking that I wasn't good enough for God yet, I wasn't mature enough yet, but one day I would be, if I kept trying hard enough. Looking back on my younger self, I feel sad because I had internal knowing and inherent goodness. I had gifts and possessed truth, yet I continued to chase an ideal. May this meditation help you to see the gifts that are already inside of you and the ways in which you have been shaped by your relationship with the Divine. ## LISTEN TO THE MEDITATION [**Click to listen for free on Insight Timer.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong/guided-meditations/fruit-of-the-spirit-centering-prayer-3?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## DOWNLOADABLE PDF WORKSHEET [**Click to download the worksheet for free**](https://chelseakimlong.gumroad.com/l/fruit-of-the-spirit?ref=chelseakimlong.com)**.** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/08/Fruit-of-the-Spirit--1-.png) ## TRANSCRIPT [**Click to read the transcript for this meditation.**](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ias99Tu7cPPmvzdmL5UThyNlNgodN27-1iiWpBgS20E/edit?usp=sharing&ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## BREATH PRAYER Inhale: Love Exhale: Fear ## JOURNAL PROMPTS 1. Out of the 9 qualities listed in the Fruit of the Spirit, which comes most naturally? Which is the hardest for you to cultivate? Why do you think that is? 2. Describe your experience of blessing a difficult person in your life with one of the qualities. Describe your experience of blessing yourself. How did that feel? 3. How do you think God wants to speak to you through the Fruit of the Spirit? ## WANT MORE RESOURCES? A book that has helped me shift my view of self way from "bad" to inherently *good* is [No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz](https://bookshop.org/p/books/no-bad-parts-healing-trauma-and-restoring-wholeness-with-the-internal-family-systems-model-richard-schwartz/16396062?ean=9781683646686&ref=chelseakimlong.com). The 8 C's of Internal Family Systems remind me of the Fruit of the Spirit. *I am a Bookshop.com affiliate and receive a small commission when you order using my links.* Each guided meditation comes with book and podcast suggestions that relate to the topic. [**Click to check out all of my book recommendations.**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/book-recs/) ## WANT MORE MEDITATIONS? [**Find them all for free at Insight Timer.**](https://insighttimer.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## PHONE WALLPAPER Image not showing? Find it [**here**](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wTNKlSsx84Nf5hzZpwAhXQzUjqqGtO0L/view?usp=drive%5Flink&ref=chelseakimlong.com). (save to your photo album to be able to set it as your wallpaper!) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2024/08/Fruit-of-the-Spirit--2-.png) ## Sign up for my newsletter Let’s unlearn fundamentalist Christianity together and live a faith that doesn’t require us to abandon reality or ourselves. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Hi, I'm Chelsea URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/about-me/ Last updated: 2025-06-02T18:53:02.000Z ![chels](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/07/chels-headshot.JPG) *In short, I'm exploring post-evangelical Christianity, talking about meditation, mental health & motherhood and writing my first memoir. [*Subscribe to my newsletter here.*](chelseakimlong.com/join)* In writing I’ve found a way to shake free the thoughts that have been sticking in my head and see them for what they actually are. In meditation I've found a way to heal from lifelong anxiety and offer myself compassion on a daily basis. I grew up in the white Evangelical church and identified in that way until 2014, when I had my first baby. I always thought my ultimate goal in life was to be a Christian wife and mother, until I actually became those things and then they began revealing to me that I actually wanted so much more from life–and had more to offer, too. That sent me on a years-long spiral where I started questioning everything. It was super painful and for a while, all I could hear were the voices telling me that I no longer belonged to the culture that raised me. After a few years, and countless books, podcasts, and conversations, I’m starting to feel more confident identifying myself as a Christian again and trying to find a comfortable place for myself under the large umbrella of what that word can mean. I never wanted to lose my faith or Christian identity, and I’ve learned that I don’t have to–even though my beliefs look radically different than they used to. I’ve also learned that abandoning myself for the sake of conditional belonging is never worth it. I still find a lot of wisdom and beauty in the life of Jesus, the words of the Bible and the ancient traditions of Christianity, and I also draw inspiration from other traditions, particularly different types of meditation. I love sharing information, practices, and resources that will help lead you toward healthy spirituality. I also talk often about my experiences with motherhood and mental health, and I’m currently writing a book about all of these things! If that resonates, stick around as I explore what authentic, reality-based faith looks like in a post Evangelical landscape. 💕 *[*Subscribe to my newsletter here.*](chelseakimlong.com/join)* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/01/square-headshot-600_2.png) ### Putting Boundaries on My Depression URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/putting-boundaries-depression/ Last updated: 2023-10-04T19:17:22.000Z I recently passed the 3 months mark of taking Zoloft for depression. Depression showed up for the first time in my life 6.5 years ago, during my first postpartum season ([I wrote about that here](https://chelseakimlong.com/wading-through-depression/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)). Pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood shifted my emotional landscape. It completely blindsided and bewildered me. Up until that time, I had dealt with anxiety extensively. Anxiety felt like a slightly bothersome old friend–I knew how to identify it, look for the source, and employ strategies to mitigate it ([I shared strategies I learned here](https://chelseakimlong.com/walking-through-anxiety/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)). But depression? Depression was unfamiliar, scary, out of my control … and I also didn’t fully understand or recognize it. ## A dark side of the wellness world Two years postpartum, I realized that I had been stuck in a cycle of depression since my son’s birth. Because of my exposure to the wellness community, I dove into trying to figure out what was in my control to “fix” it. The dark side of the wellness world for me (and many women I’ve worked with over the years) is I tend to feel an extreme sense of personal responsibility for my health. When I take in new information, I immediately weaponize it against myself, based on how well I am hitting that mark. I essentially believe that my health (and the health of my kids, at times) is within my control. Therefore, any issue happening in my body is my fault. I walked a tightrope of trying to eat/avoid the right foods, get enough sleep, practice enough yoga and meditation, take the correct combination of supplements at the right time of the month … just to keep my depression at a manageable level. All along, this nagging question–should I just try antidepressants? What if I didn’t have to spend so much effort just to maintain my tenuous mental health? ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Exploring the ordinary; encountering the Divine. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Resistance to pharmaceuticals In the wellness world (and in my religious background), there’s a huge resistance to pharmaceuticals. I remember trying to decide if I should start antidepressants shortly after my first son was born. My fear of the unknown coupled with the mindset that depression would eventually pass kept me from taking them. When you break your arm, you wear a cast. When your brain doesn’t produce enough serotonin, you take an SSRI. I understand the resistance to pharmaceuticals. Brain chemistry is not as cut and dry as an x-ray of a broken bone. I kept wishing that I could get my serotonin measured. Then I would know definitively that I needed an SSRI, and that it wasn’t just unresolved trauma or a blocked chakra or any other variety of ideas I got from the wellness world. [We know that pregnancy changes a person’s brain](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/05/parenting/mommy-brain-science.html?ref=chelseakimlong.com), but we don’t understand what it does or why. The mindset of not knowing if I truly needed antidepressants on a physiological level kept me stuck in the cycle of depression and blaming myself for years as I “just tried one more thing” to solve it. ## What my depression looks like Fall 2019 was one of the worst seasons of depression for me. My depression hasn’t left me debilitated in the sense that I can’t get out of bed. But internally, I had no peace. It manifested in my marriage, in my parenting, in my spiritual life and relationship with God, in my motivation for personal endeavors, in my friendships. I heard how self absorbed and negative I sounded when I talked with my friends, but I couldn’t stop. My depression overwhelmed me and made the smallest tasks feel like an insurmountable burden. Waking up and making breakfast for my kids, I would muse to myself, *Every day is the same. Life is just this endless string of meaningless tasks.* I was so short fused and then would beat myself up internally for getting mad at small offenses. I see now that I drank alcohol as an escape, which ultimately led me to my dry 2020 (I’ll be writing more about this soon, too!). Like so many people, I downplayed the symptoms because I didn’t fit the stereotype in my head of a depressed person. ## Putting boundaries on my pain A pastor I deeply respect, Mike Erre, [shared his journey with taking meds for depression on his podcast years ago](https://www.stitcher.com/show/vox-podcast/episode/10-mental-illness-and-the-way-of-weakness-63096817?ref=chelseakimlong.com). He said, “Taking medication was exactly the thing that allowed me to engage with my emotional issues. Otherwise they felt too big and scary and I’d never go near them. Medication provided a cap, a bottom and a top, and put boundaries around what felt like endless depression and anxiety…I felt I could engage those parts of me that I’d been putting off.” Three months into taking medication for depression, this image feels accurate for me too. As an enneagram 1, I have a propensity toward blaming myself, examining where I might have gone wrong, and what I could do better. It’s mentally exhausting. My exposure to the wellness world further reinforces this line of thinking. ## Breaking through the fog Taking meds has firmly made me believe that, *oh!* This was literally a chemical imbalance. My brain is so happy, and I’m relieved to be providing it with the serotonin it needs. I have a greater capacity to engage mindfulness, whereas previously I wondered why I was failing at staying present as my mind ruminated on negative thoughts. I now have emotional energy to expend on supporting my friends or being patient with my kids or lending a hand to my husband, whereas before I was aware of my self absorption, but it felt inescapable. Trying meds was a 6.5 year debate in my head. On a lot of days, I wish I would have tried them earlier. I see the struggle, the toll it took, and how much much of my mental space I devoted to trying to avoid medication. I started seeing a new therapist a few months ago, too. If possible, I think it’s important to pair meds with therapy. I don’t have a long term plan for how long I’ll be on mine. But honestly? I am just so damn relieved to be out of my misery. I see now how I was living under a cloud. On foggy days here in San Diego, I know that the sun is behind that fog. And I know that there are things I can do to help the sun break through (yoga, journaling, rest, therapy, meditation/mindfulness, gratitude practice). ## Reach out for help In the past 3 months I’ve come to see that at least in this season, in this year, I was never going to be able to fully break through the fog without the help of meds. And that’s okay. I’m thankful for the option of meds and so proud of myself for giving it a try. Friendly reminder that I am not looking for advice here. My goal is to share my experience in hopes that it encourages someone with a similar journey. I’m also happy to share more details on my experience adjusting to meds and dealing with side effects. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, or feel free to reach out privately. ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long Exploring the ordinary; encountering the Divine. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### My Food Freedom URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/my-food-freedom/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:47:47.000Z *I wrote this for Whole Mamas as the September Whole30 was coming to a close. With each Whole30 I’ve completed, I’ve learned valuable lessons throughout the shifting seasons of motherhood.* [Learn more about Food Freedom at Whole30.com](https://whole30.com/fff-faq/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). ## My Relationship with Food I’ve always had a fairly uncomplicated relationship with food. I have thin privilege and a fast metabolism. I also grew up playing sports, so I didn’t worry too much about food or keeping in shape. During college and the years after, I started noticing some food sensitivities and was eventually diagnosed with IBS and GERDs. I found that I did well managing symptoms by avoiding gluten almost entirely and limiting dairy. Pregnancy and postpartum were the first times that I struggled with body image issues. It was the first time I felt so out of my control with my body. At 6 months postpartum, I completed my first Whole30\. Of course, I went into it hoping to lose some weight. Little did I know that it would start me on a journey that would change my entire life! Four and a half years and six Whole30 resets later, I have learned so much about how my body reacts to different foods. I’m now to the point where I don’t anticipate doing a full Whole30 ever again! People seem shocked when I say that, but isn’t that really the point? I’ve found the foods that work for me. I have a great baseline of foods that I never eat because they don’t feel good to my body (eg, gluten, soy), foods I sometimes eat because the side effects are occasionally worth it (eg, dairy, corn, legumes), and foods that I eat on a regular basis to keep me feeling good, even though they’re not Whole30 compatible (eg, white rice, plantain chips). ## My Food Freedom This doesn’t mean that I’ll have this exact same diet for the rest of my life. Now I notice when I’m feeling less than my best and I have the tools to experiment until I get back to feeling amazing. I wrote in the past about how [eating a healthy diet is a form of self care for me](https://chelseakimlong.com/clean-eating-as-soul-care/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). It’s common for people coming off the Whole30 to still feel like they have to be limited by Whole30 rules. Don’t forget: you’re designing *your* ideal diet. A while back I realized that I was restricting snacking after dinner simply because it’s a Whole30 rule. I really enjoy having a snack at night while unwinding after my kids are asleep. Now I have one if I want one! Remember, you’re looking for food freedom. You can’t sustain restriction for the long run, and the Whole30 lasts 30 days, not forever! This takes lots of time and self awareness, so keep going on your journey. Let me know how I can support you. ### CKL Book Recs: Race and Racism URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/ckl-book-recs-race-and-racism/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:50:42.000Z By no means am I an expert! I am simply an avid reader\* and have decided to commit to learning about race and racism through educational books. In particular, I believe in the value of reading the perspectives of people of color. However, most of these books center on the Black experience in America, particularly female voices. There are other minority groups, and you should read books from those perspectives as well! This list is not the place for recommendations on that, though. ## **Books I’ve read and my quick take:** - [Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates](https://amzn.to/2X8tsW6?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Labeled as “required reading” by many. A short read, it’s an accessible starting place for hearing a Black man’s perspective on living in America). - [Americanah: A Novel by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie](https://amzn.to/2IRlbSw?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (This is fiction, about a Nigerian woman who immigrates to the United States. In addition, she shares tons of insight about what it means to be “Black” in America.) - [The History of White People by Nell Irvin Painter](https://amzn.to/2IU3DFv?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Fair warning, this is dense reading. A deep dive into the origins of race as a social construct and an exploration of “whiteness” and its expansion throughout history to present day. Overall, includes tons of info about the history of the US that will likely shock you.) - [Rescuing Jesus: How People of Color, Women, and Queer Christians are Reclaiming Evangelicalism by Deborah Jian Lee](https://amzn.to/2LoYY02?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Consider this book to learn a different perspective on the church. Full disclosure: I had to return it to the library before I finished.) - [White Kids: Growing up with Privilege in a Racially Divided America by Margaret A. Hagerman](https://amzn.to/2xfSWWW?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Another dense read; it’s an ethnographic study of various white families ranging from conservative to progressive. Additionally, she shares insights on what the parents hope they are conveying about race and what the children actually perceive and express.) - [This Will be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America by Morgan Jerkins](https://amzn.to/2RDNLtm?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (A collection of essays exploring her experience growing up as a black girl, sexuality, stereotypes black girls/women face, dating as a black woman, traveling as a black woman and more.) - [The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander](https://amzn.to/2RBWkVJ?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (IMO also “required reading” to understand a huge arm of oppression against Black and Brown people in the US.) - [The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas](https://amzn.to/30hA7iB?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (I have such a soft spot for young adult fiction. It’s such an approachable way to learn about hard topics. This is an easy read and helps to put a face and a family behind an all-too-common scenario.) - [Evicted by Matthew Desmond](https://amzn.to/2LKqXaF?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Another dense read, discussing the intersections of race and poverty, although not all of the families discussed in this book are Black.) - [Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi ](https://amzn.to/2LzLluW?ref=chelseakimlong.com)(Again, young adult fiction, and fantasy! My holy grail, haha! This book is important in the sense of representation within this genre…when was the last time you read a fantasy novel and every single character was Black?) - [Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou](https://amzn.to/2RYPTvW?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Arguably one of the most influential Black American authors, I went through a phase of reading several of her books!) - [I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown](https://amzn.to/2FDdkpC?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Just started this one. From Amazon, “an eye-opening account of growing up Black, Christian, and female in middle-class white America.” ## **On my list of “to read”:** - [Raising White Kids: Bringing up Children in a Racially Unjust Society By Jennifer Harvey](https://amzn.to/2FCuUKp?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (I can’t remember who recommended it, so I’m a bit hesitant to recommend it, since the man who wrote the forward also wrote a book that I do NOT recommend. Also, it’s written by a white woman. But, it’s one I’ve seen pop up so I’ve been meaning to check it out.) - [Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde](https://amzn.to/2XB2CKv?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Lorde’s writing is foundational to the idea of intersectional feminism. This collection of essays tackles racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia, and class.) - [Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson](https://amzn.to/2XxRsGt?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Ties in with the New Jim Crow, as a detailed account of people experiencing injustice in the criminal justice system.) - [Sundown Towns: A Hidden Dimension of American Racism](https://amzn.to/2XElzMp?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (A look into systemic oppression of Black people in terms of housing. I don’t know if this is the best book on this topic, it’s just one I heard about.) - [Invisible Visits: Black Middle-Class Women in the American Healthcare System by Tina K. Sacks](https://amzn.to/2ITDwOV?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (The title is self-explanatory! I haven’t read it yet so can’t comment.) - [Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson](https://amzn.to/2XIChKR?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (From Amazon, “Dyson argues that if we are to make real racial progress we must face difficult truths, including being honest about how black grievance has been ignored, dismissed, or discounted.”) - [Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present by Harriet A. Washington](https://amzn.to/2XEyrSA?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Recommended by Rachel Cargle; a deep dive into the systemic oppression of Black people in the healthcare industry in the US.) - [Guidebook to Relative Strangers by Camille T. Dungy](https://amzn.to/2J8JQRu?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (From Amazon, “a stunningly graceful and honest exploration of race, motherhood, and history.”) - [Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America by Nefertiti Austin](https://amzn.to/2J3GsqU?