Preparing for Postpartum After a Traumatic Birth

Updated September 2026

I wrote most of this post in 2017, while I was pregnant with twins, scheduled for a c-section, and determined not to repeat the postpartum experience I'd had after my first birth.

In my first pregnancy, I did very little to process and prepare for postpartum. I went in very unaware of the realities that might occur around birth trauma and the range of mental health issues that I might meet. Facing labor felt like a huge challenge, and I didn’t have much capacity to think beyond that.

The second time around, I knew from very early on that I would most likely choose to have a scheduled c-section, and I was able to take my mind off of the birth process, since I largely knew what to expect. I wrote this out in hopes that it would be helpful to see what it could look like to plan ahead of time for how to work through needs and challenges that may arise.

I'm republishing this because of a thread running through it that I couldn't see clearly when I wrote it. I was ashamed. Of the birth, and of my self. It took me a long time to work out the shame that had lived in my body long before my first pregnancy and labor experience.

Tell your partner and friends what you actually need

If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years, it’s that holding my thoughts and emotions inside does not serve anyone. It will always be scary to tell someone else my most vulnerable thoughts, but I’ve found that when I do, those closest to me are quick to support and affirm me. Healing begins simply from the act of speaking truth out loud, and it’s the best starting place.

I told my husband directly that most of my fears in my second pregnancy revolved around postpartum, and told him ways that he can help me feel supported in very concrete ways.

My close circle of friends includes a few doulas, a midwife, and a lactation consultant, so I’ve discussed a variety of topics with them. The hardest topic was how I struggled with feelings of inferiority because of my previous c-section and the fact that I’ve chosen to schedule a c-section with this pregnancy. As I opened up to my friends (the majority of whom had natural, unmedicated births), they were nothing but affirming, loving, and reminding me that birth is birth, and they honor my experience and choices.

Read your hospital records with someone who can explain them

This is the single most helpful thing I did.

A friend who’s a midwife offered to read through my hospital record from the night of my firstborn’s birth to help me remember and process what happened. I avoided the offer for a long time, but eventually decided to take her up on it.

We met with my doula and talked through the entire experience. My midwife friend read through the hospital records and explained what happened from a medical point of view. Hearing her say from that she would have come to the same conclusion as my doctor in this scenario — that there were no other options left for me besides a c-section — helped me to feel more peace about what did happen and let go of the residual feelings of failure.

If you're carrying the weight of a birth you don't fully understand, this is worth pursuing, You are entitled to request your own hospital records. Find someone with clinical training who can sit with you and walk through them. A midwife, a doula with the right background, a birth trauma therapist, or a nurse friend. I've found so much healing also talking through my first birth experience with my partner. I've found that our memories differ, and it's been helpful to explore it from a variety of angles.

One resource that I recommend to everyone is How to Heal a Bad Birth by Melissa Bruijn and Debby Gould. It's comprehensive and practical; whether you experienced birth or supported someone else.

Line up your postpartum help before the baby arrives

After we scheduled the c-section date, I felt relief knowing that I could plan around that. (Of course, ironically, my c-section date unexpectedly moved up by 9 days and I had 3 days to prepare). Neither set of our parents lived locally, so having a date meant I could ask my mom to fly in and let everyone else know to stand by.

Practically:

• Cleaning. Throughout my pregnancy I had someone come and clean my house two times a month. I arranged to have her come once a week for a while after the babies are born to help with dishes, laundry, or whatever else needs to be done.
• Freezer meals. Some of my friends got together and spent an evening prepping 11 freezer meals that we each went home with. It was a ton of work, but working together made it fun, and we all got to benefit!
• Meal Train. Set up for after my family left town; arrange this for when the help disappears and you still need it!
• Meal delivery. My sisters got me a gift card for a local healthy meal delivery service so that I could eat well with no effort.

I'm lucky to live in a community of friends who are like family, people I know I can ask for anything. But that's a practice, not a personality trait. I spent that pregnancy deliberately getting better at saying what I needed and asking for help, so that when the time came I'd have no shame about it. My friends genuinely made me feel it was their joy to show up.

