Breadcrumbs Episode 7: Trusting your Heart

This is the companion post to Episode 7 of Breadcrumbs, my behind-the-scenes series for paid subscribers. The full episode is available to paid subscribers after the paywall!

The Verse That Haunted Me

Chapter Seven of Faithfully Dissident Daughters is built around a verse that followed me for most of my life: Jeremiah 17:9 — "the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked." I was taught to distrust my own instincts, to outsource my decisions, to assume that what I wanted was probably wrong.

So I did what I was trained to do. I begged God to decide for me.

What I Found in My College Journals

I pulled out journals from my college years for this episode and I see that desperation right there on the page.

From my sophomore year: "We're in no hurry, God. We're content to linger in the path signposted with your decisions." I wanted God to post signs. I wanted someone, anyone, to just tell me which way to go.

A few years later, graduating college with no life plan beyond "maybe I'll get married and then I'll know what to do," I wrote God's voice back to myself: "It's not about you. You're just like Peter. You take one step out into the water and then you focus on your fears, your comfort, your needs, your desires."

Reading it now, I get emotional — not because it's wrong exactly, but because I can see how completely I had absorbed the idea that focusing on myself was the opposite of focusing on God. I wish I could go back and tell her: what you want and what God wants are not opposites. You have the wisdom to make decisions. You always did.

The Walk Around the Block

Last summer, my husband and I were at an impasse about whether to move our twins to a new school. I wanted to move them — there's a dual immersion Spanish program nearby and I felt strongly about it. He wanted to keep them where they were. All summer we went back and forth, tried pro/con lists, talked to friends. Nothing.

Finally, the last week of summer, I told him we needed to decide by the end of a walk around our neighborhood.

By the end of the walk, he said: "It seems like you feel really strongly about this. I'm willing to let you take the lead, even though it's not what I would choose."

And I told him: "It's really scary to be the one fully responsible for a decision. It would feel so much safer if we were making this together."

He heard me. And then he said: "That's leadership."

Spoiler: we moved them. It was a great school year. I'm really glad. But what stays with me isn't the outcome — it's that moment on the walk where I had to reckon with the fact that trusting yourself means being responsible for the result. That's still hard. It's also worth it.

You Know What to Do

I have those words tattooed on my wrist in Rebecca's handwriting. They're the counterweight to everything Jeremiah 17:9 made me believe about myself.

The Hebrew word translated as "deceitful" in that verse? It doesn't mean wicked. It means deep. Your heart isn't something to be feared and suppressed. It's something to be plumbed.

You know what to do.

The full Episode 7 of Breadcrumbs — including the college journals, the twins school story, the Rebecca tattoo, and the theological deep dive into Jeremiah 17:9 — is available to paid subscribers.

Faithfully Dissident Daughters publishes September 8, 2026 with Westminster John Knox Press. Pre-order here and get some fabulous pre-order bonuses.