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Because of my work with Whole Mamas, I’m committed to learning about other mothers’ experiences.) - [So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo](https://amzn.to/2xjfS7K?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Another one many label as “required reading.”) - [We Live for the We: The Political Power of Black Motherhood by Dani McClain](https://amzn.to/2LGE6kT?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (From Amazon, ” first-time mother Dani McClain sets out to understand how to raise her daughter in what she, as a black woman, knows to be an unjust–even hostile–society.) - [Whistling Vivaldi: How Stereotypes Affect Us and What We Can Do (Issues of Our Time) by Claude M. Steele](https://amzn.to/2FUurn2?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (from Amazon, ” He sheds new light on American social phenomena from racial and gender gaps in test scores to the belief in the superior athletic prowess of black men, and lays out a plan for mitigating these “stereotype threats” and reshaping American identities.) - [Joy Unspeakable: Contemplative Practices of the Black Church by Barbara A. Holmes](https://amzn.to/2Ji9VPa?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ## **Books I’ve read and DO NOT recommend based on their centering of Whiteness (aka, avoid these titles, IMO):** - [White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son by Tim Wise](https://amzn.to/2RBVDM7?ref=chelseakimlong.com) - [The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot](https://amzn.to/2LpjLAz?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [White Fragility: Why it’s so Hard for White People to Talk about Racism by Robin DiAngelo](https://amzn.to/2X8V1hT?ref=chelseakimlong.com) \*In the words of one of my favorite podcasters and all around boss, [Aminatou Sow](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aminatou%5FSow?ref=chelseakimlong.com): “Read a book! I’m not smarter than you…I know nothing but I know \*where\* to find information. Stop asking people to teach you things. Get on Al Gore’s internet. Go to your local library. Go to your local book store. Read a book and save your own life. The world is changing. We are gonna leave you behind in the dust if you don’t do your homework.” [Find more of my book recommendations](https://chelseakimlong.com/tag/books/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) on my site or on [my Pinterest](http://pinterest.com/chelseakimlong?ref=chelseakimlong.com)! *Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. Thanks for clicking through from here so that I can make a few pennies in compensation for the work I did in putting together this post!* *However, if it’s possible, I encourage you to purchase from Black-owned bookstores.* ### Hand to Hold: Support for NICU Parents URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/hand-to-hold-support-nicu-parents/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:51:48.000Z This article was originally published on Whole Mamas. Obviously this topic is near and dear to my heart as a twin mama with a two week NICU stay. Cristal and Christine work with the organization [Hand to Hold](https://handtohold.org/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Cristal is a Family Support Specialist and Christine is an Ambassador for the organization. [Hand to Hold](https://handtohold.org/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) helps families before, during, and after NICU stays and infant loss by providing powerful resources for the whole family, and most importantly, one-on-one mentoring from someone who has been there. We asked them five commonly asked questions and share their answers here! ## What are realistic things I can do to take care of myself during my NICU stay, especially if the hospital is far from my home? **Build your support system. Have a team of family and friends at home who can help with care of other children, pets, the house, etc. If you are staying away from home and your partner cannot be with you, see if other family members or friends can spend time with you at the hospital so you are not alone. Ask them to come have lunch with you, even if it is only to the hospital cafeteria.** It is also important to find people who can relate to this unique experience. Take advantage of any NICU groups at your hospital to meet other parents who might be in the same situation. If an on-site support group is not offered, online support can be invaluable. Hand to Hold has a great Facebook page called [Hand to Hold NICU Family Forum.](https://www.facebook.com/NICUFamilyForum/) We also have Austin and Dallas subgroups for those local families. **Take care of yourself.** Pack healthy snacks or lunches to be sure that you’re keeping yourself fed and hydrated. Invest in a reusable water bottle (so you can bring it into the NICU with you). In some locations, Hand to Hold offers weekly support groups with lunch provided. Stop by and meet some other NICU parents and grab a bite to eat. Take breaks and rest! You are still healing! Ask if there are quiet places you can escape to relieve yourself from the constant noise of the NICU to take a nap or just be still for a bit, such as a courtyard, Ronald McDonald Room/House, ask if you can borrow a pumping room to nap. Don’t feel guilty about leaving the NICU occasionally to spend time with family or friends, or to get things done at home or ready for baby’s discharge. ## What resources are available to parents in the NICU? **Educate yourself about the medical staff** (other than neonatologists and nurses) who are available to help you navigate the different stages of your baby’s stay. This may include lactation specialists, speech and occupational therapists. Get to know the nurses and ask for primary nurses, especially if you must return to work. Many hospitals also have non-medical NICU staff such as social workers, insurance specialists, and peer support specialists. Set up appointments to make sure you are informed of all benefits and resources available to you and your baby. Ask if there are opportunities for families to meet each other so you can share your NICU journey with other parents and connect with people who understand what you are going through. **Don’t be afraid to ask for help!** Ask if a NICU peer support specialist is available. If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for professional help. A therapist can help you understand your feelings. Not only will therapy help you work through the stresses of the NICU, it will also offer tools to help you deal with future issues. Journaling is a great way to express your feelings and cope with your emotions. A journal is also a reminder of your baby’s journey, and how far they have come since their birth. [Hand to Hold’s NICU Now Audio Support series](https://handtohold.org/resources/podcasts/nicu-now/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) was produced for NICU parents. Each episode is designed to help you understand and process your emotions, fears, and questions related to your child’s NICU journey. Using your smartphone, computer, or tablet, you can tune in at the bedside or to and from the NICU. Remember that your NICU stay is adding stress onto an already challenging season. [Postpartum Support International](http://www.postpartum.net/get-help/locations/united-states/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) is a great resource to connect with mental health resources that are geared for parents dealing specifically with the unique challenges of postpartum. They can connect you with local resources and therapists trained to deal specifically with the unique challenges of this time. They also have an online support group for postpartum mamas. ## What are things parents can do to navigate challenges with breastfeeding while in the NICU? You are your child’s best advocate. Maintain open communication with nurses, lactation consultants, and NICU therapists about your baby’s progress and what your wishes are at each stage. Make sure the NICU always has a supply of your expressed milk. It’s very common to struggle to make enough milk. Inquire about your hospital’s donor milk program, learn about the requirements (usually mom must be pumping) and sign any necessary forms in case you need it. If you find that your wishes are not communicated from nurse to nurse between shift changes, leave clearly visible notes to all caring for your baby. Voice concerns to charge nurse or senior NICU staff if there are consistent challenges or breakdowns in communication. Remember that you are the primary caregiver to your baby, and don’t be afraid to speak up. ## What can parents do to more smoothly navigate the transition from the hospital to their home? If the NICU has rooming-in options, take advantage of these to spend a night or two with your baby before going home. Take any classes that the NICU may offer you to prepare you for discharge. If going home with any medical equipment, make sure you ask for and receive adequate training before leaving the NICU. If other family members will be taking care of your baby after discharge, ask if they can be present for training and discharge classes as well. Make a list of who to contact for follow up appointments, medical supplies, etc., and when to contact them. Ask for recommendations for pediatricians who have experience with babies who have been in the NICU. If you’d like, you can interview several pediatricians before you pick one, to make sure you feel comfortable with the office, staff, and healthcare providers. Do your best to establish boundaries with family and friends wanting to visit at home and meet baby. Remind them that your baby is still medically fragile. Hand to Hold has a great downloadable PDF you can use called [“We’re Coming Home from the NICU: 10 Things We Want You to Know.”](https://www.wholemamasclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/We-are-coming-home-from-the-NICU-FINAL.pdf?ref=chelseakimlong.com) If you are local to Austin, TX, Hand to Hold hosts a “Beyond the NICU” Support Group every 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month. This is a great way to receive support and solidarity after the NICU. [Find more information here. ](https://handtohold.org/nicu-family-support/nicu-parent-support-group/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Learn about how to process and heal from a traumatic pregnancy, delivery, or NICU stay from Parijat Deshpande. ## I haven’t experienced the NICU. What can I do to support my friend during their NICU stay? On a practical level, you can offer to be a liaison to communicate with other friends if needed, or create a care calendar to help with other family members, chores, grocery shopping, etc. Purchase gift certificates to nearby restaurants or grocery stores to help shoulder the expenses incurred. Offer childcare for older siblings. As Mom is recovering, offer transportation to and from the hospital if she doesn’t feeling comfortable driving yet. On an emotional level, be with them if they want or need company; listen to them; validate what they are feeling; educate yourself about their baby’s medical needs, as well as your friend’s emotional needs. Let your friend talk and express how they’re feeling without offering ways to “fix it.”Be respectful about the choices your friend is making regarding their baby’s care, who is allowed to hold, visit, etc. Encourage your friend to practice self-care, ask them if they would like to take a walk outside the hospital, or bring them lunch. ### Bonus: Advice from the Whole Mamas Community We asked members of the Whole Mamas community to share their experience of what was helpful for them when experiencing a NICU stay. Here’s some ideas that they came up with: - Clean their house and/or do laundry (or hire a professional service) - Tell her when you’re able to watch her older kid(s) - Offering times when you can come visit at the hospital - Walk their dog (or help them hire someone to do it) - Wash and/or purchase preemie/newborn clothes and burp rags and bring them to the hospital (sometimes babies come before you purchase baby clothes or you need a smaller size) - Bring healthy food/snacks to the hospital - Bring grab and go meals if the parents are working or driving between the hospital/home - Make/bring lactation cookies (these are nourishing, comforting, and help supply) - Bring a good hands-free pumping bra, if they’re nursing/pumping, and a travel bottle brush kit to help with cleaning pump parts - Purchase a gift card to the hospital cafeteria/coffee shop, Postmates, or GrubHub; or just Venmo cash so they can choose how to use it! - Purchase parking vouchers or give money for parking if they’re in a big city (the money adds up and is annoying in the grand scheme of things) - Purchase a massage gift card or a gift card for a date night for the parents when they feel ready to take a step away and relax for a night - Thoughtful gifts like a Kindle, Audible gift card, or a good book, extra chargers and headphones, a blanket or cozy sweater, moisturizer or chapstick - Set up a GoFundMe page, if they’re okay with it, to offset some of the costs of the NICU stay - Set up a Meal Train to help coordinate friends and family to bring meals - Give them space. Sometimes they may not want to share all of the details or be around people. Let them know you’re there, but don’t keep asking for updates ### Bottle Feeding Products URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/bottle-feeding-products/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:53:06.000Z *Have you had the experience of going to create your baby registry, standing in the aisle of a big box store, and feeling paralyzed by all of the choices? So have I, and I want to help you out.* *Today I’m sharing my favorite bottle feeding products. Although each family’s needs vary, these products come highly recommended!* I breast-and bottle-fed all three of my kids! Some of these recommendations are specifically for formula-feeding moms, while others will be helpful for combo-feeders or exclusively pumping moms. ### Bottles I breastfed all of my babies, and it was important to me that they could also take a bottle. None of my children had no issues going between the breast and the [Philips Avent](https://amzn.to/3jUXCYN?ref=chelseakimlong.com) bottles. If your baby is picky, you may need to try a few brands before you land on one that works for your baby. As far as bottles go, [Comotomo](https://amzn.to/328GZ5Y?ref=chelseakimlong.com) is the clear front runner for moms concerned about baby alternating between breast and bottle. If you’re interested in a budget-friendly glass option, try [Mason Bottle](https://amzn.to/2EX4mqn?ref=chelseakimlong.com). You use your own glass jars as the “bottle,” using the attachments to fit the nipple onto it. [Dr. Browns](https://amzn.to/336DR9N?ref=chelseakimlong.com) is a highly recommended glass option, as well. Try the [preemie nipple for slow flow](https://amzn.to/3i8Z0q2?ref=chelseakimlong.com). If you’re interested in saving time washing bottles, check out these [Playtex Drop-ins.](https://amzn.to/35fWye6?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Mamas also love the [Boon drying rack](https://amzn.to/2ZhJXTH?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and [bottle brush](https://amzn.to/3lSTIl3?ref=chelseakimlong.com) to help with clean up. ### On the Go To avoid messy formula powder situations, many mamas recommended something like this [Baby Powder Formula Dispenser](https://amzn.to/3haR0nc?ref=chelseakimlong.com). You may also want to invest in a bottle cooler for on the go, like this one from [Tommee Tippee](https://amzn.to/334YKCr?ref=chelseakimlong.com), or you can do it the old fashioned way, with a small cooler and ice packs. I personally used a small cooler bag and lunchbox size ice packs any time I needed to travel with milk. It worked perfect and fit easily into my bag. ### Gadgets and Miscellaneous Bottle Feeding Products If you’re researching formula options, check out [Beyond Organic Baby](https://www.beyondorganicbaby.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) or [Huggable](https://huggable.com/collections/baby-formula?ref=chelseakimlong.com). These are where many mamas find European formula options. There are so many different choices out there, and no “right” one. The needs of each baby are different. If you’re planning to bottle feed, you may want to invest in a bottle warmer, like the [BEABA bottle warmer](https://amzn.to/2ZfALiA?ref=chelseakimlong.com) because it’s really fast or [Dr. Browns](https://amzn.to/3h4ASUh?ref=chelseakimlong.com). ### For formula-feeding mamas Check out the [Baby Brezza Formula Pro](https://amzn.to/35bEi5q?ref=chelseakimlong.com). If you are balking at the price, try checking your local buy/sell groups or consignment shops for a used one! Some mamas prefer something less high tech, like the [Dr. Brown’s Formula Pitcher](https://amzn.to/2Zha5ht?ref=chelseakimlong.com). This is especially helpful if you notice your formula tends to clump when you mix it. ### For exclusively pumping moms Hands down, the favorite breast pump brand is the Spectra. They are hospital grade pumps with a reasonable price tag. Before you purchase a breast pump, look into what your insurance may cover. The [Spectra S2](https://amzn.to/3jYlxGT?ref=chelseakimlong.com) is a double pump and saves a lot of time. The [Spectra S1](https://amzn.to/3h7TpPE?ref=chelseakimlong.com) breast pump (same as the S2 but with a battery) is great, too. I rented the Medela Symphony through my insurance when I was pumping often for my premature twins. It worked so well and I was sad when I had to return it! Lastly, pumping mamas, don’t forget that you may want to look into purchasing extra pump parts so you don’t need to wash every time. You can [search for your pump on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2ZbcKcw?ref=chelseakimlong.com) to find compatible parts or order extra through the manufacturer. Make sure that your flange size is correct, as that can greatly impact output. Some mamas like to use [Freemies](https://amzn.to/2GENdSL?ref=chelseakimlong.com) to help with the hands-free aspect, as well as a good pumping bra. [Dairy Fairy](https://amzn.to/3k7dAzh?ref=chelseakimlong.com) has some really nice options! ### Honorable mention – helping hands After the first few weeks, my husband and I fell into a nice routine. I was eager to go to bed early because of those exhausting night feeds. Each evening, I nursed my kids right before they went to bed. Then, whenever I was ready to go to sleep, I would pump last thing before falling into bed myself. My husband would do a dream feed with a bottle of expressed breast milk or formula. (If you’re unfamiliar with the dream feed, this article [explains it](https://takingcarababies.com/the-dream-feed/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)!) This worked well for all of my kids and I was able to get a longer stretch of sleep every night.” Anything I missed? Let me know your must-haves! [Find my recommendations for c-section recovery products here.](https://chelseakimlong.com/c-section-recovery-products/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) ### Postpartum Distress: Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/postpartum-distress/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:54:35.000Z *This article originally lived on the Whole Mamas website. The information in this article was so helpful to me during my second postpartum, so I wanted to host it on my personal website after Whole Mamas shut down.* *This post is written by Vanessa Park and Ann Smith, of [Postpartum Support International](http://www.postpartum.net/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). They further discuss the difference between “baby blues” and a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD).* *If you need immediate help, the* [*National Suicide Prevention Hotline*](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) *is a free and confidential network of more than 140 crisis centers nationwide. It is available 24/7 to contact in a crisis at* *1-800-273-8255\. You can call for yourself or someone you care about.* *For additional help, call [Postpartum Support International](http://www.postpartum.net/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)’s warmline at* *800-944-4773* *. You’ll get a return call within several hours. You can also visit their website* [*www.postpartum.net*](http://www.postpartum.net/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)*. Click* [*here*](http://www.postpartum.net/get-help/locations/united-states/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) *to connect with your closest coordinator to get info, support, resources, and referrals to providers trained to treat PPD in your area.* ### A Monumental Life Change ![](https://i0.wp.com/www.wholemamasclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Monumental-Life-Change.jpg?resize=660%2C330&ssl=1) Maternal mental health disorders affect one in seven mothers—a cautious estimate that may be higher. But every mother—seven out of seven—has to adjust to new motherhood, a monumental life-change. Some women simply adjust. Others experience a serious mood disorder—postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD. But then there are the moms who fall between the two poles. These moms might be feeling things that make them uneasy: *This is not what I wanted/expected. It’s harder than I thought it would be. I can’t make this work.* Though they might not meet the criteria for a major depressive illness or anxiety disorder, they are struggling, yet they are less likely to reach out for help than women with full-blown PMADs because they are less likely to realize they need help. Postpartum adjustment disorder, or postpartum distress, is a subjective experience and every woman’s postpartum reality is unique to her. One woman may be better able to tolerate the tumultuous emotions, new experiences, and vulnerability particular to new motherhood. Another mother may find this season terribly painful and overwhelming. Some mothers are more forgiving of themselves when they feel overwhelmed or scared. Others are harshly self-critical, which makes adjustment even harder. The more aware of the warning signs that women, their partners and families, practitioners, and support networks are, the better able a woman will be to acknowledge, accept, and get help with difficult postpartum adjustment. ### Relieving Postpartum Distress ![](https://i0.wp.com/www.wholemamasclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/relieving-postpartum-distress.jpg?resize=660%2C330&ssl=1) Postpartum distress of this kind is most often relieved by: - Validation (*You are struggling and it’s normal.*) - Reassurance (*You are not a bad mother and you will feel better.