Two years ago I started really focusing on embodiment. In spirituality, yes, and also in the ways I was interacting with my physical body on a daily basis.
Content warning...small-bodied person discussing diet culture and body image issues. Also, my musings are never meant as an indictment against the company I used to work for. I quit in December 2021 and the time since has helped me see the impact of wellness culture in general and working at that company specifically. These words are about that, my experience alone, and no reflection on my former employer or the intentions of anyone who still currently works there.
I stumbled backwards into an intuitive eating journey sometime last year.
In August 2022, I had been consistently working out for a year and still was dealing with lower belly pooch, feeling like I looked pregnant when relaxed. I sought out pelvic floor physical therapy to get my c-section scar assessed as well as my core engagement. My PT told me that I was underusing my low abs and transverse abdominis, and over using my upper abs and obliques, creating a gripping that exacerbated the pooch.
At one of my appointments I confessed to her that I felt weirdly guilty for caring what my stomach looked like, that I was failing at body positivity. She said something that changed my perspective.