One thing I wish I'd had back then: Caroline Chambers of What To Cook When You Don't Feel Like Cooking made a handbook for partners. She polled her Instagram audience about what actually made them feel supported during labor and postpartum, got more than 20,000 responses, and combined that with her own experience. It's a podcast episode with a free downloadable PDF. Grab the guide to being the best newborn partner ever here!

It covers the unglamorous specifics: what childbirth and recovery actually do to a body, things not to say, splitting the nighttime wake-ups, the desperate thirst that hits while breastfeeding, following the birthing partner's lead on sex afterward, and actual scripts for hormonal swings and rage.

What I like about it is that it takes mind-reading off the table. Our partners generally want to show up well, this helps them with ideas.

Set up your postpartum self-care while you're still pregnant

As a new mom it’s hard to find time for yourself. I have learned that taking care of myself has to be a priority or else I’ll start to drown.

The trick is having strong practices already in place that will make it easier to return to them postpartum. I I was excited to get back to my yoga mat once my body was ready. I had a massage place I'd been going to for a year. I'd started acupuncture and chiropractic care, both covered by my insurance.

It’s always hard to make that first call for an appointment, which is why I recommend implementing self-care routines during pregnancy, so that afterwards these spaces already feel safe and nurturing.

Same with nutrition and supplements. I was intentional about eating well throughout that pregnancy and I'm grateful I got as far as I did with no complications and minimal discomfort. Beyond a prenatal vitamin I took a regimen of supplements to support my physical and mental health, and I planned to change that regimen postpartum to match different needs.

I'm not going to list what I took. I'm not a medical professional and I can't speak for anyone else's body. Talk to your provider. This list from Aviva Romm could be a good starting place.

Postpartum affirmations

There’s nothing magical about affirmations. They’re a simple way to retrain your mind back to the present moment and take back the narrative from whatever is spinning through your head.

The main one I used during pregnancy was one my yoga teacher gave me: I give thanks that I am able to handle great things with ease. Any time I started to feel anxieties or self-doubt creep up, I took some deep breaths and repeated this to myself.

I didn't know exactly what I'd need postpartum, so I wrote out a range of them ahead of time.

For my enneagram 1-ness:

Today I am willing to accept my imperfections.
I release expectations of perfection.
I give myself credit for all I have learned
as a mother.

For specific challenges that may arise:

I am able to face tough circumstances and
emerge stronger.
I have unlimited patience.
I can master anything if I do it enough times.
I face difficult situations with courage and conviction.

For days when I lack confidence:

I have the strength to take care of all of my baby’s needs.
Where peace dwells, fear cannot.
I am a natural mother.

For those dark days:

My day is filled with a limitless potential of joy, happiness, and love.
I am centered, calm, and clear.
Notice how this moment is passing, as each moment does.
Just because today is hard, that doesn’t mean it will always be hard.

Where the shame actually came from

The hardest conversation of that pregnancy wasn't about surgery or recovery or logistics. It was admitting out loud that I felt inferior — that my friends with unmedicated births had passed a test I had failed.

Nobody put that idea in my head. My friends were nothing but generous. The shame was already installed.

I grew up inside a world with extremely specific convictions about what a woman's body was for and what it meant to do it right. From the outside, evangelical womanhood and crunchy natural-birth culture don't look like they have much in common. But they run on the same logic: there's a correct way to be a woman, the correct way is the natural way, and if your body won't cooperate, the problem is that you didn't trust enough, try hard enough, or pray hard enough. Suffering is the proof. But only a specific kind of suffering counts.

A c-section is the wrong kind.

Becoming a mother is what finally made all of that visible to me — the gap between what I'd been handed and what I actually believed. That gap is what I ended up writing an entire book about.

Faithfully Dissident Daughters is out now from Westminster John Knox Press.

Learn to trust yourself

Simple to say, hard to do.

In my first postpartum, I lived in self-doubt and never knew what I needed to feel better. Throughout that second pregnancy my constant prayer was that I'd have clarity about what I needed, courage to ask for it, and no guilt in receiving it.

Postpartum is hard. There are no guidelines for what you might need or want. Begin trusting your intuition now and honoring yourself so that you have practice for when you really need it.

This is an account of my own experience preparing for postpartum, not medical advice. Please talk to your own provider about your care.