*) - Support (*How can I help you?*) Note that the support must be meaningful and real. A partner, parents, and/or friends can pitch in to take care of things around the house, assist with shopping and cooking, and offer uninterrupted time for the struggling mom to catch up on sleep. Women experiencing this kind of adjustment distress typically do not need to be medicated, but therapy could be beneficial. If a woman who is experiencing postpartum adjustment disorder is still struggling after being validated, reassured, and supported, she needs to be screened by a professional. In choosing a therapist, it is helpful to find someone who has been trained in PMADs—[referrals are available through Postpartum Support International](http://www.postpartum.net/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). ### Finding Your Support System ![](https://i0.wp.com/www.wholemamasclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/find-your-tribe.jpg?resize=660%2C330&ssl=1)Parenting throughout history was a group effort in many ways. The saying “it takes a village” is powerfully accurate, but we live in a world where there is less village, and more isolation. Not only that, but the cultural stereotypes about what new motherhood “should” be are now presented, larger than life, on every billboard and through every media outlet. Women are up against Hollywood and Hallmark when trying to figure out what being a mother is actually like. And now that families live spread across the globe, it’s hard to find a network of moms to help, advise, listen, and laugh about the absurdities, glories, and challenges of new parenthood. How can women be prepared for the reality so that they don’t judge themselves so harshly and hide in the shadows, never asking for help? Let’s talk about this openly before birth. What is life going to be like when the baby arrives? What are PMADs, how do they present, and what options are there? Postpartum Support International, with its network of volunteers and affiliated practitioners, seeks to support women in these ways, as well as offer information and help to the families of expectant and new moms. If you are struggling, please reach out for help. You are not alone! --- Vanessa Park is currently Director of Development, Communications, and Alumni Affairs at Dutchess Day School, a PreK-8th grade independent school in Dutchess County, New York. She also has her own freelance editing and ghostwriting business called VKP Editing. Until 2012, she had been an English teacher and writing instructor for 25 years. She has an MFA in writing from Columbia University and a BA from the University of Virginia. She is also a writer and blogger. In addition to serving on the board of PSI, Vanessa sits on a board of the Berkshire Taconic Fund, the Quest Fund, dedicated to improving educational opportunities within local school districts. Vanessa’s interest in women’s mental health is rooted in family history and goes back a long way. She has two grown children who, fortunately, also live in the northeast, and when she is not working, writing, or traveling with or to see her kids, she can be found dancing. Ann Smith, CNM, is a former PSI Board member, PSI Presidents Advisory Council member, nurse-midwife, PSI Support Coordinator in New York City, PPD survivor, lecturer on perinatal mood disorders to health professionals, a facilitator on PSI Chat with an Expert forum, and led a postpartum depression support group in New York for many years. She has a BA from Briarcliff College, a BSN from Cornell and an MSN from Columbia University. Ann has been a practicing nurse midwife and women’s health nurse practitioner for more than 30 years. She has 3 grown children and lives in New York City. Ann became interested in perinatal mood disorder after suffering severe anxiety and depression after her 2nd and 3rd children before much was known about good treatment. She has been committed to women and families suffering from PMAD ever since. ### Healthy Eating as Soul Care URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/healthy-eating-as-soul-care/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:56:24.000Z *January 1, 2104: “Today I’m starting my first Whole30! My reasons for doing a Whole30 are wanting to be more mindful of how I’m fueling my body (and by extension, my breastfeeding son’s body!!), kicking unhealthy cravings and compulsive eating to the curb, and maaaaybe dropping a few of those last post-baby pounds that are hanging on (not my main goal, but I’d be lying if I said it isn’t something I want to happen!). I’ve been listening to It Starts With Food on audio book and so wholeheartedly believe in what they’re saying. Here’s hoping this program changes how I view food for life!”* Self care often brings to mind visions of aimlessly wandering target or drinking a glass of wine after a long day because you need to escape from your life. I prefer the term soul care. I define soul care as self care that digs deep to uncover and address needs instead of pushing them down further. For a long time it felt easier for me to push my needs deeper and deeper because I was afraid of dealing with them. [Click to read more on my definition of soul care.](http://chelseakimlong.com/soul-care-over-self-care/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) My Whole30 journey began three years ago, when my first son was six months old. Since then I’ve completed 5.5 Whole30 resets with long stretches of Whole30-inspired eating in between. For the past year and a half I have specifically been working toward my [Food Freedom](http://chelseakimlong.com/my-body-betrays-me/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Some may see healthy eating as deprivation and say, “Why don’t you just eat whatever you want?” Over the years my perspective has shifted, and I see healthy eating as soul care. This journey toward Food Freedom has led me to deep places within myself as I explore my relationship with food. This lifestyle is compelling to me because it is about so much more than changing body composition. My first Whole30 did help me lose some extra baby weight, but more than that, it re-centered me. The time spent meal planning, prepping, and cooking became a grounding exercise and something that I felt proud to do for myself. Postpartum was the first time where I really felt an internal battle to love my body. This battle was wrapped up with my unplanned C-section and how I felt [betrayed by my body](http://chelseakimlong.com/my-body-betrays-me/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). The Whole30 played a big part in returning me to a place of honoring and trusting my body. [I also struggled with postpartum depression](http://chelseakimlong.com/wading-through-depression/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) after my first child’s birth, and to see tangible results from my efforts reminded me that I had power in a season where I felt powerless and lost. Healthy eating as soul care can look different for each person. For most people, it boosts self efficacy. For me, when I feel like my emotions are spiraling out of control, I can make the decision moment by moment, day by day to eat well. It helps me to reframe what rewarding myself looks like. When I’m eating mindfully, I am forced to come face to face with my negative emotions. This has been huge for me on my journey to health (mind, body, soul). When I’m feeling sad, trapped, (fill in the blank), I no longer want to escape into a bottle of wine or chocolate bar because I’ve learned that those don’t serve me physically or emotionally. Physically, I’ve become more in tune with the way that sugar and alcohol affect my system in negative ways, and emotionally, I’ve learned that when I numb and avoid, it only comes back a hundredfold. In the Whole30 world we often refer to this as our “why.” Why do I choose to eat this Whole30-inspired diet? Hint: your why has to be deeper than just, “I want to lose weight.” Maybe you do want to lose weight; but your reason is deeper than that. For some, there’s shame, self-judgment, or lack of control for what and how much you eat. The Whole30 teaches us how to trust the signals our body is sending us and to eat when and how much we need to. It helps bring awareness to the ways in which the foods we’re eating affect our bodies so that we can make choices based on how we want to feel. It’s empowering to me that I know how to eat to feel at my best. I am able to set myself up to make good choices and then make them. What’s your why? I’d love for you to comment or join the conversation on Instagram. ### Managing Pregnancy Cravings URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/managing-pregnancy-cravings/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T03:58:16.000Z *I successfully completed a #PregnantWhole30 during my twin pregnancy and maintained Whole30-inspired eating throughout. I wrote a few articles sharing how I tried to honor my intention of having a healthy, happy pregnancy and postpartum.* This pregnancy, I had a rough first trimester with frequent nausea, vomiting, and lack of appetite. Because of this, I let myself eat basically whatever I was able to choke down. Sometimes that was cucumbers, and other times it was refried beans with tortilla chips. [Read more about my first trimester here](http://chelseakimlong.com/ending-my-pregnantwhole30/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Now that I’m past my first trimester sickness I’ve been thinking about cravings. ![](https://i0.wp.com/www.wholemamasclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Whole30-Pregnancy-Cravings-Header.jpg?resize=600%2C300&ssl=1) Recently Lauren C., a mama in our private Facebook group, asked a great question. She said, *“Pregnant Whole30 question: should I manage cravings any differently? I’m on Day 3 of a Whole30 reset right now and I want sugar. I’m also kinda hungry, but not ‘steamed fish and veggies’ hungry. If I weren’t pregnant, I would definitely just suck it up and power through. Since I’m pregnant, I’m not sure if I should snack, and if I wasn’t Whole30’ing I would definitely snack. This would be very straightforward if I weren’t pregnant, but the pregnancy seems to give an air of leniency that can be a double-edged sword. So … should I just drink some water or a La Croix and power through until dinner? Is this a dumb question?”* This is definitely not a dumb question, and it made me realize that I’m not the only one thinking about pregnancy cravings! My first pregnancy was before I found the Whole30, so I didn’t give much thought to pregnancy cravings. I constantly craved (and ate) gluten-free bagels with cream cheese, hash browns from McDonalds, gluten-free freezer waffles with syrup, and banana splits. Four years and five Whole30 resets later, the way I view food has totally transformed. As a result of that I find myself looking at pregnancy cravings differently. Let’s be honest: pregnancy carb and sugar cravings are real. Since I was more lenient during first trimester (and I have no regrets; it was survival mode at that point!), I’m not sure how to treat my cravings now. I acknowledge that my carb cravings are stronger during pregnancy, but I’m not necessarily craving sweet things. Also, hunger during pregnancy is a funny thing. The constant flux of hormones plus shrinking room for my stomach means I typically swing between too full or starving. I’ve settled on eating smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. I also find that I need to have a snack before bed, because otherwise I wake up in the morning (or sometimes in the middle of the night) feeling ravenous. None of these things are the norm for non-pregnant me, but I’m trying to balance all of this with the cultural idea that pregnancy gives you *carte blanche* for eating however you want. With these things in mind, here are my tips for managing pregnancy cravings. *\*Note: The advice that follows may be better suited for mamas who either are past first trimester morning sickness or haven’t dealt with that at all. If you’re struggling during your first trimester, consider waiting until second trimester or beyond and giving yourself extra grace those first few months.* ### Decide ahead of time what a reset during pregnancy looks like for you. Melissa Urban describes the concept of designing your own reset in her book [*Food Freedom Forever*](http://amzn.to/2meNDkK?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Maybe you don’t want to do a Whole30 during your pregnancy, but you’d like to design a reset that suits your specific needs. In my case, for example, I did a few mini resets during pregnancy that included white rice. I know that I tolerate rice normally, so I feel fine eating it occasionally in my Food Freedom, and eating something heavy like rice helped settle my stomach. I find that if I’m going to be cooking at home anyways, I can easily make better choices if I set myself up for success by giving myself guidelines ahead of time. During my second trimester I was also able to successfully complete a full Whole30 reset and I felt FANTASTIC ([read about my NSV’s here!](https://www.instagram.com/p/BZRz1mdBs6%5F/?taken-by=whole30hmhb&ref=chelseakimlong.com)). ### Consider how you would treat the craving if you weren’t pregnant. In Lauren’s case, she rationally thought through what was happening. You can do the same. *I’m having a craving for sugar, and I’m kind of hungry. If I wasn’t pregnant, I wouldn’t give into the craving, and I wouldn’t snack. I want to have a snack since I’m pregnant.* Then you have a choice. You can either a) give into the craving and have something sweet (even if it’s a piece of fruit or a larabar) or you can have a snack that looks more like a Whole30 mini-meal. Your choice may depend on whether you’re currently attempting a #PregnantWhole30 or not. ### Remember that you don’t *have to* eat what you’re craving. When I was in college, I had a friend a few years older than me who was married and pregnant. I remember sitting on her couch listening to her talking about pregnancy cravings. I asked her, “When you have a craving, do you actually have to eat that thing?” She laughed and said, “I don’t HAVE to have it, but it’s just the BEST if I do.” Like Lauren in our Facebook group said, in pregnancy there’s an air of leniency. The sentiment is, “I’m pregnant! I deserve to eat whatever I want!” I totally get that! Sometimes you have a hard pregnancy day and you want to just indulge in a banana split (or is that just me?). In the grand scheme of your life, it’s all a part of your Food Freedom journey. But if you’re looking for some of that infamous Whole30 tough love (heavy on the love, obviously!), here it is: *You do not have to give into your pregnancy cravings.* The great thing is that you have a choice. As Melissa often says, you’re an adult with money, agency, and the ability to make a decision. Some days you might decide to mindfully have that banana split, and other days you might decide that what you actually need is to go to yoga, vent to a friend, or treat yourself to a pedicure. ### Keep your goals in mind. What limitations are you working with? You might be concerned about developing gestational diabetes or gaining weight too rapidly during your pregnancy. Depending on your context, you might actually need to lose some weight to be at your ideal health. Your health is worth way more than a momentary enjoyment of a junky treat. As Lauren said in another comment, *“I might be kinda hungry, but really I know it’s because I ate ALL THE THINGS last week, and my brain is wondering where the sugar went. Nutrients are one thing; mindless snacking and indulgence are another — particularly when I really need to manage my weight gain.”* ### A Final Note At the end of the day, this way of eating requires you to be honest with yourself. A Whole30-inspired style of eating teaches us to trust our hunger signals and treat food as fuel for our bodies. This requires mindfulness around food. Even though your pregnancy cravings might be stronger than cravings outside of pregnancy, only you can know if you legitimately need a snack or if you’re feeding your sugar dragon. Only you can decide what foods are worth it, or which foods will make you feel worse in the long run. Header Photo: Brenda Godinez ### My Redeeming C-Section Experience URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/my-redeeming-c-section-experience/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T04:00:04.000Z There’s a huge cultural focus on natural birth now. I think this is beautiful and fully support women who choose to go that route. This was of course what I was planning for my first birth — an unmedicated, hospital birth, but [it didn’t go according to plan](http://chelseakimlong.com/wading-through-depression/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). My biggest regret from my first birth is that I didn’t prepare myself at all for the possibility that I might have a C-section. I spent all my time focusing on how to avoid having a C-section, and that’s what I see a lot in blog posts and books. I knew that because of my previous C-section plus the fact that I was carrying twins (one of whom was breech for much of the pregnancy), that a C-section was very likely. My doctor absolutely supported me in my ability to make a choice about the type of delivery I wanted to have, and she would have been fine with me attempting a vaginal birth. At the end of the day, however, the chances felt too high that even if I attempted a vaginal birth, I would end up with a C-section, and I didn’t want to go through both again. I wondered if I would regret this decision, but I’m now two weeks out and don’t feel an ounce of regret. I’m sharing my birth story in hopes that you will see that a beautiful C-section experience is possible. I’m so grateful for the redeeming experience that I had with this birth. ### Before Surgery About 6 months into my pregnancy, I scheduled a date for my C-section. Two weeks before that date, I went in for a growth scan. At that appointment they told me that my boy twin was measuring 4 weeks behind his sister, and that they would want to take them 9 days earlier than what we had scheduled. I was somewhat ready for the high likelihood that I wouldn’t make it to my scheduled date because I was having twins. After the initial shock, I was okay with the change. Forty-eight hours before my scheduled time, I had to go to the hospital to do a non-stress test and to have some blood work done.[![](https://i0.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_3933-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F3933.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com) The day before my C-section we spent a relaxing day at home, and that night my husband and I went out to dinner for our “last supper” before the chaos of newborn life. The next morning we woke up and puttered around the house, mostly just wasting time before leaving for the hospital. My scheduled time was 12, and we had to be there at 10\. It would have been nice to have an earlier time because I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything after 4AM, so I was already pretty hungry by 10! We showed up to the hospital right on time and ended up having to wait to be admitted for 30 minutes. Finally we went to a small triage room. They had me put on a hospital gown, hooked me up to monitor the babies’ heart rates, and started me on an IV to combat dehydration. In this room I met the nurse who would be taking care of me during and directly post-surgery; they paired me with a nurse who had 6-year-old twin girls. I [![](https://i0.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_3942-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i0.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F3942.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com)also met with the anesthesiologist who explained his piece of the surgery. The nurse gave me some IV antibiotics and anti-nausea med, and an antacid that she instructed me to take like a tequila shot; it was nasty. Meanwhile my husband suited up in his surgical scrubs, a hair net, and booties. I made sure to give a copy of my [birth plan](http://chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Birth-Plan.pdf?ref=chelseakimlong.com) to my nurse and discuss it with her to make sure that they knew my wishes and we had a plan for making those things happen. We ended up having to wait in triage for about an hour after my scheduled time because another surgery took longer than they expected. We sat in the room and channel surfed before settling on a HGTV home renovation show.[![](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_3945-2-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i0.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F3945-2.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Eventually they said it was time and we walked over to the OR. My husband had to wait in another room for about 20 minutes while they administered the spinal block and got me situated on the table. I was pretty nervous at this point. I definitely had the feeling of, *sh\*\*, I don’t really want to go through with this*, but there’s no easy to get these babies out, so here we go! I had made a playlist to shuffle play in the background, so I handed my phone to someone to plug in and get the music going. I got the spinal block, they laid me down, and put up a drape. I had requested a clear drape so that I could see the babies being delivered, so they had a clear drape, and then a blue one in front of that to lower down when the time came. At this point they also inserted a catheter after I was all numbed up. It was honestly a relief to have a catheter in after months of constantly feeling like I have to pee! My husband came back in and counted 12 people in the room — because we were having premature twins, they had staff from the NICU there as well. ### During I was a bit shaky because of the drugs and nerves, too! They said that was really normal. I had to lay with my arms straight out in a T. My husband had a stool but could stand up and watch at any time. The anesthesiologist stayed right behind me and was so amazing, rubbing my shoulders and neck every so often and saying reassuring things. My doctor explained what was happening, but I couldn’t feel anything besides pulling and pressure. It took about 20 minutes to cut through my skin and abs and get to my uterus. My doctor went through my earlier incision site. When it was time for the babies to be born, my husband stood up and started snapping pictures. They lowered the drape, but I still really couldn’t see what was going on. I heard brother crying before I saw him, but my doctor got him out and lifted him up so I could see. There was my baby boy! They cut the cord long so my husband could cut it, too, and whisked him to the side to check him out; but I knew he was okay because he was screaming! Then three minutes later out came sister, screaming as well, and the OR was fill[![](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_3959-2-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F3959-2.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com)ed with the sound of them crying back and forth to each other. We made some jokes about how this was the first of many cry-filled days. **I’m going to link to pictures of their delivery, but click at your own risk! Birth is messy and bloody, and a C-section birth is no different. Here is [brother’s delivery](http://chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F4269-2.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and [sister’s delivery](http://chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F4271-2.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com).** Once they were out, they called out their weights, lengths, and the times they were born. They whisked brother off to the NICU (which we expected), and my husband came over to let me know that was happening and that he was going to follow him to the NICU, according to our plan. Before he left, he told me that they weren’t going to have to take sister, and I was thrilled. The rest of the time was about 40 minutes of them delivering the placenta, sewing up my uterus, and then sewing up the rest! This part I honestly got bored. They were still checking out sister, but eventually they brought her over to me and I got to hold her while they were finishing the surgery. This had been something that I had really been hoping for, so I was really excited. Even so, it was awkward to be laying down and holding her, and my shoulders and neck were hurting. I kept hoping it was almost over because I wasn’t very comfortable. ### After [![](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_3949-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F3949.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com)I said goodbye to my wonderful doctor, and they wheeled me into the recovery room. I was in this room for about an hour and a half with sister. They had a lactation consultant come and try to help me latch her, and my nurse was monitoring my vitals and checking the bleeding, etc. One unpleasant aspect was that the nurse would periodically press down on my abdomen to try to pass any large clots stuck inside here. This part felt long, too, besides the fact that I was holding my baby daughter! My husband was with brother doing skin-to-skin in the NICU, and I felt like he was gone for a long time. We knew that this would be the case and had asked if I could have another person with me in recovery, and they said no.[![](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_3948-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F3948.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com) My legs and feet felt huge and rubbery, and I kept trying to move my feet but nothing would happen. Eventually the feeling started to come back and everything tingled, but it took a while, until after I was transferred to my postpartum room. Being transferred from the recovery bed to the postpartum bed was so weird, as well. It’s so trippy to have the nurses lift you and you basically can’t help in any way; feeling like you weigh 6 tons. At this point I was starving, but they wouldn’t let me eat because they were worried that I would throw up from the anesthesia. I had to start with water and juice, and then tried some crackers. They started me on Motrin and Norco (Hydrocodone) pretty soon after surgery so that it would be an easy transition as the anesthesia wore off. After 12 hours, they got me to stand up for the first time and walk to the bathroom with the nurse’s assistance. That’s honestly the worst, trying to sit up for the first time. The incision site burns so badly, and I couldn’t stand up straight; just hobbled to the bathroom and back. They kept me on a tight med schedule to make sure to stay on top of the pain. Once I was mobile, they took out my catheter and made sure I was stable enough to walk to the bathroom on my own. Although it was painful, it felt good to get that bit of independence right off the bat. One amazing thing my hospital does for C mamas is give an [abdominal binder](https://www.amazon.com/shop/chelseakimlong?listId=39KMCCJPWSPB9&ref=chelseakimlong.com). Inquire ahead of time if yours does, and if not, buy one! Helps SO much with the pain when I was trying to get mobile, and I still used mine after I got home to help with pain while walking around. Of course there are so many factors that go into recovery, but I honestly felt great 11 days post surgery and was forgetting to take my pain meds! Since I’ve been home I’ve only been taking the Motrin. My nurse also brought a special surgical cleanser for me to use to scrub my incision a few days after surgery. Although I felt nervous to touch my incision, it was good for me to get my hands on it to release fear and see that it wasn’t so bad after all. My doctor used stitches and then small bandages. The stitches will dissolve on their own, and I’ve already taken off the small bandages. I am still experiencing some sensitivity around my abdominal area surrounding the incision, so I wear shorts with elastic waistband that I can wear high enough that it doesn’t bother me. (I like [Soffee shorts](https://www.amazon.com/shop/chelseakimlong?listId=39KMCCJPWSPB9&ref=chelseakimlong.com) — remember these from high school?) I wear granny panties as well that I can pull up higher on my waist so they don’t rub my incision or the sensitive skin around it. Last time and this time I have a pooch of skin that sticks out above the incision. It freaked me out after my first C-section, but it eventually went away! My sensitivity also totally went away; I actually had some residual numbness in the area, but nothing that bothered me. [![](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG_4414-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300)](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/IMG%5F4414.jpg?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Once I feel that my incision is totally healed over, I plan to start doing gentle massage on and around the incision to help promote healing and prevent adhesions. Touching my incision helps me to accept it as a normal part of my body. I love this [C-mama salve](https://www.amazon.com/shop/chelseakimlong?listId=39KMCCJPWSPB9&ref=chelseakimlong.com) from Earth Mama Angel Baby; I used it last time and will use it again. My doctor this time said that I healed really well from my earlier C-section, and I think part of that is because of the massage. --- Again, I hope it’s helpful for you to read my positive experience and get an idea of what to expect if you’re planning to have a C-section. It can be a sweet, peaceful experience, and you have lots of choices to make it your own. I would love to hear your feedback or questions, so please comment, join the conversation on my Instagram, or [email me](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com)! *Affiliate disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.* ### Preparing for Postpartum URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/preparing-for-postpartum/ Last updated: 2026-08-31T19:52:42.000Z In my first pregnancy, [I did very little to process and prepare for postpartum](http://chelseakimlong.com/wading-through-depression/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). I went in very blind to the realities that might occur around birth trauma and the gamut of mental health issues that I could meet. Facing labor felt like a huge challenge, and I didn’t have much of a capacity to think beyond that. This time, since I’ve known since very early on that I would most likely choose to have a scheduled c-section, I’ve been able to take my mind off of the birth process, since I largely know what to expect. I’m writing this out in hopes that it’s helpful to see what it could look like to plan ahead of time for how to work through needs and challenges that may arise. Here are several of the ways that I’m getting ready for postpartum this time. ### Conversations with husband and friends If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years it’s that holding in my thoughts and emotions does not serve anyone. It will always be scary to tell someone else my most vulnerable thoughts, but I’ve found that when I do, those closest to me are so quick to support and affirm me. Healing begins simply from the act of speaking truth out loud, and it’s the best starting place. I’ve discussed specifically with my husband that most of my fears in this pregnancy have revolved around postpartum, and told him ways that he can help me feel supported. ![](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/image1-1-300x300.jpeg?resize=300%2C300) My close circle of friends includes a few doulas, a midwife, and a lactation consultant, so I’ve discussed a variety of topics with them. One of the hardest topics I’ve had to discuss with friends is how I’ve struggled with feelings of inferiority because of my previous c-section and the fact that I’ve chosen to schedule a c-section with this pregnancy. As I opened up to my friends (the majority of whom had natural, unmedicated births), they have been nothing but affirming, loving, and reminding me that birth is birth, and they honor my experience and choices. ### Fearlessly pursuing healing This looks so different for each person, depending on your experience. One resource that I recommend across the board is [How to Heal a Bad Birth](http://amzn.to/2ztsEDP?ref=chelseakimlong.com). This book is really comprehensive and is also a good resource for you if you supported someone else during birth. It provides activities and practical suggestions for healing no matter what you experienced. For me personally, I have a friend who’s a midwife offered to read through my hospital record from the night of my firstborn’s birth to help me remember and process what happened. I avoided the offer for a long time, but eventually decided to take her up on her offer. We met with my doula and talked through the entire experience. She read through the hospital records and explained what happened from a medical point of view. Hearing her say from that she would have come to the same conclusion as my doctor in this scenario — that there were no other options left for me besides a c-section — helped me to feel more peace about what did happen and let go of the residual feelings of failure. ### Planning out help After we scheduled the c-section date, I had such a sense of relief knowing that I could plan around that. Of course, ironically, that has now been changed because life with twins. Neither set of our parents lives locally, so being able to have a date to ask my mom to fly in and let everyone know when they can be standing by to help has been a big comfort. Since it’s so close to Thanksgiving, the rest of my family will be flying out that week to celebrate with us and meet the babies. On a few practical notes, during this pregnancy I’ve had a woman come and clean my house two times a month, and I’m planning to have her come once a week for a while after the babies are born to help with dishes, laundry, or whatever else needs to be done. For meals, I’ve prepared in many ways. Some of my friends got together and we spent an evening prepping 11 freezer meals that we each went home with. It was a ton of work, but working together made it fun, and now we will all get to benefit! I also will have a Meal Train set up for after my family leaves, and my sisters got me a gift card for [Model Meals](https://modelmeals.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (Southern California and Bay Area people, email me for a code for 25$ off!), so that I can still eat well with no effort. I am fortunate to live in a community of friends who are like family and who I know that I can ask to do anything at the drop of the hat. I’m practicing being honest with what I need and asking for help now, so that when the time comes, I have no shame in asking for what I need. My friends truly make me feel that it’s their joy to help me during this time. ### Self care practices As a new mom it’s hard to find time for yourself. I have learned that taking care of myself has to be a priority or else I’ll start to drown. Because I have strong self-care practices in place already, I hope that it will be a bit easier to engage in those postpartum. When my body is ready, I’m so excited to return to my yoga mat. I have a favorite massage place that I’ve been frequenting over the past year, and I recently started acupuncture sessions and chiropractic care — which are both covered by my insurance! It’s always hard to make that first call for an appointment, which is why I recommend implementing self-care routines during pregnancy, so that afterwards these spaces already feel safe and nurturing. ![](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/image1-2-300x300.jpeg?resize=300%2C300) The same goes for self-care practices with nutrition and supplements. I have been very intentional about eating well during this pregnancy so that I could stay as healthy as possible. I am so thankful that I have made it this far with no complications and minimal discomfort. Beyond my prenatal vitamin, I am taking a regimen of supplements to support my physical and mental health. I won’t list what I’m taking here, since I’m not a medical professional and can’t speak for anyone else, but [this list from Aviva Romm](https://avivaromm.com/depression-in-pregnancy/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) could be a good starting place. I of course have to plug the [Healthy Mama, Happy Baby program](http://mamas.whole30.com/join-now?ref=chelseakimlong.com) here, as well, as Steph has a great list of supplements that you could consider adding into your regimen. I plan to alter what supplements I’m taking postpartum to specifically support my needs during that time. ### Mantras This is a self-care practice for me, but here are some of the mantras that I’m using now to prepare and that I have written out to refer to during postpartum. There’s nothing magical about mantras; they’re a simple way to retrain your mind back to the present moment and take back the narrative that’s spinning through your head. The main one that I’ve used during pregnancy is, “I give thanks that I am able to handle great things with ease.” Any time I start to feel anxieties creep up or sense self-doubt, I take some deep breaths and repeat this to myself. For postpartum, I’m not sure exactly what I’ll need, but here are a few I’ve written out in preparation: **For my enneagram 1-ness:** Today I am willing to accept my imperfections. I release expectations of perfection. I give myself credit for all I have learned as a mother. **For specific challenges that may arise:** I am able to face tough circumstances and emerge stronger. I have unlimited patience. I can master anything if I do it enough times. I face difficult situations with courage and conviction. **For days when I lack confidence:** I have the strength to take care of all of my baby’s needs. Where peace dwells, fear cannot. I am a natural mother. **For those dark days:** My day is filled with a limitless potential of joy, happiness, and love. I am centered, calm, and clear. Notice how this moment is passing, as each moment does. Just because today is hard, that doesn’t mean it will always be hard. ### ### ### ![](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/image1-3-300x300.jpeg?resize=300%2C300) ### Trusting myself Sounds simple, but easier said than done. In my previous postpartum, I lived in self-doubt and never knew what I needed to feel better. This entire pregnancy, my constant prayer for postpartum has been that I will have clarity for what I need, courage to ask for it, and no guilt in receiving it. Postpartum is hard, mamas. There are no guidelines for what you might need or want. Begin trusting your intuition now and honoring yourself so that you have practice for when you really need it. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas for preparing for postpartum. Leave a comment or [email me](mailto: hello@chelseakimlong.com)! ### Wading Through Depression URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/wading-through-depression/ Last updated: 2023-09-12T19:40:33.000Z I spent more time in my first pregnancy preparing for the birth than for all the days that followed. My goal was a natural hospital birth. I read every book and blog post. I hired a doula. I had a contingency for every situation. I talked to everyone I knew about their birth stories, analyzing their decisions. I (secretly) judged women who said, “Well, I wanted to do a natural birth, but then I had an epidural” or “I ended up with a c-section.” In my mind, I steeled myself with each story. *That won’t happen to me.* And then the day came; early labor began at midnight on a Monday morning. My labor was long and grueling, but I was committed. My doula arrived at my house Monday at 5PM, and we labored at home until Tuesday at 8PM. During that time, my contractions were strong but inconsistent. My doula suspected less-than-optimal baby positioning, and we spent a significant amount of time creatively trying shift baby. When I checked into the hospital, I was 9.5 centimeters dilated! I was almost there. After 8 hours of laboring in the hospital, trying everything, and feeling an excruciating urge to push, I was still at 9.5 centimeters. The hospital staff and particularly the OB on call was amazing – supportive of our choices and desire to continue laboring and trying creative solutions to get me to progress. In my view, we did everything “right.” However, at a certain point, the doctor was in the room telling us that we had no other options left, and the longer we waited, our risks went up for a uterine rupture or amniotic fluid infection. During all of my planning for birth, I never entertained the idea of having a C-section, because I felt like it would jinx my plan if i did. The moment when we consented to the C-section was the lowest moment of my life. As they wheeled me out of the labor room to the OR, I shut down. I have never felt more defeated in my life. ## Sign up for Chelsea Kim Long ### Exploring the ordinary; encountering the Divine. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. The days and weeks after the birth were a blur, as they always are. Everyone says just be thankful that mama and baby are healthy, and I was. But at the same time, I felt humiliated and ashamed of my birth story. My doula insisted that I was a fierce birther, but I felt like an utter failure. People would ask me to share and I’d brush past it. I didn’t know how to process what had happened, and it felt easier to move on. A few days after my baby was born, I sat on the couch, crying and telling my husband that I wanted my life back. I was emotional, but who isn’t after birth? I didn’t think that it was anything out of the ordinary. The hard thing about postpartum depression is that you don’t have anything to compare it to. I didn’t know if this was normal, or if I just wasn’t handling it well. During that time I felt a lack of clarity for what I wanted and needed. I wondered if I should push myself to do more, or if my requests for space and rest were unreasonable. At the same time, I felt restless and wished for more capacity. I had the gift of having my husband home for almost 8 weeks after our son was born since he’s a teacher and was on summer vacation. In many ways, I think that kept my postpartum depression at bay; I passed my 6 week check-up with flying colors. After he went back to work, I experienced a downward spiral that led to me sobbing in the doctor’s office after a completely unrelated visit telling her I thought I was depressed. I tried therapy and got a prescription for Zoloft, but ultimately was too afraid to take it, and decided I would let more time pass before going that route. Newborn stage was hard for me. I love babies, but having my own was very stressful. I had always dreamed of being a mother from a young age, but I found myself questioning everything. He wasn’t napping when he “should.” Was he getting enough milk? Should I feel guilty for being bored and wanting to escape? Over the next two years I found that motherhood wasn’t fulfilling me in the way that I always dreamed it would. I felt unsettled and disoriented to myself. It felt like every single piece of my identity was up for grabs like jumbled puzzle pieces that I weren’t sure went to the puzzle. I tried variations for filling my time: staying home full-time, working part-time. We tried my husband and I both working part-time. Throughout this time a lot of life change happened. We left our church of 4 years. I had a miscarriage and shortly after we started trying for baby #2\. Almost all of our inner circle friends moved away. We sold our house, bought a house and we [moved to San Diego.](http://chelseakimlong.com/ckl-book-recs-to-alter-your-world/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) Hindsight is so often the only way to see, but 6 months after we moved, I realized that I was caught in a cycle of depression. I could see objectively that I had a really good life, but I wasn’t experiencing it as such. My depression was affecting my relationships and ability to enjoy my life, but it took me a few months to see that and finally admit that I needed help. Over the next few months I committed to doing the work. I tried a few kinds of therapy (CBT for the depression and EMDR to help process my traumatic birth) and started a regimen of mood-boosting natural supplements.. During the next 6 months I also engaged in a massive amount of personal growth. My community went through the 12-step program together ([Breathing Under Water by Richard Rohr](https://www.amazon.com/shop/chelseakimlong?listId=1U0OFGLNEGK8R&ref=chelseakimlong.com) is an amazing resource here) and I went through my yoga teacher training. I dove headfirst into the depths of myself that I had been afraid to explore for fear of completely unraveling. I started this website and became more open about my journey. I began to take better care of myself. I learned how to [ask myself what I needed](http://chelseakimlong.com/soul-care-over-self-care/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) and then allow myself the grace to do those things. All of these things helped, and I feel stronger and more grounded now. Most importantly, I am able to identify when I’m starting to spiral down, and I can address my depression head-on and I have strategies for how to address it. Now two weeks away from giving birth to twins, I am sure that this new season will test me. In some ways, I’m terrified! In other ways, I’m preparing differently this time, and I’m excited to see how all my growth will serve me in this season. *Affiliate disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.* ### Walking Through Anxiety URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/walking-through-anxiety/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T04:04:23.000Z My first anxiety attack happened freshman year of college. I laid on the floor in my dorm room and willed myself to breathe, feeling deeply afraid, paralyzed by fear and stress. I was struggling in a few classes, and as the perfect high school student, I wasn’t acquainted with failure in academics. It wasn’t until a few days later that I knew what had happened, after talking to a trusted friend and mentor. I explained what I experienced, and she said, “Oh, you had an anxiety attack.” I consider myself very lucky that she had also experienced issues with anxiety so she gave me concrete suggestions for coping and didn’t brush it off or tell me to “just pray more.” As it turns out, I switched to a course of study that was more suited for me and ended up thriving throughout college. Of course I had normal stress and worries, and I’m sure bouts of anxiety cropped up, but for the most part, I don’t remember those times specifically. I’ve always been an over-analyzer, but really, what college girl doesn’t stay up late at night going through different scenarios with her roommate? It wasn’t until I got married and moved across the country that my anxiety came back full-blown. Even in the months leading up to our wedding, my then fiancé told me about a book by a popular Christian author and that I should check it out because the author talked about his battle with anxiety. I remember reading the book, and in my recollection, he basically said something like, “I had anxiety but I prayed, and God took it away.” I remember thinking, WOW that must be nice! Why couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t God do that for me? The first few months of marriage were tough. I moved across the country and knew almost no one except for my husband. I was lonely, had just started grad school, and was on hormonal birth control. I remember crying for an entire day because I felt bad for asking my husband to miss out on plans with his friends because I didn’t want to be alone. It was that day when I realized that I needed to get off of hormonal birth control. That helped immensely. However, over the next few years, anxiety felt like a constant companion that I could keep at bay most of the time, but was always ready to swoop in when my defenses were low. Over those years I often would be overcome by a vague sense of foreboding, a crushing weight in my chest, and uncontrollable thoughts spinning through my mind. During these years I developed anxiety-induced acid reflux. Somewhere in that period, I started to employ deep breathing. Each time I experienced those feelings, I intentionally centered in and began to count my breaths. I found that as I slowed down my breath and focused on that steady inhale and exhale, my mind began to slow down and I was able to relax. But still, I often had that gnawing feeling in my chest as if something was about to grab me by the throat. Throughout these few years I was able to manage my anxiety through managing my stress level, the occasional yoga class, and with the support of my husband and a spiritual director. ![](https://i1.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/IMG_3591-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300) I never considered anxiety medication in this season, as it was only occasionally debilitating, and I found that I was able to manage it with lifestyle changes, and noticed that my mental health tended to fluctuate with my hormonal cycle. Standing here 12 years after that first anxiety attack, I can say that anxiety is no longer a daily struggle for me. The journey of unwinding my anxiety has been long, and it still crops up from time to time. Here are a few of the practices that have served me best in this journey: - Personal growth: As it turns out, being married is a great way to have your issues mirrored back to you and lifelong patterns questioned. Throughout the first couple years of marriage I had the chance to work through a lot of personal issues and family of origin issues that had never been challenged before. I’m thankful for the growth that my husband helped to reveal and spur me toward. - Self-discovery: By learning that I am an Enneagram type 1, I’ve come to understand my patterns and reactions in a deeper way. As a 1, my main motivation is to be morally good, or perfect. I’ve always known that I’ve dealt with perfectionism, but being able to put language to the why and recognize it in the moment has helped with letting go of the anxiety of not being able to be perfect all the time. - Unwinding of spiritual baggage: [As I’ve written about in the past](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-1/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), much of the time since I’ve been married and moved away from home has been a journey of inspecting my beliefs and figuring out what is actually authentic to me. Along the way I’ve realized that some of my [deeply-held beliefs were rooted in fear](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-evangelical-fear-complex/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), and letting go of those has helped to loosen the grip of anxiety. - Yoga, meditation, and mindfulness: When I started practicing yoga, I loved it because it was the one hour of the week where I was actually present with my whole self, uniting body with mind. As I’ve gotten deeper into my practice, I’ve realized the importance of that ability and I’ve found that my practice of mindfulness has extended beyond the mat. ### My Journey Through Infertility URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/journey-through-infertility/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T04:06:19.000Z *This post originally appeared on the Healthy Mama, Happy Baby blog.* ### Embarking on a Two-Year Struggle My first Whole30 was in January 2015\. Toward the end of that round, I found out I was pregnant. My firstborn was only seven months old at the time. This pregnancy was a total surprise, and it took me until the first doctor’s appointment to get over the shock of that positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately, at that six week appointment, and another one two weeks later, they couldn’t find a heartbeat, and I went on to miscarry the pregnancy a month later. Recovering from a miscarriage includes physical and emotional healing. Sympathetic friends told me that they got pregnant very soon after miscarriage, so I expected the same. Little did I know that I was embarking on an almost two-year struggle with secondary infertility. ### “Don’t You Want Your Kids to be Close in Age?” My husband and I started trying again for baby #2 in June 2015\. A few months went by with no results. We weren’t too concerned, as it took us six months to conceive our firstborn. Six months turned into a year, and we found ourselves at another doctor’s office in June 2016, this time for a consultation with a fertility specialist. In that year of trying to conceive, my husband and I both did the Whole30, twice. Well-meaning people would often comment saying things like, “When’s it going to be your turn? Don’t you want more kids? Better hurry, because your son’s getting older. Don’t you want your kids to be close in age?” They had no idea the pain and complication that hid behind the answers we gave. We went through all of the tests and finally sat down with the doctor again in October 2016 to make a plan moving forward. We had just completed a September Whole30, and I continued to stick to a Whole30 style of eating during the weekdays through December, while completing my 200-hour yoga teacher training. I was the picture of health—eating well by almost any standard, practicing yoga several times a week, spending lots of time outside in the beautiful California sunshine, and getting as much sleep as possible while raising an active toddler. To add to that resume of super-healthy habits, I joined the Whole30 Healthy Mama, Happy Baby team in December 2016\. If anyone should have been a shining beacon of fertility, it was me. Yet, I took this job as I was in the midst of my struggle with infertility. Even though I knew that some aspects of my role could be triggering for me, I decided to take the position because of my passion for the Whole30 and desire to guide other women to health and wholeness throughout pregnancy and into motherhood. ### “I Had to Accept It Wasn’t My Magic-Bullet Solution” There were some moments when I would hear a great conception testimonial from a Whole30 HMHB mama and think, “Hmm…must be nice!” But ultimately, I was happy for those women, and agreed that a Whole30-ish lifestyle was the right one for me for a number of reasons. Through Whole30 and Whole30-ish eating, I was able to maintain high energy, stay healthy throughout flu season, maximize my sleep, and feel in control over an essential realm of my life when other important factors felt very much beyond my control. While I value a Whole30-ish lifestyle, I had to accept that it wasn’t going to be my personal magic bullet solution for fertility. Instead, we started a cycle of treatments that many women are familiar with: frequent office visits, fertility medications, praying, waiting, and being disappointed month after month. This was one of the hardest seasons I’ve walked through. While I worked on the physical aspect of healing, I also pursued yoga, meditation, and therapy as a way to process the emotional pain that infertility inflicts. We started our first round of treatment (Clomid/IUI) in November 2016, and completed a second cycle of the same treatment in December. January 2017 ended up being a rest cycle for us, and I did a third cycle of Clomid/IUI in February. Since that protocol didn’t work for us, I moved on to Menopur injections with IUI. The first cycle on that treatment I ended up finally conceiving. I found out I was pregnant on April Fool’s Day (I know, right?). We found out a few weeks later that we are having boy/girl twins — they’re due in November 2017. ### Three Final Thoughts So much of life is a mystery. Especially when it comes to preconception health, there’s often no way to know why one person has X results, while another person can do the exact same thing and experience Y. But one thing I am certain of is that there’s a lot of pressure on women, especially in the realm of preconception health, pregnancy health, and motherhood. We want to end the culture of fear-mongering and judgment that is so often aimed at women, so we created the [Whole30 Healthy Mama, Happy Baby program](http://mamas.whole30.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Our goal is to give you actionable information that you can use to make the choice that best suits you, your partner, and your family. For me, that meant prioritizing nutrition, exercise, and mental health while seeking medical intervention at the same time. You may make a different choice. That’s the beauty of our Whole30 HMHB community, and, really, the larger Whole30 community. We provide the information to empower you to live according to your definition of health, and then we support your choices and cheer you on. If you’re in the midst of infertility, I’d like to leave you with three thoughts. These aren’t “tips and tricks to help you conceive,” but rather heartfelt suggestions for practices that helped me as I faced the difficult challenges of infertility. First, prioritize self-care. Infertility is draining, so take care of yourself, whether that’s going to bed early, treating yourself to a massage, or taking an extra yoga class. Second, find support. Some women find it hard to share their struggles with their friends who are happily pregnant, so consider talking to a trusted mentor or counselor. Third, rely on your partner. Infertility can feel very isolating, but remember that you are in it *together*. Take time to relax together, talk about how you can support each other, and maybe even plan a getaway so you can continue to bond throughout the process. ### Ending my Pregnant Whole30 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/ending-my-pregnant-whole30/ Last updated: 2021-07-25T04:08:49.000Z *I successfully completed a #PregnantWhole30 during my twin pregnancy and maintained Whole30-inspired eating throughout. I wrote a few articles sharing how I tried to honor my intention of having a healthy, happy pregnancy and postpartum.* ### The Best Intentions I started a Whole30 the day I found out I was pregnant. I had been tossing around the idea of starting a Whole30 on April 1 whether I was pregnant or not, because I needed a reset. My healthy habits around eating had relaxed, and I knew that Whole30 nutrition would be great for my health and wellbeing, whether I was pregnant or soon-to-be pregnant. I got a positive pregnancy test on April 1\. (Yes, April Fool’s Day is a great day to find out you’re pregnant.) I didn’t get morning sickness with my first pregnancy until about 8 weeks in, so I thought, *This will be great! I’ll eat Whole30 for the first four weeks of my pregnancy and then take it from there.* Throughout the first two weeks of my Whole30, I had some carb cravings but was able to stay compliant. Early on in my pregnancy, my stomach felt better when it was full, so I ate frequent, smaller meals throughout the day, but made sure they included at least two of the three macronutrients (protein, carbs, and fat). I also had a daily smoothie that included a scoop of collagen peptides for protein, coconut milk for fat, one cup or less of fruit, and some green veggies. I felt really good about the choices I was making. For a few weeks during my first pregnancy I relied on gluten-free bagels with cream cheese and hash browns from McDonalds. By the end of those nine months I was eating banana splits multiple times a week and did not care one bit. It wasn’t until after that pregnancy that I discovered the Whole30\. It changed the way I understand nutrition and eating. I wondered how my changed, Whole30-inspired lifestyle would affect how I made food choices during this pregnancy. This time, I didn’t want to fall into unhealthy eating patterns again, because I know how badly I feel physically and emotionally when I do. I’m armed with more knowledge now. I also wondered if maybe, just maybe, eating Whole30 would help stave off morning sickness. ### Morning Sickness Strikes As it turns out, this twin pregnancy hasn’t been anything like my first. Week 6 of my pregnancy rolled around and with it came food aversions, nausea, and a general lack of appetite. One day, just over two weeks into my Whole30, all I could think about the entire day was rice from Chipotle. I knew it wasn’t just a passing craving because I tried all of my strategies to combat cravings. I made sure I had satiating meals that followed the Whole30 meal template, and I distracted myself with engaging activities, but I just couldn’t get it out of my head. I also know from previous Whole30s and Reintroductions, that rice isn’t really a problem food for me. I eat it occasionally in my [Food Freedom](https://whole30.com/foodfreedom?ref=chelseakimlong.com). That night for dinner, I made the conscious, deliberate decision to end my Whole30, and I ordered rice in my burrito bowl from Chipotle. This was the first time I had ever ended a Whole30 early, but I don’t feel guilty at all. I know (from working my Food Freedom) that eating rice mindfully is a choice that I can make, and I didn’t fail at my Whole30 because I ended it after two weeks. I felt proud that I had spent those two weeks providing my babies and me with the best nutrition possible. And you know what? I ate rice on a Friday night, but it didn’t send me on a spiral. I still woke up on Saturday morning and ate a compliant breakfast. I said “no, thank you” to ice cream and ate grapes while the rest of the family indulged. From my past Whole30 experiences I know that dairy and gluten are my major no-nos as far as feeling negative effects in my body, so I’m going to avoid those even though I ended my Whole30. ### Finding a Path Through It Since then (I’m 12 weeks now), I’ve struggled with eating. The food aversions are *real*. I go through most of the day only thinking about what I DON’T want to eat. However, I’m making it work. I’ve been adding collagen to my coffee or tea in the morning to get some extra protein in, and still doing the same with smoothies. When the urge to eat something healthy hits, I go to the store right then to buy it. Luckily my neighborhood market is less than a 10 minute walk from my house. I’m focusing on what sounds good (cucumbers, strawberries, bone broth, plain rotisserie chicken), and letting the rest go for now. I’m still avoiding sugar and drinking tons of water, but I’m not obsessing over the perfect meal template or adding a few non-compliant foods (oatmeal, gluten free crackers, rice). I know that later in my pregnancy when I feel more like myself again, I’ll be able to focus on eating the way I want to. Right now, I’m just trying to honor what my body is telling me. I know that the journey to Food Freedom is long, and this is just one step along the way. For you mamas who can relate to what I’m going through, just count your small victories and let the rest go. Give yourself grace in this season when you’re doing the important job of nurturing a new life within you. ### Maintaining Your Vinyasa Practice Throughout Your Pregnancy URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/vinyasa-yoga-pregnant/ Last updated: 2021-09-03T22:41:25.000Z I lost my yoga practice during my first pregnancy. Up until that point I regularly practiced yoga for 2 years at a hot yoga studio. When I got pregnant I was faced with lots of advice for pregnant women and wasn’t sure how to sort it all out. One “rule” from my doctor was to not overheat my body, so I decided to stop just to play it safe. I tried other studios, but felt nervous and discouraged that many yoga instructors didn’t offer alternatives for me in class. I felt out of place and paralyzed by the fear that something I would do might hurt my baby. Ultimately it felt easier to stop practicing altogether. One and a half years after my son was born, I finally found my way back into a yoga class. It felt like coming home. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I was back on my mat breathing and moving. Since then, I’ve completed a 200-hour yoga teacher training. I’m passionate about helping women continue to practice safely throughout their entire pregnancy and postpartum. Here are 4 tips to help you maintain a safe and fulfilling vinyasa yoga practice. *Note: This advice is most appropriate for women who already have a strong yoga practice before pregnancy. If you’re just starting your yoga practice while pregnant, you may want to check out prenatal yoga classes offered in your community.* ### 1) Ask for modifications for poses that aren’t accessible to you. Many of us love fast-paced vinyasa classes, but as a pregnant woman, it can be discouraging when your flow is disrupted by multiple poses that you’re not able to do. Research before class or ask your instructor beforehand for a few ideas on poses you can take to help you keep up with the flow. A nice alternative for the traditional vinyasa (Chaturanga – Upward Facing Dog – Downward Facing Dog) is to take Chaturanga with your knees up or down, then come up to kneeling for a modified Camel Pose with hands on your “back pockets.” Arch back slightly, and pull your elbows toward each other behind you to get a nice heart opener, and then place your palms back to the earth in a Tabletop position and push your hips up to Downward Facing Dog. ### 2) Focus on breath work. If the instructor is leading the class through a sequence that isn’t remotely accessible to you (like a floor bow sequence), simply sit in a comfortable position and focus on breath work until you can rejoin the class. Breathing plays a huge role in labor, so don’t neglect this part of your yoga practice. Slow abdominal breathing helps immensely with reducing anxiety and brings more oxygen to your entire body and your baby. Breath work is a fantastic habit to cultivate throughout the day, especially in stressful situations. By focusing on yogic breathing, you create a habit to return to during any stressful time, such as labor. There are many other types of patterned breathing that you can practice to help you prepare for labor. ### 3) Utilize props. Do not be afraid to bring every single prop into a class with you! You can use a blanket or bolster to support you in many poses such as Child’s Pose or Staff Pose (think Yin-like supported poses). If you find that any pose you’re doing is straining you in an uncomfortable way, use a prop. A block is wonderful in balancing poses such as Standing Half Moon Pose to bring the earth close to you. A strap can help you extend the reach of your arms in a pose such as Extended Hand to Big Toe. ### 4) Trust your intuition. This is the hardest one, and it definitely applies beyond your yoga mat. The practice of mindfulness through yoga helps you to be aware of what your body needs and what will be best for you and your baby. There will always be other people’s opinions and judgments, but you know what you need to do. If you feel confident in attempting a pose, go for it! Your body will tell you whether it’s okay for you or not. Listen deeply and trust. *The information included in this post is for educational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for your own situation, or if you have any questions regarding conception, pregnancy, or your prenatal treatment plan.* ### The Evangelical Fear Complex URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-evangelical-fear-complex/ Last updated: 2021-11-17T14:49:44.000Z Lately I can’t stop thinking about Peter stepping out of the boat to walk on water toward Jesus. Just imagine the scene: It’s 4AM, the wind is blowing, waves are pounding into the boat, the fishermen are scared out of their minds, and suddently they see a ghost walking toward them on the water. Oh WAIT, it’s not a ghost, it’s their pal Jesus. Totally normal, yeah? And then Peter, wild and bold as ever, tells Jesus to call him out onto the water with him. Jesus does, and Peter goes. Again, we know this story; if you grew up in church you’ve heard this a million times. Try to put yourself in the situation, though. All of the time Jesus acted in ways that defied every norm–religious, cultural, gender, you name it. It’s easy for us to say, yeah yeah, the story where Peter walked on water. But imagine the trust it took. Would you have gotten out of the boat? The boat is your security, your livelihood, what is known–not to mention your literal, physical safety. To step out of the boat is to risk life and limb, to risk being made fun of by your friends, to risk perhaps having your sanity questioned. To be terrified, but to trust Jesus enough that you risk it all. In order to take that step onto the water, Peter had to have been absolutely sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was walking toward Jesus. *If it’s really you, then tell me to walk out to you.* I can relate. There have been times along my journey that I’ve known that if I say or do something it will cost me. I have lots of voices telling me I’m too wild. Why would I want to write so vulnerably in public? It's not right to use yoga as a spiritual practice. Wrong for believing (or not believing) certain ways. Wrong for believing that all truth is God’s truth. There’s a lot of fear on the journey. Of course. Every time I post, I feel that sense of risk, and yet, I sense Jesus calling me forward. I wouldn’t have taken this journey if it had been my choice. I think many of us feel this way. I didn’t ask for the questions, doubts, or pain. I was happy where I was several years ago before things started unraveling for me. Although my relationship with the typical church experience has weakened, my relationship with Jesus has grown stronger. The trust is there. I never lost my faith in Jesus. As I move forward, I continue to check in. *Is this where you want me to go? Are you sure? People aren’t going to like me saying this.* Jesus continues to call me forward. *Yes, this is where I am. Seek and you shall find. Speak out. Call it out but continue to press on toward life and light.* I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:[ Fear will never take you where you want to go.](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-trouble-with-fear/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) • It wasn’t until I stepped out of the context of the Evangelical Church that I realized how much fear controlled me. All humans have “cultural attachments.” I learned that term from Richard Rohr. Some may call them generational sins or problematic ways of thinking, but there are ideologies that we take for granted. For example, for the most part, Americans take for granted the belief that success is worth any sacrifice. We also value, for example, independence, financial security, and personal comfort. None of these things are inherently bad, but for better or for worse, they guide our thinking; they make up the container in which we hold our worldview. I believe that fear is one of those cultural attachments for the Evangelical Church. At any rate, it is something that I picked up through social osmosis, even though perhaps no one ever directly told me to fear. In fact, I can quote Bible verses to the contrary, indicating at some point someone asked me to memorize something that directly contradicted what the culture was teaching me implicitly. Here are some examples, maybe they sound familiar to you: - The fear of exploring other religions, unless you’re learning how to refute them. The fear of acknowledging that God could have revealed truth to anyone other than Christians. - The fear of the ruin caused by premarital sex. Leading to a culture of shame and hiding any sexual desire. The missive, “Don’t have sex before marriage” communicates the fear that you’ll ruin your future relationships, you’ll get pregnant or get an STD. - The fear of being influenced by non-Christians. It’s easier to stay within the walls of the church for relationships, especially our children’s friendships, because they’re not strong enough to face the influence of the world around. We would rather keep them safe and confined while we still have control then let them experience the world and wrestle through tough issues with them. - The fear of Christian marriages being undermined if LGBTQ people are allowed to marry. It’s better to appear unloving than to appear that we might be condoning sin. - The fear of Syrian (read: Muslim) refugees. It’s better to appear unloving than to risk our safety and comfort. - The fear of liberalism. The fear that we are losing our control over society; we are losing the culture war. The answer is not to let it go and focus on what we do well, but to fight back harder. If we truly believe that God is sovereign over everything, there’s really no reason to fear. We can of course try to be safe, but again, I really believe that if fear is our motivation, then we need to reconsider some of our decisions. I think the problem is that we are unaware of the fact that fear motivates so many of our decisions and opinions. I don’t blame anyone for operating from this paradigm of fear—fear is designed to protect us. It comes back to awareness. If you’re not aware of your fear, it’ll run you into the ground. When I got pregnant, I quickly learned how easy it is as a parent to make decisions out of fear. Every day there’s an opportunity to let fear grab you by the throat. Having a child makes you extremely vulnerable. I made a conscious decision to be aware of that tendency. When I make decisions now, I try to check myself and ask, “How is fear playing into this decision?” If I see a hint of fear trying to push me in one direction, it’s a warning sign that I need to seriously reconsider what I’m going to do. I still have so much room to grow in this. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, because that won’t happen. The goal is to loosen the controlling grip fear has on our lives. I’d love to hear your thoughts in a comment or by email: hello@chelseakimlong.com. Where have you seen fear play a role in your life and in the larger culture? What strategies do you use to mitigate fear? • *For more on this topic, listen to this podcast from Mike Erre where he discusses [Jesus the Refugee and the Christian Fear Complex](https://soundcloud.com/thevoxpodcast/7-jesus-the-refugee-and-the-christian-fear-complex?ref=chelseakimlong.com).* ### CKL Book Recs: To Alter Your World URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/ckl-book-recs-to-alter-your-world/ Last updated: 2017-03-21T09:21:59.000Z My dear friend Christiana’s first book, [To Alter Your World](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0830841377/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0830841377&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=8dd56ea545ad51976cea081697ffeeee&ref=chelseakimlong.com)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chelseakimlon-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0830841377), released today. I read a pre-release copy of the book, and so many times throughout I found myself nodding my head in agreement and saying “YES” out loud. I’m happy that this book exists, because now when people ask me why I’ve chosen to express my Christian faith in this way, I can hand them this book. (Okay, okay, I’ll have a conversation with them about it, too.) One of my favorite quotes from the book, and a good way to sum up what we’re trying to do is simply this: ### “Our task is not to grope for cultural dominance, but to build bonds of peace and collaboration.” ![](https://i2.wp.com/chelseakimlong.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/FullSizeRender-16-300x300.jpg?resize=300%2C300) I’m so thankful to be a part of this community that is humbly searching for ways to partner with God as he seeks to bring renewal and redemption to the earth. When describing my current faith community, sometimes it’s easier to frame it as a house church, although we don’t call ourselves that. Others are more familiar with the concept of a missional community. Whatever words you use to name it, here’s what it looks like: A small group of people committed to God, each other, and our neighborhood. All the community members live within walking distance of one another. Each week we gather on Sunday nights for a more “churchy” experience, praying, learning, and sharing a meal. We also gather on Thursdays. Depending on the season, our Thursday activities vary. Currently we do every other week girls’ night and guys’ night. We spend time connecting, sharing joy and sorrows as we grow deeper in relationship. We ask the hard questions, speak into each other’s lives, and call each other forward. We covenant at the beginning of each year to participate in our relationship with God, with the community, and with our context. Each person takes the communal vow, but we also set personal goals for growth in these three areas. Each of us commits to spending time with God however we define that, to deepening our relationships with the other community-mates, and to serving our community in some way. Service might look like leading Bible study at a local recovery home, playing sports with neighbors, or teaching ESL class. In this season, I try to intentionally connect with moms in the neighborhood, and I host a monthly women’s book club. I like to think of the goal as creating contexts for people to belong without requiring that they believe a certain way. As we interact with people outside of our community, the hope is that they would see the intentionality with which we live our lives and be drawn to faith through our embodied love and joy and hope. My husband and I watched this community from afar for seven years before deciding to move in. If you know anything about our story, you know that our relationship formed around intentional community, as we met on a year-long missions trip where we lived with a team of six traveling the world. The pull toward missional community living goes back farther for me, however. I remember reading Shane Claiborne’s book [The Irresistible Revolution](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310343704/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0310343704&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=09ec18c8ef21131592bc57c1a88bd57d&ref=chelseakimlong.com)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chelseakimlon-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0310343704) when I was a sophomore in college. I felt so drawn to the way of life that he described, that I started to think that maybe I should drop out of school and join the Simple Way. Spoiler alert: I didn’t, but there was something deeply moving for me as I read his words and saw the way that his faith deeply and tangibly affected his daily life. Some people struggle to understand the unconventional choice that we’ve made. They read about my struggle against the church and think that I just need to find another church that fits me. I appreciate the desire to help me connect, but we’ve made this choice intentionally. This is the way that I’ve been able to not throw away the baby with the bath water. I’m deeply grateful for this community that has kept me firmly rooted in Jesus-centered spirituality, yet has given me the freedom to truly express my doubts, fears, and misgivings about American Christianity. I am inspired constantly by the dedication of my community-mates to our way of life and service to others. Click here to order a copy of her book, [To Alter Your World: Partnering with God to Rebirth Our Communities](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0830841377/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0830841377&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=8dd56ea545ad51976cea081697ffeeee&ref=chelseakimlong.com)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chelseakimlon-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0830841377). *Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.* ### Choose. URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/choose/ Last updated: 2017-01-05T10:32:20.000Z This is my word for 2017. Too often I paint a mental picture of myself as the victim. I watch and react as things happen to me. I tell myself stories that take the responsibility off of myself and place it on anything else—people, situations, events. Lately I’ve been meditating on that Byron Katie quote—“Everything happens **for** you, not **to** you.” I’ve been literally saying out loud to myself, “THIS IS HAPPENING FOR ME.” Even when I want to kick and scream because this is not what I want, it’s happening for me. As I reflected on the victim mentality I often fall into, I spent a long time turning different antonyms over in my head. Powerful. Responsible. Strong. Confident. Resilient. Nothing resonated with was I was looking for until I thought about the idea of choice. When you’re a victim, you don’t have a choice. Something is happening to you. Somebody else’s will is being imposed upon you. You’re a passive receiver of the actions of your life and you make yourself feel better by mentally sinking further into your helplessness. This simple imperative—CHOOSE—is the word I settled upon because I can apply it in every situation. Feeling frustrated by another person’s actions? Choose to see where your responsibility lies. Feeling that self-loathing creeping up? Choose compassion. Feeling like things aren’t going your way? Choose gratitude. Feeling vulnerable? Choose joy. Feeling like someone has slighted you? Choose forgiveness. Feeling trapped in your circumstance? Choose self-discovery and patience. Feeling uncomfortable in that yoga pose? Choose to stay there and embrace the discomfort. Living this way takes awareness. It takes recognition of unhealthy thought patterns. If you don’t know where to start with this, I recommend reading [Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592408419/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592408419&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=7e62342653a6360af8604242b1ebbc61&ref=chelseakimlong.com)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chelseakimlon-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1592408419) by Brene Brown, listening to [this podcast by Rob Bell](https://robbell.podbean.com/e/episode-7-changing-the-tapes/?ref=chelseakimlong.com), or finding a cognitive-behavioral therapist. I am not a victim. Every second of every day, I have a choice. And so, every day in 2017, I will remind myself of this. CHOOSE. *(Disclosure: This post contains an affliate link.)* ### My Body Betrays Me URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/my-body-betrays-me/ Last updated: 2023-08-10T13:40:00.000Z written December 2016 This has been a year of great growth for me. I dove into the Enneagram and learned so much about myself through identifying myself as a type 1\. I walked through the 12 steps of AA with my faith community. I studied Richard Rohr’s book **[Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1118303598/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1118303598&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=e086c5fe28e7aa9b23532064001ae15b&ref=chelseakimlong.com)** with a dear friend, unpacking the ideas of the true self vs. the ego, transcending morality and duality. In yoga I practiced over and over uniting mind, body, and breath. This year has been full of learning to look within and sit with my experience. I desire to lead others into wholeness and freedom as they see and accept themselves for who they are. This is the process: we seek truth and accept what we find. Only when we allow ourselves to see does the healing process begin. Pain is inherent to the journey, but wholeness is a worthy goal. > Pain is inherent to the journey, but wholeness is a worthy goal. I learned recently through my yoga practice that I feel betrayed by my body. When I was pregnant, I read book after book on natural childbirth. They went on about how women have given birth since the beginning of time and how our bodies were designed to give birth. *Birth is empowering,* they said. *Don’t let any doctor take that experience away from you,* they said. *Any medical intervention is robbing you of joy,* they said. And then, after two days of natural labor at home and eight hours in the hospital, I was confronted with the reality that despite my best efforts and the fact that I had done everything I could, I would be having a c-section. I have never felt less empowered, less in control, less proud than in that moment. My body had betrayed me. With that came a deep sense of failure and shame—feelings of being less than other women who have successfully had the birth that they dreamed of. In life, we have our ideals, and then reality often slaps us in the face. This season has taught me most of all that I cannot let the fact that I’m not having the experience I wanted rob me of the experience I am having. I felt my body betray me again when I had a miscarriage nine days before my 28th birthday. Miscarriage is so common, and, in fact, out of the ten women that I’m closest to in the world, half of them have experienced miscarriage. My miscarriage felt confusing. I had a seven-month-old baby that I had just sleep-trained. The light at the end of the tunnel was coming closer. And then, I found myself crying with that positive pregnancy test in my hands. I was angry and sad and not ready. I was relieved that the conversations my husband and I had constantly about timing of our next child would cease. I wondered—who will this baby be? I felt excitement—my children will grow up so close to one another. I went to the first appointment, and there was no heartbeat. I went back two weeks later and still, no heartbeat. I was devastated, but it also felt something like a weight lifted and I felt guilty. I cancelled my birthday party that year and felt nauseous and shell-shocked for months. And now. Betrayal comes on like a monthly rhythm as I treat my body well and give it exercise and supplements and play my part. Yet infertility plagues me and each month reminds me that my body isn’t doing what it’s meant to do. Lack of control is my constant lesson. All I can do in this season is stay faithful to hope. I can name the lies, set them free, and replace them with truth. I can weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. I can set boundaries that help me stay healthy. I can treat my body kindly and speak affirming words over myself. I can offer solidarity to other women. I can stay very present with my son and husband and try to love them well and be loved by them. I can allow myself and others to hold conflicting truths in tension. This season is excruciating and joyful and everything in between, and there is richness in the experience that I am having. *Disclosure: This post contains an affliate link.* ### Yoga and My Christian Faith URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/yoga-and-my-christian-faith/ Last updated: 2023-05-19T18:16:37.000Z **Recently I’ve come across a realization.** > For my whole life, my Christian faith has told me what to do. Over the past six and a half years, yoga has taught me how to do it. Christianity told me to take every thought captive. Yoga taught me mindfulness. Christianity told me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Yoga taught me how to transform my body and mind by meditation in motion. Christianity told me do not worry. Yoga taught me how to breathe in a way that calms my fight or flight response. Christianity told me that my body is a temple. Yoga taught me how to pray with my whole body. Christianity told me to love my neighbor as myself. Yoga taught me how to know, accept, and love myself so that I can love others well. Christianity told me to pray without ceasing. Yoga taught me to clear space so that prayers could flow more effortlessly through me. ![Yoga](https://storage.ghost.io/c/43/a9/43a9bfe2-3aa9-4a40-8bf6-2232f720d198/content/images/2023/05/2017-09-16-09.10.50.JPG) ## Is yoga "redeemable"? Many years ago I read an article by a well-known and (then) well-respected pastor. The framework he used when discussing different aspects of culture through a Christian lens was “receive, redeem, reject.” Through a lengthy article, he completely rejected yoga, even going so far as to say, “…a faithful Christian can no more say they are practicing yoga for Jesus than they can say they are committing adultery for Jesus.” ([source](https://web.archive.org/web/20111104235628/http://pastormark.tv/2011/11/02/christian-yoga-its-a-stretch)) I remember reading that and having a hard time. Here was someone who I respected and saw as a spiritual leader and authority, and frankly, whose opinion mattered to me. I couldn’t help but feel conflicted because I had found yoga to be an incredible path to connection with God and I was completely comfortable, spiritually, as a Christian, with my practice. This pastor wasn’t isolated in his thinking. In fact, A [2011 survey](http://www.pewforum.org/2011/06/22/global-survey-of-evangelical-protestant-leaders/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) of global, Evangelical Protestant leaders revealed that 92% of the 2,196 surveyed believe that “engaging in yoga as a spiritual practice…\[is\] not compatible with evangelicalism.” ## Yoga: My dirty little secret Yoga became somewhat of a dirty little secret. I could practice, and find amazing connection with God through it, as long as I was cautious about who knew. When asked, I was very careful to tell people that I practiced yoga to empty myself for the sake of filling myself with the Holy Spirit. I tuned out any kind of yogic philosophy that was taught during my classes. Living in California, yoga was much more acceptable in Christian culture, but I had many friends admit to me that they feel this way in more conservative places in the US. Richard Rohr has a helpful metric for trying to come to spiritual truth. It is a 3-pronged approach combining scripture, tradition, and inner experience. He says, “Scripture as validated by experience, and experience as validated by tradition, are good scales for one’s spiritual worldview.” [I’ve talked before](http://chelseakimlong.com/playing-the-heretic-card/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) about how I used to believe that I had to deny my inner experience if it clashed with tradition or the opinion of spiritual authorities. As I’ve been able to see beyond the past seventy-some years of American evangelicalism, I’ve been able to embrace the long tradition of my faith and, yes, even the recognition that God’s truth was self-evident on earth long before Jesus came to embody Christ (see John 1, Colossians 1, Romans 1). I have found it helpful to remember that all truth is God’s truth. > The history of Christian meditation and contemplative practice stretches all the way back to the beginning of the church. ## My study of the Bible and yogic philosophy As I’ve studied some of the yogic philosophy throughout my 200-hour yoga teacher training, I’ve been fascinated to discover some of the resonance between my faith and this philosophy. The Yoga Sutras is one of the classical texts for yogic philosophy. According to Sutra 1.2, “Yoga is the ability to direct the mind exclusively toward an object and sustain that direction without any distractions.” Isn’t that the goal of my Christian faith as well? Hebrews 12:1-2 comes to mind. Some will cite 1 Corinthians 8 saying that we shouldn’t engage in practices that might cause others to stumble or be confused. I think this is a valid point, and I would invite anyone to ask me personally to share the fruit of the Spirit that has been borne out of my yoga practice beyond the examples listed above. For those concerned about the “pagan roots” of yoga, consider your celebration of Christmas with a tree inside your home or the decoration of eggs at Easter, which are both known to have pagan roots. I’ve found it extremely helpful and beautiful over the past few months to gain a deeper understanding of the roots of yoga. I learned that the earliest yoga poses were all seated postures to enable practitioners to sit in meditation for longer periods of time. I am so thankful that I have found a spiritual practice that enables me to be in a meditative state that engages mind, body, and soul. It’s okay if everyone is not comfortable with it, but for me, it has greatly enriched my spiritual life and I’m excited to be able to use teaching yoga as a way to help others along on their path. ### Guest Post: Connecting to Your Insides URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/connecting-to-your-insides/ Last updated: 2016-11-19T13:47:31.000Z *I met Jeniece about 3 years ago at the church I was attending at the time. I spotted her a few rows ahead of me and, no lie, thought to myself, “She looks like Taylor Swift and I want to be friends with her.” I somehow managed to weasel my way into a coffee date with her and I remember sitting at her kitchen table sharing our stories, hers of getting pregnant way before she wanted to and mine of having to wait longer than I wanted to. Jeniece has walked through some tough times and has come out so wise and full of joy. I asked her to write on her experience with soul-care, and I’m excited for you to soak in her words today. If you want to read more from her, visit her here: [http://jenharris.squarespace.com/](http://jenharris.squarespace.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)* • “It’s what’s on the inside that matters most” – Proverb When I think of soul care, I think of taking care of my insides. However, I am not against admitting that a hot stone massage and a gingerbread latte can mend a sad heart. Soul care takes a fair amount of deep work. It takes a daily awareness of self, taking care of your heart and soul begins with awareness. Being present with oneself is the best way to get to know the condition of your insides. Being present, hearing yourself and stopping yourself as needed. Digging into the awful thought you had about your neighbor. Throwing a red flag up when you feel your insides are in knots. Digging in and telling the truth. My husband Drew and I got in a fight the other day about something very small. I was wearing his beloved baseball hat when he asked me not to (multiple times!). It was a clear-cut desire of his that I completely disregarded. I ended up being nasty about it and becoming angry towards him. I did a quick “self-scan” in the middle of our talk and figured out I was empty and needed to be filled up. I was feeling unloved and alone and this was not about the hat at all. I had a long, hard week and I needed some soul care, some filling up. I wasn’t able to have a healthy conversation because I was completely empty. The ability to communicate what is going on inside takes practice, self-connection and care. Practice soul care by doing “self-scans.” I do a self-scan multiple times a day as I close my eyes and run my hands alongside my body. What do I need right now? How am I really doing? What’s going on inside? What is the next best choice for me? No shame, just the truth about where I’m at, what’s going on deeper. Self-connection provides rootedness and a deeper understanding and knowing of who you are. Asking yourself hard questions, celebrating yourself, speaking positively to yourself. Understanding you are valued, radiant, and created on purpose. Listening to the deepest desires of your heart and speaking up. Care. This is my favorite part of soul care. Care is literally protecting yourself. Physically, of course, but also much deeper. Is this good for me to say yes to this? What do I need most today? Taking a negative thought and covering it with 5 positive ones. All ways to protect your insides. This is your job. Taking care of your soul is something only you can do. Others who love you will only contribute to your journey to self-care, but they cannot define or lead it. Throwing yourself out into the world without a nurtured soul will leave you bruised and lost. Slow, genuine connection to your deepest self does not mean life will be easier, but you will be more present, more awake, eyes-widened to what God is doing in you and in others. While true soul care takes a lot of time and intention, living at the surface takes even more work. Surface living is unsatisfying, so there is always more to chase; truly exhausting. Soul living, on the other hand, is fulfilling and enough. It’s grace-filled and peaceful and connected. I wish for you a true connection to who you are and how you feel. I pray you treat yourself with the upmost amount of love and respect. I hope you cry when you need and laugh hysterically with your best girlfriends. I hope you understand that pleasing people and asking them for validation will leave you exhausted. I pray you can know how valued you are. Your mind is beautiful, your heart is meant to be protected and shared. I pray you are surrounded by men and woman who see you for the beautiful insides you possess. I hope that you can trust that you are loved, even when you feel unlovable and messy. I hope you take in the scent of roses and stare out at the ocean. I hope your favorite music is on and candles are flickering peacefully; and when that’s not happening, I pray you still feel rooted in who you are, cherished, adored and loved. ### What the Church Gave Me URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/what-the-church-gave-me/ Last updated: 2025-08-10T18:50:37.000Z One of my main goals in writing is to help people recognize and embrace the complexity of life by moving out of dualistic thinking. In these past few weeks of writing publicly on very personal topics, it’s been fascinating what people reflect back to me about themselves by way of their responses to my writing. A few things: - Although I have “left” the Evangelical Church, I’m still very much a part of Christian community. In the future I plan to write more about the type of church experience I’ve chosen going forward and what it means to me. - Just because I’ve had negative experiences with the church, it doesn’t mean I think all Christians are bad or that I have ill will toward any specific church. It also doesn’t invalidate your personal experiences with the church. Lastly, it doesn’t mean that I haven’t had positive experiences with the church. We must learn to hold conflicting truths in tension. Here’s a short list of what the church has given me throughout my life, and for these things I am deeply grateful. There’s so much more I could say, but my faith is so foundational to me that I’m sure there are things that I can’t even recognize because I take them for granted. The Evangelical Church raised me, and for that reason, it will always be a part of me. The truth is that I don’t know myself apart from this paradigm, apart from my faith. I never wanted to leave the church, leave my faith, and I’m fighting like hell to hold on. I’m asking for grace and I’m trying to offer hope to those who feel the same way that I do. • The church gave me a place to belong from as young as I can remember. A second home, a safe haven. I grew up in a huge church and knew that building like the back of my hand. The church gave me exemplary, model parents. The church gave me a sense of mystery, reverence, and awe. The church gave me an expansive view of family and deep appreciation for community. The church gave me almost all of my best friends in this world. The church gave me game nights where I laughed until I cried. The church gave me opportunities to travel and gain a global perspective and appreciation for other cultures. Later, the church gave me eyes to see how God is worshiped all around the world and helped me enlarge the container where I held God. The church gave me meals in hard times and arms to hold my new baby. The church gave me prayers and hopeful words to remember in tough times. The church gave me mentors who deeply influenced my life. The church gave me casseroles and salads with no lettuce in them. The church gave me leadership opportunities and safe spaces to grow into confidence. The church gave me sleepovers and staying up all night baring our souls. The church gave me a purpose and a belief that I could contribute to the world in a positive way. The church gave me all of my core values: community, loyalty, truth, responsibility. • ## It doesn’t have to be either/or. It can be both/and. ### I Didn’t Want This to be my Story URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/i-didnt-want-this-to-be-my-story/ Last updated: 2023-08-10T13:39:23.000Z written November 2016 *Note: It feels strange, today, in the aftermath of the election, to post about something other than what’s going on in our country. One powerful way we can change and heal the division we see is by sharing our stories with vulnerability and connecting heart to heart. As we learn the pain that each person carries, we grow in empathy and compassion for one another.* I walked into the season of childbearing so naïve. It feels like much about motherhood is on a “need to know” basis. Before I wanted to have children, it appeared to me that everyone got pregnant exactly when they wanted to. I always heard these charming little stories about how people got pregnant the first time they tried. “You better be ready,” they said. “You could get pregnant from the first month you try.” **I didn’t want to have to wait 6 months to get pregnant the first time.** When you’re trying to get pregnant, it feels like the whole world is pregnant. When you finally do get pregnant, people love to give advice and opinions. This is your initiation: moms love to share their birth and baby horror stories. You start to learn the nitty-gritty things that you never knew existed and you start to prepare yourself. **I didn’t want to go through 56 hours of labor that ended in an emergency c-section.** But there’s still a deeper layer that I wish I would have known. This is the true “need to know.” I watched a few friends walk through postpartum and thought, *man, that looks hard on them. It won’t be that hard for me; I’ve already gone through hard things.* **I didn’t want to suffer from Postpartum Depression that extended long beyond the “fourth trimester.”** Motherhood, for me, has been a continual exercise in a lack of control. Just when I think I’ve got it down, it throws me for a loop. It’s brutal. I grow, but in fits and starts. Motherhood hasn’t come easily, like I imagined it would. **I didn’t want to accidentally get pregnant again when my son was 7 months old and then find out we lost the baby 6 weeks later.** I expected the joy of motherhood. I soak it up. I bask in it. The simple pleasure of watching my child play from across the room. The luxury of being home to care for him as he grows. I didn’t expect the pain, though. The darker side of this season was the missing element of the “need to know” and it’s knocked me down over and over as I’ve lived through the pain personally and walked through the pain with other mamas down in the dirt. Women amaze me. Look into the eyes of any woman you know and praise her for what she has endured and the way she is still standing strong today. **I didn’t want to be waiting sixteen months and counting to get pregnant again.** Wholeness, by definition, includes even the parts you don’t like. We don’t get to choose to only include the sunny, joyful moments. The entirety of who we are is exactly the sum of everything we’ve experienced. Although I’ve mostly been dragged through this season kicking and screaming, and I didn’t want this to be my story, this is my story. I’m learning to say, *yes, this is my story, and look how strong I am.* ### Playing the Heretic Card URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/playing-the-heretic-card/ Last updated: 2024-04-10T13:33:45.000Z This time popular author [Jen Hatmaker](https://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=6d12a6607d569a287e10d7fda3ca6944&camp=1789&creative=9325&index=books&keywords=jen%20hatmaker&ref=chelseakimlong.com) has thrown the white evangelical community into a frenzy with her recent interview affirming gay marriage. She must have prepared for this, but the fall out has been brutal. Jen has been torn apart and demeaned. She has been told she needs to pray and read her Bible more until she comes around (forget that there is Biblical scholarship and a growing number of Christians representing her point of view). She’s been told she’s being fooled and should go back to being the “HGTV Lady” (high-five to sexism—oh, poor Eve). And as the ultimate badge of honor for heretics, Lifeway has pulled her books from their shelves. I’m willing to bet that many other well-known Christian public figures share her view, but they don’t want to risk losing their livelihood. This is the perfect example of why I’ve preferred to keep my opinions to myself. I’ve been told my entire adult life that my convictions are not valid. Is it any wonder that I struggle to trust the voice of God in my life? What happens when something I feel deeply convicted about conflicts with something my pastor says? Growing up in the church I was told that I had direct access to God and could hear his voice, but does it only go so far? Of course, I was taught if God’s voice is telling you something contrary to the Bible (e.g., kill someone), then it shouldn’t be trusted. But there’s the rub. There’s a total lack of willingness to dialogue about what the Bible says, and even worse, we seem to be able to use the Bible to justify just about any kind of behavior. I will never forget when John Piper tweeted, “Farewell, Rob Bell” after he published his book [Love Wins](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062049658/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0062049658&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=cc26d0c55c2865a21c2006452b45502d&ref=chelseakimlong.com). It shook me to see someone so flippantly dismissed from the church for wanting to start a dialogue about the doctrine of Hell and the afterlife. Knowing stories like this, when we feel convicted in a certain way but loud voices outside are speaking out strongly in opposition to our convictions, our choices are few. 1. Speak out from our deep convictions and risk being labeled as a heretic and dragged through the mud, losing friends and followers along the way. 2. Distrust our own inner convictions because someone in authority is saying otherwise. I understand the value of submitting to spiritual authority, but this can lead to a sheep mentality and in some cases spiritual abuse. *I believe something just because someone told me so and I will toe the line till the day I die.* It creates surface understanding of our faith, a lack of self-confidence, and the inability to trust the Holy Spirit’s voice in our lives. 3. Go underground with our opinions. We can stay in a place that preaches contrary to what we believe, but the cost is our splintered soul. This way of living is unsustainable in the long run and leads to great unhealth. 4. Walk away. This is what I talked about in my [three](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-1/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [part](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-2/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) [series](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-3/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)—we throw the baby out with the bath water. *They say I have to believe that, but I don’t, so I guess I don’t belong here.* This is what is happening. The people who love the church so much and will stick to their orthodoxy till the day they die—they’re killing the church. If everyone in my generation leaves the church, there will be no church in the next generation. Church, we’ve got to do better than this. Since when has the fruit of the spirit been defined by our doctrine? We’ve got to take the long view of history. Again, can we create just a tad more spaciousness here for a difference of opinion or interpretation? Let’s remember that not too long ago our very churches were endorsing and fighting for the ownership of slaves. Let’s remember that Jesus himself was labeled as a heretic for healing on the Sabbath, claiming to be God, and declaring that salvation was not only for the Jews. Church, what are we so afraid of? Why are we so threatened by ideas that are different from our own? We do our children a disservice by not teaching them that other people might believe differently than us. This is not how the world operates. It’s shocking when we step outside and realize that other people have different views of the world. We are utterly unprepared to face that reality. If all truth is God’s truth, then it is inherent no matter what “[heresies](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/frankviola/heretic/?ref=chelseakimlong.com)” we are exposed to. My prayer is for less reactivity in our conversations, less attachment to our views on the minor league issues, and more room for love, grace, and peace. *Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links.* ### Soul-care Over Self-care URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/soul-care-over-self-care/ Last updated: 2016-10-26T20:37:36.000Z “You know how on an airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, and then help the people around you? Self-care is kind of like that. You gotta put your own mask on first.” I sit across the kitchen table from another mama friend, one who has been through the ringer with four kids six and under. We talk about finding balance, making time for ourselves, and focusing on what’s in front of us. This message is important for everyone, but I think most people take self-care for granted until after they become a parent, so now the idea of self-care feels almost exclusive to mothers. For a year and a half after having a child, I believed that I was engaging in self-care. I would wander around Target solo or read a book while slowly sipping a Starbucks mocha and even spring for the occasional massage. I was taking care of myself—at least, on the surface. When I had a moment away, I opted to catch a fleeting moment of superficial peace than to dive down and fight for something deeper. I chose to distract myself because facing the reality of my soul felt overwhelming. I was logging in enough hours of self-care, yet I constantly faced stress, feelings of overwhelm, resentment toward my family, and general disappointment in life. Any time you’re trying to numb your pain, it can only work for so long. If you’re drowning with no oxygen, you’re going to pull everyone around you down with you. This is why you’ll hear me talk often about soul-care, but not as much about self-care. You can engage in all the self-care in the world, but you’ll still be run ragged if you can’t drop down deep into your *soul* and ask yourself what you need. What do you need? Don’t trust your first answer. What do you need? Drop down a level. What do you need? You don’t need to waste an hour and $50 on another Target run. *What do you need?* You might need therapy and some antidepressants (gulp!). You might need to meditate. You might need to sit down with your journal and let yourself write out all the things that have been living in your head but that you’ve been afraid to see in ink on paper. You definitely need to give yourself permission to feel the way that you feel. This is the last thing I want to do when I already feel overwhelmed by my life, and I fought it for over a year. It feels counterintuitive, but here’s the truth: ## The very things that you’re avoiding are causing you the most pain. What do you need? Yes, I’m sure you need a shower and a glass of wine, too. It’s good to take care of your self. But it means nothing if you don’t take care of your soul. ### Rules of Engagement on Social Media URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/rules-of-engagement-on-social-media/ Last updated: 2016-10-20T10:56:51.000Z A few weeks ago, a dear friend posted an honest question on Facebook about a controversial topic. I had some thoughts on the matter and took a quick glance at the existing comments on her post. Immediately my defenses rose and I noticed my anger level spiking as I saw the comments and links shared there. I quickly started to type out a response of my own but then I stopped and thought about the two ways the scenario could play out. **Option one**—I comment and put myself out there even though I’m going against the tide of the other commenters. More and more commenters pile on and I feel horrible and judged simply for trying to share my opinion. I feel justified in my side, they feel justified in theirs, and we learn nothing. We all walk away feeling a little more angry and a little more self-righteous. **Option two** (*spoiler alert, I chose this option*)—I click out of Facebook and engage this dear friend on a personal level via text message and see where it goes. I trust her heart in it and share mine with her, and we learn and grow together because of the relationship that we have. I don’t have expectations for the conversation that I initiate with her. We both leave the conversation a bit lighter and with food for thought. • Maybe you shouldn’t trust me on the topic of social media. I did just return from a nine month hiatus. For what it’s worth, though, here’s my advice for engaging on social media. ## Just. Don’t. Ha. Wouldn’t that be nice? Here are a few rules of engagement I’ll humbly submit: 1. Think twice before posting. You absolutely have every right to post whatever you want. But does that mean you should? We can rise above our impulses and think about the effect that our words may have. For a long time my pendulum has swung far toward opting to have real life conversations over Facebook discussions. 2. Related to 1: Engage people on a personal, one-on-one, basis. Ask yourself, am I posting this in hopes of it reaching one specific person? The more courageous and effective course of action would be to engage that person privately. You know what doesn’t change anyone’s mind? Spitting “facts” and “sources” back and forth on the Internet. You know what sometimes does? Sharing stories from the heart with vulnerability and giving honest perspectives. 3. Practice non-attachment. We are not what we think about something. Read that again. You are NOT what you think about something. You’re so much more than your opinion. Can you think of any of your opinions that have changed over time? Hold them a bit more loosely. When someone attacks something you say or thinks differently, you don’t have to be threatened because that idea is not you. 4. Remember that you’re the curator. Of course, you don’t want to create an echo chamber on your newsfeed full of people who completely agree with you. However, you have every right to unfollow. You can stop listening to any voice you don’t want to hear at any time. I think we forget that we have that control because we are constantly barraged with information. You can turn it off. 5. Related to 5: Commenting a really good zinger and unfollowing someone on social media is not taking a stand. How are you really taking a stand? Letting people know you disagree with them doesn’t show your true convictions. What honest to goodness work are you doing to make the world a better place? What opinions actually cost you something? The world doesn’t change from behind our keyboards. I have very conflicted feelings about social media. It has connected people in ways never possible, but at the same time has revealed more division than ever before. If I’m being totally honest, Facebook terrifies me. People feel okay about tearing total strangers to shreds on the Internet. Sometimes I feel up to facing the criticism; other times I don’t. But like I’ve said before, fear is not my master. I’ve learned to set boundaries with when and how I engage with social media to keep a healthy relationship with it. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments on how you engage with social media! ### Resentment is Not a Place to Live URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/resentment-is-not-a-place-to-live/ Last updated: 2016-10-13T08:11:06.000Z These days, I’m reminded of another historic exodus. If my generation were the Israelites in the time of Moses, I suspect many of us would camp at a place named Resentment. I have always resonated strongly with the story of the Israelites coming out of Egypt—forgetting God’s faithfulness days after being rescued, finding things to complain about each step of the way, choosing stubbornness over trust. They wandered around the desert for 40 years covering a span of ground that could have taken them 11 days. They camped at Marah (“bitterness”), the Wilderness of Sin, Meribah (“strife”) and 40-some other places, many named for the events that occurred there. • I understand the desire to camp out in resentment. Resentment makes you feel safe as you build the fortress around your heart. Each blow that comes only serves to strengthen your resolve to build your wall higher. Each incident adds to the file folder of hurts and bruises and leaves you feeling more justified in your negativity. This is how I lived for some time, building my case against the Church. There’s a difference between anger and resentment. Anger is a fleeting emotion that arises in reaction to something. Resentment is the **choice** to dwell on your anger. Resentment literally translates from the Latin roots as “to feel again.” Think about it. When you’re in resentment, you are willfully conjuring up negative emotions and stewing in them. Anger can be used for good, to spur you to act. Resentment is a trap. It’ll keep you isolated as long as you let it. It’ll bury your good intentions with hate. The AA Big Book says, “For when harboring such feelings \[of resentment\] we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.” Hear me when I say this: **Resentment is not a place to live.** Camp there for a time if you have to, but at some point you must learn to turn away from the negative and seek the positive. This is deep, hard, soul work. Here’s what I had to do. I didn’t look at Facebook or Twitter for nine months. Those comment sections just boiled my blood, and so I decided, I’m just not going to look until I feel ready to see it and not let it personally affect me. That took nine months and lots of introspection. Set some hard boundaries. Most likely, you already know what you need to do. If you don’t, start paying attention. What sets you off? Make a clean break, even if it’s just for a trial period. I’m going to make another suggestion. Sit down with nothing but a piece of paper and a pen and spill it out. *These are the people/institutions I resent. This is what they did to me. This is how it affected me.* And after that? Give yourself the space to consider the ways in which *you’ve wronged those same people.* Start to set yourself—and others—free. This process might take some time. Give yourself the time. Sit in the mud. This is setting up the groundwork for the trajectory of your emotional health. And when you’ve sat in that space and you’re ready, then get out into the world. What are the things that make your heart break? What do you see that just burns you up inside? Find an organization that is working toward the realities that you dream of seeing and jump in. Start your own movement. Go toward the good. Stop bashing what you hate, and instead lift up what you love. Whatever it is, please, just consider this: it’s time to pack up your camp and move out of resentment. ### The Millennial Exodus and Me, Part 3 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-3/ Last updated: 2022-02-23T16:41:26.000Z Those months after I left the church, I felt unanchored; adrift. Growing up in the Evangelical Christian tradition, I heard criticism of the Jews (“They were too attached to their religious structure so they missed out on Jesus”) and the Catholics (“They think they need a priest to gain access to God; we have direct access to him”). What I realized after I stepped away from my structure, however, was that we’re just the same. Once I left the church, I realized that not only had I been looking to it to provide me with the avenues through which I would experience God but also what an experience with God should look like. I get it; it’s human nature to crave belonging and it feels so good to have a place that’s yours. For me, however, it came to a point where, if I was going to be true to my experience, I had to stand up and say, “HEY! These people don’t speak for me.” The people who would drop their sponsorship of needy children because of a disagreement with a theological issue affecting the HR policies of a company. The people who marginalize their black brothers and sisters by declaring that true Christians can only vote one way. The people who are so attached to their structure and so fearful of its dismantling that they’re willing to throw their weight behind a political candidate who truly does not stand for anything that they believe in. They’re not me. They don’t speak for me. It’s extremely reductionist to say that every single person in every single church is like that, and it’s not what I’m saying. I think that’s why it’s hard to tell stories like this. My objection is to the big structure, the machine, the voting bloc that the Evangelical Church has become. It’s a cultural institution that’s largely known for what it’s against instead of what it’s for. Individual people may be different, but if you ask people on the street what they think of when you say “Christians,” how do you think they would answer? I understand that there is more than one way to affect change to a structure. Some people are able to do that from the inside. Some people leave one church and go to one that feels more like it fits their vibe. For me, I needed to step totally outside of that specific expression of church in order to examine it fully and find my place within the global church. It’s not necessarily comfortable outside of the structure. There’s a certain amount of grief that comes with this decision. I never wanted to stop believing in Jesus or to feel pushed out of the structure that was safe for me. I find myself searching for people who make me feel like I’m not crazy. I have found some, and that brings me solace, but I’m being careful not to just jump from one “club” to another simply to feel safe. I haven’t lost my faith. I have so much hope for the future of the American church and my place in it. I’m working my faith out authentically in the company of a solid community of trusted friends and mentors. I’m finally ready to stop looking backward at how the church failed me and forward to what God has for me. A bigger movement is forming in our culture—one that is working hard to honor God in their own way. It’s the same as it has always been: small steps with faith. Mostly, I’m just desperate to tell my generation this: ## If you want in, you’re in. Despite your doubts or fuzzy theological beliefs, if you still love Jesus and feel compelled by his story, there’s space for you in his church. **We still belong in the church.** They need us even if it feels like they don’t want us. Click to read [**Part 1**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-1/) or [**Part 2**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-2/). ### The Millennial Exodus and Me, Part 2 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-2/ Last updated: 2022-02-23T16:37:40.000Z *Click here for [Part 1](http://chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-1/?ref=chelseakimlong.com).* For many years, what kept me inside the church was my core community. After I got married and moved to California, I started attending a church that I loved. I jumped in from day one, volunteering on the welcome team and eventually meeting my support system for the four years that we lived in Orange County. At the time I joined, I loved the pastor. The church itself held basically mainstream theology as far as nondenominational churches go, but this pastor felt more progressive on many social issues. In this church, I felt safe theologically but also had the freedom to explore issues more deeply on my own. Living on the west coast gave me the benefit of a more liberal Christian culture in which I still had safe boundaries but felt a wider berth to question. God brought into my life an amazing group of people who I shared life with over the course of three years. We formed an incredible bond and walked through weddings, births, significant health scares, new career directions, marital issues, and everything else life threw at us. At different points throughout that time, my husband and I had six different members of our small group living in our house. This group became my chosen family. However, through the course of those three years, the pastor we loved left our church and we went through a long period of transition until finally hiring a new head pastor. For most of us in our small group, the reason we stayed at the church was each other. When the dust settled, many in our group had begun to move in different life directions. I had became a mother during that time, a change that prompted me to inspect every inch of my life and values. I looked around and saw a church filled with people who I didn’t recognize and a place that wasn’t mine anymore. This is the specific church that I non-dramatically left when I “left the church.” After ceasing to identify with the Evangelical Church, I saw many things that I was unable to see from the inside. One of the main things I realized is that I and so many other people viewed church as a club. If you like knitting, you join the knitting club. If you like Harry Potter, you join the Harry Potter club. If you hold a certain set of beliefs about the way the world works and what’s good or evil, you join the Christian club. Here’s the problem, though—if you stop identifying with the thing that the club identifies with, you no longer belong to the club. At the same time much of this was happening to me, I watched one of my best friends dismantle her Christian faith brick by brick. On many of the social and theological issues I felt that her view mirrored mine. We both had problems with things we had heard in church and the way that the church presented itself in the culture in general. Her questions got me thinking. What is it that separates me from her? Why do we reach the same conclusions about the issues, yet she’s abandoning it and I’m holding on for dear life? Despite differences in upbringing, personality, and location, the questions we had were the same. What are we supposed to do when we don’t believe many of the things we were always told were true? What do we do when the worldview we were working with doesn’t work for us anymore? **[Click here for Part 1](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-1/) or [click here for Part 3](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-3/)!** ### The Millennial Exodus and Me, Part 1 URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-1/ Last updated: 2024-10-01T21:15:47.000Z *Note: In writing this, I recognize that there’s no way to not over generalize. I deeply love and respect many people who still identify with the church and am so grateful for the upbringing that I had. I acknowledge that there are many experiences, and I want to humbly share mine, to put a friendly face on this generation that is fleeing the church.* Almost two years ago, without any announcement or fanfare, I left the Evangelical Church. It sounds dramatic, but it really was a mundane decision—“Let’s not go to church today.” One Sunday turned into a few months and a realization that, hey, we don’t go to that church anymore. We spent some time half-heartedly visiting other churches nearby, but I realized that every time I stepped into a church, I felt lonely and out of place. This was mind-blowing to me, as a child of the youth group heyday. Throughout most of my childhood I was at church three to four times a week. How could I, the quintessential “church girl” feel left out in church culture? Why, when I looked around in the church, was I not seeing my tribe anymore? Why was it that even though we professed to believe the same things and love the same God, our lives, values and opinions seemed so different? Piece by piece it came to me over months of reflection. • My exodus from the church started in 2008\. Obama was running for President, and I was a junior in college. I was young, excited and able to vote for the first time, and I was 100% sold on the hope that Barack Obama was proffering. I wore Obama campaign buttons on my messenger bag and attended campaign events featuring Donald Miller. The response that I got from my beloved church that I attended at the time was that it wasn’t acceptable to support Obama and be a Christian. One Sunday, a woman in my church handed me copied pages of an article from the magazine *Christianity Today* about why abortion is wrong. She assumed that because of my support of Obama, I must support the right to choose. Another person I respect sent me a Facebook message quoting verses from the Old Testament about how God judged a political leader named Manasseh for massacring babies and that the United States would be judged in the same way if we didn’t overturn Roe v. Wade. As far as being pro-life, I actually agreed with both of them, but it seemed that neither of them wanted to ask me what I thought and instead sent me the implicit message that is often unwittingly sent by the church: ## “If you think this, you don’t belong here.” I desperately wanted to belong there. I had always belonged there; church had been a second home to me for my entire life. There was nothing in me that wanted to leave the church, yet I found myself in a situation where I felt like the people who I wanted didn’t want me. I felt like I had to choose between being true to myself or staying inside the Evangelical framework. [**Find Part 2 here!**](https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-millenial-exodus-and-me-part-2/) ### CKL Book Recs: Systemic Racism URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/ckl-book-recs-systemic-racism/ Last updated: 2016-09-28T11:50:14.000Z Maybe you’ve heard the concept of systemic racism being talked about recently. Maybe you have no idea what people are referring to when they say it. Maybe you’re all about the Black Lives Matter movement. Maybe you see it as a violent hate group. I think it’s safe to say that we all have seen stories surrounding race in the news that make us uncomfortable, sad, angry, or disturbed. I’ve spent the last six months looking for ways to become informed, enter the conversation, and help resource people to learn more about what is going on in our country. Here are a few resources that I have discovered. One great book to start with is [Between the World and Me](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812993543/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0812993543&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=44e15fc7c6a5a285d75223f9aa91efaf&ref=chelseakimlong.com)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chelseakimlon-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0812993543) by Ta-Nehisi Coates. I read this book a year ago and again this summer with my book club. We foster understanding by hearing the stories of people with different experiences than our own. I’ve been intentionally listening and searching out works written by Black Americans to help me empathize with their experiences. This book is a quick read and paints a picture of growing up black in the United States. The second book I’ve read recently that opened my eyes is [The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1595586431/ref=as%5Fli%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1595586431&linkCode=as2&tag=chelseakimlon-20&linkId=645913bb100921bb9b378273c341ea53&ref=chelseakimlong.com)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chelseakimlon-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1595586431) by Michelle Alexander. This book is dense with historical information regarding the racist systems that have existed in our nation from the beginning. She argues that the current state of mass incarceration is the most recent iteration of systemic racism designed to keep black and brown Americans down. If you’re interested in a visual introduction to the content you’ll find in Michelle Alexander’s book, please watch [this](http://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000004642370/jay-z-the-war-on-drugs-is-an-epic-fail.html?bt%5Fapp%5Fmember%5Fid=bd808cc0a35e3bb0b1020d178f79ae4f&bt%5Fts=55962&ref=chelseakimlong.com) brilliant new video by the New York Times. Minimally, take four minutes to watch this video and see if it piques your interest. If you want more information, check out the book. Lastly, I’ve found two great points of entry into this conversation. The first is a Christian organization called [Be the Bridge](http://beabridgebuilder.com/?ref=chelseakimlong.com). Their website states their mission, which is to “Inspire the church to have a distinctive and transformative response to racial division \[and\] to be present and intentional towards racial reconciliation.” They have helpful resources to equip people who wish to be bridge builders for racial unity. The second group is a national organization called [Showing Up for Racial Justice](http://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/?ref=chelseakimlong.com) (SURJ). This organization works to help equip white Americans who want to become involved in the fight for racial justice in the United States. I recently found my local SURJ chapter and have been so impressed at the practical, quality information presented during the bi-weekly workshops. Although they are not a specifically faith-based organization, they do have a [Faith Action Kit](http://www.showingupforracialjustice.org/faith%5Faction%5Fkit?ref=chelseakimlong.com) dedicated to providing information that is helpful and relevant for people of faith. I hope something here is helpful for you. You’re certainly entitled to your own opinion on this topic, but I urge you to dig deep and explore the issue for yourself. I would love your recommendations for other books or resources you’ve found to be helpful. *(Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links).* ### The Trouble With Fear URL: https://www.chelseakimlong.com/the-trouble-with-fear/ Last updated: 2016-09-29T11:11:49.000Z For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a writer. From a young age I poured my heart out into my journal on a daily basis. From junior high on, I’ve been a blogger. Back in the day, the Internet was like the Wild Wild West. I wrote publicly on Open Diary, Xanga, Tumblr, and WordPress.com at different points, and I even had a stint posting vlogs on Youtube. All the while, I wrote in my journal and drew inspiration from those pages. Over the years I’ve blogged for different reasons and audiences, and I watched as the Internet grew and shifted and became what it is today. Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. I stopped journaling five years ago, and I’ve jokingly referred to this period as “the lost years.” The reasons why are complicated and varied, but it’s only in the past six months that I’ve seen how negatively it has affected me. I’ve always used journaling as the place where I could be brutally honest, the place where I processed the deepest parts of my life. Writing, for me, was a contemplative, sacred act. I knew that if I wasn’t willing to journal about something, I wasn’t truly willing to face it. I stopped blogging two years ago. The obvious reason is because I had a baby. Becoming a mom completely undid me and caused me to question every single thing about myself. The hardest thing for me about being a mom and a creative—to this day—is the struggle to enter into “flow,” that work state where you’re just rolling and inspiration is crackling as your race to keep up. Life was so fragmented, and all I could do was the next thing in front of my face, put out the next fire. When I did get time away, it felt painful to actually engage with what was happening in my soul, so I pushed it down further. I opted to shutter parts of myself that were crying out for attention because they felt too scary to deal with. It felt easier to catch a fleeting moment of superficial peace than to dive down and fight for something deeper. Ultimately, I stopped blogging because I stopped feeling safe. The Internet seemed so hostile. I saw lives torn apart because of a single tweet, much less a blog post or vlog. I feared that if I revealed my inner world, friends and strangers alike would judge me, and I felt too vulnerable to subject myself to that criticism. Words like audience and engagement, likes and comments, platform and SEO optimization pressured me. I felt like a cliché—another mom blogger in the Donald Miller era of Story Brand. So I stopped. I let fear rule me at the expense of my soul. The thing about following fear is that it might make you feel safe in the short run, but it will never lead you to where you want to go. I’m trying something that feels new but that I used to know. I’m following my heart to find out where that takes me. I’m returning to this sacred practice of writing, this brave act of pouring my heart out onto the public page. I’m reclaiming my identity as a writer.